I don't want a divorce

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. Please see an attorney for advice if he decides to file. In the n meantime stop beating yourself up. It's not your fault he's stonewalling you, insulting you, hurting you etc. He's being abusive insinuating that his choices including saying all these hurtful things, withdrawing,etc. are all your fault. Go to therapy yourself so you can see this. Stop begging and grovelling for his affection. Ask him to leave your house so he can think long and hard about this.

I work outside the home. The house is mine.

[CatsMeeoow]

Excellent. Please see an attorney for advice if he decides to file. In the n meantime stop beating yourself up. It's not your fault he's stonewalling you, insulting you, hurting you etc. He's being abusive insinuating that his choices including saying all these hurtful things, withdrawing,etc. are all your fault. Go to therapy yourself so you can see this. Stop begging and grovelling for his affection. Ask him to leave your house so he can think long and hard about this.

 

I do get what you are saying. I'm in an unusual pickle.

 

As far as him whining about my time outside the home for 1 drink at a bar and a social knitting group. I think he feels I have an unfair advantage. That in our current situation he cannot have these things - drinks at a bar with friends. My husband grew up in the town he works in. He moved 60miles away to be with me. He doesn't have connections to this town other than me. Friends and family are in the other town. He works 3rd shift so its not like he gets off work at 6pm and can go have dinner and drinks with friends in the town he works. He gets off at 6am in the morning. He feels obligated to work non-stop partly to not have to see me and partly to pay down some expenses we have so I assume he is free to leave. He is currently working 21days straight with 8-12hr days on top of 2hr commute. He is annoyed that I might have social obligations and he is not able to. :-(

 

If we separate he will return to the town he works... poof no commute, poof instant time with the friends and family there, poof relief from what he has come to loathe about his situation here. He wouldn't take a step backward to return here. He would never ask me to give up my life here to join him.

 

We had some nice time together today. It does't mean much other than it wasn't a negative interaction. He is so angry and exhausted he can only state he does not dislike me but right now he does not love me. I have done a better job of not pushing these last few days and giving him some space and room to breathe. All I can hope is to start pulling back more but be supportive in hopes that as things change he will ask me to move with him.

 

That's where I am at right now. Whether its right or wrong I'm just being honest. I don't think he would file anything without telling me and I if I did before he was ready I'm afraid he would see it as a betrayal?

[Wiseman2]

That's great it allows him to live his life there rather than complaining and beating you up over everything. A trail separation would be the best option. Don't hold him hostage there. Let him decide what life is like without you and he can take it from there. He's preparing for divorce one way or the other so why not see a therapist by yourself for emotional support and an attorney to get yourself prepared. I would not want to be with someone who blames me for their misery.

If we separate he will return to the town he works... poof no commute, poof instant time with the friends and family there, poof relief from what he has come to loathe about his situation here.He is so angry and exhausted he can only state he does not dislike me but right now he does not love me.

[CatsMeeoow]

That's great it allows him to live his life there rather than complaining and beating you up over everything. A trail separation would be the best option. Don't hold him hostage there. Let him decide what life is like without you and he can take it from there. He's preparing for divorce one way or the other so why not see a therapist by yourself for emotional support and an attorney to get yourself prepared. I would not want to be with someone who blames me for their misery.

 

Am I the sole person to blame for issues in this marriage? Of course not.

 

Do I recognize my mistakes that led me to not being the wife my husband needed - yes. Have I taken steps to acknowledge my actions and how it left him feeling - yes. Can I expect his heart and feelings to turn around instantly just because I apologized? My husband has felt lonely in our marriage for 3 years. He has been angry a long time and wouldn't you advise if it were him writing in that he shouldn't just take a single apology without action and real change before deciding to return to me?

 

Maybe we should separate but the books I've read all state that separation is not ideal or recommended initially.

 

My husband has said hurtful things but he is not yelling or raising his voice. He has stated he just wants to be truthful and that he will not lie to me.

 

If you can tell after the failed marriage therapist appointment my head is spinning and I'm just trying my best to figure it all out. I'm grateful for any advice as it gives me more to think about.

[journeynow]

Why did you put up a wall? Can you figure out what was behind that?

 

It sounds like he's unhappy with his life in general, not just the decline in physical affection. He doesn't like his commute, he doesn't socialize, but doesn't take steps to alleviate those issues. Having mismatched schedules is hard, and takes extra care and creative scheduling to keep a relationship going, and the responsibility for that falls on both of your shoulders. What options had he suggested earlier on when he realizes he wasn't happy? Did you two go on dates or specifically do things together? Could he stay with family a couple days a week to cut out his commute and add some social activity with friends and family there, then return and you two schedule some child-free time together? Maybe limit time hashing out the issues, and schedule time to do an activity of his choice, and alternate with an activity of your choice?

[journeynow]

I know a married couple who separated, began dating each other, repaired their relationship, and got back together long term, having learned about themselves and their needs in the process. So it is possible, but maybe not common.

[CatsMeeoow]

Why did you put up a wall? Can you figure out what was behind that?

 

It sounds like he's unhappy with his life in general, not just the decline in physical affection. He doesn't like his commute, he doesn't socialize, but doesn't take steps to alleviate those issues. Having mismatched schedules is hard, and takes extra care and creative scheduling to keep a relationship going, and the responsibility for that falls on both of your shoulders. What options had he suggested earlier on when he realizes he wasn't happy? Did you two go on dates or specifically do things together? Could he stay with family a couple days a week to cut out his commute and add some social activity with friends and family there, then return and you two schedule some child-free time together? Maybe limit time hashing out the issues, and schedule time to do an activity of his choice, and alternate with an activity of your choice?

 

I knew getting married he was a man who needed lots of physical affection - I swore to myself I wouldn't drop the ball. I would meet this need for him. But, I did... :-(

 

I would sit and knit rather than hold his hand. He would be crushed but I didn't see the deep down hurt he was feeling. I got focused on work, the house, the kids, and just stopped taking care of the person I did still very much love. It got worse when pulled even further away. I had gained some weight and felt so self concsious - he made comments from time to time and he would make comments about people overall. So when he would put his arms around me I pulled away. When he would go to massage my shoulders I said not now. I was trying to get ready for work and just shut him out. It crushed him.

 

I was wrong. So very wrong. I've made changes. I want to grown old with this man. I have been working out and lost 20lb. I cut out caffiene and soda.

 

I'm doing my best to give him space and not put pressure on him about us. We sat and spent time together yesterday am talking. Not about us but the bills and goals for this month in getting X paid off, etc. We talked about some bad financial decisions we made and how he felt about the vehicle situation we are currently in that wasn't his complete passion or choosing. We searched together for some motorcycle parts he needed for the project bike that's been sitting in the garage. We looked at costs of trips that he wants to do in future that are elk or bear hunting - that are on his bucket list.

 

We were calm and relaxed. At one point he said again "I don't dislike you". How do you get someone who has been holding in a lot of anger for a long time to reach a point of 'I don't dislike you to I think I could love you again?'

[abitbroken]

I knew getting married he was a man who needed lots of physical affection - I swore to myself I wouldn't drop the ball. I would meet this need for him. But, I did... :-(

 

I would sit and knit rather than hold his hand. He would be crushed but I didn't see the deep down hurt he was feeling. I got focused on work, the house, the kids, and just stopped taking care of the person I did still very much love. It got worse when pulled even further away. I had gained some weight and felt so self concsious - he made comments from time to time and he would make comments about people overall. So when he would put his arms around me I pulled away. When he would go to massage my shoulders I said not now. I was trying to get ready for work and just shut him out. It crushed him.

 

I was wrong. So very wrong. I've made changes. I want to grown old with this man. I have been working out and lost 20lb. I cut out caffiene and soda. its not about merit. He doesn't want someone skinnier or younger.

 

I'm doing my best to give him space and not put pressure on him about us. We sat and spent time together yesterday am talking. Not about us but the bills and goals for this month in getting X paid off, etc. We talked about some bad financial decisions we made and how he felt about the vehicle situation we are currently in that wasn't his complete passion or choosing. We searched together for some motorcycle parts he needed for the project bike that's been sitting in the garage. We looked at costs of trips that he wants to do in future that are elk or bear hunting - that are on his bucket list.

 

We were calm and relaxed. At one point he said again "I don't dislike you". How do you get someone who has been holding in a lot of anger for a long time to reach a point of 'I don't dislike you to I think I could love you again?'

 

Did you use physical contact him - even if it wasn't sexual? Did you touch his hand or brush his elbow with your finger when making emphasis?

 

Have you read the Five love languages? It really hits home about how everyone has a love language -- one they can't live without or use to communicate with. maybe you need to find yours as well so you can communicate with him better. His is obviously physical touch. He feels cut off, unloved without it. Maybe you have one and didn't communicate it well to him, and because you weren't getting it, you cut him off. And it ends up being a cycle, you don't touch him so he feels unloved, so he withdraws and doesn't give you what you need, and because he doesn't give you what you need, you deprive him as well. What can't you live without? Its obviously not physical touch? words of praise? quality time? Acts of service (by helping someone, etc.), words of encouragement etc? Its not to say "hey, you never did this for me" -but to come to an understanding about yourself. If you start giving in to touch -- i mean - seriously, you don't have 5 minutes to stand there while he rubs your shoulders while you talk? - if its not too late, you will notice him opening up more to you.

 

He doesn't notice or care about the weight loss because that's not what makes him tick. He did not find you physically unattractive.

 

I also think the time of the commute is not so much the issue -- its the fact that everything except you is there - his family, his history, his old stomping grounds, his friends, his job. He sees that town as a place where he gets things he wants and people are receptive to him and at home its another world. Maybe make a grand gesture of actually looking for jobs over there if its something that will save the marriage. Or if things get to a less shakey point, look for houses that are in between the two places.

[CatsMeeoow]

Did you use physical contact him - even if it wasn't sexual? Did you touch his hand or brush his elbow with your finger when making emphasis?

 

Have you read the Five love languages? It really hits home about how everyone has a love language -- one they can't live without or use to communicate with. maybe you need to find yours as well so you can communicate with him better. His is obviously physical touch. He feels cut off, unloved without it. Maybe you have one and didn't communicate it well to him, and because you weren't getting it, you cut him off. And it ends up being a cycle, you don't touch him so he feels unloved, so he withdraws and doesn't give you what you need, and because he doesn't give you what you need, you deprive him as well. What can't you live without? Its obviously not physical touch? words of praise? quality time? Acts of service (by helping someone, etc.), words of encouragement etc? Its not to say "hey, you never did this for me" -but to come to an understanding about yourself. If you start giving in to touch -- i mean - seriously, you don't have 5 minutes to stand there while he rubs your shoulders while you talk? - if its not too late, you will notice him opening up more to you.

 

He doesn't notice or care about the weight loss because that's not what makes him tick. He did not find you physically unattractive.

 

I also think the time of the commute is not so much the issue -- its the fact that everything except you is there - his family, his history, his old stomping grounds, his friends, his job. He sees that town as a place where he gets things he wants and people are receptive to him and at home its another world. Maybe make a grand gesture of actually looking for jobs over there if its something that will save the marriage. Or if things get to a less shakey point, look for houses that are in between the two places.

 

Yes - read the book and got my husband to read most of it.

 

Yes. His language is physical touch. Mine is words of appreciation.

 

I screwed up. I just stopped touching him when he wanted it - holding hands, etc. I would sit and knit to watch tv with him. Now in fairness when I would watch tv with him he was sometimes on his laptop or phone. But, those times he reached out for me I said I wanted to knit---- I'm such an idiot. :-(

 

I tried discussing the book with him and trying to find our way but he is convinced there has been too much to happen and its too late. Yet - he is still here? There has to be some part of him that is open to being with me?

 

I know he notices the weight loss. At one of our few intimate moments before I really pushed him away he said he appreciated that I was exercising and get stronger again.

 

It just that I've made those panicky mistakes. He asked to go slow and give him time but I would call when he was driving to work or driving home (mostly because we don't have a lot of time when he is here physically). One way or another it would come up and he would say he felt I was calling to check up on him, etc. I tried to explain that I finally realized how I had been neglecting him and I wanted to make up for lost time. It came across as smothering to him. He didn't want to talk about the relationship but it would always come up. He told me I was pushing him away. He told me I was... pushing him away.

 

I tried to stop. I made a promise to a friend that I would not bring up "any hope for us" in the next 30days. I'm not calling - or at least not as much. I limit texts to business - like I"m going to make X for dinner.

 

As for the commute. He has stated it wasn't a problem so much before because I rewarded him so well. He used to say he loved coming home to me.

 

He doesn't find me attractive right now. He doesn't admire me right now. I don't know if those things will change???

[Seraphim]

Did you talk about things to do together or just things he wants?

 

I would not take the blame for everything I know you have to devoted tons of time to his children with behavioural issues and the ex wife who helps create them. ( you probable don’t know I am Vic just a name change)

 

I am not sure I could deal with being told I am not loved anymore.

 

You can only fix your end, not his. That is up to him.

[Seraphim]

I am sorry if my spouse said those things to me he could go. Period.

[CatsMeeoow]

I am sorry if my spouse said those things to me he could go. Period.

 

I remember "Vic" :-)

 

It was the hardest thing to hear - especially when my love language is words of appreciation. I feel so alone and lonely. And, this is how my husband has felt for 3 years now. It guts me. How could I have hurt him like that?

 

At times before "I pushed too hard" in the last few weeks he would say he has a great fear. He opened up to me and said he is afraid that if he lets me back in that he might get hurt again. He has put up a wall. Now that I've pushed when I didn't mean to push to him in the last few weeks he simply says he doesn't want to let me in. He will not let me because he will not let himself hurt like that again.

 

We have had a lot of drama with the oldest with rebellion in the last couple of years. He is now 18yr and we don't see him much this last month. He will be leaving for the army next May. I've always had my husbands back with all the drama of his kids and ex-wife. I'm sure I made mistakes and there are things I would do differently with his kids if had the chance again. My husband keeps telling me his kids hate me, hate it here with me, etc. I think this may be a defense mechanism to justify how he currently feels? IDK. But, I have reached out twice to my stepson to make peace. He has matured a lot in the last 6months and I let him know I noticed. I apologized that there have been difficult times between us both in person and again over texts messages as I have invited him home with us for dinner. He doesn't really seem to have a problem with me. I mean I know I'm the step mom and its easier to hate me than your dad.

 

Lately its been talk about what he wants. A good friend who was ill with cancer passed away and he wasn't aware until a week later followed by another friend with cancer. We used to plan for our future by saving what we could to retire and have what we needed. Now, its filled with he wants to enjoy life now. He isn't thinking about the future. He doesn't want to save and then realize he didn't enjoy it while he could. He feels trapped here right now... sleeping 60miles from where he feels his life is. He hasn't felt that I have rewarded him as I used to and that he feels that he is just a tool I use to have the life I want. It breaks my heart.

 

I love my husband and my step kids. I love my family.

[abitbroken]

It just that I've made those panicky mistakes. He asked to go slow and give him time but I would call when he was driving to work or driving home (mostly because we don't have a lot of time when he is here physically). One way or another it would come up and he would say he felt I was calling to check up on him, etc. I tried to explain that I finally realized how I had been neglecting him and I wanted to make up for lost time. It came across as smothering to him. He didn't want to talk about the relationship but it would always come up. He told me I was pushing him away. He told me I was... pushing him aw

 

Let him take the lead. Let him call YOU on his commute - let him initiate the call. The day that he calls you to tell you about an interesting conversation he is hearing on the radio, that's a victory. Yes, you need to stop talking about the relationship and how you are "trying". My guy says on his commute, it gives him time to think about things and work through things in his head - and it could be mundane things like an idea for a new project, how he would have written the ending of a movie different or even mentally prepping himself for a meeting. Give him his head space.

[Seraphim]

I am sorry his azz would be gone. He is saying evil mean mean things. It is one thing to be mad and hurt it is another to be evil about it. He is using your love to punish you. Personally, I would tell him, fine , you and your kids hate me get your stuff , get out and go back to your stomping grounds, bye.

[CatsMeeoow]

It just that I've made those panicky mistakes. He asked to go slow and give him time but I would call when he was driving to work or driving home (mostly because we don't have a lot of time when he is here physically). One way or another it would come up and he would say he felt I was calling to check up on him, etc. I tried to explain that I finally realized how I had been neglecting him and I wanted to make up for lost time. It came across as smothering to him. He didn't want to talk about the relationship but it would always come up. He told me I was pushing him away. He told me I was... pushing him aw

 

Let him take the lead. Let him call YOU on his commute - let him initiate the call. The day that he calls you to tell you about an interesting conversation he is hearing on the radio, that's a victory. Yes, you need to stop talking about the relationship and how you are "trying". My guy says on his commute, it gives him time to think about things and work through things in his head - and it could be mundane things like an idea for a new project, how he would have written the ending of a movie different or even mentally prepping himself for a meeting. Give him his head space.

 

In December when this really came to head he did say that he could see changes in me. But then I would call too much or it would be a conversation about the relationship and he would say I take one step forward and two steps back. UGH.....

 

I've really tried pulling back. Its not easy. With the commute and our opposite shifts and the fact he is working 24/7 right now just to avoid issues I see him for 30min max and he is groggy and grumpy due to lack of sleep. I just don't know where his head is at. :-(

[Seraphim]

He may be hurt but he is being REALLLLY mean and spiteful about. That shows a lack of maturity. I get intimacy is important but acting this hateful? You didn’t cheat on him, you didn’t throw his cat under the bus etc. I know you love him but don’t tolerate his punishment and what he get out of you for the sake of your love.

[chitown9]

It does seem like he is making you grovel; like he enjoys seeing you suffer. I would try marriage counseling again with a different counselor. chi

[lostandhurt]

First off you need to go to any and all reviews sites and give that counselor zero stars or 5 thumbs down or whatever they have so no one else goes to that person. They are simply terrible. Therapy and counseling is a way for the patient to discover things about themselves and find their own way and many times by the time someone gets into therapy or counseling things are pretty bad and it takes time to get to a place where everyone feels safe opening up and can start seeing that there might be a chance of fixing whatever the problem is.

 

Your husband is very angry at you. He is hurt and your willingness to NOW do whatever it takes to show him how much you love him and want him is a slap in the face to him.

 

He still loves you deep down but his anger towards you is covering it up. The real question here is what can you do to show him you have changed. It is usually a husband here asking how to get his neglected wife to give him another chance but the dynamics are the same.

 

My suggestion: Treat him like approaching a deer. Take it slow and let him get used to the attention. Many times people screw up when they see the deer take a step towards them so they get excited and reach out which spooks the deer and they bolt. He needs to come to you but he also needs to know that you are not giving up on him or the marriage. Make that point very clear but stop apologizing for now, words mean nothing at this point to him.

 

The little things can mean the world at times like this. Do small things to let him know you are thinking about him. Cook some of his favorite food and take it to him. Don't make a big deal of it, just drop it off and tell him you hope he is doing okay. Don't engage in any talk about the marriage or break up, just small talk and then cut it short and tell him you need to get going and ask him to let you know when you can pick up the dish(s)

 

If this goes well then you can try something else. Don't think to far ahead, just focus on an interaction with him that ends with him feeling good about seeing you.

 

Lost

[CatsMeeoow]

It does seem like he is making you grovel; like he enjoys seeing you suffer. I would try marriage counseling again with a different counselor. chi

 

I wish... I would doubt he would make a second attempt. He wanted to go 4yr ago and I just didn't hear him/get it. He says he is just not into doing the work anymore.

 

Part of him does feel some satisfaction that I'm feeling lonely and alone/rejected. He admitted that. He says to me "how does it feel?" and I get some level that yes he apparently was suffering loneliness and rejection for long time so its only fitting I understand what he went through. I know he "tried" telling me but I just didn't hear him??? I made my own realizations that I wasn't happy in some of my interactions with my husband. At times I become controlling and domineering. I have fully apologized and I've done my homework and my soul searching and have laid groundwork to be different the last 12 weeks.

 

I guess I'm just sad that it may be too late for my husband to care.

[Seraphim]

Then if it is truly too late time for him to leave the house that is yours.

[CatsMeeoow]

Your husband is very angry at you. He is hurt and your willingness to NOW do whatever it takes to show him how much you love him and want him is a slap in the face to him.

 

He still loves you deep down but his anger towards you is covering it up. The real question here is what can you do to show him you have changed. It is usually a husband here asking how to get his neglected wife to give him another chance but the dynamics are the same.

 

 

Lost

 

I'm printing this out and keeping this reply close by during the trying times.

 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing from this lady. I mean he is here. He is sitting in your office. He just said he wanted to do this 4yr ago and now its clear he is seriously closed off but HE IS HERE. He gave our marriage a 2.3 out of 10. Its not a zero. Its a slim chance but its better than zero. I'm not kidding. I looked at the clock and 20min into our session she said she wasn't into wasting our money. I'm sure my husband came off indifferent but it was explained to her that he works 3rd shift and right now is working the last 3 weeks without a day off and was exhausted. But, HE was sitting on her couch and I felt that had to count for something.

 

He won't try again I'm sure.

 

Again he has now worked 23 days in a row 8 to 12 hr shifts with a 2hr round trip drive. When he is sleeping right now its not been restful sleep. He is exhausted.

 

Friday we did connect and have open conversation about financial stuff and choices we made. I wasn't pressuring him but I hated to have to run to work because I felt we could have talked for another hour at least. Over the weekend I saw him for 20-30min. He was sleep deprived. I tried to pamper him and cook for him and give him space. He let me touch him and give him a massage.

 

Last night I made dinner. His eyes were heavy and closed. I tried to have a basic conversation about general stuff but I could tell he was getting annoyed so I just kept quiet. I was going to rub his shoulders and neck and he flinched. I am trying not to take it personal when he rejects my touch. I'm hoping that was just startled. He barely spoke and when he headed out the door he got angry that I wanted to hug him goodbye (which I always do and he initiated on Friday.)

 

I tried to call him on his way into work and just ask if he was okay which he states he is fine. I just tell him he is more distant than usual and he asked what I meant. I just told him on Friday he was more talkative and wanted a hug. He was really quiet. He said I was incorrectly interpreting his actions. I asked if he could clarify what I was incorrectly interpreting. He was really quiet for awhile. He finally said he couldn't put it into words. He said he was really tired. I said okay I wasn't going to push.

 

BUT - my big question was... I was incorrect in interpreting in his actions on Friday that he was opening up to me? OR was I incorrect in interpreting his actions last night - where my mind was racing that his quietness and standoffishness were his resolve to be done with the marriage??? I didn't want to push so I left it but now I'm confused... lol... sigh.

 

I know right now he feels we have nothing in common and his dreams and what he wants in the future is not what I want or dream for the future. But, all I want is to grow old with my husband tackling whatever life adventure we decide to take. My needs and dreams are simpler than he is giving me credit for. I want to profusely correct him or remind him that I'm not that different. But, I let him have his say, his opinions/thoughts without me barging in trying to correct/convince him he is wrong.

 

I am reminding myself that my husband is still here. He wears his ring. I am most likely not correctly interpreting is actions/intent correctly. I need to let him deal with his anger and find his own solutions and not try to answer it for him but sending him out on an Elk hunt (on his bucket list).

 

I won't lie. I feel very alone right now in my marriage.

[journeynow]

he has now worked 23 days in a row 8 to 12 hr shifts with a 2hr round trip drive.

 

Why doesn't he have days off? You may have mentioned it, but I missed it.

[abitbroken]

I tried to call him on his way into work and just ask if he was okay which he states he is fine. I just tell him he is more distant than usual and he asked what I meant. I just told him on Friday he was more talkative and wanted a hug.

 

You need to cut this out! You are doing it again -- telling him he is "more distant than usual" == RELATIONSHIP TALK. The guy is exhausted. If you constantly compare his performance from one day to the next and critique him about it - you are going to lose in the end --- you make some sort of connection - like having dinner ready and rubbing his shoulders and have a natural conversation that is nice and then you go back into pushing him. Ok, the excuse for calling him was to check in on his wellbeing and make sure he was okay enough to drive, but its not a contact excuse to lay things on him.

[catfeeder]

I tried to call him on his way into work and just ask if he was okay which he states he is fine. I just tell him he is more distant than usual and he asked what I meant. I just told him on Friday he was more talkative and wanted a hug.

 

You need to cut this out! You are doing it again -- telling him he is "more distant than usual" == RELATIONSHIP TALK. The guy is exhausted. If you constantly compare his performance from one day to the next and critique him about it - you are going to lose in the end --- you make some sort of connection - like having dinner ready and rubbing his shoulders and have a natural conversation that is nice and then you go back into pushing him. Ok, the excuse for calling him was to check in on his wellbeing and make sure he was okay enough to drive, but its not a contact excuse to lay things on him.

 

I agree. Having someone take your temperature all the time is an exhausting eggshell walk. Nobody can be all on, all the time--especially someone who's already exhausted. I'd back off of the analysis and just behave in ways that demonstrate YOUR love. That's all you have control over, anyway.

 

Head high.

[Wiseman2]

Sadly, you are grasping at straws because you are terrified of being alone. Even the therapist saw that he is miserable and checked out. At this point you merely coexist.

He gave our marriage a 2.3 out of 10. Its not a zero.

I am reminding myself that my husband is still here.

He wears his ring.