Dated, broke up, reconciled, had a relationship, now dumped again

[greta96]

Actually YOU have control over your life..not him. He's gotten enough out of you.

Maybe it's time to dig a little deeper within.... Find new friends? Why are you giving your power to this man?

 

Yes, I will let myself grieve for another couple of weeks then I intend to go find some new friends somehow, although that's no easy task...

[boltnrun]

What would you do if one of your female friends lied to you, deceived you, disregarded you, ignored you when they felt like it and then came back whenever they felt like it. Would you want to try to still be "friends" with her?

 

So, knowing how horribly he treats you...why on Earth do you want a "friend" like that?

 

But be honest...you don't want to be "friends". You're getting something out of this dynamic. You're playing the "pick me, pick me!!!" game with him and you're hoping he does pick you because if he did pick you over all the other (alleged) hordes of women it would make you feel special.

 

Except, it wouldn't.

 

You'd always know those other women would be around (because he invites them around, not because they are pushing themselves on him). A guy like that will never be satisfied with just ONE woman...he wants his harem. And you're fooling yourself believing that if you kept allowing him to come around it wouldn't really bother you too much as long as you're the main chick. Trust me, it would bother you.

 

Can you try to figure out why you place so little value on yourself? Because that's what it is. You think if he chooses you it proves you have value, but that's a fallacy. Try to figure out why you're buying into this falsehood because if you don't, this horrible situation can go on for YEARS.

[boltnrun]

Sorry again, not sure why this kept reposting.

[boltnrun]

Sorry, technical difficulties.

[reinventmyself]

Seriously. . think about it.

What is your definition of a friend?

I know mine. Someone I can count on, trustworthy, consistent, available, has my back. . do I need to go on?

[MissCanuck]

In fact, since we established he is and has always been a cheater, I have to wonder why hasn't he taken me up on my offer to stay friends? This way he would have still had me on the "back burner" and I would have had zero rights to ask for anything from him - which is what he wanted in the first place! So why did he just ignore my message? Why not stay friends, talk every now and then, and have a pleasant interaction when we saw each other at the bar? Why choose to make things awkward and for me to hate him instead?

 

Honestly, because he doesn't care about your feelings or your opinion of him. If he valued you, then yes, it would bother him. But he doesn't. He doesn't need you to feed his ego and have "pleasant interactions", because he's apparently got other women doing that for him.

 

Also, you need to redefine "friend." This man is not your friend and never really was.

 

Developing your own life is critical. I too live on a different continent from my family and best friends. And I too met a horribly toxic man not long after my arrival. It was a very difficult experience. But I worked darn hard to build up my own social circle, so I felt less alone when I finally left him. It is not easy, but it can be done if you're willing to put in the effort.

[greta96]

What would you do if one of your female friends lied to you, deceived you, disregarded you, ignored you when they felt like it and then came back whenever they felt like it. Would you want to try to still be "friends" with her?

 

So, knowing how horribly he treats you...why on Earth do you want a "friend" like that?

 

But be honest...you don't want to be "friends". You're getting something out of this dynamic. You're playing the "pick me, pick me!!!" game with him and you're hoping he does pick you because if he did pick you over all the other (alleged) hordes of women it would make you feel special.

 

Except, it wouldn't.

 

You'd always know those other women would be around (because he invites them around, not because they are pushing themselves on him). A guy like that will never be satisfied with just ONE woman...he wants his harem. And you're fooling yourself believing that if you kept allowing him to come around it wouldn't really bother you too much as long as you're the main chick. Trust me, it would bother you.

 

Can you try to figure out why you place so little value on yourself? Because that's what it is. You think if he chooses you it proves you have value, but that's a fallacy. Try to figure out why you're buying into this falsehood because if you don't, this horrible situation can go on for YEARS.

 

The sad thing is that I did this with a female friend too, in the past. I took her back twice, and only after the pulled the same cr@p the third time did I drop her completely and forever. If I like someone, I tend to give them chances...but it never turned out good for me.

As for him... I sincerely thought he was a friend, if nothing else. As in, I doubted lots about him but not that he cared on a friend level. If he was to come back into my life, I would like to still have our conversations and do the stuff we did (outdoors) that I enjoyed so much and I hadn't done before, as I had nobody to do them with. It wouldn't be to convince him to pick me, because I suck at that game, I already know I wouldn't be picked. Even when he was still with that woman and we were just "friends", I remember one evening being frustrated that the woman who "meant nothing" to him was still in the picture and he told me something like "you don't understand that she is no threat to you, if anything you are a threat to her", and my answer was "I don't want to be a threat to anyone, I don't want to compete". I'm so not the type to compete with others for a guy's affection, I am too insecure for that. I just want the guy to myself. Which clearly will not happen with him.

So you're right, even if he was back I would still be bothered because I wouldn't be the ONLY chick.

 

I am indeed basing my value on him choosing me, but not because I "win" over other women, but because for some reason his validation means something to me. Probably because I know he doesn't like people in general and has a low opinion of them. I'm not sure why that is, because he himself doesn't have much to offer, to be very honest (emotionally and materially).

[greta96]

Honestly, because he doesn't care about your feelings or your opinion of him. If he valued you, then yes, it would bother him. But he doesn't. He doesn't need you to feed his ego and have "pleasant interactions", because he's apparently got other women doing that for him.

 

Also, you need to redefine "friend." This man is not your friend and never really was.

 

Developing your own life is critical. I too live on a different continent from my family and best friends. And I too met a horribly toxic man not long after my arrival. It was a very difficult experience. But I worked darn hard to build up my own social circle, so I felt less alone when I finally left him. It is not easy, but it can be done if you're willing to put in the effort.

 

Unfortunately it does appear he was never my friend. If he was, even if he felt the relationship wasn't working for him he would have handled the breakup differently. I assume he would have tried to maintain some sort of a friendship. He wouldn't have gone radio silent on me, after dumping me abruptly.

It's just hard to reconcile the way he was a year ago, when he wanted me back, with the way he is now. And to comprehend why would anyone put in hours upon hours of conversation with someone they didn't even care about. I know if I'm not all that interested in someone, I don't spend too much time around them.

[Pretzel]

I think we all feel this way after a break-up. At least I certainly do and I am in the midst of it right now myself.

I find it hard to reconcile how my ex was at the beginning of our relationship, he treated me with so much love, attention, care, so delicately, to make sure he doesn't break anything and to make sure he doesn't cause me any discomfort or push me away. He was invested, he was excited and was willing to do move mountains to keep me happy, he prioritised me. I could go on, and on. Fast forwards 10 months later and all of that changed. He went stale on me and i couldn't figure out why he'd spend all that time with me only to throw it all away, just discard it all just like that. Thousands of photos and memories and letters and notes later, suddenly none of it matters. He stopped prioritising it, he stopped being consistent with his efforts, that made me start acting up, and that made him break up with me. I couldn't comprehend why he turned so cold after we broke up, start ignoring my messages, etc. Truth is, I think he started ignoring me partly from being overwhelmed by his own guilt. And because he doesn't know what to say or how to deal or interact properly with emotions.

[ThatwasThen]

I think the time it takes to "heal you" will be shorter if you do some self-reflection and ask yourself (until you get an answer) why you ignored all those red flags you clearly saw waving all around him and continued to give yourself to him.

 

You can call him all the names in the book and justify all you want why you ignored those flags but the bottom line here is that it is you that had no boundaries in place to keep you safe from men like him.

 

Some self-help either with copious amounts of reading about boundaries and ways to increase your worth within your own mind or personal therapy are in order here so that you don't ignore flag-a-flying in the future just to be with some guy you feel you have a connection with.

 

They say that we are attracted to and we attract to us, people that are slightly above or slightly below our own psychological health so its imperative that you forgive yourself for not listening to your gut, swear to yourself that you'll never make excuses for a lying, shifty charactered player with whom you knew he was in a relationship ever again over a so called "connection."

 

Work on the why you continued on with him, find the answer, forgive yourself and you will heal much quicker from all of this. Forgiving yourself is the first step, really.

 

Feel better soon.

[greta96]

I think we all feel this way after a break-up. At least I certainly do and I am in the midst of it right now myself.

I find it hard to reconcile how my ex was at the beginning of our relationship, he treated me with so much love, attention, care, so delicately, to make sure he doesn't break anything and to make sure he doesn't cause me any discomfort or push me away. He was invested, he was excited and was willing to do move mountains to keep me happy, he prioritised me. I could go on, and on. Fast forwards 10 months later and all of that changed. He went stale on me and i couldn't figure out why he'd spend all that time with me only to throw it all away, just discard it all just like that. Thousands of photos and memories and letters and notes later, suddenly none of it matters. He stopped prioritising it, he stopped being consistent with his efforts, that made me start acting up, and that made him break up with me. I couldn't comprehend why he turned so cold after we broke up, start ignoring my messages, etc. Truth is, I think he started ignoring me partly from being overwhelmed by his own guilt. And because he doesn't know what to say or how to deal or interact properly with emotions.

 

We really are in the same boat! For me it's also the element of this being the second round, well, second if we don't count the very short lived returns in the past, when we'd hang out here and there after the bar only for him to disappear on me the following day (we didn't even have sex!). This really adds up to my sadness and confusion, because why do this to someone you already hurt in the past, then you promised her you'd make it all better, seemed to try to, then dump her as cruelly as the first time?

In his case I doubt it's guilt, I don't think he is capable of that feeling. I guess he doesn't want to deal with the back-and-forth, but still, he could have at least maintained the channels of communication open. I thought no contact was the way to go in all situations, but it seems like going low contact would help me to move on easier.

[greta96]

I think the time it takes to "heal you" will be shorter if you do some self-reflection and ask yourself (until you get an answer) why you ignored all those red flags you clearly saw waving all around him and continued to give yourself to him.

 

You can call him all the names in the book and justify all you want why you ignored those flags but the bottom line here is that it is you that had no boundaries in place to keep you safe from men like him.

 

Some self-help either with copious amounts of reading about boundaries and ways to increase your worth within your own mind or personal therapy are in order here so that you don't ignore flag-a-flying in the future just to be with some guy you feel you have a connection with.

 

They say that we are attracted to and we attract to us, people that are slightly above or slightly below our own psychological health so its imperative that you forgive yourself for not listening to your gut, swear to yourself that you'll never make excuses for a lying, shifty charactered player with whom you knew he was in a relationship ever again over a so called "connection."

 

Work on the why you continued on with him, find the answer, forgive yourself and you will heal much quicker from all of this. Forgiving yourself is the first step, really.

 

Feel better soon.

 

Thank you! It may be too soon, because nothing is working. Even though I know exactly who and how he is, I still don't have the strength to let the bad trump the good. Hopefully that will come in time, but for now ugh...I wish he'd make contact! I am this close of messaging him yet again to ask him to act like a 50 year old adult and not a 15 year old teenager, but that would make me psycho in his eyes and a bit of a stalker (if he didn't block my number).

So I'll just sit on my hands and do nothing.

[ThatwasThen]

Thank you! It may be too soon, because nothing is working. Even though I know exactly who and how he is, I still don't have the strength to let the bad trump the good. Hopefully that will come in time, but for now ugh...I wish he'd make contact! I am this close of messaging him yet again to ask him to act like a 50 year old adult and not a 15 year old teenager, but that would make me psycho in his eyes and a bit of a stalker (if he didn't block my number).

So I'll just sit on my hands and do nothing.

Don't sit on your hands and do nothing, luv. Sit and reflect on why you didn't tell him to go eff himself when he was pursuing you while in a relationship. You have to learn to protect your heart from guys like him and you do that by having strong personal boundaries in place that clearly tell you that YOU are the prize that any guy should be happy to be with and who shows you the value you deserve. He never showed you any value except perhaps sexually which he can get a dime a dozen in this day and age of swipe for a bit.

 

When you truly believe that you are the prize, you would never have let this guy bamboozle you because your gut would keep you safe from him. Men like him rely on women who don't think they're the prize, those that make him the prize without him even having to prove it to them that he is.

 

Google the importance of personal boundaries and read.

Google about codependency and losing yourself in others and read.

Get yourself some really good female friends who you can do fun things with and who will be brave enough to tell you when you're letting down those boundaries you've formed to be with some turd.

 

Its not time that heals us, its what we do with that time that heals us.

[katrina1980]

Hi greta. I just finished reading this entire thread, and I think you need a large dose of reality here.

 

You keep saying "when he came back," "when he returned," he was so great, so attentive, he pursued you.

 

In reading the fourth paragraph of your original post (can't copy quotes from my iPad), the ONLY reason this started up again was because he started working at the bar again and you were "there." And available.

 

You never would have gotten together again had this not happened.

 

It was "convenient" for him; don't lose sight of that!

 

For years, he never once reached out to you. What does that tell you?

 

Then when he starts working at bar again, realized you were still open and available (for him), suddenly he "claims" he never stopped thinking about you, was nervous about getting too close to you? And THAT is why he behaved like an ass? He had another gf the entire time!

 

Come on girl, you were "gamed" big time. He was never serious about you, and never will be.

 

Please stop romanticizing this, which is what I think you are doing.

 

He's not "scared" of his feelings for you, "nervous" about getting too close to you, or whatever else you are telling yourself that keeps you hanging on.

 

The truth is he doesnt give a shyt and never did.

 

I am not a shrink so can't say for sure he's a narcissist or even a true commitment-phobe; what IS clear is that he's a liar and cheater who only cares about himself and what (and who) will serve his self-interests the best at that time.

 

He did not "pursue" you. You were 'there', you were convenient, and if he had not started working at the bar again, none of this would have happened.

 

I am sorry this sounded harsh, but I've been where you are, and the only way you are going to move on from this is to stop romanticizing this bozo, assigning qualities to him that don't exist, and start seeing him "realistically."

 

He is a chump who used you to serve a purpose, a self-interest, then when done with you, dumped you in a very cruel way. And now wants nothing more to do with you.

 

I hope someday you will value yourself enough to recognize the signs, walk away from this type of man before you allow yourself to get too attached.

 

I wish you well, and best of luck.

 

Time does heal, I promise.

[greta96]

Hi greta. I just finished reading this entire thread, and I think you need a large dose of reality here.

 

You keep saying "when he came back," "when he returned," he was so great, so attentive, he pursued you.

 

In reading the fourth paragraph of your original post (can't copy quotes from my iPad), the ONLY reason this started up again was because he started working at the bar again and you were "there." And available.

 

You never would have gotten together again had this not happened.

 

It was "convenient" for him; don't lose sight of that!

 

For years, he never once reached out to you. What does that tell you?

 

Then when he starts working at bar again, realized you were still open and available (for him), suddenly he "claims" he never stopped thinking about you, was nervous about getting too close to you? And THAT is why he behaved like an ass? He had another gf the entire time!

 

Come on girl, you were "gamed" big time. He was never serious about you, and never will be.

 

Please stop romanticizing this, which is what I think you are doing.

 

He's not "scared" of his feelings for you, "nervous" about getting too close to you, or whatever else you are telling yourself that keeps you hanging on.

 

The truth is he doesnt give a shyt and never did.

 

I am not a shrink so can't say for sure he's a narcissist or even a true commitment-phobe; what IS clear is that he's a liar and cheater who only cares about himself and what (and who) will serve his self-interests the best at that time.

 

He did not "pursue" you. You were 'there', you were convenient, and if he had not started working at the bar again, none of this would have happened.

 

I am sorry this sounded harsh, but I've been where you are, and the only way you are going to move on from this is to stop romanticizing this bozo, assigning qualities to him that don't exist, and start seeing him "realistically."

 

He is a chump who used you to serve a purpose, a self-interest, then when done with you, dumped you in a very cruel way. And now wants nothing more to do with you.

 

I hope someday you will value yourself enough to recognize the signs, walk away from this type of man before you allow yourself to get too attached.

 

I wish you well, and best of luck.

 

Time does heal, I promise.

 

You're so right Katrina, had he not returned to work there I would have never heard from him again. He was with that woman anyway. But I think it's safe to assume he had gotten bored of her and was looking to spice up his life behind her back. In retrospect, I bet I was not the only one he cheated on her with. The one thing he probably didn't consider was that I wasn't going to jump in bed with him while I knew she was still in his life, unlike others, so I probably became a bit of a challenge that lead him to lying about having ended things with her.

 

From my perspective, the problem is that I always felt I had this "mystical connection" with him, from the day I met him. I have no idea why that happened, as I remember feeling connected to him even before we spoke! It was weird. So when he came back, it wasn't as if any of my other exes would have come back, it was like "the one" came back. So caution and everything flew out the window, together with all common sense.

 

Now I no longer see him as "the one", or even like a suitable partner for me. I still feel attached to him though, and wish I had a chance to end things differently. We both said we didn't like how it ended 7 years ago, but this ending isn't much better either! So yes, I am aware I was fed a bunch of BS from beginning to the end... which hopefully will help me move on sooner rather than later.

[Mikey383]

I am certain about that.... and yet... I don't know what's wrong with me!

He is only happy when his woman is content with the way he is and doesn't question him at all. Now if he was a regular guy, that would be fine. But he lies, a lot, and it's hard to be ok with that.

I suppose the woman he cheated on with me was just that, as he was saying he was content with their relationship....well of course he was, because she was giving him plenty of time to nurse a relationship with me behind her back

OK i guess I'd like him to "see the light", realize that it's me he wants, miss me and want to change. But he thinks he's already perfect so he will never change.

 

You cannot fix, what is not fixable...

You cannot fix what is out of your own control...

Only they themselves have to realize their flaws and fix themselves...

But this takes a long time....

[ThatwasThen]

You're still putting the focus on him and what's wrong with him and not looking within as to why you ignored all the red flags. You'll take longer to get over him as long as you don't forgive yourself for what you allowed him to do. You'll accomplish that by realizing what made you forego all boundaries to be with him. What is missing in you is what needs answering and when you figure that out, you can forgive yourself and move on from him.

 

Its clear to you what a turd he is so let that part go now. That is a part of this that has an answer.

[Dooped1]

Greta, you shared this at the perfect time, for me at least. It's as if you're writing what I have found myself in. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be in such a unhealthy relationship. Like you, my friends are so shocked that I've allowed myself to be treated in such a horrible manner, heck, I can't believe I allowed it. As with several others, it was amazing, unbelievable, life changing in the beginning, slowly morphing into a sludge pit of self loathing, self doubt and loss if self worth. I have made every excuse down his behavior just as you have, even took any little bit of attention he may sprinkle my way as a sign that he still cares. I am currently NC with him, trying to find myself again, but having a hard time because I miss him, I should say I miss what he use to be. The why's and what ifs drive me nuts. I know I have romanticized what we had, yet I STILL feel that I would go back if he messaged me... so reading this today has given me some much needed reality check... all the advice everyone has given you, is advice I find myself needing. I hope that we both can find ourselves again, seeing that it is truly ourselves that give others the power to treat us as they do.

Hoping for the best

PS. Katrina, thank you for the wake up call.

[Batya33]

You're still putting the focus on him and what's wrong with him and not looking within as to why you ignored all the red flags. You'll take longer to get over him as long as you don't forgive yourself for what you allowed him to do. You'll accomplish that by realizing what made you forego all boundaries to be with him. What is missing in you is what needs answering and when you figure that out, you can forgive yourself and move on from him.

 

Its clear to you what a turd he is so let that part go now. That is a part of this that has an answer.

 

This plus Pretzel's Maya Angelou quote sums it up for me. Please don't indulge in psychobabble or making this more complicated than it is -it's not complicated at all -it's simple - the hard part is accepting the simplicity and owning your responsibility and resisting the urge to keep the focus on him and his treatment/actions. Good luck and hopefully this will be a blessing in disguise as far as motivation for future choices.

[boltnrun]

I played the "pick me!" game with a guy for FOUR years.

 

He finally dumped me for one of the women he'd been seeing without my knowledge (OK, I knew, but I thought if I pretended I didn't know and acted like the "cool girlfriend" he'd eventually see how much I loved him and choose me...cringe...). And that gave me the freedom to finally detach from him permanently.

 

However, I actually had to move 400 miles away because I kept insisting on staying attached to him. My self esteem was 100% tied into whether or not he wanted me. Why? I didn't know, but time and distance gave me the much needed perspective I now have. I now know I will never, ever choose him again. He's not worth five seconds of my time.

 

And please don't insist on continuing to hang out at his bar! That is just another excuse to stay attached to him, disguised as "why should I have to go hang out somewhere else??!!!" Do yourself a kindness and stay away from him because as long as you claim to want to be his "friend" and that you two have some kind of mystical connection, you'll be vulnerable to any advances from him. Don't do that to yourself.

[greta96]

You cannot fix, what is not fixable...

You cannot fix what is out of your own control...

Only they themselves have to realize their flaws and fix themselves...

But this takes a long time....

 

Too late for him unfortunately...at his age, the odds of changing are zero...and he doesn't even think he has anything to fix anyway

[greta96]

You're still putting the focus on him and what's wrong with him and not looking within as to why you ignored all the red flags. You'll take longer to get over him as long as you don't forgive yourself for what you allowed him to do. You'll accomplish that by realizing what made you forego all boundaries to be with him. What is missing in you is what needs answering and when you figure that out, you can forgive yourself and move on from him.

 

Its clear to you what a turd he is so let that part go now. That is a part of this that has an answer.

 

Realizing he is not the person I thought (or better said, hoped) he was is definitely helping a lot. I am at the point where I believe I am better off without him, at least relationship-wise. I would have really liked if the friendship part was true, but unfortunately that seems to have been part of the game as well.

At least I've gotten good at spotting a great deal of questionable behavior and now I know that if you overlook it, you can only expect more of it and/or worse.

[greta96]

Greta, you shared this at the perfect time, for me at least. It's as if you're writing what I have found myself in. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be in such a unhealthy relationship. Like you, my friends are so shocked that I've allowed myself to be treated in such a horrible manner, heck, I can't believe I allowed it. As with several others, it was amazing, unbelievable, life changing in the beginning, slowly morphing into a sludge pit of self loathing, self doubt and loss if self worth. I have made every excuse down his behavior just as you have, even took any little bit of attention he may sprinkle my way as a sign that he still cares. I am currently NC with him, trying to find myself again, but having a hard time because I miss him, I should say I miss what he use to be. The why's and what ifs drive me nuts. I know I have romanticized what we had, yet I STILL feel that I would go back if he messaged me... so reading this today has given me some much needed reality check... all the advice everyone has given you, is advice I find myself needing. I hope that we both can find ourselves again, seeing that it is truly ourselves that give others the power to treat us as they do.

Hoping for the best

PS. Katrina, thank you for the wake up call.

 

I am sorry you are also going through this kind of anguish, I really wish nobody would have to go through it.

But you know what? I'm starting to find that living with his absence and pain about what happened is still better than the constant anxiety while I was with him and had to worry about what he was doing when he would mysteriously disappear, when he was unable to call me (or even text) when he "had the kids", when I had to smile and pretend to believe idiotic excuses because otherwise I knew he would just yell at me and start a fight...

And the thing I'm learning by speaking with all these wonderful people who are offering their advice is that the person "he used to be" was in fact my own projection, not the real him. It was also an act, meant to hook. I'm sure same goes for you and your ex. They are all on their best behavior when they want "in", if they were their regular selves would we even consider giving them a chance?

Also, a good lesson is that when you start feeling bad about yourself for putting up with something or allowing yourself to be mistreated, it's a sign you need to leave. Same goes for when you feel embarrassed to tell your friends that you've forgiven some nasty behavior on his part. That's a clear sign that you shouldn't be putting up with that.

My guy was good at creating what is called "reasonable doubt", so whatever excuses he made, whatever lies he told me, it was close to impossible to determine the truth because it was always 50:50, there was 50% chances he could have said the truth and 50% he could have lied.

 

I have times when I miss him, but not as many, now that I'm having him figured out. It does get easier.

 

I wish you lots of strength

[greta96]

This plus Pretzel's Maya Angelou quote sums it up for me. Please don't indulge in psychobabble or making this more complicated than it is -it's not complicated at all -it's simple - the hard part is accepting the simplicity and owning your responsibility and resisting the urge to keep the focus on him and his treatment/actions. Good luck and hopefully this will be a blessing in disguise as far as motivation for future choices.

 

I certainly learned a lot from this, that's for sure...

[greta96]

I played the "pick me!" game with a guy for FOUR years.

 

He finally dumped me for one of the women he'd been seeing without my knowledge (OK, I knew, but I thought if I pretended I didn't know and acted like the "cool girlfriend" he'd eventually see how much I loved him and choose me...cringe...). And that gave me the freedom to finally detach from him permanently.

 

However, I actually had to move 400 miles away because I kept insisting on staying attached to him. My self esteem was 100% tied into whether or not he wanted me. Why? I didn't know, but time and distance gave me the much needed perspective I now have. I now know I will never, ever choose him again. He's not worth five seconds of my time.

 

And please don't insist on continuing to hang out at his bar! That is just another excuse to stay attached to him, disguised as "why should I have to go hang out somewhere else??!!!" Do yourself a kindness and stay away from him because as long as you claim to want to be his "friend" and that you two have some kind of mystical connection, you'll be vulnerable to any advances from him. Don't do that to yourself.

 

Oooh, I gave up the "mystical connection" idea as soon as he started showing his true colors again lol... A year ago when we reconnected, I thought for sure he must be my twin flame, I actually spent hours reading on that because it felt like it... I was in La la land back then...and stayed there until I realized things may not be as amazing as they seemed. You know, when the lies started and it sank in that his feelings for me were quite superficial and were going to stay that way.

And yet, I didn't want to let go. It wasn't him I didn't want to let go, but the idea of him. Plus, having my phone ring so often and light up with texts felt great and helped kill a lot of boring hours.

 

I truly believe I am strong enough now to see him and not flinch. I've done it so many times before, in the past, I am a pro at ignoring him. As long as I get it in my head that he's not worth it, that the guy I liked wasn't the real him and that he would have never been truly mine, I should be good.