Another online daing journal

[Batya33]

How about dancing with a male friend?

 

I agree with NAL -depends on who/context/timing. Is it because you love dancing and you don't want to sit out the dance just because the person who asked you is male and you have a boyfriend?

[reinventmyself]

It's 2pm and I'm still in my robe.

This is the first day I've had to myself since December.

 

My friends are at a festival and it's brisk beautiful and sunny. I shake the guilt that I ought to be doing something productive. It's not much guilt, surely not enough to get me off my couch. I'm just exhausted and need to recharge.

 

S comes home tomorrow

afternoon so I'll be driving south and taking Monday off just to see him.

 

Because of the distance, though it's not that much, I do feel like I'm out of town every weekend.

S leaves again on Wednesday.

 

My friends still want to go out tonight. Not sure if I'll rally and get dressed to go out at 8pm.

I maybe still glued to this couch with a sleeping cat laying on me.

[reinventmyself]

]

[reinventmyself]

It's funny how S and I 'argue' now. I won't even call it argue.

We are very mindful of conflicts, I guess is a better word for it.

I catch myself and my part in the dynamic and I can see how I played into the derailment of things.

My motto this time around is to `seek to understand'

Something I read in a book. I have always considered myself pretty empathetic but apparently I had some things to work on.

 

I didn't keep it in but I did share how I felt about something he said. He blurted something out without thinking and didn't hear it the way I did.

I can be like a dog with bone wanting to be understood. But instead of letting it wind me up, I look behind the intentions.

 

S has the best intentions ever, so when he said something that sounded insensitive I just processed it and what I came up with is that he didn't mean it the way it sounded. ( I was still bugged but working on dialing it down)

 

I did play it back for him and he was embarrassed on how it sounded and though he didn't mean he still was able to put himself

in my place and apologize for how it did.

 

Soooo different than in the past where stood our grounds and were on opposing sides. . over silly things actually.

 

I had to catch myself in the moment. .where I would feel locked and loaded and now simply let it go.

 

In turn, S is warm and fuzzy and hear me.

P.r.o.g.r.e.s.s . . .for us.

[reinventmyself]

I am sitting here stewing with anxiety.

It's performance review time. I have 4 millennials that report to me and managing this age group is challenging!

No offense to you millennials, I know I am making a generalization here, but I never know what I am going to get.

 

Everyone is great, outside of my assistant. He's a 30 yr old man with wife and child at home.

No father in his life and just this last year move out of his mothers home. He's been raised and coddled by women his entire life and he

knows the fine art of charming his way in and out of things and staying under the radar, all the while trying to look busy when he's not.

 

He's lazy, talks smack and loves to appear important. He's been with me for 4 years and every year I challenge him to improve. Now it's time to jolt him into reality.

 

Being a mother of 2 millennia's myself, I have a leg up on some of this. . but that self entitled ` Show me the money, then I'll do the work' attitude some of these kids have grinds on my very last nerve. Or the `you want me to that/what??" kind of look when I give him a task.

 

I've lost some sleep over this one. I am withholding his cost of living raise. Yikes. (by the advise of HR)

I have an hour to go for walk before I take this on. Wish me luck.

[journeynow]

that self entitled ` Show me the money, then I'll do the work' attitude some of these kids have grinds on my very last nerve. Or the `you want me to that/what??" kind of look when I give him a task..

 

I noticed this when I recently watched the Doc Martin TV series. A number of times, when asked to do something new they'd say it would take a raise, or it's not their job, or something. It wasn't just one of the younger characters that did this, it was a number of them over the 7 series. Competent or not, they didn't hesitate to speak up for themselves. (I'm not sure if it was just the younger ones.) My advice, channel Doc Martin! Let him speak for you. ;-)

[Fudgie]

I'm sorry, reinvent. I don't know why some millennials are so awful. I am very "no nonsense" at work and take a quiet, focused role and I do not gripe. I've worked with some millennials who are great, others not so much. I don't know why it varies so much...

[reinventmyself]

I noticed this when I recently watched the Doc Martin TV series. A number of times, when asked to do something new they'd say it would take a raise, or it's not their job, or something. It wasn't just one of the younger characters that did this, it was a number of them over the 7 series. Competent or not, they didn't hesitate to speak up for themselves. (I'm not sure if it was just the younger ones.) My advice, channel Doc Martin! Let him speak for you. ;-)

 

thanks. . .I will!

[reinventmyself]

I'm sorry, reinvent. I don't know why some millennials are so awful. I am very "no nonsense" at work and take a quiet, focused role and I do not gripe. I've worked with some millennials who are great, others not so much. I don't know why it varies so much...

 

Funny. . .I went through management training years ago. My class had mostly baby boomers reporting to them.

Old school values, much like mine. . a wide spectrum, but traditional, none the less.

 

We did a lot of role playing and the facilitators would give feedback on appropriate responses to situations.

I was the only manager in the group supervising young people.

HR and the Facilitators validating my experience by saying much of the advice given would not really work for me. That my age group was more of an anomaly.

 

My sons aren't this way. .thank goodness.

I blame their parents. . my prerogative. ;/

[reinventmyself]

My assistant has been passed by several times for promotions.

He gets his cost of living increase, but never a merit increase.

He was hired as a clerk 3. Next step is 4.

After each performance review I give him the floor to tell me what he wants or needs.

 

Mind you this is after I have told him he has barely met his expectations for the year. His response? - A title change.

I lost my cool last year. I said `what do you care what you are called?' Noone would know it anyway' " you have a wife and daughter at home and you are leaving money on the table every year, that's what you should be concerned about. Not your title!'

 

His LinkedIn Profile he took liberty to my title/position. I've known it for a couple years. I finally admitted to him that I've seen it.

He's never changed it. . unbelievable and a tad offensive.

[notalady]

Funny. . .I went through management training years ago. My class had mostly baby boomers reporting to them.

Old school values, much like mine. . a wide spectrum, but traditional, none the less.

 

We did a lot of role playing and the facilitators would give feedback on appropriate responses to situations.

I was the only manager in the group supervising young people.

HR and the Facilitators validating my experience by saying much of the advice given would not really work for me. That my age group was more of an anomaly.

 

My sons aren't this way. .thank goodness.

I blame their parentsl. . my prerogative. ;/

 

You'll be pleased to hear most people I know that are my age aren't like that. So, there's certainly hope to my generation lol... I do know a few 40 something year olds (so not millennial) that are all about "show me the money" and have the attitude of "that's not my job", constantly dissatisfied and can't take criticism.

 

I was raised with "if your boss tell you to do something, you don't tell them "sorry not my job", you just do it" (within limits of course but you know what I mean), work hard but work smart (ie prioritise), accept constructive criticism and always work on improving yourself.

 

There's a 45 year old woman at work that gets defensive whenever she feels like she's criticised, and regularly crumbles into a teary mess under criticism or stress. She's very hard to performance manage I was told (by her manager). And another 40 something year old is always demanding things at work like, we should have work drinks every month, we should have an ironing board at work (because he needs to iron his shirt....), it's like, get real!

 

Whereas I'm one of the easiest people you'll find around to manage lol... it's always "yep will do!", always quick to say "sorry that was my fault, I should have done this or that" (even though it's shared responsibility, and the person knows it, so they would actually point that out), because no boss wants to hear "it's not my fault, it's XYZ". And never a "why don't we get this and that at work?"

[Batya33]

I am sitting here stewing with anxiety.

It's performance review time. I have 4 millennials that report to me and managing this age group is challenging!

No offense to you millennials, I know I am making a generalization here, but I never know what I am going to get.

 

Everyone is great, outside of my assistant. He's a 30 yr old man with wife and child at home.

No father in his life and just this last year move out of his mothers home. He's been raised and coddled by women his entire life and he

knows the fine art of charming his way in and out of things and staying under the radar, all the while trying to look busy when he's not.

 

He's lazy, talks smack and loves to appear important. He's been with me for 4 years and every year I challenge him to improve. Now it's time to jolt him into reality.

 

Being a mother of 2 millennia's myself, I have a leg up on some of this. . but that self entitled ` Show me the money, then I'll do the work' attitude some of these kids have grinds on my very last nerve. Or the `you want me to that/what??" kind of look when I give him a task.

 

I've lost some sleep over this one. I am withholding his cost of living raise. Yikes. (by the advise of HR)

I have an hour to go for walk before I take this on. Wish me luck.

 

Good luck! Had my first performance review in over 8 years, today (didn't know it was coming -it's one of those early on reviews - 3 month type -although I've been there almost 6. Thank goodness it was great. I didn't have any concerns but of course you never know. Really made my day. Just in case it didn't go as well as expected, I hung a cardboard cut out of a star on a "necklace" made of yellow yarn on my work computer -a school project for kids to give their mothers for "women's history month"

[reinventmyself]

I'm drained. I need some wine

[reinventmyself]

You'll be pleased to hear most people I know that are my age aren't like that. So, there's certainly hope to my generation lol... I do know a few 40 something year olds (so not millennial) that are all about "show me the money" and have the attitude of "that's not my job", constantly dissatisfied and can't take "

 

I manage entry level positions and if you're a superstar you'll be noticed and transfer internally to another dept. So I've had those super star kids. They just don't stay if they're smart.

I get left the most entitled, clueless ones that think they should be handed something.

The turnover is usually one year. The young man I spoke of. He has his BA and he's still here 4 yrs later.

[Fudgie]

I really dislike my generation as a whole. I pride myself on being resourceful and a quick learner. My generation grew up with computers and then the Internet... how are some of these people so clueless? We have the world at our finger tips.

[notalady]

I manage entry level positions and if you're a superstar you'll be noticed and transfer internally to another dept. So I've had those super star kids. They just don't stay if they're smart.

I get left the most entitled, clueless ones that think they should be handed something.

The turnover is usually one year. The young man I spoke of. He has his BA and he's still here 4 yrs later.

 

That sucks!

[Batya33]

I started on the same day with a 20-something (is that millenial -think so?) who is doing a 2-year internship at our company after which I think she can stay on . She also lives near me, coincidentally. We've had lunch together 3 times and had opportunities to talk (totally different departments -we never see each other). I am so impressed with her, her work ethic, the way she expresses herself. She is a newlywed, was homeschooled and one of many children. Definitely the roll up your sleeves type. Also she happens to be very pretty and at the same time is humble despite being pretty/smart/successful. I haven't worked with a lot of millenials because I was out of the workforce for so long but I suppose she is one of the (many?) exceptions? I was like her at that age (but not nearly as pretty LOL).

[Fudgie]

A lot of my older coworkers trash talk millennials often. I've been told "It's great that you are such a hard and reliable worker, unlike others in your age group".

 

I know I'm kind of a hypocrite because I myself actually dislike working with others my own age (had bad experiences with them being lazy, stupid, etc) but I wouldn't openly make negative statements to others, you know?

 

Not really sure what to do.

[reinventmyself]

A lot of my older coworkers trash talk millennials often. I've been told "It's great that you are such a hard and reliable worker, unlike others in your age group".

 

I know I'm kind of a hypocrite because I myself actually dislike working with others my own age (had bad experiences with them being lazy, stupid, etc) but I wouldn't openly make negative statements to others, you know?

 

Not really sure what to do.

Fudgie, To be fair my experience is one out of every 3 is like you. I've worked with some amazing young people.

Unfortunately it's those frustrating ones that take all my time and attention.

 

I really believe these young people are a product of their environment. With the divorce rate so high, parents

are either too distracted and trying to win over their children they forget to teach them delayed gratification and

spoil them out of guilt. I have to manage my expectations because I am old school and I know how to hustle and

work hard. It's just mind boggling to me that so many young people don't have this mind set. I just never get use

to it.

I found myself telling this young man during his review that he had no heart or initiative when it came to tasks that are assigned to him.

I can't instill that in him. He either has it or he doesn't.

It's just a fine line for me sometimes when I try to balance being their supervisor and feeling maternal.

If he was my son, I'd shake him silly. But I can't

[faraday]

I'm a millennial...many of my friends are. I get that a lot of my friends lived at home until close to 30, so that makes them all losers (in the eyes of older generations)...but it's different than when my parents were young. My parents were high school drop outs...and they made a better salary (dad made $65,000 and mom made $45,000 a year- and that was 25 years ago!) than Jay does with a degree in a science field (his base pay is around $60,000). They bought their first house for $85,000....a house. You can't even buy a condo for that. Our downpayment on our house (which costs less than my parents current home) was more than the entire purchase price of their home.

 

So people can say millennials are entitled...I think a lot of them are frustrated. The idea of homeownership is...not a reality for many in my generation. Wages have not went up enough to support house prices...or the cost of living....so more people need to stay home longer...work multiple jobs...struggle.

 

It's funny, my parents talk about how much they struggled back with their $85,000 mortgage...we had to save that amount for a downpayment while paying rent. And my parents don't understand at all our struggle lol.

[reinventmyself]

I'm not denying the circumstances for your generation is super challenging. Times are different.

Heck, my 30 year old is home with me. So I see the challenges first hand.

I think there is a difference between the circumstances and the economy.

It's purely the attitude I have an issue with.

Again. . I am making a generalization.

[faraday]

Do you think that the attitude could potentially be from going to school for ___ years, getting out into the workforce (with student loans) and having employers ask them do internships without pay? Or paying them a wage that they can't/can barely live on?

 

That didn't happen to me, but I would feel frustrated if it did. And I see it happening all the time. I have many friends with degrees (in relevant fields) making $40,000 a year to start...and they have a degree. One of the reasons I didn't finish school is that at the time my friends were graduating, I was making more than them working at Costco...with no student loan debt.

 

Idk, it's just a thought. I will say though that throughout history, every single generation berates the younger generations as lazy and entitled. It's just how society works. So I try not to take it personally...and I'll try to remember not to generalize my daughters generation when I'm older.

 

I guess it's just hard being called the generation of participation trophies...when it wasn't me handing them out. I was six years old, I wasn't asking for trophies...or having them made for myself.

[journeynow]

Do you think that the attitude could potentially be from going to school for ___ years, getting out into the workforce (with student loans) and having employers ask them do internships without pay? Or paying them a wage that they can't/can barely live on?

 

My generation went through that, too. I never heard of paid internships in my school years, but perhaps some did. Wages were low, there was a recession on, you needed experience to get most jobs, but couldn't get that experience without the job. I actually like and respect and am impressed by the millennials I know. They have a Can Do attitude, are problem solvers, creative, optimistic, interested in life, responsible, have a larger perspective… I am just intrigued by a noticeable difference in approach about work. The ones I know look for a fit for them, they recognize (for themselves) that they have value. Maybe it's an intrinsic value. That in itself isn't bad at all. I respect that. When I noticed it in the TV characters I mentioned, my reaction was "Wow, look at that." I was raised with such sayings as "You'll take what I give you" (in response to declaring a "want") and "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" and "If anything can go wrong, it will" and "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." My parents, in turn, were raised to be seen and not heard, to not use your friends and family as connections for jobs, during The Depression and WWII rationing. Each generation is raised in a different world, and it's interesting to me the characteristics that develop (in general) as a result.

[faraday]

How old (about) are you journeynow? Most of my friends were graduating (or had graduated a year or two) right around the 2008 recession.

 

It is interesting how each generation is raised. I was raised maybe in a bit more old school way- I was raised with "I'll give you something to cry about" as well...and that idea of "ask not what your country/company can do for you, ask what you can do for your country/company" (dad is very patriotic and believes also that companies will look out for your (the "worker") best interest. So maybe I'm different than a lot of my peers. I was told that I needed to work hard, nothing in life is free...that I can't be an artist, I shouldn't go to school- I just needed to find an entry level job and work my way up. Find a husband that's a good provider. My brother did the work out way up thing, my dad is super pleased. I couldn't. I tried...I got promoted a few times, I was recognized as being a hard worker...but it just wasn't the fit for me. I wanted something different. A belief that a lot of people born into my generation was raised to believe- that we can make difference, and we can love our careers. I was okay taking a pay cut to enjoy my job...so I went that route. It worked out for me.

 

I think a lot of things are different with this generation...because this is the first time (in our living memory) that our expectations aren't the same as reality. I'm talking about how after the depression our grandparents came back from the war not expecting much (because they grew up during the depression)...and they worked hard...the wives raised the children, they lived on one income...and they prospered. They lived better than they thought they would. They bought their houses, and raised their children, and experienced this huge boom in quality of life that had never existed before. They lived in a world of abundance. Of TV dinners. And washing machines. Most families had a car, a home, they were able to put away money for retirement...and they instilled in their children "work hard and you will prosper like we did,". And so the boomers went out into the world...they got jobs, they worked their way up in companies...they bought houses- even bigger houses than their parents..and both adults had cars...and they did even better than they ever thought they would. Better than their parents had. They prospered.

 

So they raised their children Ina world of plenty, giving them participation trophies and telling them "work hard, and you can have anything you want." And so this generation has went out into the world...and they can't get jobs like their parents did. So they went to school...and worked hard, and got degrees, and graduated...to find that the only jobs available are jobs at Starbucks...or internships....or jobs where they can't pay their student loans and rent at the same time. They can't afford to buy houses because the market value of a home is 5-10 times what they were 20 years ago...and their job at Starbucks will not cut it.

 

The reality doesn't match the expectations set. We were told "work hard and you'll have what I have"...but it's not really working out that way I think when reality is so far below what expectations are...it breeds contempt. It feels unjust. Not right.

 

But it is what it is. We pay off our student loans to degrees that don't help us...and we save...and buy houses (or hope to buy houses)...and we hope that one day we'll be able to retire. We hope that one day we'll be able to have what our parents have.

 

But we'll see. I keep hearing about the bubble of capitalism bursting...so we'll see where that takes us. All I know...is that my parents and their friends often talk about how my generation is not as capable as they were back in the day. Not as resourceful. But knowing the people that I do...I don't agree. I know a lot of hardworking people. Resourceful people. Capable people. And if they had the same opportunities, they would be thriving too.

[Ms Darcy]

I manage entry level positions and if you're a superstar you'll be noticed and transfer internally to another dept. So I've had those super star kids. They just don't stay if they're smart.

 

I am totally biased, but what I have noticed ... millennials are far more technologically and technically savvy than older generations. I feel like my boss is an exception. But, generally, I have noticed that many of the barriers to progress and innovation in my field are the older folks who cannot stop thinking in a more "manual" way versus "automated."

 

It's a real problem. Younger folks are constantly learning new things and I feel like, where I am, the older folks insist on doing things in the most inefficient, least effective ways.

 

So, rightly or wrongly, I feel like many resent working for a boss, who's only in his/her position because they have been around for 20 years plus, when they know they know far more.