Are these huge red flags?

[Batya33]

What in the world would be wrong with him meeting and trying to date a number of women right now? You make it sound like that would be a negative. If he had a date planned after he saw you that's none of your business and he would be right in telling you a white lie that he was with the guys. It's not about juggling and it's not about how many times he looks at your profile (maybe it's his friends looking, you have no clue). He is supposed to meet different people at this stage. So are you. That is, if you want a potentially serious relationship and if so a great way to find that is by not closing off options too fast.

 

I understand about his DUI and if he is telling the truth it sounds like he acted in a careless way and he learned from it and is very lucky he didn't kill anyone.

[Alex39]

I don’t care if he is seeing multiple women. I said, he didn’t remind me that he is. Just his anxious demeanor and scatterbrained personality. And like right now, we are texting. I am just being my true self. Quirky, cute, etc… And we are just talking and everything seems good and positive. I was saying something about being hungry at work and he said something about food and I said nothing seemed appealing to me and he said “gotcha”. I wasn’t sure how to continue the conversation so I just didn’t respond.

 

He isn’t asking about us seeing each other again. But he is actively talking. We just saw each other yesterday so it’s no big deal. I look and feel good today, and its making me feel better. I need to keep this confidence going. I’m a catch. He isn’t the only guy out there in the world. And yesterday his prompt leaving to hang out with his friend was rude and rubbed me the wrong way. I feel like he should be asking me to do something next. I’m not going to chase him. He should ask me when I am free and we can mutually make a plan. I am not closing my options off. I was supposed to have a date with someone else this weekend, but he had to cancel due to a personal unexpected issue. Online however, I just am not meeting or talking to anyone I like at face value. I am not intrigued, attracted, or seeing anyone that’s catching my eye online. I go on, and I see what’s new and who is on there, but nothing has really wowed me, where I want to get to know them more.

[Batya33]

If you don't want to be seen as pursuing him then stop texting like a chat buddy until he puts in the effort to make a time/place plan to see you again. Until then, respond only to the extent that it would be impolite -and text "I look forward to seeing you again -things are a bit busy on my end so hopefully we can catch up in person soon". Then stop responding. I agree he should ask you out for the second date -these are early days and he cut your date short in a thoughtless way. If you continue to chat back and forth you're sending the clear message of being overeager and being content just to have him type to you. Make him put in effort to continue the conversation -you're making it far too easy for him and you're not advancing things at all as far as getting to know him as a person in the ways that matter.

[boltnrun]

Again, you are obsessing over whether or not HE likes YOU, when you're not even sure if YOU like HIM!!

 

Do you just want a boyfriend really badly?

 

A list of things like stable job doesn't mean you find him attractive, enjoy his sense of humor, feel like he is compatible, etc. You didn't list a single personal thing about him you like.

[Alex39]

I do like him. He’s really funny and a little nerdy, but I like that aspect. He’s kind and smart. I like how athletic he is and looks. He works hard at the gym and it shows and makes him very attractive. He has an adorable laugh and a cute nervousness which I find adorable.

 

I was just myself yesterday and he and I went back and forth and it was a good conversation. I mentioned us making plans sometime soon and he said yes, and started throwing out all activities we could do together. We picked one, but then got side tracked before we picked a time and day.

 

I was being flirty and a bit sassy. I kept telling him that I have a nickname for him, but won’t tell him what it is. Then after a while he told me that he thought I didn’t have a nickname for him and I was just finding excuses to see him again. It was all cute joking.

 

Then I admit it. Then I say “Well I really just wanted to see the puppy again, but he just brings you everywhere he goes, such a loyal guy.”

 

I thought this was hilarious. It was cute.

 

He put a mad emoji face and told me I “was the worst.” Then I laughed and he said “Yeah keep laughing, you’re on thin ice homegirl.”

 

He calls himself goofy nerdy all the time.

 

So I said “The puppy is cute, but I prefer goofy nerdy instead.”

 

Then I said “I’m totally joking, you know that right?”

 

He put “You.are.the.worst.”

 

I put “sorry” with a cute emoji face.

 

He then puts “depends, what are you joking about?”

 

I said “ The seeing the puppy over you thing. Definite joke. Though I’d gladly see the puppy any time, I’d rather definitely see you again.”

 

He then puts “Keep taking.”

 

And I put “Mehhh” with an embarrassed face

 

He then puts “Hmm so you’re done with me then.”

 

I put “Whattt, I never said that.”

 

He puts “I dunno”

 

I put “I don’t know either. I was just worried about hurting your feelings, since we are only texting. Hoping I didn’t. Praying I didn’t.” Then I put a nervous laughing emoji

 

He then never responded to me. This was at about 7pm last night and its now morning time the next day. Its making me a little anxious. I thought everything was all in joking fun. That’s how I took it. I don’t think I said anything wrong. I’m pretty confident that I was okay. I was trying to be cute and flirty and fun.

[Batya33]

I'm sure all is fine. He's not responding because he knows you're available to chat/flirt whenever it suits him and he doesn't have to make actual plans to see you -but he gets a great ego boost because he knows how badly you want to see him

[Alex39]

All is fine. He texted me in the afternoon saying he was sorry and fell asleep super early so never responded. He asked how I was doing. We talked about our work days for a few hours texting and then he fell off again. Whatever. At this point he needs to step up and ask me to do something. My friends think he still likes me. He told me he has struggled with anxiety and depression, so my friends think he is very anxious, and as am I, so we are both anxious around each other.

 

I just need to stop chasing, step back, and just be me. I'm done being paranoid and obsessed. I'm done chasing him. Its unhealthy, stressful, and not worth my time and effort. I think I threw myself out there yesterday making it clear I was interested and I liked him and wanted to see him again. Now I need to pull back a bit and see what he does. Chasing has never ended well for me in the past.

 

Our first date was so great and it seemed very positive. He was interested. We both had a great time. He kept questioning if I did, but I assured him that I did. He seems wavering now. Into it, then not as much. I can only just be me. He needs to not keep me hanging. Make a plan or don’t. Talk to me or don’t. Get to know me. Put effort in. I feel like I keep putting effort in and he’s going half, which is weird because he seemed very all in this past weekend, and then our second date was when he seemed distracted and a bit withdrawn. Maybe it’s just ebb and flow of things. He has depression and anxiety, so maybe that’s it. My ex would act withdrawn sometimes when he was a bit depressed

 

I tried to flirt with him yesterday to make more of a romantic connection. To make it known I was attracted to him. Since I feel like I hadn’t really done that. I wanted to be a little feminine and flirty to show I was physically attracted to him. I like physical contact. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling. And I’m in no rush for that, but I like that stuff so I tried to open the door, by joking that he better not tickle me etc… Knowing it would get him to think about touching me, even innocently. I don’t want to be friend zoned. I’m online looking for a man, not a friend.

 

I'm struggling to keep my emotions in check. Its hard. I'm an anxious person. I get attached and self conscious and insecure. I was fine, until the second date didn't seem to go well, and then all my insecurity about myself bubbled to the surface. I started second guessing everything and freaking out. I started blaming myself and went into defense mode. I was explaining our date to my girl friend and she thought it sounded fine and maybe I was juste exaggerating it in my head. Now I'm confused and unsure. She thinks he really likes me still and he seems anxious and doesn't want to be pushy or scare me away, so he's being extra chill, which is making me crazy. She thinks that he likes me, because he definitely didn't have to ask me to coffee after the hike, and he definitely didn't have to start talking about future dates yesterday like we did. He was firing off all these ideas of what we could do together. And she even reminded me that the night after our great date he asked me to his house to order food and watch netflix. I didn't go, but she thinks he meant it harmlessly and the fact that he wanted to see me so soon was a good sign. She thinks he sounds plenty interested, if he's doing that. I guess I just feel like if someone likes me, or thought maybe they did, they would want to talk more and see me as soon as they could. She said yes, but that maybe he's anxious about it so isn't pushing it. I don't know if she is right or wrong. But I need to be confident and have standards intact. I start chasing the moment I feel insecure like I am losing them. Its wrong, and I'm trying so hard to reverse this behavior, because it always ruins things for me.

 

I want him to know the real me for me. I'm fun, smart, quirky, and cute. I have a lot to offer. He should value that. I want things to be mutual too. Like we mutually make plans and it should be a good balance. My friend also reminded me that its okay to not talk or see each other every single day. Its new and we still don't know each other that well. I'm just being insecure and thinking if I don't hear from him that things are bad and he doesn't like me, which isn't true. Balance is hard. I'm either all in and clingy, or disinterested. I need a good balance of both and I struggle with how. I don't want to seem uninterested, but I go all girly and desperate when I try to show some interest. I'm struggling with this.

 

I just need to focus on my life and me. I'm trying so hard. If I do that then my emotions will be more stable.

[boltnrun]

Maybe stop consulting your friends. Their opinions seem to be making you more anxious, not less.

[Batya33]

If you want him to get to know the real you stop making yourself available as a chat buddy and on top of that "trying" to be flirty/feminine etc while typing. If he wants to get to know the real you he will make sure to make time/place plans to see you -why in the world would he risk letting a special lady slip through his fingers because he couldn't be bothered to make plans to date. Answer -he wouldn't -he'd want to make sure you were available to take out on a date he planned (or at least agree enthusiastically to a time/place plan, at least). I think you're giving the impression that you have tons of time on your hand and that you're content to get whatever you can of his free time available to type to you while he multitasks. Show him by your actions that you're too busy for that nonsense. And then get busy so that you are.

[faraday]

This might be one of those learning lessons that the OP has to learn for herself....because it doesn't seem like any of the advice is being absorbed in the slightest.

[Alex39]

This might be one of those learning lessons that the OP has to learn for herself....because it doesn't seem like any of the advice is being absorbed in the slightest.

 

No, I am listening. I am trying to do what you have said and change how I am. I don't want to ruin this. I want to just be myself and not so paranoid and clingy. I'm trying so hard.

 

"If you want him to get to know the real you stop making yourself available as a chat buddy and on top of that "trying" to be flirty/feminine etc while typing. If he wants to get to know the real you he will make sure to make time/place plans to see you -why in the world would he risk letting a special lady slip through his fingers because he couldn't be bothered to make plans to date. Answer -he wouldn't -he'd want to make sure you were available to take out on a date he planned (or at least agree enthusiastically to a time/place plan, at least). I think you're giving the impression that you have tons of time on your hand and that you're content to get whatever you can of his free time available to type to you while he multitasks. Show him by your actions that you're too busy for that nonsense. And then get busy so that you are."

 

I am trying to make myself busy and not as available. Its hard because I work at a desk all day where I can freely use my phone and this is a down season, so I can sit texting all day with no problem. He seems to be able to text me a lot in the morning when he wakes up for work and in the afternoon when he is at work and just getting out. He seems to either hang out with his friends at night or spend some quality time cooking and he goes to bed early, so we don't talk as much then.

 

I want to be someone's priority. I want them to make time for me, because I make time for people. I don't want to just be someone's person when they are definitely free. I mean, in the same sense, he doesn't have to hang out with me when he is free either. Its his choice to see me.

 

I am going to not be texting all the time. Its hard because he texts me, chatting about his day at work and wanting to talk. But I see what you are saying. I have noticed he doesn't seem to be looking at my online dating profile almost daily like he was and he doesn't call me. Most likely because I am always available. I need to be more busy. Its tough, this week in general I am spending a lot of time by myself. My friends are busy. I've asked them to hangout to fill my time, but they can't, so I do have a lot of time. I mean I think back to a week ago. I made plans with my friends to go hiking. He then messages me the night before asking what I was doing the next day. I tell him I have plans to hike with my friends. He then tells me that if my plan falls through he would gladly go hiking with me. My plan didn't fall through. He didn't get to see me because I was busy and made plans already. He was too late. I need to go back to being that girl.

[maccerz]

If I've learned anything over the past number of years, through relationships both myself and my friends have been involved in, it's that if he's not acting like he's interested then chances are he's NOT interested... I think a lot of us women have a tendency to romanticize these situations. There's been so many times in the past that me and my friends have told eachother "he definitely likes you, he's just obviously going through a hard time/ doesnt know how to process his feelings etc etc." This sort of thinking is a massive waste of your time. If he wanted to see you/ be with you he would be.

 

I'm not sure if you've heard of this term called benching? Google it. I think it might be what he's doing with you. Not trying to be harsh, but I've been in similar situations and I hate seeing others wasting their time on this stuff

[Alex39]

If I've learned anything over the past number of years, through relationships both myself and my friends have been involved in, it's that if he's not acting like he's interested then chances are he's NOT interested... I think a lot of us women have a tendency to romanticize these situations. There's been so many times in the past that me and my friends have told eachother "he definitely likes you, he's just obviously going through a hard time/ doesnt know how to process his feelings etc etc." This sort of thinking is a massive waste of your time. If he wanted to see you/ be with you he would be.

 

I'm not sure if you've heard of this term called benching? Google it. I think it might be what he's doing with you. Not trying to be harsh, but I've been in similar situations and I hate seeing others wasting their time on this stuff

 

No, I truly appreciate this feedback. I don't want to waste my time at all. That's why I am overthinking everything and trying to make sense of things. I do like to give people a chance, especially because he and I don't know each other that well, so I don't want to pre-judge him, if he isn't doing anything wrong. But I have a small pit in my gut that he is benching me. I've been benched before. But it happened differently to me previously. Previously the guy wasn't taking me out on nice dates.

 

But I think a small part of me feels a bit of benching from this new guy. I don't truly know if it even has to do with me in any way. He seems to be into his friends a lot, and prioritizing other things above finding a girlfriend. Proven in his two times re-scheduling of our first date. I don't know why he is on match.com if he isn't serious about finding someone, but I got that vibe from the beginning. But then our first date was so great, and he seemed so interested. He was also in a relationship and engaged to someone previously before this last year, and I might have been his first real date since that broke off. I don't know for sure, but our first date was so amazing and great, and then I don't know if he got freaked out by that, because our second date was just mediocre. I don't know. I can't dwell on it anymore. I'm a worry wart type person and I need to just step back. If he wants to see me, he can make it happen. I don't want to be someone's texting buddy forever. I did that for many months with someone else, and I finally just let him go, because I was sick of not feeling important. I am important and I'm not a door mat.

[Batya33]

I see a lot of "it's hard". Yes, it is -we all agree on that. Doesn't change my input one iota. Dating can be very hard as can meeting people. If you really want to be married/long term committed and have a family someday it's worth it. If you don't then IMO it's not worth it.

 

You also write a lot about "seems" - you barely know this person you've met twice in your life. And you're making excuses about continuing to engage in all this chatting/texting with no plans for another date. Who cares if you're actually not that busy. Get busy in some way that prevents you from continuing to be available to text all day with someone who has at best mediocre interest in seeing you and who obviously doesn't care if he lets you slip through his fingers- obvious because otherwise he'd be making sure to make a plan to see you.

[Alex39]

We were texting yesterday. He asked about our plan for this Saturday.

 

Now we had mentioned doing something, but we never said a date or time.

 

I asked him what he meant. He said for us to go do the activity we had talked about. Then he tells me how he is going to a movie with his friend and they will probably be drinking too so we will have to go out and do our activity and grab some lunch before that. To me, that was very clearly stating his priority for the day. Like let me squeeze you in and then I'm going out with my friend.

 

I was not happy with this. I have to drive a distance to see him, and I'm being rushed off because he has plans with his friend. I'm not a doormat. And I will not be brushed off like our coffee/hiking date. Plus, it seems ridiculous to have to go there early Saturday morning, and have to leave by noon time because he has plans. Our activity is not something that is a morning activity. And I work all week. Maybe I want to sleep in for once. I thought we would spend some quality time together. I could get there in the afternoon, see his house etc... we could go have some fun, and then maybe grab some dinner. Make a day of it. I'm not driving 45 minutes for a few hours. Seems ridiculous.

 

I told him that it seems as though he is busy with his plans already, so it doesn't sound like we will have enough time to do what was mentioned. And I told him "I don't like to rush, especially on the weekends. "

 

He said okay, and then said he has to check with his buddy about their plans and see what can be done. I never responded. He texted me early this morning saying that Saturday is clear and we are set to go.

 

I'm glad I said something. My new mantra to myself is "I am not a doormat." I'm a nice person, sometimes too nice, and I can't be. Because guys treat me like a doormat.

 

I deserve some time and respect from someone I'm going out with.

[faraday]

If the 45 minute drive means you need to make a day of it...make him come to your area of town. In the beginning you don't want to be spending 6-10 hours together on dates...it's too much too soon.

 

For reference...my husband drives 45 minutes each way to work. It's not a big deal. When we were dating, we lived 45 minutes apart and we had 2 hour dates all the time.

 

But I'm glad you stood up for yourself...I just don't know if this will have the results you want. My husbands aunt will ask me to lunch, and then she makes me drive her all over the place after to run several errands...and what I think will be a 2 hour outing with her, turns into 6...so I try to see her less often because I know every time I see her, it will eat my entire day. Friends/family that want a 1-2 hour block of time see me much more regularly. Just saying.

 

We were texting yesterday. He asked about our plan for this Saturday.

 

Now we had mentioned doing something, but we never said a date or time.

 

I asked him what he meant. He said for us to go do the activity we had talked about. Then he tells me how he is going to a movie with his friend and they will probably be drinking too so we will have to go out and do our activity and grab some lunch before that. To me, that was very clearly stating his priority for the day. Like let me squeeze you in and then I'm going out with my friend.

 

I was not happy with this. I have to drive a distance to see him, and I'm being rushed off because he has plans with his friend. I'm not a doormat. And I will not be brushed off like our coffee/hiking date. Plus, it seems ridiculous to have to go there early Saturday morning, and have to leave by noon time because he has plans. Our activity is not something that is a morning activity. And I work all week. Maybe I want to sleep in for once. I thought we would spend some quality time together. I could get there in the afternoon, see his house etc... we could go have some fun, and then maybe grab some dinner. Make a day of it. I'm not driving 45 minutes for a few hours. Seems ridiculous.

 

I told him that it seems as though he is busy with his plans already, so it doesn't sound like we will have enough time to do what was mentioned. And I told him "I don't like to rush, especially on the weekends. "

 

He said okay, and then said he has to check with his buddy about their plans and see what can be done. I never responded. He texted me early this morning saying that Saturday is clear and we are set to go.

 

I'm glad I said something. My new mantra to myself is "I am not a doormat." I'm a nice person, sometimes too nice, and I can't be. Because guys treat me like a doormat.

 

I deserve some time and respect from someone I'm going out with.

[Alex39]

Yeah, I see what you are saying. It wasn't the aspect that we have to spend the entire day together and it has to be long. I just know with our last date that it was rushed and he ran off as soon as he had other plans. It made the date rushed and tense and not free and fun. If I drive there, I like to make the most of my time. I figure we could go to his house and I could see it, then we could do the activity, and then either lunch if its early, or dinner if its later. I still have to talk to him about logistics and such. This could take 3-4 hours or so and if things are going well maybe more time if we both seem to enjoy it. Not, "Oh that was fun, I gotta run now, bye."

 

I just didn't like the idea of having to get up super early, drive there, and then do the activity in the morning and wolf down a quick lunch and then I take off because he's going to drink with his buddy? Seemed not right to me. Our first date was so great because he had no where to be and neither did I. We could just enjoy each others company. I've dated many different guys in the past, and once you meet and seem to like each other, then they want to see you regularly, and especially on weekends. Like next weekend, I know I have plans for a whole day and a half and won't be around, because a friend of mine is visiting from out of town. But I know that I will try to make the time I do have free that weekend to see him. But again, I have been planning my friend to come to town for a long while and she's going to be staying with me. Its a substantial plan. I don't not see him to I can drink with some buddies.

[katrina1980]

amkxoxo, would you please explain what it is about this guy that has you so enthralled?

 

Is it the challenge of getting a totally disinterested and dismissive man to become interested in you?

 

Come on now, you had one first "meet" that went well.

 

Your first "date" (which I wouldn't even refer to as a date more like a short hiking excursion during which he paid more attention to his dog, then shooed you off to be with his "friend") was a total bust.

 

Now this second "date," squeezing you in in the morning then ending by noon so he once again can be with his "friend."

 

So please do tell, what is it about this guy that's got you so hooked? And keeps you hanging on? Like your life depended on it or something.

 

This is not a relationship in which you express your needs and try to work out, you have had TWO 'get togethers,' one good, the other a total bust.

 

His actions indicate he is NOT interested in you, not romantically anyway, do you NOT know how a man acts when he IS interested in you? NOT like this guy, I assure you.

 

I am beginning to wonder about that, seriously.

 

This is ridiculous, borderline embarrassing. Almost like he is intentionally behaving like an arse so YOU will walk away, so he doesn't have to be the bad guy.

[Batya33]

You just met him and yes, in a way he is treating you like an afterthought. I'm not sold on him assuming you already had plans for Saturday. I think he checked with his friend first to see her availability (yes, "her" -my sense is either it's another date or connected to him seeing someone else, which is fine just gives you more info on his priorities).

 

I don't buy the "super early" complaint on your part - it's fine if he has other plans - not fine if he wanted to see you at 8am-9am but he does want to spend a fair amount of time with you. So go to bed early Friday night. I think that you're trying to play both ends -be his chat buddy/always available to text then pull in the reins much too much so you won't be a "doormat". You're not letting him court you in the least.

[Alex39]

You just met him and yes, in a way he is treating you like an afterthought. I'm not sold on him assuming you already had plans for Saturday. I think he checked with his friend first to see her availability (yes, "her" -my sense is either it's another date or connected to him seeing someone else, which is fine just gives you more info on his priorities).

 

I don't buy the "super early" complaint on your part - it's fine if he has other plans - not fine if he wanted to see you at 8am-9am but he does want to spend a fair amount of time with you. So go to bed early Friday night. I think that you're trying to play both ends -be his chat buddy/always available to text then pull in the reins much too much so you won't be a "doormat". You're not letting him court you in the least.

 

I don't know how. I'm trying to keep my standards in tact and be genuinely myself, but then myself is also someone who is nice and understanding and likes chatting away, because I like having the contact with someone. But I also want in person connection and dates to get to know each other more. I'm just confused. I do want him to court me/chase me, and be the man. I am unsure about how to do this. He seems so nice like he's trying, but then he throws out that he has plans with his friend. I don't mind that he has plans with his friend at all. That's not an issue. Its that he clearly puts that before plans with us. But then to him, maybe he is making time for me, and he thinks, "Oh I will go on a date with this girl."

 

 

So that makes me unsure. If I am overthinking too much into it and its not a big deal.

[katrina1980]

 

Its that he clearly puts that before plans with us.

 

You're not getting it, there IS no us. You've had TWO "dates"!!

 

No matter how nice you are, cute, quirky, adorable, you CANNOT force a man to be interested in you, to pay attention to you, to want to spend time with you .... other than an hour here, a couple of hours there, before he goes off with his "friend" (whoever that is).

 

Where is your self-respect? Somewhere along the way, you lost it. You need to get it back.

 

You are allowing this man to treat you like yesterday's newspaper, squeezing you in here and there.

 

No you shouldn't be a "priority" yet, again you've only met up with him TWICE. And only one of those times could be considered halfway decent.

 

What's happening NOW is what you should be paying attention to, and remember his words mean jack, pay attention to his ACTIONS.

 

What do his actions tell you? Since the first meet.

 

From what you've written, they tell me he is not at all interested in you or interested in developing a RL with you.

 

Batya is correct, he's treating you like an afterthought, and YOU are allowing it. WHY?

 

Do you not believe you deserve better treatment from a man? Good lord, these early stages are when a man (and woman) are on the their BEST behavior, if this is his best behavior I shudder to think what his future behavior would be like.

 

I hope this doesn't sound offensive, but one would think you might have learned something from the last guy. Your friends, your mom, all thought HE was interested in you too, even though he NEVER found time to meet you (not even once), never engaged you in anything other than sending you flirty texts with a sexual undertone... for FOUR MONTHS this went on.

 

How long are you going to tolerate this man's disinterest and dismissive behavior?

 

NO he is not "trying." Trying would be asking you out, planning something fun that you could do more than an hour or two before going off to meet his friend. Spending some quality time getting to know each other in an effort to determine if there is the right chemistry and you're compatible.

 

Is he doing that? NO.

 

Anyway, I am officially out of this thread, good luck.

[Alex39]

Now he us asking "whats your plan for Saturday?"

 

I responded saying I have things to do earlier but can be available later in the day. At times he seems like he wants it to be when he can do it, then he will ask me and seems to care what works for me and what i am comfortable with, but this, I just don't get it. It makes me feel like he can't just pick. Like he doesn't care. I'm currently facebook chatting with a guy from one of my classes. We chatted for a bit and then he asked if we could go out for dinner or drinks. I said okay. He asked what my favorite spot was and what my work schedule was like and already said we can go when I am out of work. Like this is how planning should be. It should be easy, not hard.

 

I just feel bad. Like I am going out with this guy from my class. He isn't my type, but I am giving it a shot. The other guy, the day drinking, friend obsessed guy is someone more my type of person. I am just overall more attracted to him, his personality and looks. The guy in my class just doesn't make me go all glossy eyed and feel butterflies.

[Batya33]

The butterflies are because he's unavailable and a challenge. What's so appealing about his day drinking or did I read that wrong?

[Wiseman2]

You are not dating exclusively, right? It sounds like his focus is multidating. You don't want to confuse names when juggling.

I asked him why he calls me "homegirl". He responded with "generic go to nickname I guess. Sorry Alexa Jane.(My first and middle name) I'll be more formal next time."

[faraday]

"Never make someone a priority when you're only an option to them."

 

You're not a priority to him. He might like you a lot...but you still don't take priority over friends. That's a good thing. Only the desperate/broken ditch friends or put friends on the back burner for a date. Because that's what you are....a date. You've went out a few times. You're not a gf, you're not in a relationship...stop having expectations like you are.

 

What about if you were the one cutting dates short because you have other plans? Then you won't be upset with him for doing things after you meet up and not allotting his entire day to you. Because that's what it sounds like you want...you are "getting up early in the morning" to go there, and hoping that you'll be grabbing dinner with him. That's a full day.

 

Go meet other men. Even if you aren't interested in them...get out there and meet some people and get a fulfilling life....because making demands on a strangers time...acting like a gf and telling him how to spend his time...is going to kill it.