Follow up on my othher tthread closed- Does a womans track history change things?

[Lost 73]

Well I should always listen to my gut feeling. I went out on a date with her it was fun and nice. we chatted a lot all day all night for almost a week. we made plans for the next date and talking more romantically. I thought things was going great.

Then like a car door slammed in my face, I started noticing patterns with guys on her page (847 Friends on facebook, 700+ Guys) It seemed that she needed or wants a lot of attention from the guys. To me that is a turn off, then she starts telling me about guys messaging her and hitting on her, Sending her porn, Penis pics, Etc and I mentioned that maybe there are things some guys just don't wanna know. She kept talking about it and then showed me a screen shot of this one guy that was hitting on her, Small world it was someone I knew and not that he knew me and her was dating so no foul but he is married and I know his wife.

 

I mentioned to her this and her response "Not my issue" agreed but certain morals. I decided then to just end it. I am not interested in a woman like that, that also needs that kind of attention and fishing for likes and compliments. I get it we was not in a relationship but I find it difficult that if it turned into one those 700 guys would stop Hitting on sending pics etc.

 

What the hell is wrong with people nowadays. I have met 3 women so far in the dating world 2 before we even met sent nudes, which in turn told me no self respect and I cancelled plans and moved on. this one the things mentioned above.

 

Is this what the dating world is now? Really, if that's the case I may just stay single until I find someone like minded. But I am 3 and done for now. I am not interested in hooking up I am in my 40's I have had my share of casual sex when I was in highschool and College.

[rosephase]

That doesn't have anything to do with her history. That has to do with how she is currently acting NOW.

 

People who need constant attention often have emotional wounds and unstable self esteem. It sounds like breaking it off was the right thing.

 

Dating is hard. If it's bringing you down stop doing it.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry it didn't pan out. She sounds dumb as a bucket of rocks if this is the stuff she brags about on dates. As far as the others, unfortunately there's a lot of scammers, catfish and escorts on dating sites.

she starts telling me about guys messaging her and hitting on her, Sending her porn, Penis pics, Etc . I have met 3 women so far in the dating world 2 before we even met sent nudes,

[glitterfingers]

I don't know what actually happened between you and her with regards to her showing you messages, and whether she was indeed looking for validation and attention-seeking, or maybe just explaining herself to you in order for you could know each other better. But I will say this: it appears to be a self-fulfilling prophecy on your part. You had uncertainties/insecurities, so as soon as you saw the slightest reason to "confirm" those, you ended things.

 

I have seen many guys get bitter about how women treat them, how they get "burned" so often, and they turn around and shoot themselves in the foot because they can't keep an open mind in dating since they are scared of history repeating itself. You might have been overly judgemental because the cost of admitting that you could be wrong later down the line is too high to you - you'd rather just not even try. Particularly if you lack the communication skills to clarify her intent and express your own opinion.

 

For the record, most people consider me a very grounded and nice/moral person. But were I in her position, I'd probably also think "not my issue" - I don't know the person so I would not be going out of my way to bring this behaviour to the attention of a wife that I don't know even exists. I think you're going to have a hard time in dating if you can't respect someone else's perspective - maybe you want someone who doesn't think for themselves and agrees with you on everything. If so, at least acknowledge that.

 

 

Is this what the dating world is now?

 

The dating world and social media have CHANGED and are changing rapidly. Teens and early 20s young adults often have social media friend counts in the thousands. You don't have to date someone who sends you nudes, but ask about someone's social media habits before judging them - they might be able to teach you a few things

[Lost 73]

I don't know what actually happened between you and her with regards to her showing you messages, and whether she was indeed looking for validation and attention-seeking, or maybe just explaining herself to you in order for you could know each other better. But I will say this: it appears to be a self-fulfilling prophecy on your part. You had uncertainties/insecurities, so as soon as you saw the slightest reason to "confirm" those, you ended things.

 

I have seen many guys get bitter about how women treat them, how they get "burned" so often, and they turn around and shoot themselves in the foot because they can't keep an open mind in dating since they are scared of history repeating itself. You might have been overly judgemental because the cost of admitting that you could be wrong later down the line is too high to you - you'd rather just not even try. Particularly if you lack the communication skills to clarify her intent and express your own opinion.

 

For the record, most people consider me a very grounded and nice/moral person. But were I in her position, I'd probably also think "not my issue" - I don't know the person so I would not be going out of my way to bring this behaviour to the attention of a wife that I don't know even exists. I think you're going to have a hard time in dating if you can't respect someone else's perspective - maybe you want someone who doesn't think for themselves and agrees with you on everything. If so, at least acknowledge that.

 

 

 

The dating world and social media have CHANGED and are changing rapidly. Teens and early 20s young adults often have social media friend counts in the thousands. You don't have to date someone who sends you nudes, but ask about someone's social media habits before judging them - they might be able to teach you a few things

 

Sorry I Have zero interest being with someone that needs other men to give them attention I am there to be with her and not compete I am not in highschool. Slightest reason? Getting nudes and continuing contact? Flirting with a married man? That is a perspective? OMG you are way off base. Do you know what means to be faithful? or what is right or wrong in a relationship? I am dumbfounded by this response. I talked with her and have told her my feelings on these topics. Each person has a line that they wont cross and me infidelity is one of them. OPEN mind on these topics I have zero interest in someone that pretty much acts like the town tramp.

[Lost 73]

The dating world and social media have CHANGED and are changing rapidly. Teens and early 20s young adults often have social media friend counts in the thousands. You don't have to date someone who sends you nudes, but ask about someone's social media habits before judging them - they might be able to teach you a few things

 

Uhm if every post I see on her page include guys flirting none stop, and continuing contact with someone sending nudes, I have zero interest in needing that type of behavior in my life. But I guess its ok to talk and flirt openly and be like that when your dating someone else. Sorry not for me. I believe in when your dating someone that's the one your dating. Its called respect, I am 45 years old not 20 years old. I don't care what KIDS do nowadays. I am still so shocked you find that this type of behavior is ok.

 

Again I ask teach me what? how to lower my morals? lower my expectations or standards?

[Lost 73]

you think sending someone your dating and want more out of then casual at least that is what she said. She stated that she was hoping that this turned into something real. But felt that its ok for guys to send her porn, nudes and openly flirt with her. I find that disrespectful to your partner and told her so. her response was "Its only online" I then stated you know you can cheat with out actually touching someone else right? Her response was HOW? case closed she felt it was ok to flirt seek attention get nudes and porn out like its nothing.

 

Sorry Glitter to me those actions are cheating and better to end it now before a broken heart happens. Yes I do feel that someone in the late 30's and into their 40's if they don't know how to have a relationship I consider 2 years NOT along time at all.

 

Each person has their own likes and dislikes. I am old school I believe in respect and mutual happiness.

[j.man]

She was either full-on just not bright or making a conscious effort to turn you off.

 

I'd write her off in a heartbeat just as well, but don't think it has much-- if anything-- to do with your worries in your previous thread.

[Jibralta]

Yes, you are conflating her relationship history with her attention-seeking behavior on social media. They are two completely separate things.

[Lost 73]

Thanks J-Man Not sure maybe all beauty and no brains.

 

Glitter sure they may have thousands of friends do they actually know them? Do they know how to have a "In person" Relationship or how to act out in public? I have kids in their 20's and they are just as you said. Me I choose to keep my social Media to close friends and family. I feel my life is private not for everyone in the world to see. Its funny watch my kids watch other peoples lives on youTube and Snapchat, I respond hey why don't you go live your own life? I get looked at like I got 2 heads. What a novel idea live your own life instead of watching others live theirs.

[Lost 73]

Yes, you are conflating her relationship history with her attention-seeking behavior on social media. They are two completely separate things.

 

True, but the relationship history made me slow down a little and pay attention kind of like a caution flag, But I agree one has nothing to do with the other. But what a shocker I was starting to like her a lot. was totally looking forward to more time with her. then Friday she started telling me and showing me stuff a few hours later I ended it after talking with her about these actions. I pretty much told her I am old school that those type of things was not what I wanted in someone and she didn't see an issue so I ended it. Which in then return sent her into stalker mode, turns out she has 3 facebook accounts 2 instagrams and even stalked me on Linkden. I had to block them all and her phone number many messages texts voicemails. It was like I ended a year long relationship not a week long one.

[Hollyj]

It is not. It is the women that you are choosing.

 

Are you choosing women with sexy pics? Do you read their profiles, or only going by their appearance?

 

How old are these women?

[glitterfingers]

To be fair, I did preface my last post by saying I don't know the details of what she shared with you. So no need to get quite so indignant before clarifying. Your anger is wasted on my ignorance of the facts

 

Sorry I Have zero interest being with someone that needs other men to give them attention I am there to be with her and not compete I am not in highschool. Slightest reason? Getting nudes and continuing contact? Flirting with a married man? That is a perspective? OMG you are way off base. Do you know what means to be faithful? or what is right or wrong in a relationship? I am dumbfounded by this response. I talked with her and have told her my feelings on these topics. Each person has a line that they wont cross and me infidelity is one of them. OPEN mind on these topics I have zero interest in someone that pretty much acts like the town tramp.

 

Again, to be fair, if she has been mostly single then she probably doesn't see an issue with the attention. Married man issue - only evidence she has to go by is the statement of a man she's known for a week... Might not be strong enough to sway her opinion. JMO

 

Uhm if every post I see on her page include guys flirting none stop, and continuing contact with someone sending nudes, I have zero interest in needing that type of behavior in my life. But I guess its ok to talk and flirt openly and be like that when your dating someone else. Sorry not for me. I believe in when your dating someone that's the one your dating. Its called respect, I am 45 years old not 20 years old. I don't care what KIDS do nowadays. I am still so shocked you find that this type of behavior is ok.

 

Again I ask teach me what? how to lower my morals? lower my expectations or standards?

 

700+ guys sounds like an exaggeration. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt though - no, I don't think that it's okay if her social media profile is full of strange men who compliment/sext her, and yes that would be a red flag.

 

you think sending someone your dating and want more out of then casual at least that is what she said. She stated that she was hoping that this turned into something real. But felt that its ok for guys to send her porn, nudes and openly flirt with her. I find that disrespectful to your partner and told her so. her response was "Its only online" I then stated you know you can cheat with out actually touching someone else right? Her response was HOW? case closed she felt it was ok to flirt seek attention get nudes and porn out like its nothing.

 

Sorry Glitter to me those actions are cheating and better to end it now before a broken heart happens. Yes I do feel that someone in the late 30's and into their 40's if they don't know how to have a relationship I consider 2 years NOT along time at all.

 

Each person has their own likes and dislikes. I am old school I believe in respect and mutual happiness.

 

Yes, it is cheating if it occurs in a relationship. But you two weren't in a relationship. You can accept that she's not relationship material without condemning her as immoral for this behaviour while she's been single, though.

 

Just a heads up, a general trend in dating at present is not to assume you are exclusive until you have explicitly/directly clarified it. A lot of people will be on board with your way of doing things - but in general, assume nothing. Modern dating advice often warns people against putting all their eggs in one basket, and stresses needing to keep their options open until exclusivity is established. Simply because it's so common that everyone else will be doing this, if you DON'T do it, you are more likely to get hurt when you realise that others were conforming to a dating standard you weren't privy to.

 

Thanks J-Man Not sure maybe all beauty and no brains.

 

Glitter sure they may have thousands of friends do they actually know them? Do they know how to have a "In person" Relationship or how to act out in public? I have kids in their 20's and they are just as you said. Me I choose to keep my social Media to close friends and family. I feel my life is private not for everyone in the world to see. Its funny watch my kids watch other peoples lives on youTube and Snapchat, I respond hey why don't you go live your own life? I get looked at like I got 2 heads. What a novel idea live your own life instead of watching others live theirs.

 

Do you know how to make a YouTube video or social media post and get people to click on it, watch it, see it, read it? If you wanted to get young people to care about social issues, how would you approach it? Do you think you could make an impact on them?

There is an art/strategy to social media and marketing and it is shaping how we relate to each other and how business and society, politics, global interactivity will look in the future. It is important for your kids to learn this in order to keep up with technology and their peers.

 

That's a separate issue from attention-seeking behaviour. But it is what I mean by keeping an open mind

 

Yes, you are conflating her relationship history with her attention-seeking behavior on social media. They are two completely separate things.

 

Along my line of thought. It seemed to me that you were looking for a reason to discredit her as a human being

 

True, but the relationship history made me slow down a little and pay attention kind of like a caution flag, But I agree one has nothing to do with the other. But what a shocker I was starting to like her a lot. was totally looking forward to more time with her. then Friday she started telling me and showing me stuff a few hours later I ended it after talking with her about these actions. I pretty much told her I am old school that those type of things was not what I wanted in someone and she didn't see an issue so I ended it. Which in then return sent her into stalker mode, turns out she has 3 facebook accounts 2 instagrams and even stalked me on Linkden. I had to block them all and her phone number many messages texts voicemails. It was like I ended a year long relationship not a week long one.

 

If you're unhappy with your dating prospects, the common thread here is you/your actions/the sites you are using. I would look at changing those rather than getting angry about the trends you are observing and labelling people as immoral.

[figureitout23]

Sorry I Have zero interest being with someone that needs other men to give them attention I am there to be with her and not compete I am not in highschool. Slightest reason? Getting nudes and continuing contact? Flirting with a married man? That is a perspective? OMG you are way off base. Do you know what means to be faithful? or what is right or wrong in a relationship? I am dumbfounded by this response. I talked with her and have told her my feelings on these topics. Each person has a line that they wont cross and me infidelity is one of them. OPEN mind on these topics I have zero interest in someone that pretty much acts like the town tramp.

 

Town tramp...

 

Oh how I love thinly veiled shaming.

 

So she has 800 friends and you just happen to know how many are male, in assuming you had to look at her friends list to come to that conclusion. Right... this is about her history and not your insecurities...

[Lost 73]

Guess I am stepping out of the dating world. Yes over 857 friends her second Facebook account, her main has family and normal friends of 300 plus. No didn't meet up on Tinder POF or anything like that but a local singles group on Facebook. And why not choose someone pretty but in fact she approached me.

 

As far as insulting my tech skills just dead wrong, I have in fact my own YouTube Channel, a Instagram, Snapchat etc. I have a Samsung S9 yup newest phone on the market.

 

Yes I looked at her friends list, but didn't really need to SHE told me that over 700 of them are guys her words.

 

Wasn't looking to discredit her, Was looking to see it if was worth while investing time in someone who don't know how to commit.

 

I am 44 she was 36, Profile? its not like I met her on a dating site or AP.

 

Guess if this is the type of advice I am getting time to look for another forum board. Because everyone I talked to agreed with me that it was best I moved on. Instead of trying to put the blame on me for not being ok with her getting nudes, and attention when talking with a guy. Hey ok, but I have old school morals and Old school dating habits. I am not looking to date some young chick I am looking for someone close to my age and close to my morals. Call it what you want insecurities I call it that a relationship is between 2 people not a whole bunch and that getting porn and nudes of guys and that type of attention is well has no place in a relationship.

 

And for those that said oh but your not in one, we both talked about when we date someone we only date that 1 person. Not some open thing she understood as I did as she brought that up FIRST.

 

ANY Woman, Or ANY man who thinks it is ok to mess around with someone that is currently married has zero morals period.

[Lost 73]

I would rather be single then be with someone that needs that much attention from that amount of guys. So oh well life goes on.

 

But I find it funny being attacked because I feel its wrong, ITS MY OPINION MY FEELINGS RIGHT OR WRONG THATS HOW I FEEL.

 

Just because I don't act like a 25 year old again I will be 45 in August. WE people MY age don't act like that. thank god I grew up when I did not in todays age the whole MORAL line is so blurred it is not even funny. Guess its ok to mess around with married people nowadays and get porn and nudes from guys while dating someone else. But that is my own insecurities yeah right. I am a fairly handsome man, make damn good money and has a good set of family values and morals. But yet I am insecure, WHY because I feel nudes and porn coming from random guys is something I don't want in the person I want to be with. If that is the case maybe look in your mirror and see where the real issue is.

[IAmFCA]

if you don't want to be with her, that's easy enough. You two are incompatible, I agree.

 

There are many ways to go through this life.

[Jibralta]

I would rather be single then be with someone that needs that much attention from that amount of guys. So oh well life goes on.

 

Right. Now you know for next time.

[Cope]

Good call on bailing. Again, nothing to do with her past though. Just wanted to add, if you look at my track history it's full of Long Term Relationships. Does that mean I am relationship material now? No. Because I don't want a relationship now,so I'm having casual ones and I can be flirting with a few guys at the same time. I'd never give the them the details though, just make it clear I was seeing other guys too. Basically I do exactly what glitterfingers says in the quote I added below and I learned that the hard way. So yeah, she does seem like she just wants the attention. I can draw tons of conclusions of peoples behavior on social media and when it comes to having 2-3 accounts...run! Unless they are an artist or something.

 

"Just a heads up, a general trend in dating at present is not to assume you are exclusive until you have explicitly/directly clarified it. A lot of people will be on board with your way of doing things - but in general, assume nothing. Modern dating advice often warns people against putting all their eggs in one basket, and stresses needing to keep their options open until exclusivity is established. Simply because it's so common that everyone else will be doing this, if you DON'T do it, you are more likely to get hurt when you realise that others were conforming to a dating standard you weren't privy to." glitterfingers

 

This is a very very very helpful heads up.

[Lost 73]

Good call on bailing. Again, nothing to do with her past though. Just wanted to add, if you look at my track history it's full of Long Term Relationships. Does that mean I am relationship material now? No. Because I don't want a relationship now,so I'm having casual ones and I can be flirting with a few guys at the same time. I'd never give the them the details though, just make it clear I was seeing other guys too. Basically I do exactly what glitterfingers says in the quote I added below and I learned that the hard way. So yeah, she does seem like she just wants the attention. I can draw tons of conclusions of peoples behavior on social media and when it comes to having 2-3 accounts...run! Unless they are an artist or something.

 

"Just a heads up, a general trend in dating at present is not to assume you are exclusive until you have explicitly/directly clarified it. A lot of people will be on board with your way of doing things - but in general, assume nothing. Modern dating advice often warns people against putting all their eggs in one basket, and stresses needing to keep their options open until exclusivity is established. Simply because it's so common that everyone else will be doing this, if you DON'T do it, you are more likely to get hurt when you realise that others were conforming to a dating standard you weren't privy to." glitterfingers

 

This is a very very very helpful heads up.

 

Agreed, but at the same time. If I start dating someone and I find out they are dating others I am walking away. That's just me I am not interested in being in triangles and drama.

[Sportster2005]

Sorry I Have zero interest being with someone that needs other men to give them attention I am there to be with her and not compete I am not in highschool.

 

Well you're kind of behaving with a High School temperament. It's a fact of life. Women get unsolicited attention. The Internet has made that worse. She may have been communicating that not for attention, but matter of fact, and even maybe looking for empathy.

 

You don't seem to have a winning attitude for dating, and should give up until you're in a better place.

[reinventmyself]

 

Guess if this is the type of advice I am getting time to look for another forum board. Because everyone I talked to agreed with me that it was best I moved on. .

 

That's weird. I think everyone here has indeed told you to move on too.

Agree with you? You don't need our approval. You are totally entitled to your values and you are judging her based on your values. Your prerogative.

 

This is just not that complicated. Not sure why you insist on making it so.

 

She's just not the right girl for you. Period.

 

Trying to analyze her behavior and pin some character flaw on her doesn't change things. Nor does it make it fair to paint her badly by measuring her against your values.

Your values are just that, yours.

 

Just because you see things a certain way and she conducts her life differently, doesn't make her wrong. I purely makes her different that you.

Nothing more, nothing less. Not sure why we are still talking about it. Let alone making two identical threads about the same thing.

Your reaction to all of this seems disproportionate and makes one wonder what else is going on.

 

Therefore. .I agree with this forum and another. . .move on.

[figureitout23]

Sorry man, the second the word tramp came out of your mouth it became clear there was a lot going on and it's about you not her.

 

She is who she is, she's not a bad person because your personalities/morals don't mesh, move on.

[Lost 73]

Well you're kind of behaving with a High School temperament. It's a fact of life. Women get unsolicited attention. The Internet has made that worse. She may have been communicating that not for attention, but matter of fact, and even maybe looking for empathy.

 

You don't seem to have a winning attitude for dating, and should give up until you're in a better place.

 

Highschool? Got zero clue what you are talking about. Sure she can get unsolicited attention but when your seeking that attention AND respond to it then you are condoning it. looking for Empathy with Penis Pics? With showing boobs? really what Empathy is that.

 

You all Can come down on me all you want. I find that type of person to be immoral and not for me. YOU ALL can call it anyway you want and just shows me the general morals now a days is in the gutters.

 

If a guy has to compete with 700 plus of her friends (GUYS) means she's not the one period because if she was there would be no need for that.

[Lost 73]

Just because you see things a certain way and she conducts her life differently, doesn't make her wrong. I purely makes her different that you.

Nothing more, nothing less. Not sure why we are still talking about it. Let alone making two identical threads about the same thing.

Your reaction to all of this seems disproportionate and makes one wonder what else is going on.

 

Therefore. .I agree with this forum and another. . .move on.

 

And what thread is that? HUH? oh the last one because a admin closed it? Well I wasn't done with it. If you don't like it don't respond or read it.