I don't know how in the world I am ever gonna meet someone

[LaHermes]

Only 5' 10"! That is quite an average height you know. So unless the woman is a six footer I fail to see the problem. This "heightism" is so stupid IMO.

 

Cannot understand what might be wrong with Italian or Greek........

 

And I am sure you wouldn't be that "creepy idiot". I know the type you mean.

[LaHermes]

LOL OP.

 

I would have thought that the astonishingly handsome or beautiful types would not NEED to be on OLD. Although of course handsome is as handsome does. Lot of handsome people with nothing much between the ears. Lol.

[xplorationspac]

Only 5' 10"! That is quite an average height you know. So unless the woman is a six footer I fail to see the problem. This "heightism" is so stupid IMO.

 

Cannot understand what might be wrong with Italian or Greek........

 

And I am sure you wouldn't be that "creepy idiot". I know the type you mean.

 

 

I'm probably overly sensitive when it comes to approaching. I have a phobia when it comes to feeling like I'm being judged so I hate when I approach and a woman doesn't like me and it just feels very awkward

 

I dunno, I'm just in a tough boat. I'm an obsessive perfectionist so I always want to improve myself in hopes that I will have better success with women. I'm very sensitive when it comes to approaching the right way so I can only chat women up when I see a natural and comfortable path for it so I end up rarely asking women out. I am in my late 20s but I like living in the suburbs instead of Chicago where every other single 25 year old lives. I don't know what's wrong with me.

[xplorationspac]

LOL OP.

 

I would have thought that the astonishingly handsome or beautiful types would not NEED to be on OLD. Although of course handsome is as handsome does. Lot of handsome people with nothing much between the ears. Lol.

 

guys who are ridiculously good looking use online dating as a way to get a lot of women very quickly

 

Most women would rather share a 10/10 male with 10 other females than date a 7

 

The reason I am not attractive enough for online dating is I'm originally from Armenia so I have some slightly ethnic features (wavy black hair, my nose is slightly larger than the slim nose you see on pure whites). If I was still in Armenia, I would be about as good as it gets. In America, I'm more of a small fish in a big pond especially when women like the pure white European features so I don't stand out as much. I can't even go back to Armenia to find a wife because I would get drafted in military as they have a draft there.

 

Culturally I'm not ethnic at all, I listen to American country music and play and watch American football. I speak perfect eloquent English.

[LaHermes]

You are too hard on yourself. That was what I meant about the "intensity".

 

Don't try too hard. That's the secret.

 

Rejection is no fun but you just have to become more at ease with it.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, and definitely nothing wrong with your choice of place to live. I can give you total assurance that by no means ALL 25 yolds live in the big cities. And there are many who would give anything for your lifestyle.

 

What do your guy friends have to say to you?

 

Adding:

 

So all (the many) Armenians in the USA (and elsewhere) have never found a significant other? In your nationality as in many others there are all kinds, better features, less better features.....and a lot of white men, most, do not have perfect features either, depending on one's interpretation of "perfect".

[xplorationspac]

You are too hard on yourself. That was what I meant about the "intensity".

 

Don't try too hard. That's the secret.

 

Rejection is no fun but you just have to become more at ease with it.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, and definitely nothing wrong with your choice of place to live. I can give you total assurance that by no means ALL 25 yolds live in the big cities. And there are many who would give anything for your lifestyle.

 

What do your guy friends have to say to you?

 

I'm very grateful for how things have worked out. I've been making good money since I was 22. I bought a nice house in a nice area at 25. I have fantastic family and friends. I absolutely love my lifestyle - I have so much fun on a weekly basis. America has given me so much but dating has completely confounded me as I've never had a girlfriend. I've often wondered if I would be happier if I never moved from Armenia - I would be super broke but I would likely already have an amazing wife and kids.

 

My friends don't have much to say to me. They are very supportive and say I'm a great guy but they can't figure out why dating is so hard for me either.

[xplorationspac]

You are too hard on yourself. That was what I meant about the "intensity".

 

Don't try too hard. That's the secret.

 

Rejection is no fun but you just have to become more at ease with it.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, and definitely nothing wrong with your choice of place to live. I can give you total assurance that by no means ALL 25 yolds live in the big cities. And there are many who would give anything for your lifestyle.

 

What do your guy friends have to say to you?

 

Adding:

 

So all (the many) Armenians in the USA (and elsewhere) have never found a significant other? In your nationality as in many others there are all kinds, better features, less better features.....and a lot of white men, most, do not have perfect features either, depending on one's interpretation of "perfect".

 

for Armenian standards, I've literally never seen a better looking Armenian man than myself. For American white standards, im not nearly as exceptional. Small fish in a big pond analogy (where I would be the giant white shark in Armenia). That's the point. I'm only maybe in top 10 to 15% of men in the US when it comes to pure facial attractiveness. Thats not enough to really stand out for things like online dating.

 

Most Armenian men date Armenian women but I live in an 85% white area so that's not an option. I am also very heavily Americanized so I need somebody who is into American culture - I don't care about race. Ill date an Asian girl if she is cute and heavily Americanized.

[LaHermes]

Not sure what American white might be, as same as in most countries, people are a melting pot of all sort of origins.

On and btw you are "white".

 

Maybe you are talking blond, blue/grey-eyed type of "white".

White covers a lot. White people with dark hair and blue eyes, blond people with dark eyes, and every other combination one can think of in "white".

[xplorationspac]

Not sure what American white might be, as same as in most countries, people are a melting pot of all sort of origins.

On and btw you are "white".

 

Maybe you are talking blond, blue/grey-eyed type of "white".

White covers a lot. White people with dark hair and blue eyes, blond people with dark eyes, and every other combination one can think of in "white".

 

I have some ethnic features- slightly larger nose, black wavy hair, olive complexion, slightly thicker eyebrows. Thankfully I have very masculine facial features

 

I would probably do very well in middle east, puerto Rico, Mexico, South America but living in white midwest... I'm just not that amazing I suppose.

[thealchemist]

You sound like you have a lot of confidence but have issues talking to woman? I have no issues with that because I am confident. You might just come off as trying to hard.

 

The chances of you randomly picking a great match for yourself in a crowd are extremely low. You are inherently going to fail a hundred times more than succeed. If you were just trying to pick up a girl for sexual purposes you have a much better shot. Finding a life partner is a hell of a lot harder than a hook up.

 

Just go into it assuming that you have a 99.9% chance to fail. I am not saying go in acting like a jerk because chances are you are going to get rejected. Just don't put any negative value on failing. The chances of you finding what you want are small. Each rejection just increases your chances of finding what you want.

 

Apathy is a great friend. Your rejections are you finding out this girl isn't right for you. Or you aren't right for that girl. You should be happy with someone who is happy with you or else there isn't much point.

[xplorationspac]

You sound like you have a lot of confidence but have issues talking to woman? I have no issues with that because I am confident. You might just come off as trying to hard.

 

The chances of you randomly picking a great match for yourself in a crowd are extremely low. You are inherently going to fail a hundred times more than succeed. If you were just trying to pick up a girl for sexual purposes you have a much better shot. Finding a life partner is a hell of a lot harder than a hook up.

 

Just go into it assuming that you have a 99.9% chance to fail. I am not saying go in acting like a jerk because chances are you are going to get rejected. Just don't put any negative value on failing. The chances of you finding what you want are small. Each rejection just increases your chances of finding what you want.

 

Apathy is a great friend. Your rejections are you finding out this girl isn't right for you. Or you aren't right for that girl. You should be happy with someone who is happy with you or else there isn't much point.

 

so how the hell does anybody meet a girlfriend if its that difficult?

 

most guys are very mediocre in every area and are even much worse at approaching women than I am.

[LaHermes]

Well, Xplorer, people do meet, otherwise the human race would grind to a halt.

 

You mentioned your geographic area in the U.S. and you could be right that it may not be the ideal environment for meeting up.

[reinventmyself]

I'm exaggerating/being facetious for that part of it, lol - there are no famous people on dating sites. Online dating is just very very difficult for men unless you are astonishingly good looking.

 

For someone who hasn't tried on line dating you shouldn't assume. I realized your friends have told you things but

everyone's experience is different.

I personally avoid the astonishing good looking guys. A couple reasons. Those with poster boy pictures are often scammers or catfish.

And I prefer date within my own demographic, age and looks wise.

 

So if you think you are a 7. . you chat to 7's.

 

You have a long list of reasons why women won't date you. Along with a very small window of women you'll consider.

I think it's your own view of things that is getting in your way.

[xplorationspac]

For someone who hasn't tried on line dating you shouldn't assume. I realized your friends have told you things but

everyone's experience is different.

I personally avoid the astonishing good looking guys. Couple reasons. Those with poster boy pictures are often scammer or catfish.

I date within my own demographic, age and looks wise.

 

So if you think you are a 7. . you chat to 7's.

 

You have a long list of reasons why women won't date you.

I think it's your own view of things that is getting in your way.

 

I am a 7 face with a 10 body. For women who fit that bill, they are much much higher in social hierarchy because men care a lot more about an awesome body than women do. Basically what it comes down to is I likely have to chat with 3s and 4s online to have any real chance of getting dates. Anybody in my league is looking to date pretty close to a 10/10 online.

 

and yes these numbers are very stupid, I realize that. I'm just using it for sake of this argument.

[Batya33]

i moved ten miles to a high rent district in my late 20s, after finishing grad school, to move from the outskirts of my major city to the city itself because my priority was to be around single people and find a husband hopefully. 10 miles wasn't far but working 60 plus hours a week meant that I had little free time and it's easier to go out after work if you can take a 5 minute taxi ride or walk home than if you have to travel further, for example. Depends on what your priorities are.

[xplorationspac]

i moved ten miles to a high rent district in my late 20s, after finishing grad school, to move from the outskirts of my major city to the city itself because my priority was to be around single people and find a husband hopefully. 10 miles wasn't far but working 60 plus hours a week meant that I had little free time and it's easier to go out after work if you can take a 5 minute taxi ride or walk home than if you have to travel further, for example. Depends on what your priorities are.

 

I will be honest, I am very very comfortable where I am at. I have a very nice house that's nearly paid completely off in a super nice, low crime, peaceful area... I have a great paying job 10 minutes away, my best friends are 10 to 20 minutes away, my parents are near by. The rest of my life outside of dating is picture perfect. I'm so grateful I can't even tell you. I have been so blessed coming from a poor third world country to build myself up to where I am at.

 

giving all that up is terrifying.

[LaHermes]

I agree entirely with you Xplorer. What you have is wonderful, and many would envy you.

[xplorationspac]

I agree entirely with you Xplorer. What you have is wonderful, and many would envy you.

 

 

what's interesting is my lack of success in dating (I was fat in high school, annihilated my confidence) is what drove my obsessive unending desire for perfection

 

I wanted to make the best out of myself so I could feel like I was good enough for a woman to like me

[thealchemist]

so how the hell does anybody meet a girlfriend if its that difficult?

 

most guys are very mediocre in every area and are even much worse at approaching women than I am.

It is easy to start a crappy relationship. Much harder to find a long term and meaningful one. Did you buy the first house you found? Did you take the first profession you ever considered?

 

Being in a rush to find something is a great way to get a less than satisfactory outcome.

 

Having such a long list of "must haves" is inherently flawed too. You need to judge the situation as a whole as opposed to a checklist scenario.

 

A side note. My wife almost didn't consider me as boyfriend material because I was in great shape. She said that she assumed anyone like that was inherently shallow. If you have issues talking to women but are in great shape and come off boastful I can see how you would have issues.

 

Also if you can't form much of a conversation with a woman yet are in great shape they are probably going to judge you as potentially boring yet attractive. Maybe great for a hook up but very difficult to get a deep relationship.

[reinventmyself]

I likely have to chat with 3s and 4s online to have any real chance of getting dates. Anybody in my league is looking to date pretty close to a 10/10 online.

 

.

 

Assumptions right?

Because you've yet to try it.

 

Again, I think the only thing getting you way is your narrow view on this

[figureitout23]

I'm gonna be blunt-

 

Big muscles are not as popular as you seem to think they are OPer... especially if they're huge. There are tons of women who find them attractive but there are also tons who do not. So to be fair having muscles isn't going to categorize you as a '10' in every woman's eyes. Kinda the same as big fake boobs, plenty love them, plenty don't . I think you're being too negative about your 'ethnic' features but you do have a point, you are not going to attract everyone.

.

 

To be completely honest, it sounds to me like you're fishing out of your league and getting frustrated you aren't catching anything.

 

You have high expectations, there is nothing wrong with that, it's a good thing, but guess what? Women do as well, especially attractive ones. They aren't going to fall over themselves just to date you. You wanna play with the big dogs? Youre gonna have to put in the work.

[LaHermes]

So, XCplorer, maybe that is what is the obstacle here:

" what drove my obsessive unending desire for perfection

"

 

Perfection does not exist.

 

Just a few things to ponder:

 

 

[LaHermes]

Yes, Figure.

 

Some like fair, some like dark, some like this, some like that. In matters of taste nothing is written in stone.

[xplorationspac]

Assumptions right?

Because you've yet to try it.

 

Again, I think the only thing getting you way is your narrow view on this

 

I've talked to a huge amount of men who are good looking and do great with women/have no problems talking to women in real life who say that online dating is behond impossibly difficult. Literally only people I've talked to who do well with women look like male models

 

I think the problem is, because of just the sheer amount of choice the women in my demographics have, they're not even looking for top 20% of men. They want top 0.001% of men

[LaHermes]

And there was me thinking there are far more women in the world than men.

 

Tell me, OP, are these women in your area all like film stars/models or something.

 

And as another poster pointed out maybe that 0,001% of men are fakes, catfishers, not who they say they are. You see on screen anyone can look any way they like. But attractive is not necessarily handsome. I know people who are not conventionally "handsome" and they pack such a vibe that it makes them irresistible.