His dog poops on the floor every time we have sex.

[Moontiger]

I posted about this a while back but then other things happened that required my undivided attention so I kind of let the thread die. But, I still want advice of the situatiion.

 

Background and Relevent information:

 

Me and "Bruce" have been dating since June. Bruce is divorced and shares "custody" of his two dogs (I'll call them Big and Little) with his ex. (Sidenote, I have always thought sharing custody of pets is rather silly, but they are his dogs and it really does not effect me so I don't say anything about it.) The arrangment is they each get the dogs for 3 to 4 month periods and then trade (this requires a long car ride as they do not live close to each other).

 

When we started dating Bruce had the dogs, they are currently with his ex. When Bruce had them and I would come over Little was great! She had no problem with me. Big, was OK with my but she would do things like whine/bark if I kissed him, or if we were snuggling on the couch she would try to wedge herself between us. But she never growled, nipped, or anything of the kind at me. And I tried to give her lots of positive energy when I was over. Petting her a lot when she was calm and quiet, telling her she was a good girl etc. Slow her behavior towards me go better, less whining when I kissed him, etc. But then....

 

The Problem:

 

Every, single time Bruce and I would go into the bedroom and close the door when we would come out Big had pooped on the floor. I mean every single time. He and I have no idea what to do because in every other way her behavior towards me is was getting better. Any advice?

[jennylove]

What a little stinker!! No advice other than taking her out for a poo poo walk before closing the door. And maybe give her a chew toy for distraction.

[mhowe]

Put her in her crate.

[Moontiger]

Put her in her crate.

 

Crate is in the bed room. I can hear her high pitched whine now if we did that. And the creat is large, he has a one bedroom apartment so there is really no other place for it to go.

[journeynow]

Do you ever go in the bedroom, shut the door, then come out right away? Maybe try making it a more common thing connected with different activities. Go in, shut the door, talk to her through the door, come out and treat her. At her feeding time, put the dish down outside the door, go in the room shut the door and let her start eating, and come out after a minute or two. Get a special bone she only gets when the door is closed. Put her bed outside the door. Experiment and have fun with her around the open and shut door. Just some ideas. Put on calming music for her. (Try one of the "Through A Dog's Ear" collections, they are designed to be soothing.)

[Moontiger]

Do you ever go in the bedroom, shut the door, then come out right away? Maybe try making it a more common thing connected with different activities. Go in, shut the door, talk to her through the door, come out and treat her. At her feeding time, put the dish down outside the door, go in the room shut the door and let her start eating, and come out after a minute or two. Get a special bone she only gets when the door is closed. Put her bed outside the door. Experiment and have fun with her around the open and shut door. Just some ideas. Put on calming music for her. (Try one of the "Through A Dog's Ear" collections, they are designed to be soothing.)

 

I like a lot of these idea. Feeding her outside the door isn't feasibile because Big has a medical condition that requires she be feed in a very specific way. But a special toy or something is definitly worth trying.

[Scoe141]

You can try a bully stick. Dogs seem to love them. Other than that, I'd echo taking Big for a long walk. If that doesn't work, hopefully he'll get used to it.

 

Good luck (and thanks for the laugh, even though it's not funny.)

[Moontiger]

You can try a bully stick. Dogs seem to love them. Other than that, I'd echo taking Big for a long walk. If that doesn't work, hopefully he'll get used to it.

 

Good luck (and thanks for the laugh, even though it's not funny.)

 

Lol, no I see the humor in this.

[Ms Darcy]

Perhaps put him in the crate in the bedroom and have sex on the couch!

[Moontiger]

Perhaps put him in the crate in the bedroom and have sex on the couch!

 

Bruce is 6' 6" tall and about 270lbs....couch would be to small. Sigh.

[Scoe141]

Lol, no I see the humor in this.

 

That's good! I almost lost it when I saw the title of your thread.

 

Keep us posted!

[ParisPaulette]

As someone who owns a fair amount of dogs and who also rescues dogs that get abandoned out where I live I may be able to shed some light.

 

I think the doggie is suffering from anxiety most likely and pooping is her way of saying, "I am afraid whenever the humans shut me away from them. I've lost one of my pack again--just like I already did (the ex)--and I'm afraid I may be losing more." I say that because dogs are pack animals. They need a pack, to be part of a pack at all times, and they need stability. Their territory is theirs and many dogs (not all) do not do well being uprooted often generally speaking. If one has the space to allow the dogs to roam and establish larger territories and burn off their energy this anxiety isn't as pronounced, but in this dog's case she has the added whammy of being in an apartment.

 

As much as your boyfriend and the ex think it's a good thing shuttling the dogs back and forth, it's not really. Some dogs won't care true, some love to travel and as long as they have one familiar face they're fine. But other dogs are more territorial and to them territory and the same faces are what they value most. They prefer things not change. And that sounds like her given the reactions you describe.

 

I would say leave the bedroom door open, but that's just me and I know many people don't like that and don't want eyes on them when they're (ahem) having fun. So if you have to shut the door you can ease the anxiety by offering her toys and treats before you go in. Also establishing a routine that soothes her as much as possible and yes, if she can be fed and taken for a walk before you go into the bedroom by all means do that. A radio with low music or TV turned on might help as well.

 

In the end though really at some point your boyfriend and the ex should decide who gets full custody of the dog, because my take on it is she just isn't doing that well being shunted back and forth. A closed door and any of her pack behind it makes her scared she will lose them. Pooping is her way of saying being apart from her owner and the new member of the pack (you) makes her fearful she'll be uprooted again and possibly lose more of her pack. Since she doesn't really have a vastly long-term memory she doesn't remember that eventually you both emerge and all is well in the world again.

 

Also give the dog something with your scent on it, a sweater or something as well as her owner. Put them in the area where she sleeps. She'll get used to the smells, associate them with pleasant activities like sleep and scent, and those clothing articles can also be used to soothe her when you both are departing for the bedroom. That works especially well for my foster dogs and rescues. Plus worst case scenario you can try something like a spray by Sentry to calm the doggie. It's about the hardest thing I'll use. I know some vets will prescribe drugs, but as with my own life I prefer to have my animals be drug free as much as possible.

 

If none of those things work it may be time to consult with a vet and/or pet psychologist or trainer. And it may take a bit of trial and error to hit on something that works for her, but I think it's fixable. Good luck.

[Moontiger]

As someone who owns a fair amount of dogs and who also rescues dogs that get abandoned out where I live I may be able to shed some light.

 

I think the doggie is suffering from anxiety most likely and pooping is her way of saying, "I am afraid whenever the humans shut me away from them. I've lost one of my pack again--just like I already did (the ex)--and I'm afraid I may be losing more." I say that because dogs are pack animals. They need a pack, to be part of a pack at all times, and they need stability. Their territory is theirs and many dogs (not all) do not do well being uprooted often generally speaking. If one has the space to allow the dogs to roam and establish larger territories and burn off their energy this anxiety isn't as pronounced, but in this dog's case she has the added whammy of being in an apartment.

 

As much as your boyfriend and the ex think it's a good thing shuttling the dogs back and forth, it's not really. Some dogs won't care true, some love to travel and as long as they have one familiar face they're fine. But other dogs are more territorial and to them territory and the same faces are what they value most. They prefer things not change. And that sounds like her given the reactions you describe.

 

I would say leave the bedroom door open, but that's just me and I know many people don't like that and don't want eyes on them when they're (ahem) having fun. So if you have to shut the door you can ease the anxiety by offering her toys and treats before you go in. Also establishing a routine that soothes her as much as possible and yes, if she can be fed and taken for a walk before you go into the bedroom by all means do that. A radio with low music or TV turned on might help as well.

 

In the end though really at some point your boyfriend and the ex should decide who gets full custody of the dog, because my take on it is she just isn't doing that well being shunted back and forth. A closed door and any of her pack behind it makes her scared she will lose them. Pooping is her way of saying being apart from her owner and the new member of the pack (you) makes her fearful she'll be uprooted again and possibly lose more of her pack. Since she doesn't really have a vastly long-term memory she doesn't remember that eventually you both emerge and all is well in the world again.

 

Also give the dog something with your scent on it, a sweater or something as well as her owner. Put them in the area where she sleeps. She'll get used to the smells, associate them with pleasant activities like sleep and scent, and those clothing articles can also be used to soothe her when you both are departing for the bedroom. That works especially well for my foster dogs and rescues. Plus worst case scenario you can try something like a spray by Sentry to calm the doggie. It's about the hardest thing I'll use. I know some vets will prescribe drugs, but as with my own life I prefer to have my animals be drug free as much as possible.

 

If none of those things work it may be time to consult with a vet and/or pet psychologist or trainer. And it may take a bit of trial and error to hit on something that works for her, but I think it's fixable. Good luck.

 

What interesting is that resently Bruce has been worrying about a lot of this: Is it good to keep moving them back and forth? Is it fair to keep Big in an apartment? Etc, he also worries about what would happened if his ex got Big and he kept Little what that would do to the dogs, would they miss each other, how would that effect them?

 

If we left the door open Big would in jumping on the bed in seconds, so that's not feasible. I like the idea of giving her something with my scent on it.

[Doc Blaze]

if you separate the dog and he is already struggling with anxiety, i dont think that would be good for him..so you take away bruce and little...to me that would be selfish...but thats just me...

[Snny]

Human scented items (a pillow you slept on, blanket, your clothes, etc) really helps ease anxiety for dogs. My husband kept trying to bring Sheldon into our bed to sleep with us. On nights I didn't want the dog on the bed or when we were having "spouse time," Sheldon would cry nonstop until he was lifted onto the bed. I couldn't have it anymore, so I started observing his behavior- noticed he ALWAYS wanted to be under our feet when sitting on the couch or eating dinner at the kitchen table (and I get smelly feet by the end of the day).

 

Decided to get Hubby got a new luxury fleece blanket for his birthday recently to replace his old one (we sleep with two blankets in bed because I hog the covers/thrash around). We gave the older blanket to Sheldon. He cuddles with it EVERY NIGHT in his own doggy bed (he hated sleeping on it until the blanket) and has suddenly stopped wanting to come to bed unless we invite him.

 

Definitely give it a shot. It helped our intimacy.

[ParisPaulette]

Is it good to keep moving them back and forth? Is it fair to keep Big in an apartment? Etc, he also worries about what would happened if his ex got Big and he kept Little what that would do to the dogs, would they miss each other, how would that effect them?

 

Those are very valid concerns. Again, some dogs would be fine, others wouldn't. I have had animals who seemed to barely notice a long-time companion gone while others grieved just as long and hard as any human I ever knew. Growing up my family had two dogs and a cat who started out as babies together and grew old together--we're talking 16 years here for all three. One of the dogs died of a heart attack years later, the other dog and cat grieved his death and both were gone themselves within a week of each other. It was almost as if they each decided they did not want to live without the others.

 

Animals form bonds as strong as any person does, so that is a valid concern. I think it's going to have to be an assessment of who Big would miss more, Little or one of her humans. I generally try to keep animals who've lived together for some time together when I do rescues or fosters, do it with my own too. Sigh, I don't envy your boyfriend this choice. In this case I think it's more got to be where are the animals happiest and where do they have the most room? For some dogs that's not an issue, but others it definitely is. Don't know what type of dog Big is, but if she's a husky or shepherd mix a small apartment is again not the best choice.

 

I won't tell you all what to do, but just to try and ease pup's anxiety as a first step. The rest will hopefully sort itself out in time. At least your boyfriend cares about the dogs, that's a huge thumbs up on your choice of a partner to me.

[DoF]

Thank you for reminding me why I don't want pets.

 

 

 

Sorry for no help.....and I do find it hilarious (thanks for the laugh)

[WithLove]

LOL! Oh, Moontiger.... I'm sorry to laugh. I hope ParisPaulette's suggestions help; I know she's much more capable of giving advice in regards to animals than I am. She's good like that!

 

Edit: I wonder if your momma is up there giggling at you...?

[lostandhurt]

Well you could stop having sex. Just kidding.

 

Dogs can smell and know when humans are turned on and also having sex even behind closed doors. Her reaction to you having sex with Bruce is a little unusual but it still needs to be dealt with.

From what you described Big sees you as competition and since Bruce is the pack leader he needs to let Big and Little know that you are second in command. Pack hierarchy is something that is in flux for many packs but for human/dog packs it stays pretty stable. Little has accepted that you are higher up on the ladder than she is but big is not so willing to let that happen.

What to do. Do you interact with Big other than fun stuff? Do you take her for walks just the two of you? Do you assert your role as her superior? Bruce can help with all this by making sure you always get treated as the leader. If the two of you lay down on the bed to talk and she jumps up Bruce needs to put her down and make her stay down. The same goes for the couch. Bruce needs to be clear and consistent that you two are number one and number two in the pack.

 

You have basically cut in line in the pack and Big doesn't like it. She needs to be put in her place. It could be anxiety as well but if Bruce goes into his bedroom and closes the door and takes a nap alone and Big doesn't poop on the floor then I would say it is pack dynamics not anxiety.

 

Lost

[ParisPaulette]

And lostandhurt covers the other potential scenario this could be here really well too. Thanks.

[reinventmyself]

Crate is in the bed room. I can hear her high pitched whine now if we did that. And the creat is large, he has a one bedroom apartment so there is really no other place for it to go.

 

Well. . sex in the kitchen then! Dog gets the bedroom.

[Moontiger]

Hahahaha! You guys are making me laugh, which I need right now (found out I didn't get a job I thought I had a great shoot at).

[treesandbees]

My eyes aren't the best today so sorry if I missed points or repeat advice already offered... where is the crate at when you are in the bedroom and Big takes her ritual poopie? Is it in with you, or out with her? Is it a detachment from the crate or something else that causes the release? Is the crate left open with a blankie and some treats inside for her while you guys get busy? Do you think it's because she is feeling left out because the door is closed and cannot see you both, or more importantly her attachment to your BF and cannot see him? What about a way to block her entry in but put a baby gate lol or something up so she can see in but cannot get in?

[JeckyllNHyde]

Lolll! This scenario is really funny.

 

My dog poops everytime we leave her home alone -very attached and used to being around all of us in the house.

 

I know this isn't really dealing with the problem, but our mini dog has a poo/pee pad in the house where she does her business if needed.

Maybe you could leave a pad or train the dog for an easier clean up?

 

I also agree with those who said that dogs don't enjoy going from one owner/enviroment to the other. Surely the dogs must be happy in the beginning of the move and then sad later when they realize their pack leader isn't there anymore.

[alc16]

Crate train. It goes in the crate every time you go in the bedroom. Its not funny, its poor training. The dog own's him, not the other way around. The majority of dogs will not soil their crate.