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LightWave93

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Everything posted by LightWave93

  1. I cringed at the thought, but let's hope that's not the case.
  2. Yeah this doesn't sound good. Emotionally unstable people are the first to make poor decisions such as this. Not to be judgmental, I know such mental conditions can be hard to deal with.
  3. And I'm sure if she does end up sucking some guy off, that'll be her excuse for doing so. I hope it doesn't come to that, truly. Look, we don't know for certain and unfortunately these situations can go either way. The very best thing to do is tell her you're unhappy with the fact she withheld information, and that the situation she's put herself in is inappropriate.
  4. This is worrying. Extremely, in fact. Defensiveness in this situation is rarely a good sign; she's got her guard up for some reason. "For once she is having a good time" is indicative that she may not be happy with the relationship and is searching for something more engaging (in her eyes). If her social media posts suggest those lads are trying to hook up with them, then she shouldn't be in that situation. And if her friends don't like you (and are promiscuous), they're going to have an influence on her. Simply put, if this were my GF, I'd say something along the lines of "I have no issue with you going on holiday with friends and having a good time, but you withheld the details of you also going with a group of guys that are hosting the event. I don't like the fact you've put yourself in an environment where you're going to be living with guys who hit on you, especially when your friends are already hooking up with them".
  5. It seems very strange she wouldn't give you all the facts to begin with. You should definitely tell her that in future you expect better communication; it's very dodgy to be putting herself in this sort of situation, and questionable she would hide such details.
  6. As someone who has also been in a four year relationship, I'm telling you... Stop looking into her life. Block and delete, cut her off completely. There's no point, dude. She's gone. It's a hard pill to swallow, but one you simply must do in order to start the healing process and get on with your life. Besides, why would you want a girl who clearly does not have any respect for you and has already tried getting with other guys. I absolutely guarantee you 100% that the only reason she would ever get back together is if this rejection continued and she felt she had no other option. You had great times together, I'm sure. Eventually she'll cherish those memories. But the relationship is dead, and you need to get on with your own life. If she continues to spiral downwards, that's on her and it's her responsibility to take action to fix it. Lastly, the reason why people tell you to move on is because that is your best option, and really your only option. If you continue to keep involved with her life, that is problematic behavior and could land you in trouble. It's also unhealthy for you. You don't want to listen to that because you know, deep down, it is the truth.
  7. Not having ago at anyone here, but it would be worthwhile if you read her posts carefully; there seems to be a fixation on her BF's initial decision to explore religion to keep his beard, but what actually ended up happening was that he discovered a religion that spoke to him spiritually and thus he converted. He did not exclusively become part of a religion because of his beard. I'm adding the quotes, for clarity.
  8. "Seen every part of me. What's the excitement"...I'm sorry, what? Okay, firstly he appears to lack respect for you. That question of his is just screaming it, and personally would be enough for me to throw in the towel. He's not necessarily wrong, as the excitement for sex with the same partner does naturally go down over time, but to outright state it to you as if there were nothing there? Brutal, and disrespectful. The cheating is another concern. It could be it had / has escalated to physical, and you don't know about it. His behavior is typical of someone who is getting some elsewhere. I'm not pointing fingers, he could have changed his ways, but that's something to think about it. Ultimately, it's entirely possible he has a porn addiction. Some completely deny it exists, but I believe it does. Google the research on it. The fact he's preferring masturbation over porn instead of sex with his partner is a real problem, an issue happening in a lot of relationships now-a-days, and it'll require active effort on his part to resolve. If you want to talk to him about all this, do so. If he completely shuts down the idea, refuses to change etc, then you have a good idea of who he really is. Maybe it's not worth all the hassle and you should leave him anyway. One thing is for certain; you don't have as much of an emotional connection as you believe you do, and you're looking at this through rose-tinted glasses. Sure, you have a lot of good memories and he may have supported you through some stuff, but that's no excuse not to have your needs met nor is it an excuse to treat you the way that he has.
  9. I was going to say, I think the others misread your post, because I understood it as him initially researching religion to find a reason to keep his beard, and then converted only when he found a religion he resonated with on a much deeper level.
  10. Yeah, stop asking. Let the subject die. You'll probably find the lack of pressure may end up resulting in him attending at some point, but just don't hold your breath. You handled the situation fine, no issues there. Just remember, he's an adult and gets to make his own decisions too. :)
  11. Thread's like these I find are difficult to respond to because in some cases you do want to be positive and say "Ya'know what, people make mistakes. Relationships have survived from this. Maybe this situation in one of those times". Unfortunately, you also have to be realistic and understand that we're looking from an outsider's perspective with only half the story and without the wealth of knowledge / experience that come from having been in that specific relationship. But as an outsider and someone who has given advice on topics such as these for years, the answer is generally not good. OP: I've said what I've had to say. In short, I genuinely believe you're being played for a fool and that any decision other than to leave will come back to haunt / hurt you. I truly hope it doesn't, but it's very likely. I hope you make the best decision and live a healthy, happy life.
  12. TIL: Beautiful women in the UK would be rated average by Americans.
  13. I can't really speak for myself, but generally speaking people will have to go through a fair number of rejections to find someone their compatibility with. It depends on perspective though; sure, you may be "rejected" in the sense that nothing comes of it and they don't wish to meet again, but that's down to a lack of chemistry. It's nothing personal, nothing you've done wrong (usually), so is rejection really the right word? They're not rejecting you as a person, simply identifying and acknowledging there's no future together. The word has a negative connotation to it, so maybe it's worth not branding these experiences as such.
  14. Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, the closure is that he has ended the relationship. Why, how long he's been thinking about it, reasons for not doing it sooner, who he may be speaking to now etc aren't relevant. What is relevant, is how you move forward. You've come a long way without him. A lot of people would be inactive during their grief, but you've turned it around into a positive by dealing with the past abuse, therapy, weight etc. There's no point going backwards. Keep going forwards. That's where all the good stuff is! If anything, it is him who has to act. You shouldn't overstep his boundary of no contact, it's disrespectful and may get you in trouble. You don't need that after all the good that's happened. Proud of you, stay strong! :)
  15. Answers to the above will definitely help us advise you. I have to ask though; has she been abused in the past? I know this is a more extreme suggestion, but it's entirely possible and that may be why she is reluctant to be intimate.
  16. *prays this happens to me* OP: Not my right to say whether or not you end things, stay together etc etc. You can only do what's right for you. It does however sound like you're inexperienced and unsure. It's a natural part of life and relationships, but a decision is needed. I think the best thing to do would be, at the very least, to stop flirting with other women. It's disrespectful to your partner, and it's also reinforcing bad behavior. Definitely cut that off, and see how you feel after a period of focusing solely on your partner.
  17. In short: Yes she is. I dated a girl who did similar things. I couldn't interact with another woman, even if it was part of my job, without her feeling insecure and get accusatory. She wouldn't outright say that I would cheat, but imply I was interested or being inappropriate. I never was. Other stuff happened too. When she did leave me, she tried to flip this all around on me. It was horrible, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Anyway, aside from that, there's also the fact you've made many promises to deal with her insecurities. I wonder how much of your life she controls, directly or indirectly, to govern how you live your life to her rules. As for the whole she would have sex for money thing, that would cross the line and I would definitely consider that, if nothing else, abusive. It's manipulation. If she's addicted to pills, then she needs to seek professional help. It will only get worse, for you and for her. I do sympathize with her past experience of being cheated on, but that's another thing she should deal with in therapy; it's not something that should effect your relationship, as it should be a clean slate. This isn't a healthy relationship, that's for sure. She needs help. Whether you help her to achieve this and stick with her is up to you, but personally speaking I'd cut and run before it got any worse.
  18. I'm not really not bothered about my birthday. I haven't properly celebrated it for years, like I stopped around 14, and I've never really had anyone make a fuss or expect them to do so. If people were to do so, I'd appreciate the effort, but I'm not going to be all singing and all dancing about it. It's just another day. *shrug*
  19. UKguy27, I was away when I wrote my first post to you, so it was a bit short. Allow me to explain my thinking; The only reason why your wife came clean about her cheating is because you returned home early one day and you caught her with condoms in her bag. If you had not done this, then it would have continued behind your back without you knowing until some other circumstance cropped up that allowed you to catch her in the act. This could have been weeks, months or years. Yet, you did, and she confessed. Great, in a way, because now you know. But she lied about how much she was talking to him, circumstances they'd met, how often, what they've done etc. The only time she has ever told you the truth is when you have caught her in the act, or manipulated her into telling the truth (EG. by saying you spoke to her affair). If she was truly regretting what she had done, she would have echo'd similar actions as you did when you were the one to cheat. She did not. With respect, you are a fool if you believe her any longer and continue with this relationship. I'm being blunt here because I genuinely do care about you, and want you to be happy. This woman will not give you happiness; she will hurt you further, and she already does not respect you. I hope you leave her, for your sake.
  20. You made a mistake and told her the truth, and set boundaries to demonstrate remorse. She planned this, lied about it, and blames you. Get a good lawyer and file for divorce. This is over.
  21. They're giving you advice. Some of it conflicts with other people's opinion, but that does not mean they're insincere. Word of advice: Don't insult the people you ask advice from.
  22. Agreed, hence why I recommended that the OP swipe right and see how it goes. Those apps are tough as nails to begin with, he'd be shooting himself in the foot if he didn't both trying.
  23. Agreed. It's unhelpful. She doesn't need reprimanding, she's got of a bad rep amongst friends and family, she simply needs support from anonymous strangers on the internet and (hopefully) a therapist.
  24. It depends on your perspective of what a league is. I'm not one in believing physical appearance is the sole characteristic that defines someone's league. I think it's measured by a range of things like intellect, social status, wealth, career progression etc. I'm not saying a 4/10 male plumber can't get an 8/10 female lawyer, but it's reasonable to expect both would have preferences for matches of a similar degree. Not making this thread about me, as I'm fairly certain you know my story, but to address your point; I've been told on ENA I could do modelling and in fact have been scouted for such a job, thus one could consider that as a decent league, and yet no woman in any league gives me the time of day. Though that's my experience, it could differ for OP (and all he needs to do is take the chance and swipe right!). Oh, and as an avid user of Photoshop, I can see the edits fine. :)
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