My boyfriend doesn't like my fake breasts

[StillHopeful88]

My boyfriend of one year still has a problem with my fake breasts. He knew from the beginning and told me he would need time to get used to them because he has never experienced fake breasts.

It's been almost a year, and he periodically mentions how they don't feel the same as natural breasts and that he loves me but he's being "honest about his feelings".

 

I don't know what to do. I understand he's being honest and vocalizing his feelings and besides this our relationship is great but I feel it's so insensitive of him to talk about my breasts that I personally love and did for myself before I met him.

How do I deal with this situation

[melancholy123]

Is this a deal breaker for either of you? Absolutely you get breast implants for yourself and not someone else. He needs to love all of you, not just some parts.

[StillHopeful88]

He says he loves me and it doesn't change how he feels but it's so annoying when he brings it up. To him it's "expressing his feelings" but how am I supposed to feel when someone is judging a part of me I can't even change.

He's not perfect and I tell him that. He thinks I'm not appreciating his honesty and I just see it as something he needs to deal with

So why even mention it to me

[melancholy123]

Have you told him to stop mentioning this? He's made his opinion pretty clear so he needs to stop telling you. Does he think you need to have them removed?

[gp11a]

You're right, it is insensitive of him... It's been a year and he still has "not gotten used to them".

 

He might mean well, but he's picking at you and hurting your feelings, since that is a part of you.

 

Do you think he is hoping you get rid of them by reminding you? After a year, it seems to be a pretty big deal for him.

[StillHopeful88]

He knows it hurts me when he mentions it and I know he'd be happy if I removed them. I don't dress provocatively and they're very modestly sized breasts that make me happy I really wish he would learn to accept them.

I know it's not a deal breaker for him, but I don't understand how he doesn't see how hurtful hes being

[StillHopeful88]

To note, he's not my usual "type" either but I was drawn to his personality and I would never mention that to him. I baffles my mind that he can criticize my breasts when I can easily criticize so many things about him but I don't

[itsallgrand]

To note, he's not my usual "type" either but I was drawn to his personality and I would never mention that to him. I baffles my mind that he can criticize my breasts when I can easily criticize so many things about him but I don't

 

Aha here we go. There's a bigger conversation and issue to be addressed here - communication issues. Your breasts are just a trigger topic, the thing that gets it going.

 

It sounds like you feel a bit resentful that he isn't more tactful with you and considerate of your feelings?

 

And I suspect that in his mind, he is being tactful and there is a lot on his mind that he isn't saying either. Just a guess.

[Matt3939]

That's a bit shallow. You had them before him and they make u feel better about yourself. I don't think anyone should bring up somone physical appearance unless it's something that endangers their health.

[Realitynut]

No one...and I mean NO ONE should criticize your body. It's like someone making fun of you...hurtfully...then saying...I was just kidding! They're NOT. They're being insensitive.

 

Tell him how would he like it if you told him his d*ck was too small. Don't mean to hurt you....ugh...just being honest. Tell him how would THAT make him feel.

 

Same goes for your boobs.

 

Tell him lay off your boobs....or he won't get to enjoy them AT ALL! jerk.

[StillHopeful88]

Thank you everyone

[mandeelove]

Its very mean. Its the same as telling a woman that she needs implants. Tell him it hurts you a lot and if he doesnt stop hes not the one for u.

[veronicaa]

Fake or not, it's still a part of your body, so that's like him saying he doesn't like your nose. What a jerk. Don't let him touch them anymore, or ask him to PAY to get them removed if it bothers him so much. I don't want to make you feel worse about yourself so i'll just stop there. I REALLY think you should show him this thread. He is a JERK and needs to stop talking badly about YOUR body. Like, why does he even bring it up? I'm sure some men don't like their girlfriends stretchmarks or stomach rolls, but they don't open their mouth, so WHY does your boyfriend bring it up? Is he just trying to make you feel bad?

[ParisPaulette]

You tell him you haven't gotten used to the fact he doesn't have pecs like Vin Diesel either, but you're just being honest about that. And you say that every single time he brings up the breast thing. Until he shuts the hell up.

 

All that aside, is this guy otherwise controlling or overly jealous or critical of you being with friends etc.? I say that, because this almost reads as him feeling threatened by your looks and trying to undermine your body image and confidence. And if that's the case then that's a serious red flag.

 

Besides from what I've been told, unless your breasts have lumps or are misshapen from leaks or damage they don't generally feel any different. I have female friends who have implants, I've had male friends tell me they couldn't tell the difference unless there was hardening OR someone has extremely oversized implants aka a shelf that doesn't move no matter how much the lady bounces when moving around, which doesn't sound like the case here. So I find it odd and a bit suspicious he keeps harping on that.

 

It might be time to find someone who appreciates your breasts like you do too. Does he rag on you about your makeup or the clothes you wear or have you found yourself having to give up friends or activities, because he doesn't like them?

[StillHopeful88]

You tell him you haven't gotten used to the fact he doesn't have pecs like Vin Diesel either, but you're just being honest about that. And you say that every single time he brings up the breast thing. Until he shuts the hell up.

 

All that aside, is this guy otherwise controlling or overly jealous or critical of you being with friends etc.? I say that, because this almost reads as him feeling threatened by your looks and trying to undermine your body image and confidence. And if that's the case then that's a serious red flag.

 

Besides from what I've been told, unless your breasts have lumps or are misshapen from leaks or damage they don't generally feel any different. I have female friends who have implants, I've had male friends tell me they couldn't tell the difference unless there was hardening OR someone has extremely oversized implants aka a shelf that doesn't move no matter how much the lady bounces when moving around, which doesn't sound like the case here. So I find it odd and a bit suspicious he keeps harping on that.

 

It might be time to find someone who appreciates your breasts like you do too. Does he rag on you about your makeup or the clothes you wear or have you found yourself having to give up friends or activities, because he doesn't like them?

 

He's not controlling in any other way but all he says is that he doesn't like how they feel. It's really bothering me and I know that if this issue comes up again it may be enough for me to end things.

[ParisPaulette]

It's really bothering me and I know that if this issue comes up again it may be enough for me to end things.

 

Agreed. You may want to take a look on this thread over on another forum where people chimed in about this very issue of real versus implants and could men tell the difference. Word of warning the content is um, salty in places with the language. But I think you would benefit from seeing other opinions of men than just your boyfriend on the issue.

/

 

Many of them echo a very different sentiment including one top commenter who states: "I don't care about the authenticity of breasts, what I do care about is the authenticity of the woman with said breasts"

 

He gets it, your boyfriend not so much I think. And it may be a personal preference, but if he keeps commenting on it over and over and hasn't gotten used to it and looked past them to see you then that's going to be a problem. And it's one not all men will have.

[Billie28]

Casually tell him his man bit is a bit small but not to worry, you are just being honest and that you still love him.

[thornz]

No one...and I mean NO ONE should criticize your body. It's like someone making fun of you...hurtfully...then saying...I was just kidding! They're NOT. They're being insensitive.

 

Tell him how would he like it if you told him his d*ck was too small. Don't mean to hurt you....ugh...just being honest. Tell him how would THAT make him feel.

 

Same goes for your boobs.

 

Tell him lay off your boobs....or he won't get to enjoy them AT ALL! jerk.

 

This guy sounds like a massive *sshole!

 

What gives him any right to criticise your body? As you rightly pointed out, you don't mention things you don't find attractive about him because that would be hurtful.

 

Honestly I think you should approach him and tell him that since he feels like you should be honest about the things you dislike about each other you have a few things to tell him about what you dislike. Reel off all the things you dislike ending with his disregard for your feelings and get rid.

 

Find someone who isn't so shallow. Gross!

[Andrina]

In this tough world of daily stress from jobs, traffic, etc., your partner is supposed to be the soft cushion you land upon when you get home. It's the person who is supposed to support you when you're feeling down, and the person who is supposed to make you feel special every day.

 

You are the average, caring person who doesn't point out which physical features you don't particularly care for in him. Of course it's plain hurtful to do otherwise. You're with a person who thinks it's okay to hurt you under the guise that it's best to be honest. Any intelligent person knows it's best not to be honest when the only purpose it will serve is toxic negativity. I wouldn't have any discussion with him. He has shown you who he is--a person with an ugly heart, even though I'm sure he also has some good qualities. The ugliness should be a deal breaker for you. When you eventually meet someone who is a positive, loving partner, you'll wonder why you stayed so long with Mr. Negative. Take care.

[gp11a]

He says he loves me and it doesn't change how he feels but it's so annoying when he brings it up. To him it's "expressing his feelings" but how am I supposed to feel when someone is judging a part of me I can't even change.

He's not perfect and I tell him that. He thinks I'm not appreciating his honesty and I just see it as something he needs to deal with

So why even mention it to me

 

Exactly.

 

I think the tough part for you is that you believe he means well and isn't trying to purposely hurt your feelings... but the thing is, you've mentioned it before to him that it hurts your feelings and he turns it around on you to become your issue that you don't appreciate his honesty.

 

Sometimes when you make comments, you have to think about the end goal of that message and what you are trying to convey, and tailor it to your audience. Just like how you don't tell him everything you think of him... What's the goal of that? The way he just tells you is not considerate of you at all of your feelings and I don't think it will just go away (even if you made a change, which please do not). This is all his issue and it is a big one.

[Doc Blaze]

I might of missed it but what is his reasons for him not liking breast implants?

[Realitynut]

he periodically mentions how they don't feel the same as natural breasts

[Ms Darcy]

He's not controlling in any other way but all he says is that he doesn't like how they feel. It's really bothering me and I know that if this issue comes up again it may be enough for me to end things.

 

I think this may be the best thing. You have already communicated that you don't like what he's saying. And he's communicated that he just plain does not like fake breasts. So we're getting into incompatible territory.

[TMifune]

...but how am I supposed to feel when someone is judging a part of me I can't even change.

 

But isn't the fact that you did change them ostensibly the issue?

 

Anyway this isn't really about your boobs. It's about your insecurities, so more about that in a second.

 

Breast implants (unless you've had a mastectomy for other health reasons) are by-and-large a cheap fix for insecurities. Instead of doing the hard work to feel good about yourself the way you are, you spend some money, a doctor sticks some silicone in your chest, and then you start noticing more gazes from men. You feel "confidant" because of the additional attention. But the insecurities haven't gone away.....you just slapped a mask over them. They're still there, you haven't solved anything, you've simply avoided it.

 

That's why you'd make a statement like "a part of me I can't even change", despite the fact that it is a part of you that you changed in the past. Because having the implants removed would mean you'd have to go back to that place where you'd actually have to face and become comfortable with yourself, where you'd actually have to triumph over your insecurities.

 

And that's why your boyfriend's comments are so hurtful to you. They poke at the flimsy foundation upon which you've built your self-confidence. They remind you, even if you're not conscious of it, that those insecurities haven't gone away despite all the additional attention.

 

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't have gotten them. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't remove them.

 

But what I am saying is that you now have a choice. Dealing with this situation with your boyfriend is an opportunity. It's an opportunity for you to revisit those insecurities and triumph over them. Or, you can drop him. If you look, I'm sure you can find someone who will absolutely love your fake breasts.....but I don't think that's ultimately what' will make you feel whole.

[Wiseman2]

He should stop criticizing you and dressing it up as 'expressing himself', tell him that.

To him it's "expressing his feelings"