JJ's Diary of Dating

[IAmFCA]

Ok, fair enough. I agree with this. Just sucks that everyone else around me (and I know several of them would have felt just as sucky as I do) has someone and are happy. Maybe it's not meant to be for me. I'm not yet ready to reconcile that. I need some time to think. Why am I not "worthy" as they are (according to the universe)? I think I'm flippin awesome and would make the right woman very happy.

 

My dear, one must put down ones violin at some point and be grateful for what one has, and have faith that other gifts are in store. Other humans do not get to deem whether you are worthy.

[John John]

My dear, one must put down ones violin at some point and be grateful for what one has, and have faith that other gifts are in store. Other humans do not get to deem whether you are worthy.

 

Agreed. I didn't mean others get to determine my worth. I just meant that it in the sense that the "universe" seems to allow others to be happy and others not. I know I have much to be thankful for as I am right now. I just want someone to share it all with. I'm in the camp that "people need people."

[superkatnip]

JJ, we don't always know how happy or unhappy others are from the outside. I lived what people thought was the perfect happy life while I was dying inside for almost a decade.

[IAmFCA]

JJ, we don't always know how happy or unhappy others are from the outside. I lived what people thought was the perfect happy life while I was dying inside for almost a decade.

 

When our marriage split up our neighors were shocked. "You were the couple we were trying to model ourselves after" said more than one. We always said please and thank you and that dinner is yummy... we lit up with company. and when nobody else was with us, we had norhing. There is just no telling.

 

That said, I feel your same logic. I have come to accept the things I can not change, and one of those things is what other people think. I can make myself better according to my own goals. Whether other people like it, well, I can't control that. Like you, I get gobs of affirmation from randoms. But nothing feels like it I want it to.. I am pretty sure if I just went along to get along, I'd be in a rl by now. But would I have the rl I want? How could I if I had to silence myself? All my way of saying - we are in control of our singleness. We could have a someone. Maybe not who we intend, and maybe that's okay. Or it isn't, but it doesn't mean we couldn't have gone down that road and made it work.

 

This is really on us for being choosy. Tthat's okay.

[faraday]

Ok, fair enough. I agree with this. Just sucks that everyone else around me (and I know several of them would have felt just as sucky as I do) has someone and are happy. Maybe it's not meant to be for me. I'm not yet ready to reconcile that. I need some time to think. Why am I not "worthy" as they are (according to the universe)? I think I'm flippin awesome and would make the right woman very happy.

 

I read this last night and it made me angry....I've been trying to figure out why. (I'm not anymore, I reflected on it for a while)

 

I think it's because in this post, it feels like you think you "deserve" someone...it feels entitled to me.

 

And it's not the way life works. No one is entitled to anything....we are so lucky to have all that we have....to be able to have all of our basic (and even less basic) needs met so that our problems are....small compared to not having clean water, or being married at 9 to a 30 year old.

 

I know that you never meant it to feel like you're entitled to what you want, or that you're deserving because others are.

 

It just felt like that.

 

Have you ever started a list of things you're grateful for? Do you think about them often?

 

I've found in my life...the more I am thankful, the more I have, and the more I receive.

 

Just a thought. It might be worth trying.

[John John]

I read this last night and it made me angry....I've been trying to figure out why. (I'm not anymore, I reflected on it for a while)

 

I think it's because in this post, it feels like you think you "deserve" someone...it feels entitled to me.

 

And it's not the way life works. No one is entitled to anything....we are so lucky to have all that we have....to be able to have all of our basic (and even less basic) needs met so that our problems are....small compared to not having clean water, or being married at 9 to a 30 year old.

 

I know that you never meant it to feel like you're entitled to what you want, or that you're deserving because others are.

 

It just felt like that.

 

Have you ever started a list of things you're grateful for? Do you think about them often?

 

I've found in my life...the more I am thankful, the more I have, and the more I receive.

 

Just a thought. It might be worth trying.

 

I don't think I'm entitled or deserve anything. I was trying to say that I think I bring a lot to the table and just want someone to share it all with. This was in response to ITIC who I think thought in a previous post that I was basing my self worth on other people. No one is special and no one is promised anything, and I know that.

[faraday]

I don't think I'm entitled or deserve anything. I was trying to say that I think I bring a lot to the table and just want someone to share it all with. This was in response to ITIC who I think thought in a previous post that I was basing my self worth on other people. No one is special and no one is promised anything, and I know that.

 

I know...and I didn't mean to get your hackles up That's why I said I know that you didn't mean it that way...it's just how it struck me. It was wording.

 

Anyway, do you practise thankfulness? Because that was really the point of my post (I just sucked at making that apparent)

[John John]

I know...and I didn't mean to get your hackles up That's why I said I know that you didn't mean it that way...it's just how it struck me. It was wording.

 

Anyway, do you practise thankfulness? Because that was really the point of my post (I just sucked at making that apparent)

 

Lol no you're fine I understand what you were getting at. I do need to work on being more thankful for what I do have. That, and not allowing myself to feel influenced in any way by what others around me have. You are definitely right on practicing thankfulness. This is something I am going to actively work on. I just need something to use on the fly when I'm the "xth wheel" and start (sometimes) feeling isolated or "lonely" because of that. Maybe just repeat a mantra in my head during those times.

[John John]

Updated my profile pic from one of me on vacay. Limited time only

 

Trying to be at peace with everything. Online dating is annoying. Wondering if I should just really leave it up to fate? Meh...others who have said they were on eHarmony for a while until they met someone sort of push me to stay on. Whatever.

[Realitynut]

NO...NO...JJ! A pic from the floor going UP...is NEVER a good look. Why would someone want to look up your nostrils! There is a reason women take those pics from a high angle....lol. Another pic sweetie....(and I can call you 'sweetie' cuz I'm OLD!)

[John John]

NO...NO...JJ! A pic from the floor going UP...is NEVER a good look. Why would someone want to look up your nostrils! There is a reason women take those pics from a high angle....lol. Another pic sweetie....(and I can call you 'sweetie' cuz I'm OLD!)

 

lol I'm not using it for online dating, don't worry. And I'm gonna take it down soon anyway

 

I approached a really cute girl at the gym today. Actually, I'd say she's quite beautiful. Something I've never done before. I was just myself... no false pretenses or "fronts." We talked for a bit then I asked for her number and if she had a boyfriend. She said that while she didn't have a boyfriend, she was hoping something would work out with another guy. Since she lives a block away from me, I suggested we hang out as friends, and she gave me her number. I told her to keep me in mind if she had any cute single girlfriends. I then let her know that I never approach women at the gym and that I was genuinely nervous to do so...she smiled and said "You're adorable."

 

It's all about the f#%king timing, isn't it? Well...let me attempt to look at the glass being half full. I may have made a new friend that might know some single girls. We shall see.

[LightWave93]

I may have made a new friend that might know some single girls. We shall see.

 

Ding! We have a winner! Positive mindset for the win!

[imsuperman]

Man so jealous of you approaching at the gym. I need to at least try it myself.

[John John]

Ding! We have a winner! Positive mindset for the win!

 

She actually just texted me and seems really eager to hang out. So at least I have a new friend. Holla!

 

 

Man so jealous of you approaching at the gym. I need to at least try it myself.

 

I tested the waters first. She seemed like she was having trouble moving a bench, so I offered to help her, but asked in a half joking way. She then smiled at me and said "maybe...no I think I've got it" and laughed. Then at the end of my workout, I approached her. I was actually really nervous. I know it's usually taboo to approach women at the gym, but she seemed nice. F#%k the other guy she likes...lol.

[LightWave93]

I know it's usually taboo to approach women at the gym, but she seemed nice.

 

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." ~ Wayne Gretzky

[WithLove]

Holla! Get it, boyyyyyy.

[Sportster2005]

Updated my profile pic from one of me on vacay. Limited time only

 

Trying to be at peace with everything. Online dating is annoying. Wondering if I should just really leave it up to fate? Meh...others who have said they were on eHarmony for a while until they met someone sort of push me to stay on. Whatever.

 

I've never tried EH. I have tried POF and Match.

 

One overlooked advantage of OLD is networking. A lot of my friends are women I met online and just didn't connect with. A few years ago I met a woman who enjoyed motorcycling. We didn't click. She made an offer of friendship, and since I wasn't into her, I accepted. She invited me to go riding with a women's group. Once a month they allowed men to join them. That lead to meeting other women and other dates. And I'm friends with some of those women. Always widening my social circle.

 

And face it, dating is just another skill. And online offers a way to actively practice and learn.

 

And I reserve the right to change my opinion. Because some days I swear I'll never go back online

 

You're the bomb JJ. Hang in there brother.

[WithLove]

^ I think most days all the men on here say they'll never go back to OLD.

 

I just got to see your pic, John. Not your most flattering, but still handsome af! (Look at those guns!!!) 8)

[John John]

I've never tried EH. I have tried POF and Match.

 

One overlooked advantage of OLD is networking. A lot of my friends are women I met online and just didn't connect with. A few years ago I met a woman who enjoyed motorcycling. We didn't click. She made an offer of friendship, and since I wasn't into her, I accepted. She invited me to go riding with a women's group. Once a month they allowed men to join them. That lead to meeting other women and other dates. And I'm friends with some of those women. Always widening my social circle.

 

And face it, dating is just another skill. And online offers a way to actively practice and learn.

 

And I reserve the right to change my opinion. Because some days I swear I'll never go back online

 

You're the bomb JJ. Hang in there brother.

 

Love ya bro. If you are ever in NYC - friggin call me and we will paint the town red my friend!!!

 

^ I think most days all the men on here say they'll never go back to OLD.

 

I just got to see your pic, John. Not your most flattering, but still handsome af! (Look at those guns!!!) 8)

 

Lol you're awesome WL I changed the pic to another taken from the same day...you can't see my face quite as well due to the shadows of being inside the cave we hiked through...but maybe it's a bit better? LOL whatever...limited time only!

[WithLove]

Seriously drooling over your chest and guns, bud! Great job at the gym

 

I've discovered something very recently that you're probably already aware of.... Going out with someone you perceive as less attractive than you can sometimes give you an ego boost. 8)

[Realitynut]

Yep....better!

[IAmFCA]

^ I think most days all the men on here say they'll never go back to OLD.

 

I just got to see your pic, John. Not your most flattering, but still handsome af! (Look at those guns!!!) 8)

 

Hey, stop flirting with my fiancé.

 

 

 

I dig this site for times like this, when we can come back to the group house and say, yo, that gym s is dope, and hey y'all I think I out foxed him, and btw who wants coffee in the morning... And then all go to bed knowing we have people in the foxhole to buck us up after a night out at battle.

[IAmFCA]

She actually just texted me and seems really eager to hang out. So at least I have a new friend. Holla!

 

 

 

 

I tested the waters first. She seemed like she was having trouble moving a bench, so I offered to help her, but asked in a half joking way. She then smiled at me and said "maybe...no I think I've got it" and laughed. Then at the end of my workout, I approached her. I was actually really nervous. I know it's usually taboo to approach women at the gym, but she seemed nice. F#%k the other guy she likes...lol.

 

 

Yesssssssssssss! That's my boy, got that move. Nicely done.

[John John]

I need an outlet. Something to keep me and my mind occupied outside of work. I have friends and everything...but I need some sort of purpose aside from my career (which I do enjoy, for the most part), and basic things like family and friends.

 

I'm thinking about fully giving up on online dating. I'm really considering committing myself to ONLY meet women organically in real life. My reasons? Let's see:

 

Match.com - Not worth the money or time. Very random luck on this site. No point in messaging women, as you'll just let lost in the clusterf#ck of hundreds of emails they have in their inbox.

 

eHarmony - most of the attractive (to me) women seem to be inactive. eHarmony seems to also ignore my preferences.

 

OKCupid - meh. Not bad for a free site...but meh...

 

POF - a garbage hookup site that desperately wants to be taken more seriously (remember, this is the site that had the "Intimate Encounter" option a few years ago)

 

Tinder - doesn't even need to be said

 

Coffee Meets Bagel - tried it for a week. Got matches. But conversations never even started after I wrote to them. So...ok?

 

The League - Just...no.

 

I'm sure there are some other wonderful, lovely and exciting online dating sites I might try (that are guaranteed to work!!!!! right?)...but at the moment, I'm just on eHarmony. I guess I can keep it active, it's only $10 a month to do so. But most of the women I get I'm just not attracted to (I've said it a million times but will say it again - I'm not looking for a 10!!!!), many of the attractive (to me) women have nothing of substance written in their profiles (I block them too, don't want a vapid twit), or I'll see a great profile, but she's been inactive (because she probably found someone online or off).

 

I'm wondering if meeting someone via online dating just isn't meant to be for me? Like it's not in the cards? Maybe I just keep expanding my real-life friends network (which I have been!) and just meet women in real life?

 

Match.com, eHarmony, OKC, POF, Tinder...these words, these apps...just hearing them actually angers me. I see commercials for these sites, and I either roll my eyes or just change the channel. F#@k this sh*t.

 

Once again, for those reading this and thinking that I'm the most sad, depressed, negative, terrible person out there - I was quite the life of the party Saturday night. My lady friends would not let me sit down, and I had them all in pain from laughing at my jokes/stories. This is all a huge internal frustration of mine. Will be talking about it all in therapy tomorrow night. Don't need to be yelled at or given tough love. I'm allowed to feel the way I feel.

 

/rant

[WithLove]

You certainly are allowed to feel this way. I hate that you're going through this turmoil. No yelling or tough love from me. Just friendship and virtual ears!