Why has our society changed so tremendously?

[Ms Darcy]

Where do you people live that a working wife/mother actually qualifies for alimony. Geesh!

 

To be fair, it depends on the situation. My sister and her husband both worked good, full-time jobs. She was a nurse at a busy hospital. When she had kids, she became the one who would have to take time off to pick up the kids, etc. etc. So she sacrificed her career for the family. She continued to work (at an allergy clinic for a more flexible schedule but also for much less money). And that was basically for 15 years.

 

She gets alimony and her ex didn't take issue with it.

[ThatwasThen]

All over the place. It's based off a discrepancy of income, not her having simply worked.

 

That wouldn't fly in Ontario.

[Ms Darcy]

Hey I ain't above that blue raspberry.

 

I don't drink anymore, but when I did (in college) MD, Busch, and wine coolers were more prevalent than water!

[Seraphim]

My brother's ex hag doesn't get alimony just child support. She works.

[ThatwasThen]

I hear you that it is a play-on words..... but I think it's in poor taste. But I'm picky like that, lol

 

Plentyoffish is a good name, I don't have a problem with that name.

Speaking of "poor taste" You're not that picky if you'd use Chevy Chase as an avatar. O.o lol

 

Anyway... to each their own. The bottom line is its a place to meet other singles without having an actual date with them but rather do an activity (like sailing, sking, nature trail hiking etc.) with them.

[j.man]

You sort this while dating. As far as open relationships, just pass.There are men looking for that 519338&p=6612314&viewfull=1#post6612314"] ]

 

That wouldn't fly in Ontario.

That's good and bad. I do think anyone who took care of the kid for 4+ years should get it in some form or another. You can't expect them to have the same career opportunities after 4 years away. I'm completely for the concept within reason. Here in the States, if you stayed at home with the kids, you'll get something.

 

Now with no kids in the equation, that's totally different here.

[Zaphod]

I hear you that it is a play-on words..... but I think it's in poor taste. But I'm picky like that, lol

 

Plentyoffish is a good name, I don't have a problem with that name.

 

I knew an Irish fella once called Plenty O' Fish. True story. He was an intergalactic fishmonger, which had nothing to do with his name.

[ThatwasThen]

*snipped* double posted somehow.

[ThatwasThen]

That's good and bad. I do think anyone who took care of the kid for 4+ years should get it in some form or another. You can't expect them to have the same career opportunities after 4 years away. I'm completely for the concept within reason. Here in the States, if you stayed at home with the kids, you'll get something.

 

Now with no kids in the equation, that's totally different here.

es... here too if you stayed home but if you worked, alimony wouldn't be granted. Child support is based on the father's monthly income and the government will garner wages if the payments aren't forth coming on the same date every month.

 

We have a very good social system here and now with the new Liberal Government, the Child Tax Credit benefit is practically paying women to stay home.. up to almost $2,000.00 a month depending on gross income and depending on how many children one has.

 

Mind you we pay $40.00 + for a bottle of Vodka and $12.00 for cigarettes and usually well over a dollar for a litre of gas which helps fund that system.

[ThatwasThen]

Lol... Is that like the Intrusive Irish Man known as "Patty O'furniture?" You can find him on everyone's deck.

[dave_1966]

The divorce rate is 41%. However, not all the relationships and married couples are happy.

 

Women file first for divorce 2/3rds of the time. That's because they have the power in relationships (usually). Relationships are primarily a woman's area (good for them I say).

 

 

 

- That URL sounds suggestive.

 

Your figures are way off the mark, the divorce rate instigated by women is as high as 85% in some western countries. A quick google search will verify this. Quite frankly, your figures look made up.

[journeynow]

Your figures are way off the mark, the divorce rate instigated by women is as high as 85% in some western countries. A quick google search will verify this. Quite frankly, your figures look made up.

 

I googled this but could not find a source for your statistic. Can you direct us to studies that support this?

[journeynow]

I think as joint custody is becoming more favorable with the courts, we'll see things improve.

 

I think so, too. Things do change, the situation now is a change from the past, where divorced single mothers tended to live in poverty, and before that, when a divorce woman was an outcast, had no rights to property, etc. There is more awareness now how many divorced fathers are shortchanged. It seems divorces aren't often enacted in a calm and fair manner; they are often highly emotional and antagonistic and each side does not care to see the other's point of view. (Luckily, mine was not that way, we each still cared about and for each other and did not want the logistics of the divorce to hurt the other; one of the benefits of allowing friendship to happen between exes.)

[Tinydance]

Wow, thanks for all the comments everybody, it has been very insightful reading! Firstly, I would like to say that I definitely have tried a lot to meet guys in real life as well as online. I've done speed dating maybe something like 6-7 times and there was absolutely no success at all. Sometimes I got no matches but usually I did get one date out of it, where one time the guy was a total weirdo and other times just never saw them again. Also I'd been to a few "singles parties" and those parties were very much like dating sites and apps in that people kept ditching me and moving on to talk to the next woman who obviously seemed better/hotter than me. Also most of my ex's I actually met in real life.

 

I think here in Australia the woman isn't necessarily favoured in a divorce, as assets and finance are supposed to be split 50/50. Also I don't think there is any alimony, just child support if there are kids involved.

 

Unfortunately I still believe that our society's views overall ob dating and marriage have changed dramatically and that we do now have this casual, hookup culture. Don't get me wrong, I definitely don't blame my own poor choices on "hookup culture", as I'm well aware that I'm an adult with my own choices and I control my life. I don't hook up with people from online and I do go out relatively often to bars and dancing with friends and I never hook up there at all or even kiss anyone. My OK Cupid profile says "wants kids" and looking for "friends and long term dating". I don't use any dating apps like Tinder at all because I know they're notorius just for hookups and I didn't like them when I used them briefly.

 

I just think people's mindset has changed a lot in modern day society and that goes for both men and women. Not that many people in general want kids and marriage and I always find with men my age (in their 30's), they think they're still pretty young and have lots of time to have kids. Which is true because a man biologically can have kids anytime. So the problem is that if I'm dating a man around my own age, they are still not ready to have kids for 5/10/even 15 years in some cases. So my friends suggested I look for guys in their 40's but even that's not going so well finding them either.

 

I do think that social media, dating sites and apps and night club and bar culture makes people feel like they'd be making a mistake if they committed to just one person, and especially had kids, because then they'd really be "locked in" and have no freedom. Please don't get me wrong, I don't judge anyone polyamorous at all, but it really seems polyamoury is hugely taking off now, even a lot more than 10-20 years ago. It just seems to me that when people say they want an open relationship or something casual, they basically know they can go to bars or online and see many other people there and hook up, so what is the reason to limit to only one person?

 

I actually work in an aged care day program and outreach service for people aged 65+. The vast majority of our clients are/were married for like 40/50/60 years. I think that marriage and commitment definitely take a lot of effort but people of that generation had a different mind set where they were willing to give a long term commitment and marriage a very strong chance. I understand some marriages may have been arranged or more for the sake of status or convenience, but still I don't think someone could spend 60 years with another person if they didn't care for them a great deal at least. One client was married for fifty years but the wife did leave him eight years ago, so obviously she had the will to end the marriage when she wanted to, but she just chose to give it a good chance all those years.

 

I see so many posts here where people were dating someone they met online and all seemed to be going very well and all of a sudden they just lost interest or "ghosted" and the dumpee is shocked and doesn't understand what went wrong. Of course not all dating works out but in cases where everything seemed to be going well for weeks or months and all of suddem they just ghost, I can almost guarantee it's because they've been seeing lots of people and they found a person/people who are seemingly "better". Often when the dating starts getting more serious is when the person runs because they don't want their freedom taken away. I'm actually not talking about just men, but definitely women as well. Even my best friend who's a 26-year-old woman just wants to play the field and do casual and hook up at clubs and on Adult Matchmaker. Actually one guy she talked to online for ages (she said nothing about casual) said that he didn't want to meet her because on OK Cupid one of her replies said she'd wait to have sex for 6+ dates. The guy said he wanted something where he could get sex faster! People just are not willing to put in effort into an actual relationship or even just having coffee together a few times and it's sad.

 

I'm willing to even give up on the idea of marriage if I find a long term partner who wants kids, but that seems impossible to find. It's very difficult being a minority who wants a serious monogamous relationship....

[Hollyj]

Where do you live to have a word view like this, and are you part of a religious sect?

 

No. Just very misogynistic.

[ThatwasThen]

I'm willing to even give up on the idea of marriage if I find a long term partner who wants kids, but that seems impossible to find. It's very difficult being a minority who wants a serious monogamous relationship....

Then please consider changing that you're looking for

looking for "friends and long term dating"

and put "looking for a relationship" instead.

 

No man is joining a dating site to make platonic friends. That "friends" is going to seem like you are looking for FWB's more then you think. "Long term dating" implies that you don't want a commitment either but you're willing to keep seeing someone while not committed, as long as you mesh. JMPO

 

People just are not willing to put in effort into an actual relationship or even just having coffee together a few times and it's sad.

Well, the people you and your friend are entertaining aren't willing to put in effort into an actual relationship anyway. There are lots of men out there that do want a committed life long partner. The wedding business is a multi billion dollar enterprise so those that want to be married are certainly out there. Quickly ditch those looking for a quick booty call and tighten up your profile settings so that you'll only allow those that at least proclaim to want more then a shag to get through to you. I think those that are seriously wanting something serious tend to find someone who matches sooner rather then later since they don't waste time with the "goers."

 

Good luck going forward.

[Hollyj]

The divorce rate is 41%. However, not all the relationships and married couples are happy.

 

Women file first for divorce 2/3rds of the time. That's because they have the power in relationships (usually). Relationships are primarily a woman's area (good for them I say)

 

 

 

- That URL sounds suggestive.

 

What a bunch of crap!

[Tinydance]

Then please consider changing that you're looking for and put "looking for a relationship" instead.

 

No man is joining a dating site to make platonic friends. That "friends" is going to seem like you are looking for FWB's more then you think. "Long term dating" implies that you don't want a commitment either but you're willing to keep seeing someone while not committed, as long as you mesh. JMPO

 

Well, the people you and your friend are entertaining aren't willing to put in effort into an actual relationship anyway. There are lots of men out there that do want a committed life long partner. The wedding business is a multi billion dollar enterprise so those that want to be married are certainly out there. Quickly ditch those looking for a quick booty call and tighten up your profile settings so that you'll only allow those that at least proclaim to want more then a shag to get through to you. I think those that are seriously wanting something serious tend to find someone who matches sooner rather then later since they don't waste time with the "goers."

 

Good luck going forward.

 

Actually on OK Cupid I don't have a choice in what I say because the only options I have that I can tick are: "friends", "short term dating", "long term dating" and "casual sex". The only reason why I had "friends" ticked is because some guys may feel comfortable just starting slow and developing friendship first but if it's "long term dating" straight away it may potentially seem a bit full on.

[Tinydance]

 

Actually "plenty of fish" modern mindset is exactly what I'm talking about. People always seem to think there are more and better people out there.

[ThatwasThen]

Actually on OK Cupid I don't have a choice in what I say because the only options I have that I can tick are: "friends", "short term dating", "long term dating" and "casual sex". The only reason why I had "friends" ticked is because some guys may feel comfortable just starting slow and developing friendship first but if it's "long term dating" straight away it may potentially seem a bit full on.

Like I said, I'm more then sure that men are not joining dating sites to make opposite sex friendships. Change it to long term dating if that's the closest to what you want. Personally I would get off of a site that didn't offer the choices that and restrictions that suited me.

 

Friends on a dating site is for friends with benefits... at least that's what it seems to mean to most men that put that as what they are looking for.

[Wiseman2]

No. That = friendzone or fwb. LTR does not scare men away.

AThe only reason why I had "friends" ticked is because some guys may feel comfortable just starting slow and developing friendship first but if it's "long term dating" straight away it may potentially seem a bit full on.

[Zaphod]

Friends on a dating site is for friends with benefits... at least that's what it seems to mean to most men that put that as what they are looking for.

 

What does that make the "casual sex" option then? I guess enemies with benefits? Or something.

 

Actually "Enemies with benefits" sounds quite hot, as it goes. Much hotter than "Friends with benefits". You don't have to do all the handbag shopping and saying they don't look fat in that dress and all that. It would all be very Mr and Mrs Smith. Trying to kill each other in the kitchen and stuff.

 

No. That = friendzone or fwb. LTR does not scare men away.

 

So I think we're all decided then. Two extra options, "Friendzoned" and "Enemis with benefits". This is surely where all these sites are going wrong.

[ThatwasThen]

What does that make the "casual sex" option then? I guess enemies with benefits? Or something.

 

Actually "Enemies with benefits" sounds quite hot, as it goes. Much hotter than "Friends with benefits". You don't have to do all the handbag shopping and saying they don't look fat in that dress and all that. It would all be very Mr and Mrs Smith. Trying to kill each other in the kitchen and stuff.

LOL

 

Casual sex means just that... booty calls and it's for the men like TinyDance's friend was subjected to that thought going on 6 dates before getting busy was too long a wait.

[Blue Spiral]

When I was fifteen, relatives asked me if I was interested in "dating girls" or "getting married someday". I said no. They laughed and said I'd change my mind.

 

When I was nineteen, my first girlfriend was angry at me for not wanting to get married. She told me that "nobody thinks like that" and that I was "weird". She questioned whether I really loved her and claimed that I'd later marry someone else.

 

I am thirty-seven years old. I've never been married and never will get married. I've also never dated. The relatives who claimed I would...well, they're no longer with us, sad to say.

 

This isn't entirely due to my own willpower. Women have been more than happy to ignore me, at times; when you learn to go without love, you also learn to go without monogamy. They inadvertently helped me learn how to survive without them.

 

I agree with many of the points made in this thread. Divorce and child-support are terrifying, people are marrying later, and feminism/the sexual revolution/whatever has made it easier to get sex without commitment. (If everyone agrees on who's responsible for that, please, let me know, I'd like to buy them a drink.) But it's also true that a growing number of men are waking up and deciding to avoid serious relationships in general. I was a very early example of this; others are slowly catching on. Due to biology and conformity, this movement will never be a majority of men, I'm sure. But even just ten or twenty percent of us could make things awfully interesting, no?

[Blue Spiral]

LOL

 

Casual sex means just that... booty calls and it's for the men like TinyDance's friend was subjected to that thought going on 6 dates before getting busy was too long a wait.

 

Six dates?? Wow. One sounds like too many to me...