I don't know how in the world I am ever gonna meet someone

[LaHermes]

Oh Lawdy. The difficulties of only having the written word before us here.....

[xplorationspac]

Oh Lawdy. The difficulties of only having the written word before us here.....

 

Yea I'm not trying to be condescending or arrogant whatsoever

[Capricorn3]

so why does my balding, near bankrupt friend in his 40s have no problems dating online??

 

I think the only demographic online that's overwhelmingly picky are cute women in that 20 to 33 range. Everybody else is pretty reasonable.

 

Men generally have much lower standards than women because they have to. Hell look at me - I don't think my standards are high at all. If you found a very attractive woman in her late 20s who was in awesome shape and made 190K a year (so the female equivalent of me), she would be looking to date a male model billionaire/professional athlete, she would be considered way WAY out of my league even though she is the exact female version of me.

^ there we go again.

 

Maybe because their attitude isn't all about bragging rights and trying to win people over by obsessively trying to impress and being obsessed about their gym-bodies etc etc etc. Change the attitude, be a LOT more humble. Try it.

[Capricorn3]

You quote numbers and qualities over and over but what you don't touch on - is substance.

Your muscles and check book mean squat if you don't have some depth and personal insight going for you.

 

Indeed.....

[mustlovedogs]

I'm not trying to be condescending, I apologize if its coming across that way

 

You're messaging men similar to yourself and getting nowhere? If that's the case, then that's terrible

 

You really think that even plus size men want attractive in shape women?? Most overweight men I know are dating women even more overweight than themselves

 

It's condescending to imply that I could only get a man who has exceptionally low standards. If you don't see that, you're your own problem.

[Jasandstrength]

I think you have great potential to find love.

 

However, from what I see here you seem a tad materialistic. Of course, this might just be because you're online and everyone just feels a little bolder to say the things they often think in their mind but society deems too blunt to speak aloud.

 

Anyway, I feel if you actually openly perceive yourself in these ways then maybe be more subtle. The stereotypical shallow, hot girl is beyond false. Maybe you're searching in the wrong places. Of course, there is nothing we can say online to sway you from who you are and who you are, by the way seems to be amazing... it's just maybe you need to search for someone that is compatible with you instead of so much like you. People are going to come with baggage and the only way to find love is to love them despite their faults.

On the contrary, you will also have to find your own faults and love yourself despite them instead of distorting them into something shiny.

And lastly, love comes to those most often unexpectedly. You're nowhere near old so just focus on improving yourself or changing something in your life to make yourself happier (Nobody is perfect so shoot for the stars) and soon enough, love will find you.

 

I wish you the best and I hope love finds you when you're ready and I hope you learn to love yourself for who you are instead of what you have.

[LaHermes]

OP:

 

" don't want to date a woman who only likes me for anything superficial. I don't even like shallow or superficial women. I feel my character is every bit as strong as my surface traits. I go out of my way to treat people well, to be considerate and caring, etc..."

 

OP, you should never have mentioned the gym or toning or that you are in good nick. Look where it's got you lol.

 

Compared to the losers, makers, takers and general undesirables we all too often hear about on here, who prey on women, move in on them, live off them, lie to them, dump them, wouldn't know what a hard day's work is....I think you, OP, are comparative perfection and have a lot to offer.

 

It's late, so logging off and wishing everyone a good and peaceful night.

[xplorationspac]

^ there we go again.

 

Maybe because their attitude isn't all about bragging rights and trying to win people over by obsessively trying to impress and being obsessed about their gym-bodies etc etc etc. Change the attitude, be a LOT more humble. Try it.

 

 

I'm just being honest, you're interpreting it as arrogance. I'm not arrogant at all - hell I wonder all the time if I'm even worthy of being loved.

 

 

Have you ever met a woman similar to myself? IE attractive, in awesome shape, extraordinarily successful, classy, etc... Their standards are so f*cking high, you can't even begin to imagine. They are looking to date a man who makes about 800K a year and looks like Chris Hemsworth...meanwhile I'm considered overly picky for wanting a decent looking teacher.

[xplorationspac]

OP:

 

" don't want to date a woman who only likes me for anything superficial. I don't even like shallow or superficial women. I feel my character is every bit as strong as my surface traits. I go out of my way to treat people well, to be considerate and caring, etc..."

 

OP, you should never have mentioned the gym or toning or that you are in good nick. Look where it's got you lol.

 

Compared to the losers, makers, takers and general undesirables we all too often hear about on here, who prey on women, move in on them, live off them, lie to them, dump them, wouldn't know what a hard day's work is....I think you, OP, are comparative perfection and have a lot to offer.

 

It's late, so logging off and wishing everyone a good and peaceful night.

 

 

 

- I am 100% looking for a relationship. I won't go out with a woman if I don't see myself dating them. I feel guilty as hell just sleeping with a woman unless I know for 100% rock solid fact that she does not want a relationship.

- In the unlikely scenario I ever meet a decent woman who wants to go out with me, I will be 1000% loyal. I have friends who cheat on their wives and I can't even tell you how vehemently against that I am

- I love kids/dogs

- I'll do anything for my loved ones. I literally give $6000-8000 a year to my relatives in Armenia. I'm known in my circle as the guy who will bail out my best friends from jail at 5 am

- I'm extremely easy to get along with. I have never fought any of my friends. I always diffuse any situation.

- I don't ever lie to my friends unless it's a completely harmless white lie, which even then I feel guilty for

- I'm very supportive - I try to help all my loved ones get better at everything they do.

- I can hold a decent conversation on any subject matter.

- I'm extremely affectionate but 100% independent. I'm not clingy at all.

- kinda unrelated but I love sex. I won't even have sex with a woman unless I make her finish with oral - I'll perform oral for an hour if that's what it takes for her to finish.

 

 

yet I apparently lack depth/character. I don't get it. I read the horror stories of men here who are losers, cheaters, users, a-holes, liars, douchebags, abusers, men who are selfish, men who are terrible in bed, etc... and yet I'm not good enough to have a decent girlfriend?

[xplorationspac]

I think you have great potential to find love.

 

However, from what I see here you seem a tad materialistic. Of course, this might just be because you're online and everyone just feels a little bolder to say the things they often think in their mind but society deems too blunt to speak aloud.

 

Anyway, I feel if you actually openly perceive yourself in these ways then maybe be more subtle. The stereotypical shallow, hot girl is beyond false. Maybe you're searching in the wrong places. Of course, there is nothing we can say online to sway you from who you are and who you are, by the way seems to be amazing... it's just maybe you need to search for someone that is compatible with you instead of so much like you. People are going to come with baggage and the only way to find love is to love them despite their faults.

On the contrary, you will also have to find your own faults and love yourself despite them instead of distorting them into something shiny.

And lastly, love comes to those most often unexpectedly. You're nowhere near old so just focus on improving yourself or changing something in your life to make yourself happier (Nobody is perfect so shoot for the stars) and soon enough, love will find you.

 

I wish you the best and I hope love finds you when you're ready and I hope you learn to love yourself for who you are instead of what you have.

 

 

 

I really am not materialistic. Don't get me wrong - I have a nice house and nice car but both are well below my means. In fact, I plan on keeping my car for another 8 or 9 years to save money

 

Money to me is more about being able to have all the experiences I want and live the lifestyle I want without worrying about finances. I'm not trying to have a lot of money to impress anybody else. Money is freedom, that's all it really is - freedom from stress and freedom to have the lifestyle I want. I actually believe in living well below my means

 

As far as your comment about changing myself or improving myself. I try every single day to improve myself as much as humanly possible. I am completely obsessed with self improvement in every area...and I have good success in everything except dating....which again, a lot of that is my fault because I want to live in the suburbs and not in downtown Chicago. People are going to say go online dating - I don't have the absolutely stunning male model facial attractiveness that you need to get a quality woman my age online. Women my age online aren't even looking for top 20%, they're looking for top 0.00000000000000000000000000000001%. It sucks but what can I do? I would have to pay for plastic surgery to fix my slightly ethnic features (fix my slightly wider nose, fix my imperfect hairline, etc...) to make myself good enough for women online and I don't want to go that route. I believe in staying natural.

[Cope]

You remind me of a friend if mine a lot. Kept complaining that he was so fit and handsome and a catch (and he was), yet he couldn't find a nice girl to marry. Had it all down to statistics too. It was annoying. Eventually, he tried one thing I suggested him, to hang out at places where people with similar interests hang out (its not rocket science), 2 years later and now they're expecting.

 

I know we use forums to complain too and by all means, please continue, it does help tremendously! I'm the type that wants to vent throughout a whole thread. But. Please be open to try new things as a lot here suggested. Stop feeling do sorry about yourself, you don't deserve it!

[lovelychaos]

Well there are a lot of single moms out there who reach your requirements except for the kid part. I would reconsider that on your list.

[xplorationspac]

Well there are a lot of single moms out there who reach your requirements except for the kid part. I would reconsider that on your list.

 

 

I really don't want to be a step dad... Makes things so much easier when you don't have that involved

[Sportster2005]

I don't need somebody anywhere near as successful as me but I don't want somebody who is a bum or a gold digger either.

 

This combination seems to be somewhat difficult to find. A lot of attractive women are stupid or shallow.

 

Your problem is a bad attitude towards women. Start respecting them and liking them, and you will have more success.

[xplorationspac]

You remind me of a friend if mine a lot. Kept complaining that he was so fit and handsome and a catch (and he was), yet he couldn't find a nice girl to marry. Had it all down to statistics too. It was annoying. Eventually, he tried one thing I suggested him, to hang out at places where people with similar interests hang out (its not rocket science), 2 years later and now they're expecting.

 

I know we use forums to complain too and by all means, please continue, it does help tremendously! I'm the type that wants to vent throughout a whole thread. But. Please be open to try new things as a lot here suggested. Stop feeling do sorry about yourself, you don't deserve it!

 

 

I don't have a lot of unusual interests. My interests are pretty generic - the gym, videogames, watching sports, music, movies, etc... and I do everything I can to enjoy those. It has not helped me at all with meeting women

[xplorationspac]

Your problem is a bad attitude towards women. Start respecting them and liking them, and you will have more success.

 

 

based on what?? I love women!

 

 

My point there was that a lot of attractive women don't have the character and morals that I value in somebody (some do, some don't). It's not easy to meet someone who is both attractive and genuinely a great person (which is what I feel that I am).

[Sportster2005]

based on what?? I love women!

 

 

My point there was that a lot of attractive women don't have the character and morals that I value in somebody (some do, some don't). It's not easy to meet someone who is both attractive and genuinely a great person (which is what I feel that I am).

 

No you don't. You believe a lot of attractive women are shallow and stupid. You call others gold diggers and bums. Not feeling any love in those descriptions.

[xplorationspac]

No you don't. You believe a lot of attractive women are shallow and stupid. You call others gold diggers and bums. Not feeling any love in those descriptions.

 

 

Some attractive women are shallow/stupid - but so are some unattractive women

Some attractive women are gold diggers/bums - but so are some unattractive women

 

 

I am trying to find a happy medium and it's tough to find. When I do find it, approaching is often very difficult and odds are that they are not even single anyways

[IAmFCA]

who we attract is a mirror of our inner selves. if you attract one shallow character after another, look within and change what you value.

[akrngrl]

OP, I don't know where you're getting these arbitrary statistics about what women online are looking for from.

 

I'm in your preferred age range, considered pretty attractive, highly educated, gainfully employed, own my own home, I look extremely fit, I eat like a machine and I'm hilarious to boot. According to you I'd be someone who only wants a male model & that couldn't be any further from the truth.

 

My point is, you can't tell what every woman wants based on her looks. If you don't get a response from messages you also can't assume it's because you're only a 7/10 in face features and she wants a 10/10 (or however you put it).

 

Also, I can only speak for myself, but I get a fair amount of messages (they come in waves) and I read them all (unless someone's profile picture is very obviously not someone I'd be attracted to physically). I wouldn't go with the excuse that you're going to "get lost" and your message won't be seen. You stand out by being yourself. Anyone that doesn't answer did you a favor and you move on to the next. You really have nothing to lose by trying online dating-I don't think you could get any more frustrated than you already sound like you are.

 

Be the humble, easy going self that you've claimed to be-not the one that's painting a picture of how well off he is and why finding someone should be easier for you.

[xplorationspac]

OP, I don't know where you're getting these arbitrary statistics about what women online are looking for from.

 

I'm in your preferred age range, considered pretty attractive, highly educated, gainfully employed, own my own home, I look extremely fit, I eat like a machine and I'm hilarious to boot. According to you I'd be someone who only wants a male model & that couldn't be any further from the truth.

 

My point is, you can't tell what every woman wants based on her looks. If you don't get a response from messages you also can't assume it's because you're only a 7/10 in face features and she wants a 10/10 (or however you put it).

 

Also, I can only speak for myself, but I get a fair amount of messages (they come in waves) and I read them all (unless someone's profile picture is very obviously not someone I'd be attracted to physically). I wouldn't go with the excuse that you're going to "get lost" and your message won't be seen. You stand out by being yourself. Anyone that doesn't answer did you a favor and you move on to the next. You really have nothing to lose by trying online dating-I don't think you could get any more frustrated than you already sound like you are.

 

Be the humble, easy going self that you've claimed to be-not the one that's painting a picture of how well off he is and why finding someone should be easier for you.

 

its not that I feel dating should be easier for me. Its my fault that I enjoy living in suburbs instead of downtown Chicago - that makes it very hard to meet women in my demographics. I've taken responsibility for that. I find approaching in real life to be very difficult - I take responsibility for that too.

 

I have very little to no faith in online dating. Online dating is very very difficult for practically all men my age looking for the kind of women I want. I've talked to tons of good looking guys who are much better with women in real life than I am who say the difficulty curve is beyond impossible with online dating.

 

Its similar to when you apply for a job online and there's 5,000 applicants. You're not getting that unless you're picture perfect for every aspect of that job. That's what online dating is - any decent woman my age has 3000 to 5000 applicants and they're looking for perfection.

 

As far as being humble and easy going, I'm super chill in real life and I'm great on dates but you have to get an opportunity for that to matter

[lostandhurt]

The more I read your responses the more I see the problem.

 

You generalize way to much and put to much value on the wrong traits.

 

 

I wish you the best in your search.

 

 

Lost

[xplorationspac]

The more I read your responses the more I see the problem.

 

You generalize way to much and put to much value on the wrong traits.

 

 

I wish you the best in your search.

 

 

Lost

 

what wrong traits? I feel that I'm a happy balance of everything and I want a happy balance

[reinventmyself]

Dougie? . . . .

[Naddie101]

Hey there, X. Chicagoan, here. I've been reading through this massive thread on a lark and have noticed quite a pattern. You are scared, big time. It seems as if you are already quite convinced that this female version of yourself does not exist and if she does she will not want you. That in itself speaks volumes. It's somewhat comforting, though depressing, to think this way. I get it. Rejection sucks and going out of your comfort zone is scary. I believe that many of us have been there, and if we haven't, we are stuck. You have to do scary things in order to grow, despite statistics and numbers. Though this is typically suggested, therapy is awesome and can help you through this internal struggle, especially the rejection part. It seems as if you want help, rather than just a place to vent. If I'm wrong, please don't take my suggestion the wrong way.

 

As for Chicago, for someone who lives 45 minutes away in a burb of 1000,000 (I could take a guess where) you don't know enough about what you speak. The type of woman you are looking for doesn't just reside downtown, they reside all over the city. Also, any self-respecting, financially aware woman knows that downtown rent is not worth the price and there are plenty of other places to reside and be a success. I understand how frustrating it can be seeking locally in a suburb due to demographics, as I have friends who struggle with this as well. There are so many families in the suburbs and less of a chance of meeting someone of your requirements. You don't have to leave, you just have to broaden your horizons. I suggest checking out meetup.com. There are lots of singles events for professionals there that might interest you and help you break the ice. No pressure! It sounds like you expect dating to be misery incarnate due to all of your preconceived notions through friends and other sources. If you already have this idea in your head and you've completely subscribed to it, I fear that you will be complaining for a long long time. Take care and consider working on your mindset rather than fixating solely on your body.