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JJ's Diary of Dating


John John
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Very recently, a girl we'll call "D" reached out to me over eHarmony. I could immediately tell in our early communications (the 5 questions, makes/breaks, deeper questions, and initial email from her) that she's special. Or least, different (trying not to romanticize things too much too soon, I sometimes do that). She's been traveling, but still found the time to text me and call me, which I thought was really nice. We've spoken on the phone a few times, and we (strangely) live super close to each other. We also seem to have a ton of other things in common. Which both excites and kinda scares me. Only because I'm so used to disappointment, at least as far as the last 3.5 years are concerned.

 

We will see. I am trying to be cautiously optimistic, but also real. I don't want to make anything seem really good when it might not be. That's what I did with my 5 year relationship and I won't do that again.

 

A little tidbit - thanks for the online dating world, I have found some things out about the girl who left me after 5 years. All I can say is thank God we're not together....

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Ok, I'll bite. What exactly did you find out?

 

Actually, it's really not anything in particular. It just confirmed, in my mind, that we weren't a match. If her profile and responses to various questions are any indicator, she's just very different from who I once thought she was. If we got married, it would have ended in divorce. To me, she is cold, arrogant and unromantic (among other things). She changed very much from how she was when I first met her and even said this at the end. Now I believe it.

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reached out to me over eHarmony.

 

These Americanisms amuse me. "Reached out" = contacted.

 

I remember years ago when the yanks started this whole "solutions" thing - a chair became a "seating solution", a plate became an "eating solution".

 

Haha I love it.

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Sexy John John made a dating journal? Hell yeah, count me in.

 

Glad you dodged that bullet of not marrying your ex. It scares me when people change so completely like that.

 

LOL thanks WithLove 8) And I agree. I REALLY dodged a bullet. Even though I don't "know" her anymore, I still know her enough to realize that her profile is accurate. She is underhandedly mean, condescending, thinks she's better than others, and just not nearly as loyal as I am. As painful at it was...I actually feel really sorry for her next serious bf.

 

When is D coming back from her trip?

 

She got back yesterday. We spoke on the phone for an hour (our second convo). And she JUST texted me a little while ago to tell me that she was laughing to herself today when she thought of my laugh over the phone last night

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She got back yesterday. We spoke on the phone for an hour (our second convo). And she JUST texted me a little while ago to tell me that she was laughing to herself today when she thought of my laugh over the phone last night

 

Have you asked her to meet?

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Have you asked her to meet?

 

Yes. We are on for either Friday evening or Saturday during the day (she's arranging her plans and will get back to me). I let her know that Friday is better for me, but willing to make Saturday work as well. This was when we spoke on the phone last night. I know she'll get back to me

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I probably need a lesson in reading comprehension since I read the second sentence as 5 question marks and how it made her special. Nothing like getting a good laugh out of subpar reading skills.

 

Haha! Yeah sometimes my writing can tend to run on. I overuse parenthesis too, I think. lol

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Actually, it's really not anything in particular. It just confirmed, in my mind, that we weren't a match. If her profile and responses to various questions are any indicator, she's just very different from who I once thought she was. If we got married, it would have ended in divorce. To me, she is cold, arrogant and unromantic (among other things). She changed very much from how she was when I first met her and even said this at the end. Now I believe it.

 

I've thought the same when I came across my ex's online presence (dating profile or Facebook comment on a mutual friend etc), like thank god I dodged a bullet.

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Just hold onto your seat. I tend to have a visceral reaction to someone needing to 'adjust their plans' and needing to find a time to get back to you a mere 72 hrs prior to meeting.

I hope I'm wrong.

Keep us updated and we're cheering you on!

 

Thanks reinvent!

 

I'm not too worried. She had offered to meet up Saturday, and I suggested Friday because it worked a bit better for me (since I have tentative plans this Saturday). She said she'd get back to me, and we both agreed we'd make something work. We live super close to each other, so shouldn't be too much of an issue.

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Once again....major disappointment. It hurts less because I'm used to it at this point. But this time, things seemed like they might be different. Her personality wasn't quite what she portrayed...and, as usual (for me, lately)...she didn't look like her pictures. It was obviously her, but she just didn't look the same in real life. This has been happening to me quite a bit lately and it's become ultra frustrating. I'm at the point where I just can't get excited anymore for an online date. I think I'm done. There was a cute girl in the coffee shop yesterday and we spoke a bit, but she seemed like she had a bf so I didn't bother (most women I ask out in real life seem to have bfs).

 

Life doesn't owe me a thing. I might not ever meet anyone. I just don't have the energy to go on so many flop first dates anymore. Have to somehow reconcile that...this might be the way things are gonna be for me. Everyone else I know seems to get it...have to somehow continue on alone while still being happy for them.

 

F#*k online dating.

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I'm sorry. Frustrating.

 

If I may

1. I applaud the shift to not getting excited over first meets after on line introductions. It's too soon to get excited. Get excited AFTER the first meet, and then, only incrementally.

 

2. It IS like having a 2nd job. I like my job, but sometimes, I need a break. That's okay.

 

3. Friends are awesome. Dating makes me appreciate my friends. Thank goodness you have them. It keeps you from choosing the wrong gal.

 

4. You're doing exactly what you want to be doing. Shopping, rejecting most, moving on. It's the natural outcome of knowing what you want.

 

Hang in there JJ.

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Do you think maybe you might put too much thought/emotion into a first meet?

 

When I met people I didn't talk to them much or think about them before we met. I didn't have any expectations. I knew their names and their job title (to help keep track of them). That was it. I had no idea what their personalities were like, and I expected their pictures would be the best pictures they had of themselves (knowing they would be less good looking/ shorter/ weigh more/ and probably have a horrible laugh in rl)

 

Kept expectations very low...set up a lot of meets (I met anyone who met my basic criteria)...met around 200 men, most of who if you had asked me his name a week later, I wouldn't have remembered it. When I turned up at a meet,i often had my phone out looking through his profile so I could remember what he looked like and what his name was. I just didn't care about someone before we'd met. I didn't care until a few dates in. It's a really good approach. The Internet will crush you otherwise.

 

Idk. Just my thoughts.

 

Sorry it didn't go as you expected.

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Seerms the more I listen to people and read about people talk about online dating, the more I realise it just doesn't work, for the vast majority. Aside from a few extremely isolated examples. And that comes as no surprise really, considering the nature of it. Personally, this is why I refuse to do it, just seems like a waste of time to me.

 

met around 200 men, most of who if you had asked me his name a week later, I wouldn't have remembered it.

 

This demonstrates my point perfectly.

 

I reckon you're much better off forming new social scenes somehow in real life.

 

You said the coffee shop girl "seemed" to have a bf - maybe get some more coffee from there and find out?

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Seerms the more I listen to people and read about people talk about online dating, the more I realise it just doesn't work, for the vast majority. Aside from a few extremely isolated examples. And that comes as no surprise really, considering the nature of it. Personally, this is why I refuse to do it, just seems like a waste of time to me.

[\QUOTE]

 

It took me many first meets, but last month I married a man I met on eHarmony. I met probably 230-250 men. I was his first meet. What a lucky jerk, right?

 

If it was easy, everyone would do it. If finding the love of your life was simple, everyone would be blissfully happy and never single.

 

I had many discouraging times with online dating. I cried. I learned a lot of painful truths about myself. I took breaks to centre myself. I realized at one point my self esteem was sh*t so I took time off to work on myself. After that, I realized it was just meeting someone....that's it. I stopped having expectations...and after I stopped having expectations I had a much easier time. A meet became nothing more than an errand to be completed.

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