Baby_doll

Sorry to hear about your split with your gf outlaw I hope everything works out for you.

I agree completely with mandylee4christ when she says that if you're completely happy, you shouldn't need to go seeking out pleasure anywhere else. I myself would love it if this were true all the time, but unfortunately it isn't guys! We have to all face facts, there will be guys that look at girls/models/actresses etc and there will be girls that ogle men and discuss it in great detail...I personally never look at anyone, but I also know that we don't live in an ideal world. I have had bfs in the past that have eyed up other girls and been obsessed with celebs etc, which I would never dream of doing! My current bf does not do it in front of me, but I still have to accept that just because he doesn't do it in front of me, doesn't mean that he never does it! It kills me to think that he probably does, but from my experience of men, 99.9% of men ogle women, be it celebs, real women, etc...so why should my guy be any different? When your partners ogle these celebs like Brat Pitt and Britney, you should just try and shrug it off as best as you can...even though, I must say, it is annoying. I sympathise with you outlaw! I've been compared to people like Britney, Catherine Zeta Jones, Jordan and various porn stars in the past and it makes me feel totally crap because i know that I'll never be as physically beautiful as these people or have their 'assets'...silly I know, but at the back of my mind, I wondered what those guys were really doing with me if that is what they wanted! lol

*sigh*...I want to write a long reply to this post, but quite frankly, I'm tired of thinking about this subject. This was how my last relationship went, porn over me. I'm not unattractive and I never once refused my ex anything in *that department*. I got told it wasn't me..*blah blah blah*, but he never had a real explanation for constantly choosing porn over me. It was obvious he had some kind of problem, but he would never talk to me about it. He said porn was his way of burying his head in the sand. It just got so lame, I dumped him. I have no answer as to why men pass up the opportunity to be with beautiful women who would do anything for them, just to be alone with porn! I guess some men are just like that...Fortunately, I now have a guy who treats me in the way that I deserve. However, I sympathise with any woman in this situation, because as funny as it sounds, the experience of being with someone who prefers porn over you, is a very damaging experience. There are a lot of women on this site who have been through the same or similar situation...maybe we should start up a club??? lol

It took me and my boyfriend about two weeks before we said it, sounds lame I know, but we knew each other before that. I fell in love with him in about the first 30 seconds of meeting him-again sounds lame, but it's the only time that it's happened in my life! The first time we said it might have been soon, but it happened when we stared deep into each others eyes and realised that we were going to be together for a very long time...

Ahhh, what a great post Ok, I'll add my ten cents worth! I'm completely in love with my boyfriend because when I was with my ex, I longed for that 'fairytale-movie' kinda love. You know the sort, where the guy is passionate,sensitive, caring, loving, reads poetry in the park and plays his guitar for the main girl,cooks her a meal, runs her a bath and makes her feel like the most amazing woman in the world, well, I found it in my boyfriend! I love him for an infinite number of reasons, but mainly because my life with him is like it should be, it's a dream come true.

Hi missie I'm really glad that you're finding ways to deal with your jealousy! I woke up one morning and thought 'I'm not gonna let this beat me anymore'...it seems to be working for me I hate my ex for being like he was, but I can't let that experience shade my present relationship...I love my new guy and he loves me dearly...from now on I'm just gonna go with the flow and relax, and rebuild my trust!

Hi missie, I just want you to know that I haven't got time to reply to this now, but like you suggested on the other thread, I have added you to my msn, so maybe we can have a chat sometime?

Wow guys.... I never realised that SO many women go through this, I thought I was totally alone-but here you all are, going through the same situation! I know exactly how you feel with the Carmen Electra thing! I have been through the same thing with Britney Spears and Catherine Zeta Jones! I now hate both their guts! it makes me really happy to know that I'm not totally insane in thinking the way that I do!

Whoa! Things certainly have took a turn for the worse! I have noticed that most people who post on this site are located in the US and I have to say, I am really surprised at the differences between the US and Britain. Take this situation that you're in 1millionth, it just wouldn't happen like this where I live!! It seems that things get somewhat 'exaggerated'- I mean, your family thinking he's gonna rape you?? I had loads of friends that were older than me when I was growing up, but people here don't automatically think 'Oh my God he's going to rape you!' It seems to me that there is a definite lack of trust going on here...I mean, why doesn't your mom/cousin listen to you? Have you ever given them any reason not to trust you? I have already told you my viewpoint on this 16/21 year old thing, I can't see why he would be romantically interested in you, but there is nothing wrong with being friends! I think that you need to sit down and have a long chat with your mom and your cousin, because even though you're only 16, you need to take control of your own life-they should be believing you and not trusting gossip. At the end of the day, they are only worried about you, and maybe they mean well, but still, they should be developing trust. When I was 16, I used to hang around with people that did major drugs, but I didn't touch them. Someone told my mum and she believed that I didn't take drugs, because she had faith in me!

I think that you should avoid feeling sorry for this guy....sorry to be cynical, but from what you've told us, it sounds like he's playing the sympathy card for a reason. It strikes me as very odd that someone can't tell you their age. I would be looking for the reasons as to why he didn't tell you that. If he is cagey about something simple like that, then think what he could have lurking in his closet...from what you've said, it wouldn't surprise me if he was married or something. I'd get to know him a little better if I were you. But in all honesty, I agree with MandyLee4christ, from where I'm sitting, he don't sound too great..

I think that a five year age gap is fine-but not when one person is under 18. If you both say, 25 and 30, then that would be no problem-as you're roughly gonna be on the same wavelength. Being 22 myself, I would seriously never consider being with a 16 year old because I remember when I was 16 and quite frankly, the type of person I was then is a million miles away from the person that I am now. I just couldn't see how I would gel with a person that age. I don't really think that it's morally right either. At the end of the day, it's an individuals own choice, but I'd think carefully if I were you, because I genuinely can't see what a 21 year old person would want with a 16 year old. Do what you think is right and even though you are friends, be cautious of him!

Wow-if I was in this situation (being the jealous type!), I wouldn't be able to stop myself feeling negative thoughts! Why did he not invite you to go with him? (If you don't mind me asking) Okay, so the fact that he told you about the whole thing suggests that he is being honest, but on the other hand, the fact that he only told you with two days to go, means that you can't really do or say anything about it now because it's so close. I'm having one of my guy friends over to stay at my house, but I have told my boyfriend with at least a week in advance and I have asked his opinion about it and made sure that he's completely confortable with it- and we are definitely going to sleep in separate beds! Also, we are not attracted to each other in the slightest and we will not be alone in my house. I think maybe you are worrying about it because the details of it are so sketchy? Yeah, your boyfriend has told you about it, but has he mentioned this girl before? Maybe you shouldn't worry about it for the meanwhile, because there's not really anything you can do about it. But, if I were you, I'd sit down with my boyf and talk it over-It's not an overreaction if it's genuinely bothering you..

hey hey hey, I'm not getting emotional! I read what you said thoroughly and I just replied...The way that your comments read to me, it seemed that you were including me in what you said...if that's not the case then sorry...but its just how it seems! Like I said, I value the opinions you've given

ck, Please read my posts before you reply! I already said that I only met my guy online, he didn't become my boyfriend until we had met in real life! I agreed with you that I think it is strange to have a romance over the net without meeting, or having intention to meet. I get out all the time, meet loads of people in real life, had loads of offers like I said-but it doesn't make me odd, just because I chose the guy that I met online! He is perfect for me, whereas all the other guys that I met in 'real life' were just not..Should I have sacrificed my perfect romance for some total loser instead, just because I knew him in 'real life' first?? We met, THEN we became partners...that's the way it went. I haven't only met my guy, but I have many excellent friends that I have met online...NO! this is not because I'm sad, or have no real friends, but because I love the variety that life brings and I sometimes find it easier to talk to more annonymous people about certain subjects. I think it depends how you look at things actually...the majority of people have no problem with meeting a stranger in a bar, chatting drunkenly to them, then taking them home for a one nighter... When you think about it, isn't this an odd and dangerous thing to do?? But loads of people do it, so it doesn't seem odd. Whereas, people tend to have a problem with people meeting each other first on the net, then in real life...Yeah, it can be dangerous, but so can meeting people in bars and stuff! I agree with everything that Ash has said...you get to know someone and feel comfortable...when I met my partner it was just like meeting an old friend...I suppose it would be more acceptable if I'd have said that we met in a club, but it wouldn't have been the same..not as special.. Tell me ck, have you had a bad experience regarding net relations? Thanks for all your comments guys!

Hey ck, I completely understand what you're saying about internet relationships being a bit clinical, ie no touching, kissing, etc. I met my guy online, but now we're together in 'real life'. I couldn't have a relationship with someone without meeting them in real life...just doesn't seem worth it! I was fortunate to meet someone who only lived about 15 miles away from me! I guess some other people aren't so lucky I don't agree with you about the being lonely bit....you make it sound as though people who develop relationships from being online are weirdos and could never date in real life. Well, I have had plenty of offers in real life, but I met this guy online, gave him a chance to meet me in the flesh and I've never looked back! I didn't do it because I was desperate, or because I'm odd or anything...just had this feeling deep down that he was the one that I should be going for...I listened to my heart and my heart was right Nice to see your opinions though

Hi everyone! I've got to say, I'm really surprised that internet dating is so big! I used to think that falling in love on the internet was impossible and a bit weird, but then it happened to me! I met my new guy on an internet site at the end of December. We chatted for about a month and a half and I found that I had the most intense feelings for him, but had never met him! It was just insane, but it felt right. I had never met anyone from the net before, or wanted to-i was full of worries and nerves, but as soon as I met him , it just melted away...it was like a fairytale! I met him, now I am falling in love with him and all because I bit the bullet and listened to my heart! Needless to say, I have now changed my views on internet relationships and dating! I was just wondering if anyone else has had a success story?!

Hi! Being one of the girls that ended their relationship, thought I had better reply! Yes, I ended my relationship and of course, when I started my new relationship, I was very weary of all the old stuff happening. When you said that we should stop the jealousy rather than end the relationship, well, you have to understand that in my case, the only reason for my increasing jealousy was the person I was with! Yes, I understand that there are always going to be beautiful women and men and that my new guy will talk to women too, but I'm really not worried-because he demonstrates to me that he really cares about me and that hes not interested in anyone else-unlike my ex. When you say that beautiful women are always gonna be there, etc, you really make it sound like you're saying that we should all expect this kind of behaviour eventually from our men! I think this is quite a sad way of looking at things...I think one of our biggest problems as women is that we tend to get emotionally walked over and then think that every other man is the same...I don't think that this is the case. In fact, I KNOW this isn't the case. I have had a real problem trying to heal the scars that my ex gave me and one of the things that I do is try to think positively about things and not treat my new guy as if he is my ex... I genuinely believe that the root of jealousy is a deep down self image problem...i've seen people writing down that their partner thinks that they're beautiful but they really don't believe that they are beautiful-this is how I often think. Because I think that it's a self image problem, I'm not going to focus negatively on my new relationship, or start harassing my new guy with jealousy, I'm gonna take a look at myself and identify why I don't like myself and why this makes me jealous..

Ask yourself this, if it is just something to do when he's bored or just a habit and no big deal, then why can't he give it up for you? Surely it wouldn't be a problem. It sounds like an excuse to me! (Although obviously I don't know your boyf ) It bothers you, which is perfectly understandable, and he should understand that too-I think if he really loves you then he should make the effort not to hurt you. But even when they do give it up, it's still always there in the back of your mind-I became a snoop, because I always felt that I had to watch my back! I am only 22 myself and was in my relationship for about 3 and a half years. I just got sick of the lies and excuses...my ex did it because 'it was there'-I don't accept this excuse. I finally plucked up the courage to get rid of him in January, and I've never looked back-it was the best thing I ever did. Everyday I can feel myself getting stronger and more confident. Some people will try and tell you that porn isn't a big deal, but if it bothers you, then it is a big deal. There are plenty of guys that would understand how you feel about porn and completely support your dislike.

Hey Nayeli, I replied to your post on the other thread, but thought I would reply here too. I became a snoop and I couldn't believe that he was paying for it! I went through his computer, his whole house and his bank statements -You see, bank statements don't and can't lie. It really made my blood boil, but then it got to the stage where he could never afford to go on holiday with me, which was partly to do with the fact that he'd just spent £200 on porn!! When you think about it, it's really sad that a man who claims to love you can't go on holiday with you, yet he can afford the 'luxuries' of porn-that he claimed he could live without! I hate the phrase 'it's a guy thing'...you'd be surprised how many guys would actually be offended by that! If you think like that, you'll be walked all over-and you'll gets lies and excuses all of your life. Anyways, read my reply on the other thread! Baby_doll xx

Hi Nayeli! I'm not saying that everyone should end their relationships if they're in the same situation. I think that yuo have to think really hard about your position and weigh up the pros and cons. In my case, I thought about what my ex was actually doing to me and how that reflected what he felt. I think that you have to steer away from feeling like you are the root of the problem...I spent ages thinking that I was the problem, but now I realise that I wasn't. I think that you have to take a long hard look at a relationship and ask yourself why you are in it. The word love can be a very loose and overused term..sometimes 'love' is not a good enough reason to stay with someone. I just got to the point where I was a shadow of my former self and I didn't know why I was allowing myself to be treated in the way that I was being treated. For me, it was a form of abuse that was mentally torturing me and I just wanted to be rid of it. You said that you're in a similar situation yourself, but wondered if there's any way of doing something other than ending it. Well, ask yourself why you don't want to end it, but why you still appear to have doubts about your relationship. If you can't think of why you wanna be in it, then you're really not in it for the right reasons. Baby_doll

Oh my God Sooz! You are in exactly the same situation that I was in for four years. I never thought that I would read a passage written by someone else that would exactly mirror something that has happened to me. Everything you have written is accurate to my life! I had a boyfriend for four years that used to look at other women, look at porn all the time...i used to cry myself to sleep almost every night and like you, I thought that it was just me being pathetic. I too, am a jealous person, and hate being jealous. However, unlike you, I decided not to stay with my boyfriend and left him in January. You see, I used to think that it was my problem...I used to think " why do i have such a hang-up when he looks at other women and at porn?" -but then, I realised that if I was really in such a great and trustworthy relationship then my partner would love and respect me and wouldn't allow me, or put me in the position of feeling jealous. I have the opinion that when you're in a relationship, you should honour and want to be with that person so much. I don't think that it's acceptable for a person to be using porn on their own within a relationship(-No! It's not just "one of those things that men do"-as some of the losers in my past have tried to tell me!) I say on their own, because I fully accept that people within some relationships choose to partake in things like that, which is fine! But, when one person is sat alone with that kind of stuff, then I think that there is something missing from the relationship or something that needs sorting out. I am so annoyed that my boyfriend turned me into a snivelling, pathetic wreck, completely consumed by feelings of jealousy and hurt. He made me feel like it was my fault along-he ALLOWED me to feel like it was my problem, but now I realise that it was his problem-and he has admitted this too. In February, I met this fantastic guy, who has since transformed my life and has helped me to start rebuilding my trust, confidence and to help finally rid myself of my insecurities....it will take time, but it will happen. I can honestly say, I have never been so happy to be away from those feelings of insecurity and doubt. I don't really know what to say about your situation...you are married, which is different to being with a boyfriend obviously! But, it puzzles me as to why you married him if he makes you feel this way? I understand that you seem to love him, but sometimes love is just not enough in my opinion. I think that you need to stop feeling like you have some major "problem" and realise that maybe there is a deeper issue present. Insecurity and jealousy are horrible emotions, but they will always be present if you surround yourself with people that allow you to feel and think in that way. Sooz, reading your post reminded me so much of me...if you want to talk sometime, I would be interested in hearing from you. I know exactly how you are feeling...which isn't good...but I hope that you can find a way to resolve your problem.