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Everything posted by thornz

  1. OK so the texts, they're not urgent, he is away this week and I am away at the weekend so no opportunity to see each other any time soon. He made a statement about my living situation, then later text me to ask whether my housemate was male or female and sent me a pic from the hotel. If I'm being totally honest the main reason I haven't text back is because his statement about my living situation hurt my feelings and I didn't want to respond when I was upset and tbh I'm not certain whether he was being rude and critical or if I was hurt because it's a particularly touchy subject for me. I actually don't know how to reply to it. Or if to ignore it and respond to the other texts. I don't know if I want to take his statement as a joke and see him again or to just move on. Taking everyone's responses into consideration maybe it's for the best if just don't bother dating.
  2. I think the main thing is I had an awesome date and am feeling like I'm finally in a good place for dating where I'm just in the moment enjoying the other person instead of fretfully analysing their behaviour for signs of whether they will hurt me or be abusive. Looking forward to more fun dates whether they are with him or other people 😊
  3. Hello all, last night I got a severe migraine which has lasted until now. Had to take the day off work today as it didn't go away with sleep like usual. Typically my migraines follow a mood swing like giddiness or sadness so maybe the date wasn't much to do with what I was feeling lol. Might have been more the migraine than anything else 🤔 Starting to feel a bit recovered from my migraine and now I'm feeling a lot more grounded. Had to cancel my other date tonight due to being ill. To answer some queries, we didn't kiss, at least not on the mouth. He went in for a peck, I told him he could have one on the cheek. I think he is far more into me than I am into him but he's definitely caught my interest and I really loved the date. I did notice some things to keep my eye on but we will see how those things develop. I don't think you get a good idea of someone on a first date, someone might come off worse due to nerves or better due to trying to give you the best impression. We agreed on the date we would like to see each other again and have since confirmed that by text but haven't set a time/day. I haven't initiated much texting other than to wish him a good flight and he has sent me a few texts but I haven't responded yet due to being ill and also not interested in texting all the time. I'm in two minds whether I want to see him again at this point. My gut is that we could get on great as friends, have amazing fun, maybe even great sex but one of my important values is to be frugal, he earns a lot so far as I can tell, hangs around with pilots etc and seems to be a bit clueless about the realities of living on an average wage. I mentioned living with my housemate when we last text and he questioned why an adult would live in a house share. He was quite rude about it imo but I am exceptionally sensitive about this kind of thing because I hate my living situation. The fact is though that it's a pretty common living situation for people my age. I find it really odd that he doesn't realise this. Reminds me of my technical director who comes over whining about how he has trouble getting his Morgan (expensive vintage car) down to the main road, because his mansion is so remote the little side road is poorly maintained by the council and full of potholes. Oh you poor thing, how awful for you 😂😂😂 meanwhile were sat there like, wish I could afford a house, or a Morgan 😂😂
  4. I think this was good advice, I wouldn't say I'm worried, I'm feeling good, somewhat fascinated by the new sensation, mostly confused haha. I am aware I need to not overthink or I will cause problems for myself. Just seeking advise on what to do to avoid that. Its easy to say, don't overthink it but that's not necessarily easy to do. I usually play badminton when I'm thinking too much but that's not on until Friday!
  5. I would say I'm being logical, I'm aware I don't know him, I'm aware he could be full of Bee Ess, I am not interested in jumping into a relationship overnight. Would like to go on more dates to get to know him and find out more about him. Keeping my options open. I have dates lined up with other people who are interesting. I don't think I've gone too googly eyed, though I can see that might have been the impression from my first post. Just not used to feeling like this after a date and not really sure what to make of it. It's a nice feeling but a bit confusing tbh. I am not the type to get blown away by people. Even the date I had before him. Absolutely lovely woman, had a fantastic first impression of her, but wasn't fascinated or whatever it was that I'm feeling about him. I'm trying to place what I'm feeling. I don't know what it is lol. I rung my bestie to tell her what a great date I had. I've never done that before in my life. Who knows maybe the next dates with the other people will be as awesome. Then I will be in a pickle 😂😂
  6. So, I had a date yesterday, didn't have any expectations but was hopeful that the chemistry via text would relate to real life. It did! Instant connection and all the important things I'm looking for, common interests and values appear to be there. He made it very clear he was keen and I reciprocated to a lesser degree (I'm in no rush to get married off haha). We have agreed to go on a date again next week. Problem is, I'm shocked, I've not experienced this before (maybe when I was younger and didn't have a definitive idea of what I wanted so good chemistry was enough). The guy is in my head! I couldn't sleep last night and today I'm not very focussed at work because I'm trying to process what happened. So! How do I get a grip of myself. If I get stuck in my head about it I'll be my own worst enemy. I went for a walk on my lunch break but that didn't help and I know if I go see my friends I'll end up just gushing about this guy.
  7. I think I follow and you are interpreting focus on myself literally. By focus on myself I mean reducing any activities that I feel require energy (such as social interaction with people I am not bonded to, and some I am that are a bit higher maintenance) and increasing any activities that make me feel recovered, energised, happy and may include activities that require literally focusing on myself such as introspection and certain types of meditation and activities that include focusing externally such as badminton, swimming, socialising. By focus on myself I mean put my needs first as much as is practical. I often miss the cues that I am overdoing it until things get pretty drastic which then requires a period of reflection and recuperation. By focus on myself I mean take time to regenerate by excluding a few things, one of which was dating. Maybe if I had excluded other things I might have had energy for dating. I did consider stopping my studies instead so I could continue dating and later considered stopping my studies anyway but I think I would have regretted that. I even came of Enotalone for a while. I need to figure out a balance. It's hard. Even now my commitments have reduced I find myself piling up more things to do. Will work through it tonight. Really consider what exactly boosts me and what drains me any why I choose to pursue so much stuff that is depleting. I just can't sit still and do not a lot unless I'm absolutely exhausted and then I can't do anything but. It's almost like I have to keep going until I've got nothing left. Stop until I feel better then off I go again!
  8. I didn't see that post! I think the conclusion to that thread was that I should take a break from dating and generally try and be more positive. I took a break, feel more positive overall and decided I would try dating again when I had less on my plate. Unfortunately I'm a person who likes a lot on my plate so I need to work on that since doing a hundred things plus dating is not sustainable. I find relationships (of any kind) generally can take a lot out of me, social skills take a lot of effort etc. I don't pick up on social cues like others seem to. I was actually discussing this with my doctor this morning. That coupled with my habit of loading myself up to the point of exhaustion means I often feel I don't have the energy for dating those who need a lot of attention or who need to be in touch all the time. I promised myself as soon as I finished my last uni deadline I would take time out to relax and recuperate but I haven't. Think that's exactly what I need to do and then I will have the energy it takes to date. Yes meetup is great! I used to run my own group on there but gave up when I started my last uni module. I'm active on loads of groups on meetup and other places. I would prefer to meet someone in real life but so far the few I've been interested in did not reciprocate and tbh they turned out to not be suitable anyway.
  9. Unfortunately I have a hard time figuring these things out so I'm very glad this forum exists for a 2nd, 3rd and 23rd opinion lol. I have got better at trusting my gut but still sometimes I'm uncertain, particularly regarding issues I am sensitive about, the relative ones in this instance being invasion of my space, respect of my boundaries and my ability (or lack) to assert myself when I feel uncomfortable with someone's behaviour. Given my sensitivity I wanted to check I wasn't going to knee jerk a guy out of a chance because I wrongly interpreted his behaviour as inappropriate. After the responses I'm very satisfied my gut feeling was reasonable. I suppose at the end of it, even if he didn't act inappropriately, I felt uncomfortable so we were not a good match. I ought to have come to that conclusion pretty quickly on my own but we live and learn lol
  10. Excuse me, that's not what's going on here. I have been "following through" with dates. Quite happy to date people who don't make me feel uncomfortable with their behaviour and the reason I asked for advice is because I was second guessing whether to still meet him since we had so much in common. After the advice I thought I wasn't being too paranoid after all and to move on from him.
  11. I took a break for about 3 months.
  12. Where are you getting 7 days from? It was Sunday, next week is the next day. If it's such a big mistake to give your number out before the exact point you want to make arrangements then clearly I'm doomed to being a spinster 😂
  13. Last time I was on dating sites I was so exhausted and stressed by juggling dating, working, studying, exercising and socialising I would come home from work and just cry, I would have studies to do and just cry and I had date after date after date with no connection and just cry. Something had to give to make room for more self care and it wasn't going to be my career or health. Got no study commitments until next year so might be able to date without having an emotional meltdown every 5 minutes this time lol.
  14. Why is he asking to have sex already? I would not meet him again for that reason alone. Guy is jumping the gun!
  15. I agree I may be coming accross negative, I would put that down to being exhausted and finding this particular guy a chore. I find that kind of behaviour extremely draining. I love meeting new people and have met some lovely people online but when it comes to dating sites experience has taught me you do need to do A LOT of weeding out of weirdos, because it's full of them. I had a "date" already that weekend and enjoyed it. There is a guy I just gave my number who I'm very much looking forward to hearing from and meeting. I find the weeding a chore more than the dating but overall I seem to be attracting more sane people than previously. I was recently very not into it and took a break to focus on myself. In a much better place for dating right now. Maybe I could do with more work. Who knows. Need to test the water again I think to figure that out.
  16. I'm bi and will meet females as well, though not necessarily for dates. Met one of my good friends via Tinder lol.
  17. I wasn't just busy, I was knackered after working pretty much 6am til 9pm most days for almost 3 weeks. I already had 2 "dates" planned that weekend plus I had loads of important paperwork and housework to catch up on after working my butt off to meet my uni project deadline and doing overtime at work after completing the uni stuff to catch up on the week I had off work. I had to clean my car for said dates as it was a mess and I'd have been embarrassed to drop anyone off in it (Neither of my intended dates had a car) I worked until 9:30pm Friday and had to cancel my plans to play badminton because of this. I also had a picnic and swim planned which depending on the weather could have lasted until late. One of my dates fell through but I was so tired I was quite glad because the other date I felt I wasn't very bubbly due to being tired. This was my level of exhaustion yesterday, I went to the petrol station to pump up my tyres and was trying to fill up the tyre with the water nozzle and only realised when someone pointed it out. Context: I have worked on cars for over a decade. Should have been able to do it blindfold. I decided not to swim due to this and got home from the picnic around 6:30pm because I felt my body was telling me to relax or I would make myself sick. I am quite an active busy person, if I say I am busy over the weekend then that usually means I have plans from end of work Friday until bed time Sunday. Another reason I prefer to arrange a call properly via text beforehand cos I tend to have plans most of the time. I was chockablock the full weekend but ended up cancelling plans due to needing down time. All the more reason not to chat to someone when you're drained. I am defo interested in dating. If I had been free that weekend I likely would have met him for a walk but given his behaviour I'm very glad I didn't!
  18. I told him I don't want to meet as we're not a good match and he disregarded my wishes not to take a call at that time. He responded that he didn't disregard it and we should still meet up 🙄 blocked him on there and my phone. Can't figure out how to do so on my apps so hopefully he won't try that way lol
  19. I don't think I lacked enthusiasm, he said he would like to meet, I agreed, volunteered my number and told him to text me to arrange a meeting. That seems like pretty OK give and take to me. Then he decided that wasn't suitable and got pushy and I suspect like you he's probably clingy at best. I agree I could have been more specific and said contact me tomorrow at 6pm if you're free and we can arrange a meeting but I suspect he would still have rung me within 5 minutes anyway. I told him I don't think we're a match and don't want to meet. He's still pushing for a meet. Doesn't understand the concept of no so far as I can tell. Not for me at all.
  20. Whether I was busy or not is irrelevant, I made it clear I didn't want to chat that evening. FYI I am knackered and the last thing I was interested in was chatting to a stranger. Next week was only a day away hardly a long time to wait to make arrangements. If I messaged him the next day and said text me this week so we can make arrangements to meet up, what difference does that make? The fact is he asked if I wanted to chat, I made it clear I didn't yet he still rang me anyway. What I expect is the basic courtesy I would give him which is to arrange a time to call or meet that is convenient for both. What's the emergency? Why ring when I told you not to? When I arrange a call I ask if they would like to chat by phone, IF they say yes I ask when suits them, if that doesn't suit me I ask if another time works. Basic manners. I don't ask and then ring anyway on the occasions they say no or just ring randomly if they say yes. It's just not cool. Was chatting to a woman off Tinder last week. I asked if she was OK with a call on more than one occasion, both times she said no, both times I respected that and we instead met up for food and had a good time. Not difficult.
  21. He messaged me again last night asking how my day went and did I fancy a chat, he could call me back. It was 11pm! I told him ring me tomorrow or Thursday but text me beforehand and I'll let him know when I'm free. Going to message him this morning and tell him on seconds thoughts I don't think we're a good match because I value my personal space and he doesn't. Much like Batya I don't see any point in messaging online for weeks or even months on end. That isn't how you get to know someone and it's easy to build up a false impression of them. Also you can't gauge attraction via a screen so I am not going to interact at length with a person I don't even know I fancy. It's very easy for someone to pretend to be something they're not via message that is hard to keep up to in person. One of my exes I was messaging daily for 2 months before we met and it took me 2 years to realise he wasn't what he told me and another to dump him after that. I've had friends and associates who come accross one way via text and totally different in person. One in particular was charming and hilarious via text but awfully rude and not funny at all in person. One guy seemed lovely but when we spoke on the phone (or rather when I spoke) he has nothing to say, couldn't so much as make a conversation, let alone a good one. If I hadn't rang him early I would have ended up on a date with someone who subjected me to that level of social ineptitude in person! I was messaging a guy for about a month before I told him if we weren't going to meet I don't see the point chatting anymore. We met, I didn't fancy him. Waste of a month of lengthy messages! Even with the phone call you can't necessarily get a good idea of them without seeing their facial expressions. I have messaged a guy for over a week, then phone call in which I thought he was joking about certain things but turns out on the date, when I could more accurately gauge due to his facial expressions, he was being serious and offended by my humour (so why meet me then 🙄) turned out he was just horrible and a massive drinker. None of which I had picked up on the phone or by message. He couldn't filter as much in person as he did by message and over a short phone call. Anyway the date was awful, he knew this because he said himself multiple times he was giving a bad impression of himself, I agreed. He STILL tried to force his tongue down my throat at the end. Nope! Bye. I text briefly to see if we have enough in common and they meet my minimum requirements such as no kids or stable job etc, call then meet if they pass the call. Managing to screen out the majority of weirdos but unfortunately that doesn't leave many to date 😂
  22. I do get a bit of a buzz out of trying to figure people out I will admit. I don't try play therapist or excuse their behaviour though. If I'm proved right then good riddance, if not then let's see how it goes 😁
  23. Yes I have had strangers on dating sites and in real life and even on a date take offence or dislike either my personality or sense of humour and that is a good thing imo. Weeds out those who we are not compatible with or who need a sensitive touch (absolutely not for me). I have strangers on dating sites harass me even if I dont acknowledge their original message. They get blocked. Dealing with people who don't like you or are offended by you, who you don't like or are offended by is part and parcel of online dating. If offending people and potentially getting a bit of slack for it mean I don't waste time talking to those I'm not a good match with then that's a risk I'm happy to take. I'm not an overly diplomatic person and can be quite coarse so not much point pretending otherwise lol
  24. My gut is telling me he is distrusting because of being chested on and is eager to see if I have a bf I'm hiding etc by trying to nosy on my fb and ring me unannounced (sort of) I'm not interested in dealing with that baggage. Will see how he behaves but definitely on guard with this one.
  25. I also already told him "I am uncomfortable with you continuing to text when I have explained I am busy" in my own direct way which was "Here's my number, text me next week" lol I will get him to call me next week and see how I feel about meeting him but certainly not holding out much hope that he won't turn out to be a pushy weirdo. Chatting to someone else who seems a lot more respectful so will see if he is available too.
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