I don't know how in the world I am ever gonna meet someone

[xplorationspac]

Hey there, X. Chicagoan, here. I've been reading through this massive thread on a lark and have noticed quite a pattern. You are scared, big time. It seems as if you are already quite convinced that this female version of yourself does not exist and if she does she will not want you. That in itself speaks volumes. It's somewhat comforting, though depressing, to think this way. I get it. Rejection sucks and going out of your comfort zone is scary. I believe that many of us have been there, and if we haven't, we are stuck. You have to do scary things in order to grow, despite statistics and numbers. Though this is typically suggested, therapy is awesome and can help you through this internal struggle, especially the rejection part. It seems as if you want help, rather than just a place to vent. If I'm wrong, please don't take my suggestion the wrong way.

 

As for Chicago, for someone who lives 45 minutes away in a burb of 1000,000 (I could take a guess where) you don't know enough about what you speak. The type of woman you are looking for doesn't just reside downtown, they reside all over the city. Also, any self-respecting, financially aware woman knows that downtown rent is not worth the price and there are plenty of other places to reside and be a success. I understand how frustrating it can be seeking locally in a suburb due to demographics, as I have friends who struggle with this as well. There are so many families in the suburbs and less of a chance of meeting someone of your requirements. You don't have to leave, you just have to broaden your horizons. I suggest checking out meetup.com. There are lots of singles events for professionals there that might interest you and help you break the ice. No pressure! It sounds like you expect dating to be misery incarnate due to all of your preconceived notions through friends and other sources. If you already have this idea in your head and you've completely subscribed to it, I fear that you will be complaining for a long long time. Take care and consider working on your mindset rather than fixating solely on your body.

 

Yea I will be honest - going out of my comfort zone and approaching and asking women out can be incredibly daunting. What makes it extra difficult is I rarely see any natural scenarios to approach a woman where its comfortable. I go to a concert or festival and most women are there with 8 of their friends, no matter what I do, it will be incredibly awkward. Women also put in very little effort to meet men so it seems like everything is on to do all the work - they don't even seem that interested in meeting somebody.

 

I often wonder if I'm ever going to meet someone or if I die alone. I've gone so long without a single girlfriend and I've improved myself and improved and improved and improved and improved and improved yet it has lead to very little dating success. This just automatically makes me think that dating is completely impossible and women have impossible standards if I can do all that and can't even get a date with anybody attracted to

 

I dunno what to make of it. My whole life goal has been to make myself a great catch - I've worked unbelievably hard to make myself great in all the superficial areas and I've still held on to my old school Armenian values of family, loyalty, respect, honesty, etc... I go way out of my way to treat my loved ones great. Yet it doesn't seem to be enough. I don't know what I have to do for it to be enough.

 

Oh and I'm not looking for female version of myself. I already expect somebody who cares as much about their looks and body and works as hard at money/success as I do will have absolutely impossible requirements - way above and beyond anything I can ever offer (most very successful women want a man making 500 to 800k+ a year). I just want a decent looking teacher type - somebody who will be genuinely very sweet, loyal, etc...

[Cope]

I don't have a lot of unusual interests. My interests are pretty generic - the gym, videogames, watching sports, music, movies, etc... and I do everything I can to enjoy those. It has not helped me at all with meeting women

 

Cycling group. How unusual is that? Switch your gyms. Get into another kind of working out. Hang out at the juice bars or whatever. Go to fitness meetings. I may be making things up but you get the picture.

 

 

 

I have very little to no faith in online dating.

Its

 

You. Haven't. Even. Tried. It.

[xplorationspac]

Cycling group. How unusual is that? Switch your gyms. Get into another kind of working out. Hang out at the juice bars or whatever. Go to fitness meetings. I may be making things up but you get the picture.

 

 

you're right, I have to stop being so scared to leave my comfort zone

 

 

 

You. Haven't. Even. Tried. It.

 

I've heard enough horror stories to last me 10 lifetimes

 

the most damning evidence is all the guys who do great with women in real life and who are good looking who still say the difficulty curve is borderline impossible for online dating. That's astonishing to think about.

[DancingFool]

You. Haven't. Even. Tried. It.

 

I think this is the most fascinating aspect about the OP. He hasn't done it, but he is all sorts of expert about how it works and how bad it is. Amazing really what a closed mind he has and how unwilling to crack it open even half a millimeter he is. Agree totally with the other poster above that he is going to be alone and miserable for a long long time unless or until he decides to adjust his attitude.

[xplorationspac]

...........

[LaHermes]

OP:

 

"I have to stop being so scared to leave my comfort zone

 

Nothing ventured nothing gained. Courage wins the day.

[xplorationspac]

I think this is the most fascinating aspect about the OP. He hasn't done it, but he is all sorts of expert about how it works and how bad it is. Amazing really what a closed mind he has and how unwilling to crack it open even half a millimeter he is. Agree totally with the other poster above that he is going to be alone and miserable for a long long time unless or until he decides to adjust his attitude.

 

I've gone on message boards full of great looking young men who mostly do great with women in real life who say online dating is beyond impossible (assuming you're interested in women between 21 and 30. Online dating and real life dating is pretty easy when you're pursuing women over 35/40. They tend to have very reasonable standards and are very interested and willing to put in work to meet someone)

 

 

Literally the only men I've ever talked to who find OLD to be reasonable in difficulty level look like Chris Hemsworth or Zac Efron. That's about what you need to be successful pursuing anybody decent in their 20s.

[Starlight925]

You will never meet anybody. There is nobody out there. You will spend your remaining years, well into your 90's, alone on your porch with a nice cat.

[xplorationspac]

You will never meet anybody. There is nobody out there. You will spend your remaining years, well into your 90's, alone on your porch with a nice cat.

 

niiiiiiice

 

 

at least I'll be able to give a ton of money to my nieces and nephews right??

[Starlight925]

 

at least I'll have a lot of money to give to my nieces and nephews right??

 

Exactly! And you can view your great body in the mirror, and bemoan the lack of single, available women who are EVERYWHERE.

[Starlight925]

I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and talked to 3 adorable bridesmaids, all in their 20's, all single. All work out regularly, have great jobs, great careers, great families, and all are looking for a nice, sweet guy to live in the suburbs and have a family. One even lives in Chicago! They are on Tinder and Bumble. Try one of those....that is where the cute girls are.

[LaHermes]

There are so many lovely ladies out there...seeking.

 

Like LH, I remember a few years back I was at a big bash, and in the course of the night I got talking to three absolutely beautiful girls, mid to late twenties. I asked what are you doing here with no escort? They were not just lovely but delightful girls, all with a profession, own home, one was a civil engineer. Guess what, they told me they could not meet anyone suitable. If I were a man I would have picked any of them.

One disclosed that yes she had met a guy, he moved into her apartment, and the lazy bum stayed in bed all day while she went to work. She had quite a job to get rid of him.....

 

So the terrific girls are out there, it's a question of finding them.

[Starlight925]

Also, so what if you meet a girl who lives in the city while you live in the suburbs? Chances are, most single girls choose the city only until they find their right guy, at which time they move to the 'burbs. I know a lot of 20-something girls, as my boyfriend's kids are in that range, so trust me when I say this: I can think of about 20 girls right now in their 20's who fit exactly what you're looking for: cute, fit, fun, educated, sweet. Every single one lives in the city, and as each one finds their guy, they move with him to the suburbs. Every. Single. One.

 

Oh, and where did they all meet? 90%: online.

[xplorationspac]

I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and talked to 3 adorable bridesmaids, all in their 20's, all single. All work out regularly, have great jobs, great careers, great families, and all are looking for a nice, sweet guy to live in the suburbs and have a family. One even lives in Chicago! They are on Tinder and Bumble. Try one of those....that is where the cute girls are.

 

I'm sure those girls are fantastic people but don't get it twisted, they're not single because they have reasonable standards. My sister was just like that, she was approached by men 24/7 everyday

 

 

Any girl like that, she goes online and she gets so many messages you can't even begin to imagine. Your only chance of standing out as a man is to be truly truly elite (like 1 in 10,000)

[Starlight925]

I'm sure those girls are fantastic people but don't get it twisted, they're not single because they have reasonable standards. My sister was just like that, she was approached by men 24/7 everyday

 

 

Any girl like that, she goes online and she gets so many messages you can't even begin to imagine. Your only chance of standing out as a man is to be truly truly elite (like 1 in 10,000)

 

Then I stand by my earlier quote: Since you won't even give Tinder or Bumble a try, you will end up alone. Please adopt a nice cat. I'm out.

[LaHermes]

Look, Xplorer. If you don't want to have anything to do with OLD, that's your prerogative. For myself, and if I were single, I wouldn't touch it, and that is my prerogative.

 

So, and after all these posts, what you want is to meet someone in real life, but your difficulty is in approaching. No, it isn't easy, but you need to pluck up the courage. So, you get turned down. It happens, and you just take it and move on.

You are reluctant to approach. So are many men, and you may well come upon some real flaky females. But that's how it is.

 

Tinder. Ugh. Maybe for a brief hookup, yes.

[xplorationspac]

Also, so what if you meet a girl who lives in the city while you live in the suburbs? Chances are, most single girls choose the city only until they find their right guy, at which time they move to the 'burbs. I know a lot of 20-something girls, as my boyfriend's kids are in that range, so trust me when I say this: I can think of about 20 girls right now in their 20's who fit exactly what you're looking for: cute, fit, fun, educated, sweet. Every single one lives in the city, and as each one finds their guy, they move with him to the suburbs. Every. Single. One.

 

Oh, and where did they all meet? 90%: online.

 

that's good insight, thank you

 

the battle for me is finding a decent woman who is willing to go out with me. That's the part that is beyond extremely difficult. Once they start hanging out with me, they're gonna love me and love my lifestyle. My lifestyle is so awesome - I have a house closed to being paid for, I vacation 6 times a year in all sorts of beautiful places, I have amazing friends, etc... etc... etc...

 

I just don't get any opportunities

[Starlight925]

I'll add something I just wrote on another person's post:

 

At age 40, I found myself divorced for the 3rd time. Who in the world would want to date a 40 year-old triple divorcee? I cried and cried and figured I'd end up alone.

 

Well, I can tell you this: the amount of good-looking, successful, sweet men that have wanted to date me has been staggering. I've even been engaged since then. I've gone on literally hundreds of dates. Where did I meet them all? Online.

 

Oh, and the funniest thing? Many of the guys who have messaged me are in their 20's. No, I've never met any of them, because my interests are my age. But there are so many options it's staggering.

[xplorationspac]

Then I stand by my earlier quote: Since you won't even give Tinder or Bumble a try, you will end up alone. Please adopt a nice cat. I'm out.

 

I can't stand cats, I want to get a very large pitbull or german shepherd

 

but tinder and bumble is beyond complete nonsense for 99% of men my age. The difficulty level is so horrible, you're better off approaching random women on the street

 

tinder and bumble is great for all women and men over 40

[Starlight925]

We cross-posted, so I'll copy:

 

At age 40, I found myself divorced for the 3rd time. Who in the world would want to date a 40 year-old triple divorcee? I cried and cried and figured I'd end up alone.

 

Well, I can tell you this: the amount of good-looking, successful, sweet men that have wanted to date me has been staggering. I've even been engaged since then. I've gone on literally hundreds of dates. Where did I meet them all? Online.

 

Oh, and the funniest thing? Many of the guys who have messaged me are in their 20's. No, I've never met any of them, because my interests are my age. But there are so many options it's staggering.

[Starlight925]

I have a homework assignment for you:

 

Try Tinder and Bumble for ONE MONTH. Be active on them, be engaged, swipe a lot, accept a lot.

 

And report back.

[LaHermes]

Xplorer, a lot of ladies (me included) like cats, so you better get on that wagon lol.

 

Now, we go round in circles again, re why you are rejected from the get-go. At the beginning of your thread you said it could be your ethnicity. So, fair enough. What do you intend to do about that.

[xplorationspac]

I'll add something I just wrote on another person's post:

 

At age 40, I found myself divorced for the 3rd time. Who in the world would want to date a 40 year-old triple divorcee? I cried and cried and figured I'd end up alone.

 

Well, I can tell you this: the amount of good-looking, successful, sweet men that have wanted to date me has been staggering. I've even been engaged since then. I've gone on literally hundreds of dates. Where did I meet them all? Online.

 

Oh, and the funniest thing? Many of the guys who have messaged me are in their 20's. No, I've never met any of them, because my interests are my age. But there are so many options it's staggering.

 

you're a woman, of course you have a million options. Come on now, that's common sense

 

a woman comparing her dating success to a man in his 20s looking for a woman in her 20s is like comparing a guy playing a videogame on super easy mode vs super legend mode. You have a huge margin of error, I have below zero margin of error.

[LaHermes]

"tinder and bumble is great for all women and men over 40"

 

And for 19 year old murderers. Check out Glasgow, a few years back.

[xplorationspac]

Xplorer, a lot of ladies (me included) like cats, so you better get on that wagon lol.

 

Now, we go round in circles again, re why you are rejected from the get-go. At the beginning of your thread you said it could be your ethnicity. So, fair enough. What do you intend to do about that.

 

I think you misunderstood my comment

 

Because of my ethnicity, I'm only pretty good looking (say a 7 or an 8/10) - I'm not phenomenal or truly outstanding. If I lived in South America or Middle east, my features are more desired and I would be considered truly outstanding. I would have a lot more success there.

 

I speak perfect eloquent English, I dress very stylish and I have a very nice light olive complexion. Please don't misunderstand me as saying that I'm like a dark African guy living in a predominantly white area