I don't know how in the world I am ever gonna meet someone

[xplorationspac]

I meant "over" 28 not under. And your age is 29 NOT early 20s. Most people in their early 20s want to experience the world not live like a 30 year old. Regardless, in your posts you come off as a shallow and conceited individual and that is a major turn off for quality women.

 

 

22 would only work if she is extraordinarily mature. Realistically speaking, I probably need 25-30 in a perfect world. I don't really want to go much older than that because there is a lot of pressure then to settle down immediately. A nice mature 25 year old would be perfect. I want kids in like 5 years in a perfect world

 

 

and I actually want to experience the world also. I would love to vacation in Hawaii, San Diego, Europe, etc... I never did because I didn't have anybody to go with. I've been to Miami, NYC many times, Toronto, Chicago and I've also lived in Armenia and Russia.

[mustlovedogs]

I want to date somebody who will want to workout, do cardio and have a super active lifestyle with me. When I say they will be a project - I mean that I will help them maximize their results in the gym and with their diet. I've been working out for 13 years so I've learned a lot. I used to be fat so I'm really good with helping people with their psychological hangups too in regards to exercise.

 

 

I would love to be a personal trainer... it's just not a job that pays any real money so I work in business instead.

 

Gah. Stop arguing.

 

It doesn't matter what you want. She does not owe you the pleasure of treating her as a project!

 

Train your buddies on the side. Workout with your girlfriend. There's a difference.

 

Women. Are. Not. Projects.

 

I don't care how smart/good/amazing you are.

[xplorationspac]

Train your buddies on the side. Workout with your girlfriend. There's a difference.

 

 

which is? I'm not a nazi when it comes to working out. I'm all about keeping it fun and enjoyable. Anyways, we're arguing about something that's fairly inconsequential, let's get back to the topic.

 

 

I'm surprised nobody has brought up the topic of meeting somebody at my gym... I would absolutely love that but that's a hard setting to make an approach. There are some absurdly good looking women at my gym.

[xplorationspac]

do you all think I'm better off exclusively targeting Hispanic/asian/black/middle eastern women if I ever do online dating? It seems like white women have the most difficult standards when it comes to dating. I personally don't care about race but I care a lot about culture. I would be happy dating a minority if she was classy/intelligent/well spoken/from a good family/etc...

[blueowl32]

guys who are ridiculously good looking use online dating as a way to get a lot of women very quickly

 

Most women would rather share a 10/10 male with 10 other females than date a 7

 

The reason I am not attractive enough for online dating is I'm originally from Armenia so I have some slightly ethnic features (wavy black hair, my nose is slightly larger than the slim nose you see on pure whites). If I was still in Armenia, I would be about as good as it gets. In America, I'm more of a small fish in a big pond especially when women like the pure white European features so I don't stand out as much. I can't even go back to Armenia to find a wife because I would get drafted in military as they have a draft there.

 

Culturally I'm not ethnic at all, I listen to American country music and play and watch American football. I speak perfect eloquent English.

 

Most women would rather share a 10/10 male with 10 other females than date a 7 - I am not sure where you got this very mistaken assumption from. I believe myself, as a female, or any of my female friends wouldn't agree. Also you are talking about people to date rather to bang. Women who want to date certainly don't fall into the former category.

 

I have a friend who prefers men who have curly hair, look ethnic and not 'pure white' (as you put it).

People's tastes are diverse. But if you have to attribute everything to these reasons you could think of, no one could help you.

[blueowl32]

do you all think I'm better off exclusively targeting Hispanic/asian/black/middle eastern women if I ever do online dating? It seems like white women have the most difficult standards when it comes to dating. I personally don't care about race but I care a lot about culture. I would be happy dating a minority if she was classy/intelligent/well spoken/from a good family/etc...

 

Target whoever you are interested who seems to share similar interests/ attributes/ lifestyle that you look for etc?

Not ALL white women have difficult standards when it comes to dating. This is all down to the person.

[xplorationspac]

Most women would rather share a 10/10 male with 10 other females than date a 7 - I am not sure where you got this very mistaken assumption from. I believe myself, as a female, or any of my female friends wouldn't agree. Also you are talking about people to date rather to bang. Women who want to date certainly don't fall into the former category.

 

I have a friend who prefers men who have curly hair, look ethnic and not 'pure white' (as you put it).

People's tastes are diverse. But if you have to attribute everything to these reasons you could think of, no one could help you.

 

feels weird even calling myself ethnic because I sorta look like a less metrosexual Mario Lopez - I don't like that overly groomed appearance but that's who I get compared to all the time. People say I have the same smile

 

As far as the other comment goes, can you explain why so many men I've talked to get nothing online (keep in mind I'm talking about decent to good looking men who have no problems dating in real life who find OLD to be impossible) while the male model types get a million dates online??

 

Don't get me wrong, men do the same thing but the difficulty curve is so different. Men online go for the top 20% of women, women online go for the top 0.000001% of men. Its so crazy

[xplorationspac]

Target whoever you are interested who seems to share similar interests/ attributes/ lifestyle that you look for etc?

Not ALL white women have difficult standards when it comes to dating. This is all down to the person.

 

true but aren't my odds much better seeking minorities instead?? I feel like white women have highest standards by far and are most difficult by far

[coconut5]

Most women like men who are humble, not cheap, and do the driving... just saying...

[xplorationspac]

Most women like men who are humble, not cheap, and do the driving... just saying...

 

I'm more frugal than cheap. I've paid for just about every date that ive ever been on. When I go out with my social circle, I always have 2nd biggest tab (my best friend is worth 10 million so he always has biggest tab). I pay a lot of money for my clothes, I drive a beautiful luxury sedan.

 

with that being said, I don't want to live in Chicago and pay a fortune for every little thing. I want to have a good quality of life but still save a lot of money. I was poor growing up, I'm trying to give my future kids the things I never had as a kid. I never even went to disney world as a kid. I want my future kids to have everything.

 

and I know it seems that I'm conceited based on this thread but that's not the case in real life. If you read my other posts in the other thread (NYC dating thread) on top of this forum. That's about how I carry myself in real life (meaning normal)

[devinefaith]

Hi you like what you like. I think it's a little difficult for some people around our age group to find what they are looking for. But there's nothing wrong for wanting what you want. I find my self in the same position as you actually when it comes to dating and meeting the right person. My only advice is to just be patient and enjoy your life what's meant for you will be for you. That's my new slogan now lol.

[Esglee]

Find one woman whom you like and pamper her a little. I buy homeless men lunch. Why dont you think of someone besides yourself for a change.

I agree. I feel that this guy has become successful at a very hung age, and it has gone to his head.

[Esglee]

No comment

[xplorationspac]

I agree. I feel that this guy has become successful at a very hung age, and it has gone to his head.

 

I don't think so. I come from a third world country and a poor background... money doesn't define who I am. Money is more about the freedom from stress and ability tp do what I want

[LaHermes]

Xplorer.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with the profile of the person you would like to meet/date:

 

- at least somewhat attractive, into fitness

- very loyal/nice

- classy/well spoken/at least somewhat intelligent

- no kids/close to my age (22-31). I want kids in about 4-6 years so I would really need to date no older than 25-28 in a perfect world

- either a decent job or even a mediocre job but responsible with finances. I'm extremely responsible with finances. My house will be paid for in 6 years. My car is already paid for. I can't date somebody who has huge debt and lives penny to penny. I don't need somebody anywhere near as successful as me but I don't want somebody who is a bum or a gold digger either.

 

I think if I were single now and looking for someone the profile I would put up wouldn't be very different. re something wrong with stating what one would like in a partner. I don't think so.

 

I also think there is nothing wrong with becoming successful in life, no matter what age, to own one's home and to like living in a certain area.

 

At the heart of the matter, as the OP himself has expressed, is his difficulty in approaching women IRL. Yes, OP, I also noticed that YOU did not mention the women who train at the gym you attend, or your ideas about approaching them.

[Cope]

I'll try to keep this short.

 

You need practice.

Get online and get some.

Don't give me statistics again.

Get. Online.

Then you can give your friends statistics too.

 

Meet women, practice. People online are still people, why does everyone forget that?

 

 

Edit to add: once you start feeling confident in approaching women after your online adventures, change gyms every month or so to meet women like you.

[LaHermes]

Hey, Cope, I had a smile or two reading this, and it tied in with what the OP said in one of his posts, and why he isn't on for the OLD scene.

 

 

 

" As a rule of thumb, women are inundated with messages and replies, while men barely get any, as demonstrated by a fascinating experiment involving dummy accounts on OKCupid here. In summary, over four months with identical profile content the subjectively most attractive female avatar had maxed out "her" inbox with 528 messages, while the most handsome male account had received just 38."

 

And on the topic of "misinformation" on same site:

 

"The study concludes that these small lies were not merely self-deceptions, but deliberate. While most daters I surveyed claimed honesty in their profiles (any eventual meetup would be short-lived if they weren't), one did raise an interesting point about subjectivity: "I'm honest in so far as anyone can be objective about themselves"."

 

[xplorationspac]

Xplorer.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with the profile of the person you would like to meet/date:

 

- at least somewhat attractive, into fitness

- very loyal/nice

- classy/well spoken/at least somewhat intelligent

- no kids/close to my age (22-31). I want kids in about 4-6 years so I would really need to date no older than 25-28 in a perfect world

- either a decent job or even a mediocre job but responsible with finances. I'm extremely responsible with finances. My house will be paid for in 6 years. My car is already paid for. I can't date somebody who has huge debt and lives penny to penny. I don't need somebody anywhere near as successful as me but I don't want somebody who is a bum or a gold digger either.

 

I think if I were single now and looking for someone the profile I would put up wouldn't be very different. re something wrong with stating what one would like in a partner. I don't think so.

 

I also think there is nothing wrong with becoming successful in life, no matter what age, to own one's home and to like living in a certain area.

 

At the heart of the matter, as the OP himself has expressed, is his difficulty in approaching women IRL. Yes, OP, I also noticed that YOU did not mention the women who train at the gym you attend, or your ideas about approaching them.

 

at the most basic level here is what I'm struggling with

 

Real life dating

 

- just finding what I want is tough. I don't see a ton of that cute single 26 year old professional types here. It's the summer and a lot of what I'm seeing are 21 year olds home from college, I don't want to go that young. We are just in very different stages in life. There is way way more of that in the city but i don't go down there a ton and I am not sure if I'm a good fit dating somebody who lives in the city. In a perfect world, I would much rather date somebody in the burbs

 

- when I do see what I want, figuring out a way to approach and what to say to me is difficult. Unless she gives me some signs of interest, I feel like I'm annoying her if I ask her out. Often times, they are there with 6 friends and you have no idea who is single and who is not and approaching can feel very awkward. Some of this is my fault - I can be defeatist - I feel like women don't want to be approached and that i'm being a nuisance if I talked to them.

 

I've thought about joining some kind of group where i can meet people organically but what do I join? I don't have any weird arts and crafts hobbies. In my free time, I like to watch sports/play videogames/listen to music/watch movies/watch TV shows/work out/run. There is not really a lot of groups for that. There are no co ed sports leagues around here (I used to play in a football league which was of course all men).

 

Online dating

 

- finding what I want is much easier, but unfortunately the women I want (mid 20s, cute, fit, no kids) are the most desired demographic online so their standards and requirements online are astronomically high. Think about what your standards would be if you were receiving 8000 messages a day - you're looking for somebody super extraordinary on a superficial level.

 

Like I said, you have to pick your poison. Real life dating is harder to find what you want and actually approaching can be very difficult but their standards are more reasonable. Online dating, approaching is easy, finding what you want is easy but their standards are beyond overwhelming.

[xplorationspac]

Hey, Cope, I had a smile or two reading this, and it tied in with what the OP said in one of his posts, and why he isn't on for the OLD scene.

 

 

 

" As a rule of thumb, women are inundated with messages and replies, while men barely get any, as demonstrated by a fascinating experiment involving dummy accounts on OKCupid here. In summary, over four months with identical profile content the subjectively most attractive female avatar had maxed out "her" inbox with 528 messages, while the most handsome male account had received just 38."

 

And on the topic of "misinformation" on same site:

 

"The study concludes that these small lies were not merely self-deceptions, but deliberate. While most daters I surveyed claimed honesty in their profiles (any eventual meetup would be short-lived if they weren't), one did raise an interesting point about subjectivity: "I'm honest in so far as anyone can be objective about themselves"."

 

 

 

 

528 messages, how in the world am I going to stand out among 528 other men??

 

 

and men are not like women where they only message the top 1% most attractive. Lets say the 10/10 gets 528 messages - i guarantee you the 7/10 female is getting 450-520 messages herself. Men have significantly lower standards than women do (especially online).

[xplorationspac]

...................

[Cope]

Like I said, you have to pick your poison. Real life dating is harder to find what you want and actually approaching can be very difficult but their standards are more reasonable. Online dating, approaching is easy, finding what you want is easy but their standards are beyond overwhelming.

 

I totally understand.

 

I'm just saying that you have analyzed this way too much. What I see as a big problem is your hesitation to approach women. OLD will help you with that even if the statistics are low as LaHermes mentioned.

 

Build your confidence with women online. I'm not saying go find your future wife. Practice! You will definitely be more confident in the end.

 

Edit : what makes you think that the woman in the bar is not online too?

[xplorationspac]

I'll try to keep this short.

 

You need practice.

Get online and get some.

Don't give me statistics again.

Get. Online.

Then you can give your friends statistics too.

 

Meet women, practice. People online are still people, why does everyone forget that?

 

 

Edit to add: once you start feeling confident in approaching women after your online adventures, change gyms every month or so to meet women like you.

 

 

Online dating is great for 3 sub groups

 

1)Male model type men

 

2)All women of course

 

3)Men in their late 30s and 40s and 50s going after women in late 30s/40s/50s. My buddy is just sorta decent looking but he's going after women in their 40s (he's 40s himself) and he has no problem getting dates. That demographic doesn't have a lot of options - there are not a lot of decent looking/in shape men in their 40s so it's very easy to stand out. The women who are 25 are getting messages from men who are 20-80 so you're facing VERY stiff competition. To stand out, you have to be in the absolutely TOP tier specifically for things like facial attractiveness and height. Women tend to judge men on things they can't control (height, facial attractiveness) while men tend to judge women on things you can control (it's not difficult to be in shape and have a nice figure. I can't change that i'm only 5'10). Women online who are in my demographics all want 6'4 white male model types. Even me being a decent looking man/in excellent shape who looks sorta light skin Hispanic is not really enough.

 

Just FYI. I don't need practice in terms of dates. I'm VERY good on actual dates. I can make women feel super comfortable around me and feel like they've known me forever. I just don't ever get the opportunity with anybody where there is a tiny chance of something long term.

[xplorationspac]

I totally understand.

 

I'm just saying that you have analyzed this way too much. What I see as a big problem is your hesitation to approach women. OLD will help you with that even if the statistics are low as LaHermes mentioned.

 

Build your confidence with women online. I'm not saying go find your future wife. Practice! You will definitely be more confident in the end.

 

Edit : what makes you think that the woman in the bar is not online too?

 

 

Approaching online doesn't help you with approaching in real life. Are you kidding me? Approaching online is incredibly easy, there are no million obstacles like in real life, the woman is single, there are a million things you can easily start a conversation with as you know all her interests and background, there is no awkwardness if you get rejected immediately, there is no best friend standing near by about to take her away from you the second she feels tiny bit bored.

 

 

In real life, you have to figure out something to say without knowing anything about the woman and then deal with the million obstacles in the way. Keep the conversation going even as there is always some awkwardness and constantly think of things to say to keep her entertained. You have to entertain her overweight best friend next to her and deal with all the other nonsense in the way. If you can handle all that nonsense and if she is single, the positive of real life approaching is then you can use your personality and body language/charisma to stand out and win her over.

 

 

With online dating, there is no charisma/personality/body language so you're constantly being judged next to 52323832603286832602 other men on a purely superficial level. If you're not top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top, there will be somebody better than you immediately. That's the modern culture. Women online are always looking for the best. You have 6/10 females looking for a 10/10 male all the time because of too much choice. Women are also super picky on things you can't control (facial attractiveness/height) where men are more picky on things you can control. A woman who is in awesome shape from working out is a huge plus. If you're a man, it's not that much of a plus. You would have better success being super skinny but with a great face and being 6'4

[mustlovedogs]

528 messages, how in the world am I going to stand out among 528 other men??

 

 

and men are not like women where they only message the top 1% most attractive. Lets say the 10/10 gets 528 messages - i guarantee you the 7/10 female is getting 450-520 messages herself. Men have significantly lower standards than women do (especially online).

 

I could disagree with the standards thing any more than I already do.

 

I get maybe 3 messages a day and most are bad, ranging from "hey" to "I'm lonely in my marriage"

 

I would consider myself average looking. So I think men have exceptionally high standards online, too.

 

And I only reach out to people I feel are within my range.

[lostandhurt]

What you want isn't unrealistic. In fact it is pretty much what I want as well but since I am way older than you the no kids thing doesn't apply. You may want to rethink the no kids thing or at least try dating a woman that may have had a relationship that produced a child.

 

I get what you are saying about meeting someone naturally but it is hard. Everyone is so busy and in such a rush these days it is hard to even get someone's attention let alone chat them up. I have been trying to not do online dating and meet someone in real life but the opportunities are slim.

 

Online dating shouldn't be discounted off hand. Yes attractive women with a decent to nice figure do get a ton of messages and attention but you need to remember that a good 2/3 of the messages/men are deleted right off the bat by them. To young, to old, creepy, player, cheesy, ugly, inmate, crude and on and on. If you have some good pictures up (no shirtless pics please) and a well written profile you have more than a good chance at meeting an older soul like yourself. If you learn to write a good message you increase your odds a lot.

 

Generalizing women is a big mistake. "Hot women are stupid or shallow" "Gold diggers" This may be true in some cases but I know a great deal of extremely attractive women that are smart, strong and very caring with their own life and career.

 

Instead of assuming this or that will not work why not try online dating and learn how to do the cold walk up. I have done it and had decent success. It isn't easy and takes some bravery but what is the worst thing that can happen? Most women are polite and nice when they turn you down so there really is no reason not to try if you really want it.

 

Volunteering is a great way to meet women too. I have met tons of women volunteering with 2 Adaptive Sports organizations but unfortunately all the women are to young for me...

 

You sound like you have your crap together but are hung up on a few things. I get the whole City mouse Country mouse thing because I am the Country mouse but you simply never know until you meet someone and find out who they really are. Anyways who likes fighting traffic and searching for parking?

 

You really need to let go of some of your assumptions and try new things.

 

Lost