I don't know how in the world I am ever gonna meet someone

[reinventmyself]

I've talked to a huge amount of men who are good looking and do great with women/have no problems talking to women in real life who say that online dating is behond impossibly difficult. Literally only people I've talked to who do well with women look like male models

 

I think the problem is, because of just the sheer amount of choice the women in my demographics have, they're not even looking for top 20% of men. They want top 0.001% of men

 

But you are speaking for women here and I am a woman telling you differently.

[xplorationspac]

I'm gonna be blunt-

 

Big muscles are not as popular as you seem to think they are OPer... especially if they're huge. There are tons of women who find them attractive but there are also tons who do not. So to be fair having muscles isn't going to categorize you as a '10' in every woman's eyes. Kinda the same as big fake boobs, plenty love them, plenty don't . I think you're being too negative about your 'ethnic' features but you do have a point, you are not going to attract everyone.

.

 

To be completely honest, it sounds to me like you're fishing out of your league and getting frustrated you aren't catching anything.

 

You have high expectations, there is nothing wrong with that, it's a good thing, but guess what? Women do as well, especially attractive ones. They aren't going to fall over themselves just to date you. You wanna play with the big dogs? Youre gonna have to put in the work.

 

I'm 5'10 190 with a very narrow waist and super wide shoulders. Im right in that perfect happy medium where I'm big enough for the gym bunnies who like large men but still look healthy and athletic. Everybody loves my frame, I get compliments all the time

 

Im absolutely not going out of my league. I'm happy with somebody even a little less attractive than myself if its a good fit

[figureitout23]

I'm 5'10 190 with a very narrow waist and super wide shoulders. Im right in that perfect happy medium where I'm big enough for the gym bunnies who like large men but still look healthy and athletic. Everybody loves my frame, I get compliments all the time

 

Im absolutely not going out of my league. I'm happy with somebody even a little less attractive than myself if its a good fit

 

Ok, youre a 10 who should have 10's falling over themselves to be with you because that's all that women care about... your high strung, superficial, perfectionist personality isn't driving women away at all....

 

*end sarcasm*

[xplorationspac]

And there was me thinking there are far more women in the world than men.

 

Tell me, OP, are these women in your area all like film stars/models or something.

 

And as another poster pointed out maybe that 0,001% of men are fakes, catfishers, not who they say they are. You see on screen anyone can look any way they like. But attractive is not necessarily handsome. I know people who are not conventionally "handsome" and they pack such a vibe that it makes them irresistible.

 

we are talking about online dating, not real life dating. Women are incredibly incredibly shallow with online dating because they have a massive amount of choice. In real life dating, you're talking to a woman 1 on 1. Online, you are constantly competing with 5000 other guys (use whatever stupid number you want). That's why the men who look like male models succeed - because they are the top 0.01%

 

Real life dating is much more reasonable in terms of the standards of the women but approaching is very difficult.

[figureitout23]

we are talking about online dating, not real life dating. Women are incredibly incredibly shallow with online dating because they have a massive amount of choice. In real life dating, you're talking to a woman 1 on 1. Online, you are constantly competing with 5000 other guys (use whatever stupid number you want). That's why the men who look like male models succeed - because they are the top 0.01%

 

Real life dating is much more reasonable in terms of the standards of the women but approaching is very difficult.

 

An average woman in real life isn't going to go after a super model online... that's not even logical...

 

How are you claiming all this as fact if you haven't even tried online dating?!?

[xplorationspac]

Ok, youre a 10 who should have 10's falling over themselves to be with you because that's all that women care about... your high strung, superficial, perfectionist personality isn't driving women away at all....

 

*end sarcasm*

 

I'm 100% happy dating a 6 to 7 if she's an awesome person. When did I ever say I want a 10?

 

 

I'm actually not high strung in real life. I understand it may be coming across that way online but I'm easy going in real life. I've been out on dates with 10 or 11 women in my lifetime and 9 of the 11 wanted to date me long term...none of them were anywhere close to somebody I could date (way too old, not cute at all, had 2 kids etc...). The 2 who didn't like me was because I was very young and stupid.

 

If I had dates with 3 women who were decent, I'm sure I could make 2 of the 3 (if not even all 3) date me long term. I just don't get an opportunity

[LaHermes]

Got you.

 

"Real life dating is much more reasonable in terms of the standards of the women but approaching is very difficult."

 

So let's just leave the OLD stuff out of the equation altogether.

 

And getting right down to it the "approach" is the obstacle for you, real life approach. So, what can we say. We can't tell you what to say or how to speak. Where do YOU think you are going about it incorrectly?

A life coach would probably give you some ideas, IRL, but here online and not actually seeing or hearing you as you approach a woman it is difficult to say.

 

Never mind the online lol.

 

I'm going for decent face, into fitness, 20s, no kids, nice person, classy, mature, stable, intelligent, etc... That kind of woman is totally looking for perfection online

 

ALL of them are online! Come now OP. Any woman who is classy, MATURE, stable and intelligent will NOT be seeking "perfection" (define!) online or anywhere else. Mind you the airheads of this world might be looking for that kind of stuff.

 

Moving back into the real world, so you think OP that it is your ethnicity (possibly?) that is an obstacle for you? I am not so sure, but just going by what you say.

 

Anyhow, bottom line here. What are you going to do?

[xplorationspac]

An average woman in real life isn't going to go after a super model online... that's not even logical...

 

How are you claiming all this as fact if you haven't even tried online dating?!?

 

I'm not going for avg. Avg woman in the US is overweight nowadays

 

I'm going for decent face, into fitness, 20s, no kids, nice person, classy, mature, stable, intelligent, etc... That kind of woman is totally looking for perfection online

 

I'm realistically about a 7 to 8/10 in real life. Im happy dating a 6 to 8 if she is an awesome person.

[xplorationspac]

Got you.

 

"Real life dating is much more reasonable in terms of the standards of the women but approaching is very difficult."

 

So let's just leave the OLD stuff out of the equation altogether.

 

And getting right down to it the "approach" is the obstacle for you, real life approach. So, what can we say. We can't tell you what to say or how to speak. Where do YOU think you are going about it incorrectly?

A life coach would probably give you some ideas, IRL, but here online and not actually seeing or hearing you as you approach a woman it is difficult to say.

 

Never mind the online lol.

 

I'm going for decent face, into fitness, 20s, no kids, nice person, classy, mature, stable, intelligent, etc... That kind of woman is totally looking for perfection online

 

ALL of them are online! Come now OP. Any woman who is classy, MATURE, stable and intelligent will NOT be seeking "perfection" (define!) online or anywhere else. Mind you the airheads of this world might be looking for that kind of stuff.

 

 

real life dating - hard to find who I want (because of factors like location), when I do find them, approaching is very difficult. The woman may be gay, have a boyfriend, taking a break from dating, etc... etc... etc... Approaching usually has a million obstacles in the way.

 

online dating - easy to find what I want, approaching is easy. The standards of the women are completely impossible if you are in my demographics.

 

pick your poison

[xJe33x]

I have a collection of 10 love notes my son has passed out to his potential loves during school. So from preschool through JR High he was laying it down and it would blow me away because he would take the rejection so well. His response to it was oh well theres more girls than boys 😊 Hed consult with me sometimes before hand and I was starting to think maybe I should be getting my tips from him!

[xplorationspac]

and its not that my ethnicity is a problem. I'm a very good looking man for ethnic standards (for being middle eastern or spanish). When you judge me based on purely white features, I stand out a lot less. I live in a predominantly white area. If I lived in Puerto Rico, I would dominate.

 

It should not matter at all. I speak awesome English and I'm very heavily Americanized in everything I do.

[LaHermes]

Well, there we go. Location. So? You are settled where you are, but the locals don't like your looks.

Short of moving all you can do is perhaps meet someone when you travel. It has been known to happen lol.

 

And of course there is always a possibility that a woman is gay, or has a boy-friend, or taking a break. That's how life is, OP. And then there are other women who are none of those.

 

Gee, OP, you said before that it WAS!!

 

and its not that my ethnicity is a problem

 

That they are looking for only a certain type of "white" guy........

 

Btw. Armenian is white, unless there is parentage from some other country. Spanish are also white, and European, as are Italians and the rest.

Could I add that I know people from all these countries who are not dark-eyed or dark-haired but blond and blue-eyed.

 

But I get what you mean. In your location they are looking for a pale blond blue-eyed person.

 

And there's Charles Aznavour (from your country of origin) and what does he look like?

[reinventmyself]

a unicorn maybe?

[xplorationspac]

Well, there we go. Location. So? You are settled where you are, but the locals don't like your looks.

Short of moving all you can do is perhaps meet someone when you travel. It has been known to happen lol.

 

And of course there is always a possibility that a woman is gay, or has a boy-friend, or taking a break. That's how life is, OP. And then there are other women who are none of those.

 

Gee, OP, you said before that it WAS!!

 

and its not that my ethnicity is a problem

 

That they are looking for only a certain type of "white" guy........

 

Btw. Armenian is white, unless there is parentage from some other country. Spanish are also white, and European, as are Italians and the rest.

Could I add that I know people from all these countries who are not dark-eyed or dark-haired but blond and blue-eyed.

 

But I get what you mean. In your location they are looking for a pale blond blue-eyed person.

 

And there's Charles Aznavour (from your country of origin) and what does he look like?

 

Here's something else that's strange

 

Anytime I'm around gay men, they go absolutely crazy over me but I figure that's a combination of my frame, how well groomed I am and how well I dress

[xplorationspac]

a unicorn maybe?

 

you all must think I'm a unicorn because Im okay with dating somebody much less successful/financially settled and even a little less attractive than myself.

 

All the non physical stuff I asked for is female version of me

[figureitout23]

I'm not going for avg. Avg woman in the US is overweight nowadays

 

I'm going for decent face, into fitness, 20s, no kids, nice person, classy, mature, stable, intelligent, etc... That kind of woman is totally looking for perfection online

 

I'm realistically about a 7 to 8/10 in real life. Im happy dating a 6 to 8 if she is an awesome person.

 

 

The woman you described isn't a '6'. Make up your mind or better yet, be honest... with yourself and us... the woman you described is an 8 or 9 while you say you're a 7... or are we basing all this solely on looks? Even going by that, the woman you described isn't a 6.

 

Sounds like you want a unicorn while claiming you're ok with a pony...

[xplorationspac]

The woman you described isn't a '6'. Make up your mind or better yet, be honest... with yourself and us... the woman you described is an 8 or 9 while you say you're a 7... or are we basing all this solely on looks? Even going by that, the woman you described isn't a 6.

 

Sounds like you want a unicorn while claiming you're ok with a pony...

 

if you wanna get super picky and analytic about this

 

facial attractiveness - I'm a 7 to 8. I'm okay with 6 to 8

 

Body and fashion sense - I'm a 10. I'm okay with 7 to 10

 

Money/career/being financially stable - I'm a 10. I'm okay with a 6 to 10

 

The character traits can't be rated so I just want somebody with similar character to me. I think I'm a genuinely nice person so I want a genuinely sweet person. Does that make sense?

[LaHermes]

Unicorns? Sixes? I tell you this has been a learning curve for me today lol.

 

I think it is great that a man be well-groomed and well dressed.

[xplorationspac]

Unicorns? Sixes? I tell you this has been a learning curve for me today lol.

 

I think it is great that a man be well-groomed and well dressed.

 

yea I love fashion but I try to not go overboard and make people think im gay, lol

 

i do like matching colors with shirt/shoes/belt/etc...

[LaHermes]

No, OP, any perceived gayness wouldn't be because of the fashion. They are after that well-toned frame of yours. lol.

[xplorationspac]

No, OP, any perceived gayness wouldn't be because of the fashion. They are after that well-toned frame of yours. lol.

 

I've been told I have a deep voice and my mannerisms are pretty manly also. I'm sure they love that too, gays love manly guys

 

I would figure women did too though right so why do I never get attention from anybody decent??

[LaHermes]

People are a mystery, Xplorer.

 

From your description of self, your assets, your character one would imagine you would not be short of dates. I often come to the conclusion that a lot of people don't KNOW what they want.

[e4rthwormjim]

I think I am in the same boat as you OP with minor differences. I just turned 30 this month, live in a suburban area... with really no big city close, have a good job (not making 6 figures unfortunately), stay in shape at gym 6 days a week, and consider myself good looking.

 

I know exactly what you are talking about when approaching girls who are in a social group. It is very awkward and yes their boyfriend might be standing there ready to swing. I don't really want to meet a girl at a bar and would prefer the natural way of it coming about such as having a funny run in with a girl at a grocery store or coffee shop or getting matched through mutual friends.

 

I live in my hometown right now where all the women are pregnant, have kids, married, or dating someone already. Seriously whenever a good looking single girl comes around its like vultures to some roadkill (metaphorical roadkill). I refuse to use tinder, bumble, match, etc...

 

All I know is I am with you on this one. I tend to be picky myself. I have had real love before and it got away from me. Now I just want to find one that I won't let get away from me.

 

P.S. I don't live in some rural tiny city either... it is just mainly suburban and 5 hrs drive to a big city.

[akrngrl]

OP, your number system is arbitrary at best. What framework are you judging these 10's and 6's in?

 

I can only speak for myself, but if a man that I find attractive approaches me and has all these amazing personality traits that you say you have, there is little he can do to make me uncomfortable or come off as "creepy" (short of being rude/crude/obnoxious-but you're not any of those things anyway). I do get that it's hard to approach women in groups, especially if there are other men present.

 

I also understand wanting someone with similar traits to yourself, but don't get caught up in a ratings game, it's never going to be helpful. Instead, define what your ultimate deal breakers are so you know going in and then be flexible elsewhere.

[Clio]

Based on your posts, you sound as judgemental as the demographic that you criticise. Whether you admit it or not, you would probably not go for a 29 year old, let alone a 31 year old, with what you call a 7 face let alone a 6, yet you feel entitled to someone who will fit all your criteria. Whether you care to admit it or not, there is no way you would go for a 6 nomatter how nice and accomplished they were or there would not be all this league and numbers talk. Your real problem is your preconceived notions about women and your self-esteem issues. In a way your line of thinking is a way a defense mechanism. You reject women long before they have any opportunity to reject you. Seeing a professional therapist might help you see and address your self-sabotaging preconceptions that probably stem from the years when you were struggling with obesity.

 

On another note, if you don't feel comfortable with online dating and with approaching women directly, your best bet would probably be taking up a team hobby where you can meet women, preferably something you would enjoy, e.g. ballroom dancing, photography, hiking, learning a foreign language, sailing, acting lessons, volunteer for a good cause are some that come to mind. That way you will have something to talk about without exposing yourself to rejection too much. You do have to get out of your house to meet people if online dating is off the table.