Nayeli

hey sooz.. ya it would be really nice if they would just give it up on their own.. but guys don't seem to be that intuitive about these things. my boyfriend hasn't looked at porn since the last time i confronted him (i don't think) but it still festers in the back of my mind.. now its spilled over into me getting all of these crazy ideas about him cheating on me, (with someone in one of his classes, my roommate, whoever..). before we started dating, he was signed up for one of those online dating things (sounds sleazy i know...), and he still gets messages through his icq messenger thing. he claims that he doesn't know if he's still signed up and that people just search members and message randomly. this could be true because he IS very forgetful.. but i still wonder. he does ignore the messages when they come up, but why wouldn't he try to do something about it??! after the porn thing it makes me think that he is being sneaky about everything and i wonder what all he is hiding from me. i have tried to just think of those good moments as you said on your thread, but it's getting to where my paranoia drowns them out enough to where i can't even think of any... i feel so hopeless.. lately i've been really questioning the relationship (there are other problems that we can't seem to work out)....but then i wonder if its mainly just stress making everything so tense , since we're both so busy with classes...

thank you all for your help... i confronted him again and he reacted the same, and said he just does it because it doesn't seem like a big deal to him, like its just habit or something to do when he's bored.... i just wish he would remember that its a big deal to me..... but i really hate to think of ending this relationship, we've been together for about a year and a half, and things are usually great, other than this problem. when we first met, he was an avid porn man, and it didn't really bother me too much then. but as we got closer, it started to, which makes me realize it was me that changed... i tend to lose my self in relationships. maybe i just need some counseling or some good anxiety/depression medicine.. ??

i am going through the exact same thing also. it constantly eats away at me and sometimes prevents me from functioning normally. Baby_doll, i have thought that maybe it is just something about this relationship or him that is making me feel this way, but do you think there is anything that could be done without ending the relationship??

i have a huge jealousy problem, but what makes it worse is that it's mainly over my bf looking at porn. i know its just a "guy thing" but i don't know how to get over it. to me it seems to signify a problem with our sex life but he swears that he is satisfied... but then again there really is no passion anymore because i am usually the one who initiates it and he says 2-3 time a week is good for him...is that normal for a 20 year old?? he knows how much it bothers me but i still catch him....that's another problem- i've become quite a snoop. i go on his computer or email and look for it (and usually find it), which is something i have never done and i really hate myself for it. but when i confront him he tells me he is sorry and that he shouldn't have because he knows how i feel...but always goes back to it. it really makes me feel so bad about myself. why would he have to look for porn (and pay for subscription) to satisfy him if he has me?? am i over analyzing things? and if a guy responds please don't just give me the "guy" defense....