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Mikey383

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  1. Carus Buddy... You have survived this long... You will push on :).... Although I still have many questions, that I would like to solve... I am finally at a stage where simply I just don't care... I am keeping myself busy... Busy, busy, busy and it is helping... I am ahead of you, but I feel that the journey is not over yet... I do however see the light....
  2. I agree with Jennylove. I am 43 and divorced now for 5 years... Since my divorce I had 2 serious relationships... One lasted 11 months and the 2nd lasted 2.5 years... I met both women on dating sites... Christian Mingle and Match... There was nothing Christian about the first one...lol Both were NPD... Total Narcs... I give up...lol
  3. I have learned (and saw this over and over and over).... : At the start when they are sooooo in love with you... It is a bunch of B.S. and infatuation... 2. There is always a hidden agenda. 3. When the Honeymoon stage dies off... unless you are constantly showering them with validation, boosting their ego or forking out $ on them, all of the sudden they are soooo unhappy...lol (no one needs to do that for love)... 4. Most people live in this constant "Need" to have someone, "Need" attention... 5. I learned that most people live in this fake world of dreams and don't see reality... their heads are up in the clouds...And they need some sort of a rescue.... 6. There is difference between "Need" and "Want".... 7. Genuine and real love does not exist... Vampires do exist... Emotional Vampires.... 8. I learned to weed through them one by one.... There is a huge amount of weeds out there... 9. Weeds live in TV formulated love and romance stories that are hyphened up by Hollywood... And now reality shows... 10. I learned that it takes a long time to get over it and be healthy again... A stab at the heart hurts a lot more, a lot longer than anything else out there.... And it takes a long time to heal from it....
  4. Mike Hypersensitive about her feelings and emotions... Cool... But did she have empathy for you? or others? No.... You are saying yourself that she was indifferent to the feelings of others... So, do the reality check here...: 1. She didn't give a hoot about others, but all about herself... In other terms what you feel does not matter to her..... Like I said: My ex didn't scream or yell, but she found emotional manipulative ways to make me feel guilty... Silly as it may seem, I didn't do anything wrong to deserve feeling guilty... She cried huge tears here and there, but it was all to push more guilt on me... She knew that I am empathetic to others and sensitive to how others feel... She used that as a way to get into my heart and pull my strings... However, she was indifferent to my feelings... She didn't give a hoot about my feelings... It was all about her... Her hurt... In 2.5 years our relationship went from 0 to 100 in 2.5 seconds... And she was driving the car... I felt as a passenger... I tried slowing the pace down, but oh no...Not her forte... She wanted a marriage... She wanted sooooo much.... It all seemed so real, but my gut feeling was saying: "To good to be true"... Well the gut feeling was correct.... It was all about her... She left the first time: tested the greener pastures and came back crawling... Professing her love, crying, wanting me back... She did not want me back... She was simply lonely, in between jobs, needed someone to fall back on, needed that security blanket, the greener pastures were not paying off, she knew that I would give her that comfort zone.... (All selfish, all about her)... Once she got herself in a good spot, she used the exit excuses and discarded me like trash... This made my heeling even worse because I should have never taken her back to begin with... But she also came back because she saw me moving on, and she could not allow that... You see: people like that want you to suffer while they gloat... The minute you move on, they panic... but when they move on, they will shove it in your face... They want you to feel the pain as their ego has a boost... Once I went NC for good, she picked up her pace with Hoovering.... I see it, I know it.... But that's just how and who they are... Vampires... Vampires that prey on good people... They latch on, see your weakness and exploit it for their benefits... Fake and selfish...
  5. Mike You are self-blaming... We all have done it... BUT, you have to look down deep and see the reality... At first, I was like you: Nope, she did not consciously manipulate me... Yes, she is emotionally honest... And my ex told me the same stuff when she walked away the first time... Second time around: Same as you... No discussion, she was done... She was gonna go out and meet someone that would give her a better life, better than me, she wasn't gonna settle... Within 3 weeks she was already in a new relationship... Skipping along the happy meadows with her new boyfriend... Happy, happy, happy... I went NC.... I wasn't gonna feed into it.... She tried spying on me... (I don't know why?) but she did... She used a mutual friend... I cut that off... Then she began calling me from a masked number every 2 weeks since February... But I did not pick up... I knew it was her (she did the same routine the first time she walked away).... Since I would not pick up my cell, she resorted to calling my home from a masked number... Finally 2 days ago she sends me an e mail: " Can you just answer me now?" "I really forgive you".... Nope I won't reply to that... First of all, it is "Hoovering" and breadcrumbs.... Second: Forgive me for what? I didn't do anything wrong to begin with... Conscious manipulation: You may think it is not, but believe me....it is... Yelling, screaming is projection... Warning you?!!!! What was she warning you about??? Yeah... that is a cop out threat... Basically what is she saying to you? She is implying: "If you don't do it my way, I will dump you"... Is that a form of control? Yes... Is that manipulation done in a conscious way? Absolutely... She knows your inner fears and she is exploiting you on that... Yes, it is very conscious... Did she really go to see a therapist? I doubt it... Another cop out to make you believe something, put more doubt in your head, ultimately shift the guilt on you... Yeah, that is called "Gaslighting"... Me ex did not yell and scream... But oh boy did she warn me.... Especially when I would catch on and would not allow her to manipulate me.... Basically, are we to lose self identity to be with someone? Are we to no longer be ourselves? Comply to their needs only... How selfish is that? Where is the 2-way street here?
  6. Mike I was in a similar situation with a woman for 2.5 years... We split up for the 2nd time about 8-9 months ago... I was a complete wreck. Although I did not go through life the same way as you have, still when someone that you love discards you without even having any impact on them, that hurts like hell... Reading your story (and not judging), but from what you are saying, it seems to me that you were investing in someone that really did not love you (just on the surface showed that they loved you)... I beat this drum over and over, but since my separation and during my healing process, I been doing a lot of reading about Narcissism... Your ex shows the classic behavior of a Narcissistic personality... Everything in what I read in your story is all about her... Her business, her life, her future, forcing marriage on you, using you, and once she achieved her goal she cold heartedly discarded you... You probably told her about your childhood, you probably opened up to her about your inner demons... She left you to suffer, she knows it hurts you, it feeds her ego.... Her past is rocky...She could never hold a stable relationship, most likely because the men in her past saw right through her and they ran... She picked you on a dating site out of the hat, she saw something in you that would help her achieve the ends to her means... She saw you as a tool... Probably she tried others, and those tools did not work out... I met my ex on a dating site also... I know it is hard to date now days, and dating sites provide an ease... However, dating sites also attract con artists (both men and women)... Ever since my experience with my ex, I have learned to weed, scrutinize, dig, and be more sensitive to red flags... Seems that you saw the red flags, but you avoided them because you wanted something so good, so bad... Your gut feeling was saying "Too good to be true", but you did not listen to the inner self... She studied you from the get go... She saw your insecurities and she used that... I hope that you did not spend thousands on her... But if you did, you will never recover your wealth... She got what she needed... Drained you, and moved on with her dreams... Dreams you are no longer a part of... You are simply not needed.... Sorry if I come off a bit strong, but you did nothing wrong... From what I read, you wanted happiness... The healing process after someone like her will be a long journey... You have to accept it and keep pushing on... Trust me... These vampires exist... You are not alone...
  7. Carus I am... And he is still a wreck... A broken heart hurts more than anything else, and it hurts the longest... Absolutely... You are correct... When someone dies, they die for everyone... But when someone walks out, and you know that someone else has them... That hurts a lot longer.... I agree...
  8. Teddy No offense taken... Glad you are reading my posts... And it looks like we can relate...:) Thank you also for your service. My best advise to you, is let it go.... Got to move on... I know it is harder done than said..... I been NC for 8 months now... I am so much better at this point... I find stuff to do... If you want to chat about it... Send me a personal message and I will give you my number... It is good to vent... :) Mikey
  9. Teddy I am a combat vet. I have seen a lot and been in the heat of it. I can tell you one thing: I rather be shot, take a bullet, have a gaping wound,....rather than a broken heart. A broken heart is more trauma causing to a human being than being in a tough combat area... Many vets experience PTSD as something linked to stressful combat actions.... True... However there are also many combat vets that experience PTSD by far worse when they end up in a stressful combat environment and also receive that notification that their significant other has left them for a new novelty... I seen that happen a lot.... Here we are in the middle of Afghanistan... We can't just leave our post... And here a friend of mine finds out that his wife is having an affair while he is helplessly stuck thousands of miles away.... So, now you have combat stress and a broken heart... The two mixed is a huge PTSD rocket.... So, yes... PTSD can happen from emotional stress....
  10. Hey Teddy. I am with you man... And agree with CARUS... Bread crumbs suck... And although we hope to get them (because in our brains it shows up as: Hey that person still cares about us, and our pride/ego jumps for it, just for that split second of happiness.... But in reality, those are torture...You are better off without any.) I am in the same boat as you... Similar situation... And been NC now for 8 months.... I was married for 14 years, which did not work out... Dated someone immediately after my divorce for about 11 months and ran from her eventually... Took a short break and met a woman that rocked my world for 2.5 years... And when she walked away finally, I hit rock bottom as well.... Everything you are going through, I went through... 8 months down the road I am way better..., but I allowed myself to naturally go through the process... And so must you... It is not a midlife crisis... It is being human... Bread crumbs: If you call it that... Some call it "Hoovering"..... Since February I have been receiving calls from Private Numbers... Yeah, I don't pick them up... But I know it is my EX... The calls ring my cell every 2 weeks like clock work, and at times that she knows I will have my cell on me ( my cell is not attached to me like a life line.... haha). She knows that... So, she dials me up knowing when I have it on me... Now I am also getting the calls on my home phone... She has both numbers.... It is not some coincidence... But there you go..... You don't need any this.... You need quiet....
  11. Totally agree with Sweets.... It is good to vent here, and get good advice.... Just don't get stuck and be "YOU"... Got to keep moving forward... Just don't force yourself doing something if you don't feel the connection... if you start going out (because you are desperately looking for something and yet you are running into the wrong ones), don't do it... It will show... Don't be desperate, don't be forceful to yourself... And most of all don't compare the next person to the one you had... Keep in mind that you know what you like....So, be true to "YOU"... However, also keep in mind that each person is unique, so if you are looking to replace, that will not happen... Sometimes the universe has a reason to why it wants you to be single for a bit and not give you what you want... Perhaps it is to reflect and improve... Or just a way to heal... And don't be jealous of the ex partner... Who cares what they are doing, with whom, and why.... The path that they are on, is their path... Let that path work itself out...
  12. Doing good bud. My has been "Hoovering" with "Private","Hidden number" calls... Started 2 months ago... Every couple of weeks or so I get one... Luckily I have an app that deflects those calls... So, they all go to limbo... Too easy....haha... Out of being curious I checked the app and discovered that I only would receive those calls when she was not with me...haha Together for 2.5 years: No calls Broke up for 3 months (I blocked her number): 4 calls from a private number, 4 calls from a blocked number (her number was the only one I blocked).. Together again for 3 months: No Calls Since the final break up 7 months ago: The last 2 months I received about 4 calls... Go figure this out? lol
  13. Thanks Sputnik. I am with you.... Who the hell does that???!!! If I met a woman, and she told me that... I would be GONE in a heartbeat brother... That there alone is a huge RED FLAG... Much bigger than the one waiving in North Korea...haha... How have you been Sputnik?
  14. To add: To my previous post. Some advise: Do not force it, do not chase it..... When you quit looking, that's when it will come to you... This girl had a load of red flags from the get go... She was charming you and she knew it... You were nothing but a target... Perhaps she was even using you as a rebound... A temp fix to get her ex back... And it worked... You could have been just a conduit... If she really liked you, she would have cancelled her trip... And those feelings you had, those were correct... A human gut feeling telling you that something is off.... Something is not right... She went on that trip with her mind to either reconcile with him or use him... Bottom line is that you did not stick around long enough to figure it out completely... However I think she was just playing the game... And perhaps playing 2 or 3 or 4 at the same time... My friend Sputnik on here knows that I beat this drum, but ever since I been hurt by my ex about 7 months ago, I started doing extensive research on Narcissists, Sociopaths and even Psychopaths... I discovered that there is as much of those in the female population as it is in the male population... And most of them are scam artists, cons, players, cold hearted junkies looking for a quick fix... Sometimes they have multiple lovers at one time... And so on.... She sucked you in and it was quick... She was fully aware of it... She stuck around up until her trip... You were catching on and questioning her actions... For her it was too much work... They want it easy... Basically she felt that you were not worth the effort... Hmmmm.... So the question is: Did she really like you? Obviously if you were worth the effort, she would have been pursuing you... Sorry if I sound pessimistic, but seriously? Her trip was so important????? Think of that....
  15. Here is my 10 cents.... 1. Who does this?: Starts a new relationship with someone and goes on a trip with an ex-BF or GF???? Ummmm RED FLAG!!!!! -That's a no, no, noooooooo...... 2. I think she was scaming you: She wasn't broken up with her other guy to begin with... She found a victim to scam and you were it... Except: She wasn't getting (did not get) anything from you in due time... And it presented too much work to stick around... Scammers want it all easy... Why? Cuz they are lazy... Seems to me that her motives were not love at all... Her motives were more like your pocket book... When you pressed for unconditional love, she bailed on you... She ran... Scammers do not want to be put in that sort of a situation... They need their freedom to scam others... I bet she was scamming that other guy also... I bet that he was paying for her nice little trip... She was using him and she was already working you, possibly someone else... You, asking for some commitment from her, allowed her to run (easiest way out of a situation)... Otherwise she would have been exposed.... I bet that you were not the only rodeo for her.... I bet she did this to scores of other men... You dodged a bullet... You did not get suckered in....Her text to you (smoke screen)....
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