JJ's Diary of Dating

[LightWave93]

Yep....a TON of great guys out there for us women. Boy...we have it made! You said you felt sorry for some of those guys....I feel sorry for the women also! The women went to this speed dating thing...and this was their options!

 

Got to love this attitude; a couple of lads who clearly lack experience with women and yet without even knowing them on a deeper level you have the audacity to be sarcastic about them. I mean God forbid someone with a disability tries to find companionship.

 

-------------------------------------------

 

JJ, I think the speed dating experience should highlight how good you've actually got it. In fact, I'm thinking you need a good slap for placing too much emphasis on your height. Not to diminish your feelings, but I know plenty of men your height and slightly smaller than yoyu who have their success with women, and that's not even to mention you yourself are considered a catch.

 

She is out there waiting for you mate, and you're taking the right steps to enable the crossing of paths. Deep breaths.

[Realitynut]

But what I'M saying is.....how or what were the qualities of the women that JJ thought weren't 'good enough'.....sure...everyone deserves to be loved and to love. BUT...JJ is making it sound like these women have it made with this huge over-abundance of men with WONDERFUL qualities. But yet...he told about these guys. How many guys (besides JJ) were there that had a lot going for them. How many women were there that had disabilities, were socially awkward, that would fit better with these guys.

 

I'm going on what is a fit for JJ and a fit for us 'average' janes. Btw...the guy I've been seeing off and on...and now off again (his choice) lives in an old house (a shack by many peoples standards) with only a wood burning stove to heat it. When I met him...his countertops were just plywood...(I could go on and on) He is 5'8", 230 pounds, bald, been married 3 times.

 

So excuse me if I don't think I'm being to picky...much less sarcastic. No sarcasm at all. Just wondering what the 'quality' of women were there, that JJ passed over. Heard about the quality of men....

 

Never said they didn't deserve love. BUT....if the women were like this...do you think JJ would have chosen them? Then why would I?

 

Edited to say: I wrote this before I read JJ's reply. But to me it shows, that there AREN'T just tons of good, intelligent guys out there, that you feel compatible with. And probably visa-versa.

[TMifune]

....I feel sorry for the women also! The women went to this speed dating thing...and this was their options!

 

Isn't that statement a pretty condemning judgement on these guys though? Poor women....guys who are nervous around women would like to be able to meet a nice girl too. I mean they were trying, I don't see the need to spit on them.

[Realitynut]

OK...i'm done. I certainly wasn't spitting on them. Anyone who knows me....knows that is not my character.

My mom's funeral was last week...and my guy dumped me yesterday...so I know that shouldn't be an excuse...but I'm done. I feel for the guys...but I feel for the women too. All dating basically sucks. there.

 

JJ was saying we had all this 'options' better than the men. And then he went on to tell of all these guys, who were less than 'top shelf'. I was not spitting. ugh

[John John]

But what I'M saying is.....how or what were the qualities of the women that JJ thought weren't 'good enough'.....sure...everyone deserves to be loved and to love. BUT...JJ is making it sound like these women have it made with this huge over-abundance of men with WONDERFUL qualities. But yet...he told about these guys. How many guys (besides JJ) were there that had a lot going for them. How many women were there that had disabilities, were socially awkward, that would fit better with these guys.

 

I'm going on what is a fit for JJ and a fit for us 'average' janes. Btw...the guy I've been seeing off and on...and now off again (his choice) lives in an old house (a shack by many peoples standards) with only a wood burning stove to heat it. When I met him...his countertops were just plywood...(I could go on and on) He is 5'8", 230 pounds, bald, been married 3 times.

 

So excuse me if I don't think I'm being to picky...much less sarcastic. No sarcasm at all. Just wondering what the 'quality' of women were there, that JJ passed over. Heard about the quality of men....

 

Never said they didn't deserve love. BUT....if the women were like this...do you think JJ would have chosen them? Then why would I?

 

Reality...

 

I was trying to be polite by not saying this, but since you're challenging the notion of the women there having bad options (and it not also being the other way around)...the women there weren't much to write home about AT ALL. Two were very heavy, about four barely spoke English (not insulting their heritage, but how would they expect to communicate with most people from NY where English would be the primary language), and two others were dressed VERY questionably (read: trashy). So no...neither side had great options that night. I just happened to get to know some of the men because we were talking amongst ourselves before the event actually started.

 

As far as the whole height thing, my main gripe is that womens' insistence on that one trait (which I understand and respect - people like what they like) is slowly pushing me to give up entirely on online dating. I have a date coming up this week from Bumble, but not holding my breath. Height aside, I am a damned good catch (and offer a lot more than what meets the eye.......)...I'm not going to let my height force me to settle for a woman I'm not attracted to (on all levels). I REJECT/SWIPE LEFT ON PLENTY OF 8s-10s because they write nothing in their profile (relying on looks only? Like Meghan Trainer - NO.), come across as entitled, vapid b*tchces, didn't attend college, have no career...but yeah, I do want someone I'm attracted to. I work damn hard in all aspects of my life, including fitness, and I would really like to attract someone similar. I don't think I request anything that I don't bring to the table. Hence my new strategy for really focusing on meeting women in real life. Online, all they see (and get fixated on) is a number. I'm not even really that short, maybe a tad below average, I'm taller than most women without heels. I feel like before OLD, being 5'8.5" wouldn't have been the huge hindrance it has been...maybe I should inflate it and say 5'10" since apparently women must think I'm shorter than I am? hahaha...gotta love OLD!

 

JJ was saying we had all this 'options' better than the men. And then he went on to tell of all these guys, who were less than 'top shelf'. I was not spitting. ugh

 

I think you misunderstood what I said. I wasn't talking about the speed dating event. I did not say that (in my original post) either the men or the woman had amazing options to choose from. I was talking about how I believe OLD is playground for women and tall men (but I'm also jaded regarding OLD, so feel free to take this with a huge grain of salt). I did NOT say the women there had amazing options. Actually, now that I think about it... the men there that night WERE on average better than women, except for the three specific men I talked about.

[John John]

OK...i'm done. I certainly wasn't spitting on them. Anyone who knows me....knows that is not my character.

My mom's funeral was last week...and my guy dumped me yesterday...so I know that shouldn't be an excuse...but I'm done. I feel for the guys...but I feel for the women too. All dating basically sucks. there.

 

JJ was saying we had all this 'options' better than the men. And then he went on to tell of all these guys, who were less than 'top shelf'. I was not spitting. ugh

 

Also reality...I didn't realize what has happened in your personal life. I'm really, really sorry about your mom and what happened with your ex. All differences aside, you know I love you and I'm here if you want to PM me Best wishes.

[John John]

 

JJ, I think the speed dating experience should highlight how good you've actually got it. In fact, I'm thinking you need a good slap for placing too much emphasis on your height. Not to diminish your feelings, but I know plenty of men your height and slightly smaller than yoyu who have their success with women, and that's not even to mention you yourself are considered a catch.

 

She is out there waiting for you mate, and you're taking the right steps to enable the crossing of paths. Deep breaths.

 

This means a lot to me. Thanks buddy. I know I often complain about height on here, and that's something I (still) need to work on. People might not believe me, but I'm ok with being a bit short, it's just that the women who online date in NYC seem to have a huge stigma when it comes to short men. It's certainly made the search harder. I just don't want THAT to be the reason that I have settle despite all the other things I have going for me. I don't mean that in an arrogant way. I'm not an arrogant person.

 

I wish you could believe in yourself the way you believe in me (and vice versa, I'm sure you're thinking)

[TMifune]

OK...i'm done. I certainly wasn't spitting on them. Anyone who knows me....knows that is not my character.

My mom's funeral was last week...and my guy dumped me yesterday...so I know that shouldn't be an excuse...but I'm done. I feel for the guys...but I feel for the women too. All dating basically sucks. there.

 

JJ was saying we had all this 'options' better than the men. And then he went on to tell of all these guys, who were less than 'top shelf'. I was not spitting. ugh

 

Rnut,

 

I'm genuinely sorry for your troubles. I was just about to add to my original post when I saw this.

 

I'm not trying to upset you. I just worry about the guys on the edge. I worry about the guys who are so awkward that they break into a flop sweat at an event like this. What's that guy thinking? How much of the hope he has left for the future has he pinned on this event? They go to the event, nobody's interested, they come home. What if this was the last-ditch effort? They built this up as make-or-break in their heads, and then they get home and get online and see something like what I quoted above. What message are they going to take from that? They're going to think that they were wrong for trying. They're going to think that they should have known better than to try at all because when they see "not top-shelf" they're going to think that means they're worthless. And then they're going to stop trying; which is probably the one thing that keeps the hope of change alive in them. Once that hope's gone, then it's only a matter of time before something "bad" happens.

 

So I am genuinely sorry for what you're going through. I have no interest in making you feel worse or piling on.

 

When I choose to say something on a post like this it's because I picture one of those poor guys stumbling on comments like this, not necessarily your comment, just a comment, and it being the final straw before they give up and blow their brains out. That's not really fair to put on you personally, and I'm not intending to put it on you personally. I just don't know how else to raise a comment about it without typing a lengthy explanation like this. I don't know....that thought breaks my heart and I'm not sure how else to draw attention to it.

 

I really am sorry that it's added more frustration to what already sounds like a very painful week or so.

[John John]

My friend says him and his wife want to introduce me to a woman. She sounds good from what I've heard of her. Would like to see a picture...but she sounds really nice and sweet. I'm told she's "exotic looking, but very attractive" so going to just go for it!

[LightWave93]

This means a lot to me. Thanks buddy. I know I often complain about height on here, and that's something I (still) need to work on. People might not believe me, but I'm ok with being a bit short, it's just that the women who online date in NYC seem to have a huge stigma when it comes to short men. It's certainly made the search harder. I just don't want THAT to be the reason that I have settle despite all the other things I have going for me. I don't mean that in an arrogant way. I'm not an arrogant person.

 

I wish you could believe in yourself the way you believe in me (and vice versa, I'm sure you're thinking)

 

Of course, I wouldn't expect you to flick a switch and suddenly say "My height doesn't bother me". Perhaps it always will. Fact of the matter is you place too much importance on it when it comes to dating, perhaps more-so than the women who's preference is for a taller guy.

 

As for me, I've quite literally given up. You, however, I'd place my bets on!

 

My friend says him and his wife want to introduce me to a woman. She sounds good from what I've heard of her. Would like to see a picture...but she sounds really nice and sweet. I'm told she's "exotic looking, but very attractive" so going to just go for it!

 

Annnnnnnd yet another opportunity presents itself, and you're making the right decision.

 

You have it figured out, JJ! No more fretting!

[WithLove]

Ask for her name and try to find her on Facebook!

[John John]

Of course, I wouldn't expect you to flick a switch and suddenly say "My height doesn't bother me". Perhaps it always will. Fact of the matter is you place too much importance on it when it comes to dating, perhaps more-so than the women who's preference is for a taller guy.

 

As for me, I've quite literally given up. You, however, I'd place my bets on!

 

 

 

Annnnnnnd yet another opportunity presents itself, and you're making the right decision.

 

You have it figured out, JJ! No more fretting!

 

 

Sigh...I wish I could smack you upside the head sometimes LW Although I'm sure many on here think the same about me and my sh*t! lol.

 

I'm ok with being a bit below average height. 5'8.5" barefoot is not that short...but online dating (and other mens' height inflation, by adding apparently 2 inches on average) has made it seem like I'd be a midget in real life. I've never claimed more than 5'9", and I think I just put 5'8" on eHarmony (a slight under-representation). And high heels are also very important....................

 

My friend kept calling his wife's friend "very attractive." So hopefully he's right. He said "she's not the waspy type you usually go for," but I then told him that I LOVE brunettes now. Not really into blondes that much anymore.

 

 

Ask for her name and try to find her on Facebook!

 

 

Trust me, I'm going to do that as soon as I know her name!!!

[NorthDallas40]

In realitynut's defense, I'm sure a lot of female ENA eyes were rolling when they read these passages:

 

"I'm slowly starting to come to terms with the fact that online dating is really a playground for women and tall men."

 

and

 

"I feel like it's much harder for a man to find his "equal" (for lack of a better way to articulate this notion) than it is for women."

 

JJ, I realize you didn't want to start a conversation about this topic, but when you make sweeping generalizations like this, you're going to get pushback from the very people you're claiming have it so easy. Especially because they don't. I know lots of attractive, smart, accomplished and fun women who are having just as hard a time as us guys finding a good match.

 

So IMO, realitynut wasn't being cruelly sarcastic or insensitive, as much as she was simply pointing out that men don't have it any worse than women do, a sentiment with which I agree.

[reinventmyself]

I meant that I felt bad for them because they were really awkward and obviously very inexperienced with women. And one guy was effin blind! LOL this is a not a male vs. female thing at all. I just felt bad for some of the guys I had spoken to.

 

.

 

My friend talked me into going to a speed dating event. I got as far as the check in line. I took a look inside the banquet room at the people mulling about and the man checking participants in was missing an eye! I forgot all about that until you mentioned this. I mean no disrespect but I did a 180 and walked the other way.

My friend was still trying to get me to go in. I told her I would wait for her in the bar. Then she thought second about it as well. It made for a funny evening.

But no, I never went back, nor do I have the desire.

[reinventmyself]

JJ : Ok, this may be the best post of all time on ENA. I know it's probably the best post I've ever read on here regarding the whole height thing. Everything you said is 100% correct, and you presented it in way in which I think I've been unable to. I'll stop there. Thank you.

 

And I think with this, we can end the height discussions on here.

 

The last time I responded to the height issue it was swiftly taken off the table as if it was reconciled. But it's back again.

[John John]

In realitynut's defense, I'm sure a lot of female ENA eyes were rolling when they read these passages:

 

"I'm slowly starting to come to terms with the fact that online dating is really a playground for women and tall men."

 

and

 

"I feel like it's much harder for a man to find his "equal" (for lack of a better way to articulate this notion) than it is for women."

 

JJ, I realize you didn't want to start a conversation about this topic, but when you make sweeping generalizations like this, you're going to get pushback from the very people you're claiming have it so easy. Especially because they don't. I know lots of attractive, smart, accomplished and fun women who are having just as hard a time as us guys finding a good match.

 

So IMO, realitynut wasn't being cruelly sarcastic or insensitive, as much as she was simply pointing out that men don't have it any worse than women do, a sentiment with which I agree.

 

I never said she was being cruelly sarcastic. That was LW and TMI. I was clarifying because I was just talking about the speed dating event at that point.

 

As far as the other statement you quoted me on. Yeah, I made a "sweeping generalization," sue me. I guess I'm just burnt out on OLD and feeing like I have everything going for me but one thing that women seem to place so much importance on. I still think OLD is a bit easier for women, but I'm too tired to argue that point. Some women on here have when admitted or alluded to this, but I'm done on the topic for now lol

[John John]

Ok, this may be the best post of all time on ENA. I know it's probably the best post I've ever read on here regarding the whole height thing. Everything you said is 100% correct, and you presented it in way in which I think I've been unable to. I'll stop there. Thank you.

 

And I think with this, we can end the height discussions on here.

 

The last time I responded to the height issue it was swiftly taken off the table as if it was reconciled. But it's back again.

 

Ok fine! Lol I'll stop. I've said all there is to say on it anyway and we can all agree to disagree. It affects you none do you wouldn't understand.

[reinventmyself]

Ok fine! Lol I'll stop. I've said all there is to say on it anyway and we can all agree to disagree. It affects you none do you wouldn't understand.

 

noted. . . .

[John John]

noted. . . .

 

Lol until a few days from now! Given my track record. Hahaha! It is what it is. Just gotta find one.

 

I've said before many times that I think finding a suitable LTR is equally as hard for women and men alike. But seeing certain restrictions over and over again can really take its toll over time. I have a lot to offer, but it's annoying. And I'm human.

[journeynow]

John John, you sound tall and confident and kind to me. Isn't this statement paradoxical, though?: "...it's much harder for a man to find his "equal" (for lack of a better way to articulate this notion) than it is for women." I mean, if a woman is finding her "equal" in a man, isn't the man also finding his "equal" at the same time in her? So it's the same on the hard/easy scale. If not, it would be because what a woman defines as her equal is not the same as what a man defines as his equal, so is comparing apples to oranges?

[LoveSoDeep]

I'm nowhere near caught up but I will say dating is general is filled with people who pass up other people for no good reason. We all do it.

 

Why? Well, I really think it's because on some level we're not ready to meet the right person. Sure we all think we're ready but the universe has other ideas. So it really doesn't matter if someone rules you out because of your height, weight,ethnicity, job, living situation, family, etc., etc., etc. If they were truly ready and you were truly the one it wouldn't matter at all. All this being quick to judge seems like it's the new (perceived) way of protecting the heart from heartache....personally I think it does more harm than good but if you're not ready then you're probably doing those people a favor by ruling them out.

 

No one should feel bad about ruling people out....if they feel that's what they need to do then they probably aren't ready for a real relationship and we should just let them go on their way. This is one of those things you just have to figure out for yourself.

[IAmFCA]

I'm nowhere near caught up but I will say dating is general is filled with people who pass up other people for no good reason. We all do it.

 

Why? Well, I really think it's because on some level we're not ready to meet the right person. Sure we all think we're ready but the universe has other ideas. So it really doesn't matter if someone rules you out because of your height, weight,ethnicity, job, living situation, family, etc., etc., etc. If they were truly ready and you were truly the one it wouldn't matter at all. All this being quick to judge seems like it's the new (perceived) way of protecting the heart from heartache....personally I think it does more harm than good but if you're not ready then you're probably doing those people a favor by ruling them out.

 

No one should feel bad about ruling people out....if they feel that's what they need to do then they probably aren't ready for a real relationship and we should just let them go on their way. This is one of those things you just have to figure out for yourself.

 

X one million

[reinventmyself]

I'm nowhere near caught up but I will say dating is general is filled with people who pass up other people for no good reason. We all do it.

 

Why? Well, I really think it's because on some level we're not ready to meet the right person. Sure we all think we're ready but the universe has other ideas. So it really doesn't matter if someone rules you out because of your height, weight,ethnicity, job, living situation, family, etc., etc., etc. If they were truly ready and you were truly the one it wouldn't matter at all. All this being quick to judge seems like it's the new (perceived) way of protecting the heart from heartache....personally I think it does more harm than good but if you're not ready then you're probably doing those people a favor by ruling them out.

 

No one should feel bad about ruling people out....if they feel that's what they need to do then they probably aren't ready for a real relationship and we should just let them go on their way. This is one of those things you just have to figure out for yourself.

 

This ^^^ . . .

I often think it isn't as much about finding the right person, it's about being the right person.

[John John]

John John, you sound tall and confident and kind to me. Isn't this statement paradoxical, though?: "...it's much harder for a man to find his "equal" (for lack of a better way to articulate this notion) than it is for women." I mean, if a woman is finding her "equal" in a man, isn't the man also finding his "equal" at the same time in her? So it's the same on the hard/easy scale. If not, it would be because what a woman defines as her equal is not the same as what a man defines as his equal, so is comparing apples to oranges?

 

A very very good point. You articulated it in a way that I haven't been able to. And I will ponder this.

 

And thanks very much for what you said.

[IAmFCA]

Especially because they don't. I know lots of attractive, smart, accomplished and fun women who are having just as hard a time as us guys finding a good match.

 

I like to think this statement describes me.

 

My current choices are

- The guy I dumped for wanting multiple partners (and not at once), but would I maybe pick his kids up from school one day soon? Also, the other guy, same thing. Oh, third guy, same.

 

- The guy on line who has some sexual gift that he'd be shocked if I ever have experienced similar ... This leaves me no room. Does one say, Indeed sir, I have experienced pleasures beyond all understanding. Or perhaps, after receiving such a gift, one says Thank you, my time here is now done?

 

- The fellow with the Obama ears but bigger. I am going to meet him, he's my best candidate.

 

- The gent who wants a best friend, in a couple of years, and a slave today.

 

- The sweet smart man who offered to take me to another country for vaca, platonically, especially since we've seen other once over diner eggs and coffee. Nearly a year ago.

 

 

It's crazy out there. Have a personality and it's on. Have a more controlled manner and it's robotic, snap decisions are made and you're gone.

 

Ain't nobody got it easy, unless they want it easy.