cbh1979 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I was talking with a friend the other day about romantic relationships, and she mentioned how she wants that immediate spark, and if she doesn't feel it right away she doesn't bother dating the person. I'm curious, how many people here are the same way? Personally, I've felt that immediate spark, and I've had connections that forge later, so I will give it some time. If you give it time too, how long/how many dates? Link to comment
JA0371 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Some people are slow boilers.. I think a few dates. Especially if the kiss is good Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 If I got to a fourth date and still didn't feel a spark I would end things before it went any further. Link to comment
Misskitty16 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I need a small spark of chemistry by the first date. Not a weak-in-the-knees-drop-my-pants spark, but a small spark. Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I need an instant spark. I dont think u can force it. And if u dont get excited for a second date that should be the answer if u like them Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 For me I think its a couple of dates and sometimes more. The first date most people are nervous and don't always feel a chemistry or connection because we are trying to be on our best behavior. Of course you can tell if you are attracted to them by looks and stuff on the first date, but chemistry or a connection takes time. If Im dating more then one person at the same time and like one Im already dating, its hard to be open to the next person. So that can slow things down too. Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 Some people are slow boilers.. I think a few dates. Especially if the kiss is good Yeah, I'm definitely a slow boiler. It can take me awhile to warm to someone, be comfortable with them, and unfortunately that inhibits that spark. There was only one time, really, where I felt that immediate, intense connection...and unfortunately for me the girl was dating my best friend at the time. (She felt it too, though, as we did end up together eventually for awhile.) Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I need at least a little spark right away. If I get the feeling that a guy is more of a brother type and I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to kiss him or be kissed then I won't go past the first date. If there's even just a hint of maybe something there I'll go to 2-3 dates but after 3 the chemistry has to be solid. Link to comment
greta96 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 For me it's right away. If I don't feel it upon meeting someone, it means it's never going to happen. Yes, I did give more than one chance...that's how I know. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 It's a sliding scale. If I feel there is a potential for a spark, then I will give it a few dates assuming we are enjoying ourselves. If I meet him and I am feeling the anti spark, I have a hard time making through one drink. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I need to feel an intellectual connection within the first meeting. Romance can come later but it will never bloom for me unless I have an intellectual connection with someone first. This is why I think I've preferred online dating. I get to see if something is there, if they have what it takes "upstairs" and emotionally before I waste my time meeting them in person. Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I have a friend like that. I'm the exact opposite. In the past, it's taken me up to a year to feel like that (when we're talking romantic connection) but I was friends with the guy, we hadn't been dating. When we're talking dating, it depends. If the guy is nice and interesting to talk to and not trying to force romance, I will give it time to get to know him better and see if I feel the connection. Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 I need to feel an intellectual connection within the first meeting. Romance can come later but it will never bloom for me unless I have an intellectual connection with someone first. This is why I think I've preferred online dating. I get to see if something is there, if they have what it takes "upstairs" and emotionally before I waste my time meeting them in person. I think I'm similar. It's a slow build towards romance once that intellectual bond is there. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I gave it 4 dates and if by that time I did not have a desire to kiss the person I moved on. I always regretted when I did not move on. Different story if it was a platonic friendship and all of a sudden I felt a spark long after becoming friends- that length of "friendship" time wasn't the same to me as going on actual dates with someone. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I knew my bf as a casual friend for years. Never gave a lot of thought to him as a bf. Until the night he kissed me and I thought my head was going to explode. That was almost 6 yrs ago and chemistry is still unreal. Link to comment
notalady Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I usually give it a few dates if we get along and have things in common and there are no red flags popping up. The real test for me is how I feel when the guy kisses me. If I feel nothing, if it's unpleasant, if it in anyway doesn't work for me, I'd give up. Link to comment
Ronniesgirl Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I was talking with a friend the other day about romantic relationships, and she mentioned how she wants that immediate spark, and if she doesn't feel it right away she doesn't bother dating the person. I'm curious, how many people here are the same way? Personally, I've felt that immediate spark, and I've had connections that forge later, so I will give it some time. If you give it time too, how long/how many dates? _____________________________ First 15 seconds. No, really, THE very first few seconds. The first few seconds that I see him/hear his voice. All that's hypothetical of course cause I'm very happily partnered and was madly in lust with my partner by the end of minute 5 of our meeting each other for the first time and madly in love with him by about week 3. 10.5 years later, I still am, and so is he. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I think people define connection differently - I've been attracted to men I've seen for a few seconds of course - but that's not the same as a spark where you want to kiss the person and where you also see potential with that person beyond a fling - all different levels. I've seen relationships that started with instant sparks and were over very quickly, others that lasted a lifetime, others where the connection grew over time and lasted a long time (and the opposite). I have met a number of women who are unhappily single because they've insisted on that instant spark. Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 I knew my bf as a casual friend for years. Never gave a lot of thought to him as a bf. Until the night he kissed me and I thought my head was going to explode. That was almost 6 yrs ago and chemistry is still unreal. That's pretty cool. I've had one girlfriend where it was like that for us. I think people define connection differently - I've been attracted to men I've seen for a few seconds of course - but that's not the same as a spark where you want to kiss the person and where you also see potential with that person beyond a fling - all different levels. I've seen relationships that started with instant sparks and were over very quickly, others that lasted a lifetime, others where the connection grew over time and lasted a long time (and the opposite). I have met a number of women who are unhappily single because they've insisted on that instant spark. Yeah, that's certainly true. Some people are looking for an intellectual connection first, others that tear the clothes off spark. I do know those unhappily single you talk about, but I suspect they've felt that instant spark before and just want it again. Some people, though, are just slow boilers- they don't warm to people quickly, and it takes time for something to develop. Link to comment
WithLove Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I'm in this situation, sort of, right now. I really like him and there is a spark, but when is even a spark enough? What if there's never a forest fire? I do believe I need to feel like kissing him within the first date or two. If not, then I feel like - what's the point? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I will have to say that the base of friendship and slowly getting to know someone can bring things to a slow boil. Most people were not surprised when they found out we had started dating. Link to comment
flowergrl80 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 3 to 4 dates for me. I need to feel the sudden connection/chemistry. If there isn't than I don't proceed. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I agree with Batya. Connection means different things for different people. I need the intellectual connection first and foremost and sexual attraction can't come until later because I am not interested in sex with someone until I know what sort of person he is and if I respect him. No respect, no sex. If I had to go by whether or not I felt sexual attraction from the get go? Well, let's just say I'd be a very very very inexperienced and lonely virgin right now. Love at first sight doesn't exist for me. Link to comment
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