When someone is late showing up for a date...

[milly007]

Is tardiness in general a deal breaker for you? Or are you willing to tolerate a certain amount of time before it becomes a deal breaker?

 

And I'm not talking about instances where an emergency situation surfaces which has caused them to be late. I'm talking about your date just strolling in and apologizing for being late, but not having a reason as to why they were late.

 

I'm asking this because I went on a third date last night. I'm normally early, especially since I just moved to a new city and I'm still trying to find my way. My date planned this meeting. He lives 10 minutes away (walking distance) from the meeting place. He showed up about 5 minutes late, which fairly annoyed me and apologized, with no reason as to why. I made the best of the evening, but found myself losing interest as soon as he was late (especially when he told me he lives so close). He told me that "a few minutes isn't a big deal and jokingly said that it should be ok, provided they're no more than 3 to 5 minutes late".

 

I was pretty surprised when he invited me back to his place after dinner because I wasn't quite feeling the connection at this point. I didn't go.

 

Does anyone else here feel similar to me here, or am I being too sensitive?

[Gloworm]

At least he showed up!

[Wiseman2]

5 min, seriously? No he does not have to explain, what if his dog had to pee, whatever. Try to relax and be gracious, using the prevailing etiquette, not an atomic clock.

 

If you are not interested, you are not interested that's ok.

He showed up about 5 minutes late, which fairly annoyed me and apologized, with no reason as to why.

[mustlovedogs]

5 minutes? It could be something as small as his kitchen clock isn't set to the *exact* right time.

 

Btw - my kitchen appliances, none of their timers are in sync. My microwave will end up 12 minutes off after 6-8 months.

[milly007]

Whoa there, Wiseman. Who said I wasn't gracious? I was gracious and we made the best of our time together. Don't jump to conclusions. I'm asking a simple question and looking for legitimate input.

[DancingFool]

How do you know your watch is accurate and not running fast? Do you have it calibrated daily with proper records to prove that?

Making an issue out of 5 minutes is not being sensitive, it's being completely absurd.

 

If you didn't like the guy, that's fine, but you don't need to give him the 3rd degree over absolutely nothing.

[Sportster2005]

I wouldn't be upset over five minutes. I would apologize for being five minutes late. If the date made a big deal over it, we would not be a good match. I like punctuality, but five minutes is reasonable.

[milly007]

Dancing fool - if you read my above post, you will see that I didn't give him the "third degree". Come on now. Again, as I mentioned to Wiseman, please don't jump to conclusions. This guy and I made the best of our time together. I treated him with respect, as he did me - we had fun.

[milly007]

I wouldn't be upset over five minutes. I would apologize for being five minutes late. If the date made a big deal over it, we would not be a good match. I like punctuality, but five minutes is reasonable.

 

Thank you for your input, Sporster. Always appreciated!

[gp11a]

I'd probably quickly forgive them if they apologized when they arrived or if they had texted/called me with "sorry! running 10 minutes behind!" Things happen. Just don't to be left in the dark waiting around is the most important thing, because I would let them know out of courtesy. I'd expect the same.

[milly007]

I'd probably quickly forgive them if they apologized when they arrived or if they had texted/called me with "sorry! running 10 minutes behind!" Things happen. Just don't to be left in the dark waiting around is the most important thing, because I would let them know out of courtesy. I'd expect the same.

 

I agree with this, 100%. Thank you, gp11a!

[sophie274]

I wouldn't get upset about five minutes nor would it cause me to lose interest. I'm quite a punctual person and wouldn't think of arriving even five minutes late to work or class, but my policy is a bit more relaxed for social events and 5 minutes or even ten would be ok, especially if I'm meeting someone at a cafe or restaurant where I can just sit and look at the menu or order a drink. More than that and I would be annoyed, and I'd get annoyed faster if I had to wait outside on the street or something similar.

[milly007]

I wouldn't get upset about five minutes nor would it cause me to lose interest. I'm quite a punctual person and wouldn't think of arriving even five minutes late to work or class, but my policy is a bit more relaxed for social events and 5 minutes or even ten would be ok, especially if I'm meeting someone at a cafe or restaurant where I can just sit and look at the menu or order a drink. More than that and I would be annoyed, and I'd get annoyed faster if I had to wait outside on the street or something similar.

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

The thing is, I didn't want to lose interest, and I didn't want to be annoyed by those few minutes.

 

This is all great input though and I'll be keeping this in mind moving forward.

[Ms Darcy]

Given the variation in watches etc, I would allow a margin of error of +/- 5 minutes. More than that, I would hope he would apologize (e.g. 10-15 minutes late). It's when it's more than 15 minutes late when I would not be happy. At 20 minutes, I would have left.

[milly007]

Given the variation in watches etc, I would allow a margin of error of +/- 5 minutes. More than that, I would hope he would apologize (e.g. 10-15 minutes late). It's when it's more than 15 minutes late when I would not be happy. At 20 minutes, I would have left.

 

Thanks for the input, Ms. Darcy.

[Matt3939]

Due to my work I'm always on time. 5 min? Lol let that slide. If it's more as long as they keep the person in the loop it's fine.

[limichelle]

i can see where you are coming from, he apologized but a text beforehand to say he is running a little behind would have been nice. I hate waiting for people as well, it's just polite to be punctual and if you can't then call or text beforehand.

 

Lisa

[reinventmyself]

5 minutes? Seriously?!

My ex husband showed up 30 min's late for our first date. The next date he showed up late and found a note on my door saying `I waited. Sorry I missed you' He was never late again.

(but yet I married him. A whole 'nother story)

We need to accept that though we believe that punctuality is a virtue, not everyone else feels the same. If it's that important to you (and that's ok!) that you hold out for someone that feels the same way.

[SherrySher]

Someone needs to find the post about the girlfriend who was continually late. By the way OP...this woman was hours late...constantly..so 5 minutes?? Meh..no big deal.

I have had it where I was nearly out the door and nature called..it happens.

[milly007]

i can see where you are coming from, he apologized but a text beforehand to say he is running a little behind would have been nice. I hate waiting for people as well, it's just polite to be punctual and if you can't then call or text beforehand.

 

Lisa

 

A good friend of mine basically said the exact same thing. Thanks!

[milly007]

5 minutes? Seriously?!

My ex husband showed up 30 min's late for our first date. The next date he showed up late and found a note on my door saying `I waited. Sorry I missed you' He was never late again.

(but yet I married him. A whole 'nother story)

We need to accept that though we believe that punctuality is a virtue, not everyone else feels the same. If it's that important to you (and that's ok!) that you hold out for someone that feels the same way.

 

What's funny is that towards the end if the night we were discussing pet peeves and his is when people are late. Lol

 

I understand that some people may not consider 5 or 10 minutes a big deal. In my opinion, the beginning stages of getting to know someone is a fragile process. I was going to walk to this location we met at, but when I realized how far it was, and that I would be late if I walked from work, I cabbed it specifically so I wouldn't be late, and I was 12 minutes early. I liked this guy and wanted to (continue to) make a good first impression. Being on time or early is definitely a good thing. But if someone is running late, they're clearly not leaving they're date with as good of an impression if they were early or on time. But, this is just my opinion.

 

Either way, chaulking this up to a learning experience.

 

Thanks!

[Heather Dawn]

Dancing fool - if you read my above post, you will see that I didn't give him the "third degree". Come on now. Again, as I mentioned to Wiseman, please don't jump to conclusions. This guy and I made the best of our time together. I treated him with respect, as he did me - we had fun.

 

But you said you lost interest as soon as he was late...

[catfeeder]

Making an issue out of 5 minutes is not being sensitive, it's being completely absurd.

 

I agree. You can hold people to such an exacting standard if you want to. It's not against the law, it will just make you miserable. And eventually friendless.

 

You really don't need an excuse for not being into someone. If you were crazy about the guy, would 5 minutes really matter?

[milly007]

But you said you lost interest as soon as he was late...

 

Just because I lost interest doesn't mean I'm not going to make the best of the experience. Also, I was clearly questioning my initial reaction to him being late, and as a result, I didn't want to throw the baby out with the bath water. Hence me coming here for advice.

[milly007]

I agree. You can hold people to such an exacting standard if you want to. It's not against the law, it will just make you miserable. And eventually friendless.

 

You really don't need an excuse for not being into someone. If you were crazy about the guy, would 5 minutes really matter?

 

Right, but referring to it as 'absurd' is a bit much, in my opinion.

 

Either way, it's a learning experience.