JJ's Diary of Dating

[WithLove]

You're already doing better, John, at understanding that you will find her and that you are worthy. You've come a long way in that aspect just from when you started this journal. I have faith in you.

[John John]

Thanks WL. I still am working on not putting others on pedestals. Particularly, men who (seem to) have it better than me. I'm working on stopping comparisons in general, but it's hard at times.

[WithLove]

It will change with time. Just keep at it and you'll be successful! Maybe try and practice what someone else on here said - thankfulness.

[John John]

It will change with time. Just keep at it and you'll be successful! Maybe try and practice what someone else on here said - thankfulness.

 

Faraday said that. I think she thinks that I'm scared of her lol. Tough love might sting (I'm a pretty sensitive person, which is part of my problem haha), but we need to hear it sometimes. She makes a ton of sense, and (and I told her t his) I use a number of things she's mentioned on here in real life. It takes time to effectively put some of it in practice, but it does work.

[faraday]

Faraday said that. I think she thinks that I'm scared of her lol. Tough love might sting (I'm a pretty sensitive person, which is part of my problem haha), but we need to hear it sometimes. She makes a ton of sense, and (and I told her t his) I use a number of things she's mentioned on here in real life. It takes time to effectively put some of it in practice, but it does work.

 

 

Just keep finding the good. Choose to see the best in yourself and in others. It will happen for you. I like the...you are worthy. You are. Believe it fully and others will too.

[John John]

 

Just keep finding the good. Choose to see the best in yourself and in others. It will happen for you. I like the...you are worthy. You are. Believe it fully and others will too.

 

Thank you very much faraday. You are quite wise beyond your years

[John John]

Re-joined Tinder (shudder...) and joined Bumble for the first time. Only because I'm at the point where I feel like I don't know where all the pretty, nice and single women are. eHarmony has been colossally failing me. Low expectations. Tired of womens' online height requirements. I mean...it is what it is, and everyone's allowed to like what they like, I sure do. I automatically swipe left if I see a height requirement (of any kind) anyway, but it stings a bit sometimes. Would much rather meet someone in real life...but when you end up spending Saturday night alone because everyone is busy...what the hell else is a guy to go?

 

Can't wait to f#%king get off the online dating world forever. Where the f#%k is she? Am I being tested? I will endure this...it just sucks. It's the loneliness that really blows. I am human. I have tons of flaws, but I am worthy.

[faraday]

[John John]

Lol. Thanks.

[faraday]

I used to wonder where all the awesome single guys were. It just takes one. You're doing good, keep at it

[faraday]

I just wrote out questions for you regarding what kind of advice you'd like when you talk about being single...and my post got really big and started to encompass a bunch of other stuff...so I made it generic (instead of a question for you) and posted it in my journal. I would love your take on it (as well as anyone else that has thoughts on it).

[John John]

Faraday (and Mrs. Darcy too, actually)...I think sometimes it's hard to receive advice from someone who's already in a relationship. However, I take into context the person's history. You and Mrs. Darcy each went through a lot to get to where you are. I know you both dated and met a ton of guys before finding your husbands. So I'm more inclined to listen to the two of you when you give advice.

 

Getting advice from friends who just happened to meet someone in college, never had to waste time with online dating, or people who've met their significant others merely weeks after a previous breakup...people who just seem to find it so easily...those I'm less inclined to take seriously. They don't know how hard dating is and how awful it can be.

 

I also still struggle with accepting dating advice from women. I feel like women don't understand the hardships that men have to go through with dating. I know it's equally as hard for both genders to find a solid LTR, and women have their struggles too (they are valued highly for their looks, age can be an issue, they can get used for sex, etc.)...but I think dating in and of itself (just meeting people, getting dates, getting numbers/interest, etc.) is significantly easier for women. And women can largely just be themselves without having to worry about being confident, being nice but not too nice, etc (we as men just care that we're physically attracted to you and don't think you're a b#%ch, at least in the early stages).

 

Man...I'm really starting to think that online dating might no longer be a valid option for me. Like, at all. There's a reason, and others on here will be quick to swoop in and belittle my feelings, so I'll bite my tongue. But man...if this quality matters so much to women that all my great qualities don't matter? I want out of the cesspool.

[faraday]

You should send a few of us chicks your profile and we can give you feedback.

 

I went through periods where men didn't contact me at all (even the ones that I was definitely not interested in) and usually it was wording or a certain pic in my profile that threw men off of contacting me.

 

Do you change your profile very much? I tweaked something in mine every few days. A new picture, changed wording on something...added something, took something out.

 

When you change things in your profile, it pushes yours to the top of what people see. You might end up taking out that off putting thing you're saying, or add some thing that someone connects with.

 

Jay contacted me solely because I talked about Firefly. It's his favourite show and I mentioned it in my profile as I had just finished watching it the weekend before. Little things can change your life.

[imsuperman]

Faraday (and Mrs. Darcy too, actually)...I think sometimes it's hard to receive advice from someone who's already in a relationship. However, I take into context the person's history. You and Mrs. Darcy each went through a lot to get to where you are. I know you both dated and met a ton of guys before finding your husbands. So I'm more inclined to listen to the two of you when you give advice.

 

Getting advice from friends who just happened to meet someone in college, never had to waste time with online dating, or people who've met their significant others merely weeks after a previous breakup...people who just seem to find it so easily...those I'm less inclined to take seriously. They don't know how hard dating is and how awful it can be.

 

I also still struggle with accepting dating advice from women. I feel like women don't understand the hardships that men have to go through with dating. I know it's equally as hard for both genders to find a solid LTR, and women have their struggles too (they are valued highly for their looks, age can be an issue, they can get used for sex, etc.)...but I think dating in and of itself (just meeting people, getting dates, getting numbers/interest, etc.) is significantly easier for women. And women can largely just be themselves without having to worry about being confident, being nice but not too nice, etc (we as men just care that we're physically attracted to you and don't think you're a b#%ch, at least in the early stages).

 

Man...I'm really starting to think that online dating might no longer be a valid option for me. Like, at all. There's a reason, and others on here will be quick to swoop in and belittle my feelings, so I'll bite my tongue. But man...if this quality matters so much to women that all my great qualities don't matter? I want out of the cesspool.

 

I refuse to do OLD, because it's an even more extreme meat market than real life. Interesting info:

 

/

 

and here: [url="

[John John]

You should send a few of us chicks your profile and we can give you feedback.

 

I went through periods where men didn't contact me at all (even the ones that I was definitely not interested in) and usually it was wording or a certain pic in my profile that threw men off of contacting me.

 

Do you change your profile very much? I tweaked something in mine every few days. A new picture, changed wording on something...added something, took something out.

 

When you change things in your profile, it pushes yours to the top of what people see. You might end up taking out that off putting thing you're saying, or add some thing that someone connects with.

 

Jay contacted me solely because I talked about Firefly. It's his favourite show and I mentioned it in my profile as I had just finished watching it the weekend before. Little things can change your life.

 

thanks faraday. Well...right now I'm only on eHarmony, Tinder and Bumble (Tinder and Bumble solely to try and "get in front of" more women, since eHarmony has been sucking) right now. I think eHarmony you need to be members in order to see my profile, right? Otherwise, I'd PM it to you. And Tinder and Bumble I guess I can't really show because they aren't "profiles" per se

 

I think my eHarmony profile is well written, true to who I am and what I want (in the four qualities you pick to describe yourself from the dropdown, I described myself as warm, genuine, intelligent and loyal), and I think my pictures are pretty good. I feel like eHarmony has been sending me a lot of inactive profiles and I don't know why.

 

I just want off of the online dating world...but I know I have to stick with it...(gag)...lol

[IAmFCA]

JJ what do you think of bumble? I liked it at first. Feels more like tinder lately.

[John John]

JJ what do you think of bumble? I liked it at first. Feels more like tinder lately.

 

I think Tinder is sort of "over," I'm new to Bumble. So far, I don't really like it. I'm just using it in attempts to get in front of more women.

 

I honestly do not know where all the single, pretty and kind women are. I feel like they're all chasing after...certain other guys. Which is a shame, because I have so much to offer...but whatever.

[faraday]

You could copy and paste your profile into a pm or email with the pictures you have posted

[John John]

You could copy and paste your profile into a pm or email with the pictures you have posted

 

Not a bad idea. I'll eventually send it to you when I get some time this week

[faraday]

I refuse to do OLD, because it's an even more extreme meat market than real life. Interesting info:

 

/

 

and here: [url="

 

It's interesting that he didn't try it the other way- with hot girls sending out messages that would be offensive to the majority of men...and I bet a lot of men would tolerate a lot more from a 9-10 then a 3-4.

 

Also...of course women got more responses, we're been conditioned not to pursue. That's a societal thing, not a statement about superficiality in genders. If you look at the percentages (instead of the actual numbers) the least attractive women got like 0.2% of the messages...which is pretty much the same as men.

[John John]

This isn't a ranting post so much as me be genuinely down about this (due to my rejoining Tinder and trying Bumble this past weekend). I ended up being alone Saturday night because a friend bailed because this anniversary weekend plans with his wife sort of got changed. And I understood, it's their anniversary. But by that point, it was too late to make plans, and I wasn't going to go out alone.

 

So I'm home alone thinking, how the hell am I going to meet women in real life if I don't have anyone to go out with and if no one seems to know any attractive single women for me? So...I begrudgingly rejoined Tinder, and thought to try Bumble. Just to get in front of more women. And... I was quickly reminded just how much importance women place on height. And it stung.

 

I will say this. I can mostly accept myself and my height. I don't think I'm that short and I'm taller than most women. I don't look tiny next to my taller friends and I have some shorter (than I) male friends. And I completely understand and respect that everyone is totally entitled to their own preferences. I sure have mine. It just really hurts to know that my 6'2" coworkers can just sign on and find an attractive woman, 1,2,3...I accept they have more options. Because that is an empirical fact. Women in general (not all - have to put the disclaimer) value height more than any other physical trait.

 

It just sucks that women value this to the point that they do. I have more to offer than a lot of these 6'2" men. At the risk of sounded like a conceited jerk...I basically have everything ( ) but the height that women want. Do I really have to settle because of this ONE flaw? I'm a little over 5'8" flat footed...I don't think I'm even really that short...

 

Out there, there is an attractive, in-shape, kind and intelligent woman who is going to get to enjoy all that I have. I just don't know how the f#%k to find her. I really think online dating just might have to stop for me. eHarmony seems to suck, and Tinder/Bumble are really only for tall men.

[imsuperman]

It's interesting that he didn't try it the other way- with hot girls sending out messages that would be offensive to the majority of men...and I bet a lot of men would tolerate a lot more from a 9-10 then a 3-4.

 

Also...of course women got more responses, we're been conditioned not to pursue. That's a societal thing, not a statement about superficiality in genders. If you look at the percentages (instead of the actual numbers) the least attractive women got like 0.2% of the messages...which is pretty much the same as men.

 

Regardless of the why, I think this speaks to what JJ is saying about why he doesn't like OLD.

[John John]

Regardless of the why, I think this speaks to what JJ is saying about why he doesn't like OLD.

 

I mean...again, without sounding like a conceited a$$hole...I'd like to think I'm a solid 8 on my absolute best day (factoring in my personality, sense of humor, career, looks, athleticism, intellect, loyalty, tenacity, generosity)...but being 5'8.5" apparently makes me undateable to so many attractive women. Height seems to trump everything. I'm not complaining so much as I'm sort of like...really down by it.

 

I'm really wondering if online dating isn't much of an option anymore. I know it's worked for so many (including short men too! I always think of happybear's bf, who sounds like an awesome guy)...but I feel like in NY, online dating may not be that great an option for short men....

 

And just to make sure I'm clear...I am not...I repeat...I am NOT only messaging 10s. I don't even really go after 8s or 9s lol...I like women that are pretty and in shape...but I'm not going after Katy Perry or Heidi Klum lookalikes. I'm not an idiot and know where I stand.

 

Signed up for a speed dating event this Friday. Sort of uneasy about it...but why not? Online really isn't an option for me.

[faraday]

Maybe speed dating will be a good option for you.

 

You're not short. The average woman is 5'5 and you're taller than that...I really don't understand why so many women reject men based on height.

 

It sucks when people have these arbitrary ideas on what a perfect match is for them...it makes me mad actually. Like...if you have a stupid requirement like a man being at least 4 inches taller than you, or a woman that only has size c or bigger breasts...you deserve to be single. Because love is so more than something stupid like that....and if someone needs that to fall in love, they aren't really looking for love.

[John John]

Maybe speed dating will be a good option for you.

 

You're not short. The average woman is 5'5 and you're taller than that...I really don't understand why so many women reject men based on height.

 

It sucks when people have these arbitrary ideas on what a perfect match is for them...it makes me mad actually. Like...if you have a stupid requirement like a man being at least 4 inches taller than you, or a woman that only has size c or bigger breasts...you deserve to be single. Because love is so more than something stupid like that....and if someone needs that to fall in love, they aren't really looking for love.

 

It all has to do with attraction. I feel like my height almost negates it all, at least to so many women, sometimes. I like myself and for the most part am confident in what I have to offer. Many women don't care and value height more greatly.