JJ's Diary of Dating

[IAmFCA]

I think Tinder is sort of "over," I'm new to Bumble. So far, I don't really like it. I'm just using it in attempts to get in front of more women.

 

I honestly do not know where all the single, pretty and kind women are. I feel like they're all chasing after...certain other guys. Which is a shame, because I have so much to offer...but whatever.

 

I feel exactly the same way. Well, not exactly.

[Realitynut]

Like I have said, My on again/off again bf, (now on) was 5'8", Bald, bow-legged and a HUGE stomach and 2 big chins. When he contacted me on POF...I ignored. If I HAD ever met him (which I never would have) I would not have gone on a second date, because I was not into him physically.

 

I then met him in real life, doing things we both love. He obviously was into me ( a given....lol) but his personality won me over eventually. I mean a LONG time. Best friends, but it took him to tell me he was gonna move on... because he needed intimacy...that I bit the bullet. And did the sparks fly. He's still not physically attractive....but has lost some weight.

 

JJ.....that's the funny thing about loving someone, they become MORE attractive to you. I have dated many a mediocre guy who became handsome in my eyes, because of love. And then (like my ex husband) became so homely to me. I'm surprised now to look at old pics of him (we were married 20 yrs) and see that he was quite handsome! (and tall....lol)

 

But hey...I've got fat arms, a gut...moody...lol....not perfect by any means.....but JJ...I know you want to meet a girl you are initially 'attracted' to....but why don't you give a girl a shot that makes you smile? Someone you think is easy going, would make a good wife/mom. Someone who is into your interests/hobbies. Someone who sparks an interest in your BRAIN....and not so much in your little head.

 

One time, I was in my 20's and dancing quite a bit. There was this guy that was the MOST handsome guy I ever laid eyes on. And he danced. And all the girls were crazy over him. I wanted him so bad. lol And I got the chance. I went out with him a few times, and even tho we had fun dancing, I realized he was so shallow. Sometimes good looking people don't have to cultivate a winning personality, because they Don't HAVE too. Their beauty just attracts the men/women. As you know, looks do fade.

 

I know you say you aren't going after the 9's and 10's, but why don't you give halfway 'normal' girls a chance, someone who you read their profile and think it's entertaining. Or when you see them...once, or twice, and you find yourself not being 'bored'.

 

I saw my guy 5 times, before he came up to me and whispered something in my ear. It was so funny....my head spun around and I looked at him in a whole new light. But I still wouldn't date him. I kept going out with guys on POF....and one after another was a dud.

But yet when i'd go out with my 'friend'....he'd keep me in stitches the whole night. Didn't hurt to know that he was 'attracted' to me. Guess it was MY ego stroke.

 

So ....just an idea. Getting a woman that you have to constantly 'fight' for to get her attention, why not try for a woman that you know will treat you with respect, and 'worship the ground you walk on'.....ok...no bashing. Everyone wants someone they can't quite 'bag'.....the illusive want what you can't get thing.

 

Accept a date that doesn't make your knees weak....they may later.

 

My sister married a guy she NEVER would have been attracted to. She dated very tall and thin guys. She married a very short, thick set, older man. She told me that he thought he was falling in love with her by the second date. She told me she wasn't even sure she like him. lol

 

Married now for 6 years.....

[John John]

I feel exactly the same way. Well, not exactly.

 

??? lol O_o

[John John]

Like I have said, My on again/off again bf, (now on) was 5'8", Bald, bow-legged and a HUGE stomach and 2 big chins. When he contacted me on POF...I ignored. If I HAD ever met him (which I never would have) I would not have gone on a second date, because I was not into him physically.

 

I then met him in real life, doing things we both love. He obviously was into me ( a given....lol) but his personality won me over eventually. I mean a LONG time. Best friends, but it took him to tell me he was gonna move on... because he needed intimacy...that I bit the bullet. And did the sparks fly. He's still not physically attractive....but has lost some weight.

 

JJ.....that's the funny thing about loving someone, they become MORE attractive to you. I have dated many a mediocre guy who became handsome in my eyes, because of love. And then (like my ex husband) became so homely to me. I'm surprised now to look at old pics of him (we were married 20 yrs) and see that he was quite handsome! (and tall....lol)

 

But hey...I've got fat arms, a gut...moody...lol....not perfect by any means.....but JJ...I know you want to meet a girl you are initially 'attracted' to....but why don't you give a girl a shot that makes you smile? Someone you think is easy going, would make a good wife/mom. Someone who is into your interests/hobbies. Someone who sparks an interest in your BRAIN....and not so much in your little head.

 

One time, I was in my 20's and dancing quite a bit. There was this guy that was the MOST handsome guy I ever laid eyes on. And he danced. And all the girls were crazy over him. I wanted him so bad. lol And I got the chance. I went out with him a few times, and even tho we had fun dancing, I realized he was so shallow. Sometimes good looking people don't have to cultivate a winning personality, because they Don't HAVE too. Their beauty just attracts the men/women. As you know, looks do fade.

 

I know you say you aren't going after the 9's and 10's, but why don't you give halfway 'normal' girls a chance, someone who you read their profile and think it's entertaining. Or when you see them...once, or twice, and you find yourself not being 'bored'.

 

I saw my guy 5 times, before he came up to me and whispered something in my ear. It was so funny....my head spun around and I looked at him in a whole new light. But I still wouldn't date him. I kept going out with guys on POF....and one after another was a dud.

But yet when i'd go out with my 'friend'....he'd keep me in stitches the whole night. Didn't hurt to know that he was 'attracted' to me. Guess it was MY ego stroke.

 

So ....just an idea. Getting a woman that you have to constantly 'fight' for to get her attention, why not try for a woman that you know will treat you with respect, and 'worship the ground you walk on'.....ok...no bashing. Everyone wants someone they can't quite 'bag'.....the illusive want what you can't get thing.

 

Accept a date that doesn't make your knees weak....they may later.

 

My sister married a guy she NEVER would have been attracted to. She dated very tall and thin guys. She married a very short, thick set, older man. She told me that he thought he was falling in love with her by the second date. She told me she wasn't even sure she like him. lol

 

Married now for 6 years.....

 

Realitynut...thank you for the heartfelt post and all that you said. You're a sweetheart, and clearly very wise.

 

I'll say it again. I do not routinely go after 8s, 9s or 10s. I hate the numbers system, but I'm trying to articulate this as best as I can. I generally go for 7s, for lack of a better way to articulate this.

 

However...given all that I have to offer and how f#%king hard I work on myself, my education, my career, bank account, the gym...I'm not going to date woman I'm not at all physically attracted to initially. We as men are different and need that initial physical attraction. I promise you reality...I have tried to bite the bullet and date women I wasn't attracted to...for several dates. I tried this several times and it never worked out for me. So don't assume I'm haven't tried this already.

 

I'm not looking for a woman that "makes me weak in the knees." I have also rejected 9s because they had ZERO personalities and nothing in common with me. I'm all about the holistic "package." But I'm not going to date an overweight woman (I find that physically unattractive, and also that lifestyle/choices unattractive) or a woman who is just generally unattractive. If that means I'm going to end up alone...that's on me. I own up to that. Maybe I deserve to end up alone for wanting to date someone I'm attracted to. Fine.

 

I just think it's an interesting comment on society and women in general (all the women on here are free to come at me for this) that a man's height (something none of us choose or can do anything about) basically dwarf's everything else he might have to offer. I think it's an interesting comment on society how a 6'2" ice cream truck driver with no college degree has on average more options than I do. But other women will (essentially) tell me to settle, which sort of silently acknowledges that...height trumps everything. I know this is not the case for all women...but I would say it seems to be, for the vast majority of them. It's...interesting how some really ,really good guys out there who are below the magical 6ft mark can have basically everything else going for them, but it doesn't matter and they're told "date someone you're not attracted who/who doesn't have an active lifestyle/workout, etc."

 

I also think it's interesting how women get a free pass to be as vocal as they want on their profiles "No short men," "no men below 6ft" "If you're not taller than me in my stilettos, this will never work," "short guys swipe left." If we men were to say "no fat girls," or "beached whales swipe left," or "no women who I can't pick up," we'd be crucified, labeled misogynists, etc. Very...interesting double standard. I should also note that women talk this way about short men in real life, and even say it to their faces. It's even happened to me a few times in the past. I recovered fine and ignored the girls (one I still hooked up with, joke's on her)...but me and all my friends would never call a girl fat to her face. But it seems that so many women are brutally vocal and honest about their preferences to the point where it's mean and makes them look...well yeah.

 

I have been on dates this year with a few 9s. I chose to not to see any of them for future dates because two of them were vapid twits (which their profiles did not indicate), and one was straight up rude. I also reject profiles of women who are hot, but have absolutely nothing of substance written in their profiles. So it goes both ways. I am not just focusing on looks. Maybe it's a male/female thing ,but I need the initial physical attraction. Like I said, I've tried getting around this, but it has NEVER worked out for me, no matter how nice they were. I just wasn't physically attracted to them. And I'm sure there are some women like this too who need the initial butterflies, although I think women on average are more open to getting past this.

 

I don't know what else to say really. I really don't think I'm a jerk who has unrealistic/unfair standards. Not at all looking for Katy Perry, as I'm far from Brad Pitt. I can't stress this enough. But I do need that initial physical attraction. Which I guess goes back to what ITIC once said. I have a large part in this by being selective.

[imsuperman]

I don't have the height problem and I'm a soft 7 on my best of days, but I know what you mean.

[John John]

I don't have the height problem and I'm a soft 7 on my best of days, but I know what you mean.

 

Honestly, I think nowadays it's better to be tall than anything else as a guy, because women seem to forgive all other flaws as long as the guy is tall. Women worship height. I'd almost at this point be willing to give up my full head of hair, education and looks for height. And since women tend to want what other women want, this will only get worse. Online dating will serve to perpetuate womens' height requirements and power in the dating world, in general.

 

Be thankful you're tall my friend!

[WithLove]

I can honestly say that I've never associated with anyone that has said "I'd never date a man that wasn't tall". Guess it's all about who you're friends with and the type of people you're around.

[faraday]

Honestly, I think nowadays it's better to be tall than anything else as a guy, because women seem to forgive all other flaws as long as the guy is tall. Women worship height. I'd almost at this point be willing to give up my full head of hair, education and looks for height. And since women tend to want what other women want, this will only get worse. Online dating will serve to perpetuate womens' height requirements and power in the dating world, in general.

 

Be thankful you're tall my friend!

 

*massive eye roll*

 

I love you John, but jeebus.

[John John]

*massive eye roll*

 

I love you John, but jeebus.

 

I know. I know. The only thing I sort of take back is the bit that "women want what other women want." I don't believe that's true for many women, but it seems that way when sooooo many women have these arbitrary height requirements when they themselves are 5'1".

 

I just don't think you understand this particular issue because it affects/affected you none. I KNOW you had your dating hardships dating as a single mom. I know you had it rough before you found Jay.

 

But at least you never had a physical dealbreaker that essentially makes you instantly unattractive to a large amount of the opposite sex, and can't do anything about it really.

 

I'm a great guy in many ways. People may read some of my posts and think otherwise, but that's fine. As I've said before, this is where I post my innermost sh*t. I have a ton to offer, but because of my height, I feel like it all means nothing sometimes. Oh well.

[faraday]

On the numbers scale, you are what you consistently attract. If you think you're a 5 and you consistently attract 8s, you're either an 8 or you have a well paying job. If you think you're in 8 but consistently attract 5s...well...you're a 5. Because 8s that drive an ice cream truck get out in the fun zone....but they still get dates with 8s.

[John John]

On the numbers scale, you are what you consistently attract. If you think you're a 5 and you consistently attract 8s, you're either an 8 or you have a well paying job. If you think you're in 8 but consistently attract 5s...well...you're a 5. Because 8s that drive an ice cream truck get out in the fun zone....but they still get dates with 8s.

 

Yeah that's true. You're right. I've dated all over the spectrum from 6-9. I have had many dates with what I would consider 7s-8s, so I guess that's roughly about where I stand. Makes sense. I guess I'm about a 7 all things considered (height, looks, fitness, education, salary, personality, etc).

[faraday]

 

 

 

This is satire, but like all satire, there's a lot of truth in it. If you watch to the end, he explains the matrix for women. It's too simplified to be accurate, but it's kinda true.

[itsallgrand]

This league thing is so subjective though. You keep mentioning Katy Perry like she's super stunning or something and to me she's meh at best . An average woman with a lot of make up slapped on her face.

 

I don't know that I agree with that people attract on the level they are. Again, it's so subjective. It's all about what a person values and if they think you've got it. They just have to believe you do, it's not objective by far.

 

I know I can't relate to the height thing, being a woman and rarely getting rejected based on lack of height. But I've sure been rejected for equally trivial things that I can't control , I'm more than sure.

 

I really think you need to stop giving THOSE women so much of your mental real estate. What does their preference/ opinion/ taste/ value say about you? Jack all😀

 

Not trying to down play your feelings but I think if/ when you are feeling better about the prospects out there and confident that you will or have found better matches FOR YOU, you won't care near as much about this. It's because you are frustrated, and I get it, that you are honing in on this familiar theme for you.

[imsuperman]

 

 

This is satire, but like all satire, there's a lot of truth in it. If you watch to the end, he explains the matrix for women. It's too simplified to be accurate, but it's kinda true.

 

"...anyone named Tiffany..."

[John John]

This league thing is so subjective though. You keep mentioning Katy Perry like she's super stunning or something and to me she's meh at best . An average woman with a lot of make up slapped on her face.

 

I don't know that I agree with that people attract on the level they are. Again, it's so subjective. It's all about what a person values and if they think you've got it. They just have to believe you do, it's not objective by far.

 

I know I can't relate to the height thing, being a woman and rarely getting rejected based on lack of height. But I've sure been rejected for equally trivial things that I can't control , I'm more than sure.

 

I really think you need to stop giving THOSE women so much of your mental real estate. What does their preference/ opinion/ taste/ value say about you? Jack all😀

 

Not trying to down play your feelings but I think if/ when you are feeling better about the prospects out there and confident that you will or have found better matches FOR YOU, you won't care near as much about this. It's because you are frustrated, and I get it, that you are honing in on this familiar theme for you.

 

Thanks IAG. Yeah. It's been a recurring issue my whole life.

 

I've never said this on ENA...but the minute my ex left me...the first thought that went through my head...before the reality of the situation even begun to set in...before I was even "numb"... was..."F#%k...I'm short...how the hell am I gonna find another pretty girl?"

 

I know I'm not the only guy on the wrong side of 5'10" that feels the way I do. I'm doing the best I can to get over it, "compensate," get out there, etc. But it's always been there and I'm sure it always will be, to some degree. It's highly limiting for a guy, which blows. But most of us have things we get rejected for. I know I'm not alone in that

[WithLove]

What about you thinking you're short is so bad?

[John John]

What about you thinking you're short is so bad?

 

I'm actually ok with my height. It's just that many, many women aren't. That a huge chunk of the opposite sex views me a certain way because of this trait just doesn't sit right with me. And there's more implications there than just dating. But I don't want to talk about it anymore, because at the end of the day, things aren't changing on either side. I won't get taller lol and women won't change their minds!

[Blue Spiral]

I can honestly say that I've never associated with anyone that has said "I'd never date a man that wasn't tall". Guess it's all about who you're friends with and the type of people you're around.

 

Actions speak louder than words. Men may not say "I'd never date a woman that's overweight", but their actions will tell the tale. It's the same here. Some things don't need to be said.

 

I will now attempt to summarize the universal argument made in threads like these:

 

"Golly gee, women care about height? I'm a woman, and that's news to me! Sure, sure, I'm involved with a guy that's taller than me, but that's just a coincidence. You should do just fine as a not-tall guy! Completely coincidentally, though, you may need to settle for less. Significantly less."

[WithLove]

I'm 5'1. Everyone is taller than me.

[reinventmyself]

Wikipedia:

 

What is the average height of American men and women?

 

Men: 5 ft. 9 ½ in., Women: 5 ft. 4 in., based on 2003-2006 measurements of ages 20+ in the United States.

 

So if the average height of women is 5'4" I am not seeing this as a problem.

Maybe you are giving too much weight to what you are seeing as `preference' on online profiles.?

 

They are only preferences and if I am asked, I will tell you my preference. I prefer to make $250 annually, but I don't and I am perfectly satisfied and happy with what I have. I am not about to change jobs anytime soon either.

[Blue Spiral]

I'm 5'1. Everyone is taller than me.

 

You would be shocked at the number of women your height who refuse to date a man under six feet tall. I don't care about height at all, but, being realistic, I've tried to go after women that are shorter than I am. 90% of the time, they're looking for someone 5'10 or taller.

[imsuperman]

Someone send some of these women my way

[WithLove]

You would be shocked at the number of women your height who refuse to date a man under six feet tall. I don't care about height at all, but, being realistic, I've tried to go after women that are shorter than I am. 90% of the time, they're looking for someone 5'10 or taller.

 

Seems like it would be a chore to kiss each other, among other things.

[John John]

Wikipedia:

 

What is the average height of American men and women?

 

Men: 5 ft. 9 ½ in., Women: 5 ft. 4 in., based on 2003-2006 measurements of ages 20+ in the United States.

 

So if the average height of women is 5'4" I am not seeing this as a problem.

Maybe you are giving too much weight to what you are seeing as `preference' on online profiles.?

 

They are only preferences and if I am asked, I will tell you my preference. I prefer to make $250 annually, but I don't and I am perfectly satisfied and happy with what I have. I am not about to change jobs anytime soon either.

 

 

I might be taller than the average woman by a few inches...and this is much less of a problem for me in real life...but online dating kinda sucks for men shorter than 5'10". I did well in the past, which is scary. But I also used to be on a lot more sites and was more gung ho about it. Might be time to hang it up on OLD for me.

 

You would be shocked at the number of women your height who refuse to date a man under six feet tall. I don't care about height at all, but, being realistic, I've tried to go after women that are shorter than I am. 90% of the time, they're looking for someone 5'10 or taller.

 

Yeah. I tend to end up with average+ women (5'5"/5'7"). Very short women I think prefer even taller men because it evokes the "protection" thing more, and gives them a chance for decent sized sons. I've even heard women say this before. Even though the kids might very well still end up short. All in all, I'd say in most cases (most women) height trumps all no matter what you have to offer otherwise.

 

...but it is what it is! No more talk of this. Nothing any of us will say changes the reality of the situation.

[Blue Spiral]

Seems like it would be a chore to kiss each other, among other things.

 

For some reason, that doesn't seem to bother them.

 

Where I live, I frequently see couples that are a foot apart (or more) in height. Two of the married women that I know are both significantly shorter than me, and their husbands are well over six feet (and either come from money or are extremely successful, but that's another story).