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thornz last won the day on June 8 2019

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  1. OK so the texts, they're not urgent, he is away this week and I am away at the weekend so no opportunity to see each other any time soon. He made a statement about my living situation, then later text me to ask whether my housemate was male or female and sent me a pic from the hotel. If I'm being totally honest the main reason I haven't text back is because his statement about my living situation hurt my feelings and I didn't want to respond when I was upset and tbh I'm not certain whether he was being rude and critical or if I was hurt because it's a particularly touchy subject for me. I actually don't know how to reply to it. Or if to ignore it and respond to the other texts. I don't know if I want to take his statement as a joke and see him again or to just move on. Taking everyone's responses into consideration maybe it's for the best if just don't bother dating.
  2. I think the main thing is I had an awesome date and am feeling like I'm finally in a good place for dating where I'm just in the moment enjoying the other person instead of fretfully analysing their behaviour for signs of whether they will hurt me or be abusive. Looking forward to more fun dates whether they are with him or other people 😊
  3. Hello all, last night I got a severe migraine which has lasted until now. Had to take the day off work today as it didn't go away with sleep like usual. Typically my migraines follow a mood swing like giddiness or sadness so maybe the date wasn't much to do with what I was feeling lol. Might have been more the migraine than anything else 🤔 Starting to feel a bit recovered from my migraine and now I'm feeling a lot more grounded. Had to cancel my other date tonight due to being ill. To answer some queries, we didn't kiss, at least not on the mouth. He went in for a peck, I told him he could have one on the cheek. I think he is far more into me than I am into him but he's definitely caught my interest and I really loved the date. I did notice some things to keep my eye on but we will see how those things develop. I don't think you get a good idea of someone on a first date, someone might come off worse due to nerves or better due to trying to give you the best impression. We agreed on the date we would like to see each other again and have since confirmed that by text but haven't set a time/day. I haven't initiated much texting other than to wish him a good flight and he has sent me a few texts but I haven't responded yet due to being ill and also not interested in texting all the time. I'm in two minds whether I want to see him again at this point. My gut is that we could get on great as friends, have amazing fun, maybe even great sex but one of my important values is to be frugal, he earns a lot so far as I can tell, hangs around with pilots etc and seems to be a bit clueless about the realities of living on an average wage. I mentioned living with my housemate when we last text and he questioned why an adult would live in a house share. He was quite rude about it imo but I am exceptionally sensitive about this kind of thing because I hate my living situation. The fact is though that it's a pretty common living situation for people my age. I find it really odd that he doesn't realise this. Reminds me of my technical director who comes over whining about how he has trouble getting his Morgan (expensive vintage car) down to the main road, because his mansion is so remote the little side road is poorly maintained by the council and full of potholes. Oh you poor thing, how awful for you 😂😂😂 meanwhile were sat there like, wish I could afford a house, or a Morgan 😂😂
  4. I think this was good advice, I wouldn't say I'm worried, I'm feeling good, somewhat fascinated by the new sensation, mostly confused haha. I am aware I need to not overthink or I will cause problems for myself. Just seeking advise on what to do to avoid that. Its easy to say, don't overthink it but that's not necessarily easy to do. I usually play badminton when I'm thinking too much but that's not on until Friday!
  5. I would say I'm being logical, I'm aware I don't know him, I'm aware he could be full of Bee Ess, I am not interested in jumping into a relationship overnight. Would like to go on more dates to get to know him and find out more about him. Keeping my options open. I have dates lined up with other people who are interesting. I don't think I've gone too googly eyed, though I can see that might have been the impression from my first post. Just not used to feeling like this after a date and not really sure what to make of it. It's a nice feeling but a bit confusing tbh. I am not the type to get blown away by people. Even the date I had before him. Absolutely lovely woman, had a fantastic first impression of her, but wasn't fascinated or whatever it was that I'm feeling about him. I'm trying to place what I'm feeling. I don't know what it is lol. I rung my bestie to tell her what a great date I had. I've never done that before in my life. Who knows maybe the next dates with the other people will be as awesome. Then I will be in a pickle 😂😂
  6. So, I had a date yesterday, didn't have any expectations but was hopeful that the chemistry via text would relate to real life. It did! Instant connection and all the important things I'm looking for, common interests and values appear to be there. He made it very clear he was keen and I reciprocated to a lesser degree (I'm in no rush to get married off haha). We have agreed to go on a date again next week. Problem is, I'm shocked, I've not experienced this before (maybe when I was younger and didn't have a definitive idea of what I wanted so good chemistry was enough). The guy is in my head! I couldn't sleep last night and today I'm not very focussed at work because I'm trying to process what happened. So! How do I get a grip of myself. If I get stuck in my head about it I'll be my own worst enemy. I went for a walk on my lunch break but that didn't help and I know if I go see my friends I'll end up just gushing about this guy.
  7. I think I follow and you are interpreting focus on myself literally. By focus on myself I mean reducing any activities that I feel require energy (such as social interaction with people I am not bonded to, and some I am that are a bit higher maintenance) and increasing any activities that make me feel recovered, energised, happy and may include activities that require literally focusing on myself such as introspection and certain types of meditation and activities that include focusing externally such as badminton, swimming, socialising. By focus on myself I mean put my needs first as much as is practical. I often miss the cues that I am overdoing it until things get pretty drastic which then requires a period of reflection and recuperation. By focus on myself I mean take time to regenerate by excluding a few things, one of which was dating. Maybe if I had excluded other things I might have had energy for dating. I did consider stopping my studies instead so I could continue dating and later considered stopping my studies anyway but I think I would have regretted that. I even came of Enotalone for a while. I need to figure out a balance. It's hard. Even now my commitments have reduced I find myself piling up more things to do. Will work through it tonight. Really consider what exactly boosts me and what drains me any why I choose to pursue so much stuff that is depleting. I just can't sit still and do not a lot unless I'm absolutely exhausted and then I can't do anything but. It's almost like I have to keep going until I've got nothing left. Stop until I feel better then off I go again!
  8. I didn't see that post! I think the conclusion to that thread was that I should take a break from dating and generally try and be more positive. I took a break, feel more positive overall and decided I would try dating again when I had less on my plate. Unfortunately I'm a person who likes a lot on my plate so I need to work on that since doing a hundred things plus dating is not sustainable. I find relationships (of any kind) generally can take a lot out of me, social skills take a lot of effort etc. I don't pick up on social cues like others seem to. I was actually discussing this with my doctor this morning. That coupled with my habit of loading myself up to the point of exhaustion means I often feel I don't have the energy for dating those who need a lot of attention or who need to be in touch all the time. I promised myself as soon as I finished my last uni deadline I would take time out to relax and recuperate but I haven't. Think that's exactly what I need to do and then I will have the energy it takes to date. Yes meetup is great! I used to run my own group on there but gave up when I started my last uni module. I'm active on loads of groups on meetup and other places. I would prefer to meet someone in real life but so far the few I've been interested in did not reciprocate and tbh they turned out to not be suitable anyway.
  9. Unfortunately I have a hard time figuring these things out so I'm very glad this forum exists for a 2nd, 3rd and 23rd opinion lol. I have got better at trusting my gut but still sometimes I'm uncertain, particularly regarding issues I am sensitive about, the relative ones in this instance being invasion of my space, respect of my boundaries and my ability (or lack) to assert myself when I feel uncomfortable with someone's behaviour. Given my sensitivity I wanted to check I wasn't going to knee jerk a guy out of a chance because I wrongly interpreted his behaviour as inappropriate. After the responses I'm very satisfied my gut feeling was reasonable. I suppose at the end of it, even if he didn't act inappropriately, I felt uncomfortable so we were not a good match. I ought to have come to that conclusion pretty quickly on my own but we live and learn lol
  10. Excuse me, that's not what's going on here. I have been "following through" with dates. Quite happy to date people who don't make me feel uncomfortable with their behaviour and the reason I asked for advice is because I was second guessing whether to still meet him since we had so much in common. After the advice I thought I wasn't being too paranoid after all and to move on from him.
  11. I took a break for about 3 months.
  12. Where are you getting 7 days from? It was Sunday, next week is the next day. If it's such a big mistake to give your number out before the exact point you want to make arrangements then clearly I'm doomed to being a spinster 😂
  13. Last time I was on dating sites I was so exhausted and stressed by juggling dating, working, studying, exercising and socialising I would come home from work and just cry, I would have studies to do and just cry and I had date after date after date with no connection and just cry. Something had to give to make room for more self care and it wasn't going to be my career or health. Got no study commitments until next year so might be able to date without having an emotional meltdown every 5 minutes this time lol.
  14. Why is he asking to have sex already? I would not meet him again for that reason alone. Guy is jumping the gun!
  15. I agree I may be coming accross negative, I would put that down to being exhausted and finding this particular guy a chore. I find that kind of behaviour extremely draining. I love meeting new people and have met some lovely people online but when it comes to dating sites experience has taught me you do need to do A LOT of weeding out of weirdos, because it's full of them. I had a "date" already that weekend and enjoyed it. There is a guy I just gave my number who I'm very much looking forward to hearing from and meeting. I find the weeding a chore more than the dating but overall I seem to be attracting more sane people than previously. I was recently very not into it and took a break to focus on myself. In a much better place for dating right now. Maybe I could do with more work. Who knows. Need to test the water again I think to figure that out.
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