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DoF

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  1. Nothing that ANYONE says to you is EVER personal......unless YOU make it personal. Simple answer: NEVER make it personal And even if you feel that it is and it offends you deeply, simply disengage and walk away from that person. You don't want to be around unhealthy nor toxic
  2. Talking to Ex = deal breaker to me. She knows exactly what she is doing and she knows this guy is just after her body/her....and not a friend. Her cries = more reason for concern. She is trying to pull you in with emotional behavior (not good or healthy). Don't fall for it. Like others have said, what she does going forward is what matters.....assuming you even want to stay with such person.
  3. End even if it does, dating a married man with kids will turn out dandy I'm sure. Even better, let's say he dumps his wife for OP..........you end up with a cheater. Like he won't do that to you in the future. Not sure about the "force" comment though....
  4. You are not ready for marriage, nor should you do be in a relationship if you can't contain yourself or have self control. Sorry. You also have very poor mind control. You dwell on this attraction and keep thinking about.......of course your feelings will grow and develop. While in a relationship it's YOUR responsibility to keep these type of thoughts away from your brain or deflect them.
  5. I try to stay away from those that chase things....or try to get rich. Those people will never be happy no matter what. I remember back 15 years ago when I worked at a lawfirm, one guy owned islands and had millions....one of the most miserable souls I have ever met. Most of those folks seemed quite miserable actually (Partners/attorneys)
  6. If you can't make yourself happy, nothing ever will (this includes a country). There is no secret other than do things you love and live at a leisure pace. And of course, less is more. More crap you have, the more headaches you end up with.....blah blah blah PS. I don't believe in the whole "happiness" ratings for countries. Mostly because I come from another country and complete poverty, and even then we were just fine and very happy. Today, I live like a king by my standards (perhaps "middle class" in American standards) and my happiness levels have not changed at all. Actually I remember MORE happiness back when we didn't have much.....as it gave us more time to focus on important things. Now you see why I think materialistic things are not only unhealthy but actually HARMFUL to us. We spend so much time working to obtain them...while we ignore our loved ones....and then once we get those things, we spend even MORE time using those things....while again ignoring our loved ones. Just glad I learned all that fairly early in life...
  7. Rule of thumb, never EVER date at work. # of reasons - opening your entire personal life to everyone - putting your job/career on the line - awkward situation when things go south or there is drama (and there is always problems in any relationship in time). There is 100 of other things as well........above should be more than enough to steer you away. Never EVER date at work.
  8. No problem. Very smart (your post). Self recognition is a HUGE part of adulthood. All of your current feelings are normal, you will be going thru different stages of grief. GIVE IT TIME. Time will heal all the wounds. And to help you heal focus on the following: - Mind diversions - when thoughts of him come up, divert your mind and think of something peaceful or something you enjoy etc. Practice practice practice. In time, thoughts will disappear as long as they come to your head. Read: you can't control the thoughts that come to your mind, but you CAN control what you do with them. Thoughts of him = garbage can. - do PLENTY of physical activity on daily basis (running in particular). Sports, walk, take a hike....stay physically active and do it DAILY. - eat a healthy diet Last 2 go hand in hand with #1. Running for a month or 2 on regular basis/or any physical activity on regular basis will do WONDERS to your mental strength, mental control and state of mind. Good luck
  9. Hope? Hope is your imagination, not reality. LISTEN TO HIM. he is telling you he no longer has feelings or wants to be with you correct? Your feelings are irrelevant in this situation. What's relevant is HIS lack of feelings. Ask yourself, do you REALLY want to be with someone that has no feelings for you? If the answer is yes, then you are simply being selfish and just want to satisfy your own emotion/feelings. that will only lead you down the road you DO NOT want to go down. It's time to move on. Cut him off (block him/ignore him) and take 3-6 months to heal and recover. No opposite sex relations during that time. Remember, ANY contact = reset of your healing, so don't do it. Good luck
  10. And whatever you do, DO NOT play victim when it comes to ANYTHING after your childhood (18+). The second you claim victim, you are essentially telling the person in front of you that you made some horrible/poor decisions in the past. Most people get into a lot of trouble by ignoring clear red flags and ENGAGING/SURROUNDING THEMSELVES with certain type of people. When they become a victim, it's usually a result of their poor decision making. And I'm not talking about a lady walking down the street and getting raped here obviously.......
  11. Talking about things from childhood only makes those issues stand out more. If you or him were abused, you forget about it and go on with life. I get it, it's horrible, but you are not the only ones....and allowing your past to ruin your future or even talking/thinking about it is NOT healthy. It's the opposite of being "optimistic/positive". So I don't recommend it. It accomplishes nothing. THINGS (insert ANYTHING) are as big of an issue or as little of an issue as we make them!
  12. My father once told me "Women can't live without a problem, if there isn't one, they create it". As I grew and got older I quickly noticed that above was a human trait, not gender trait. I also noticed that it applied to men MORE than it did to women. But that doesn't mean you are exempt OP.
  13. You once believed the words, but ignored the actions and reality. It's unfortunate that so many have to learn the hard way.
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