Lambert

None of these qualities show or speak to being a good partner. I'm sorry you're beating yourself up over this. I find that pretty common among the abused and people pleasers. You were doing your part and now you're blaming yourself for having your own needs. Ask yourself, why is it ok for him to say no to you. to be harsh to you, but you're not allowed to stand up for yourself. Seems lopsided, from what you've written. You keep saying you are not sure what to do. What do you want to do? Are you willing to forego all your own hurt feelings in order to be with him?

It's never you. Because you are you. You decide for you. it makes no difference what other people think or do in their relationships. You have to live with yours. If you decide blue eyes are a deal breaker, then they are. You don't need anyone to agree.

Trust your instincts. Some people never really get over an ex... they use others to pass time or so they won't be alone. I dated a guy that was not over his ex and in the end it was only myself I could blame because I didn't want to accept what I knew was true. Never again. When you discover one lie, it's like roaches. There's tons more you don't know about. Do yourself a favor and dump this loser.

This guy is garbage! He totally used and objectified you to impress his buddies... GROSS whatever you thought he was friend wise, caring, gentleman, etc has been completely debunked by his own actions.... What man wants his woman looked at by other men? a pig that's what man. He has no respect for you. I would block, delete and NEVER EVER talk to him or give him one more moment of my time. I would tell his mother or anyone else, he humiliated me in a very personal and private manner. Specifically to the mom, I'd add, knowing he is your son and the respect I have for you, I really don't want to get into any more. Please respect my decision and let's not discuss him. Never allow anyone to record you. Sadly, this you learned the hard way. What a pig!

For what it's worth... he really acted poorly and put it all on you to fix it. The "f you" part is completely unacceptable, as is the silent treatment, and the waiting to see how long you would take to contact him. What is he? 10? Those are not acts of love. Now he's being prideful and putting all this on you. It's a hard pill to swallow, as this was probably not what you expected from this guy. I would really do some soul searching... do you regret it, in a sens you're going to stroke his ego to get him back? Or is it more grief that this man is not that great? what you thought he was didn't really exist? And it's sad to end any relationship? At 52, this is who he is... mean and disrespectful. Once the respect is gone, what is there? If I were you, I would accept this is the end. Find a better guy that doesn't say f you and other hurtful things. Someone that knows how to communicate. As for the initial problem.... I don't know if I would expect my partner to sit in an uncomfortable chair. His response wasn't the good either but... You're an adult if the spot was unacceptable or if the host isn't interested in making all guests comfortable than I'd go home early. This was an unfortunate experience but it identified a huge crack in your relationship. I'm sorry.... keep going. you deserve better.

Sorry you're crying and such. That totally sucks. Tell me, what is the actual issue? Are you not producing quality work? Or is he just not directing things the way you like? When it comes to work, you have to take the personal feelings out of it. Don't say I'm new. Say I need help prioritizing what I have. If xyz needs worked on, abc has to wait. You might be lower on the totem pole but you deserve respect. I have found, when dealing with people that don't use or respond to the niceties of the interactions, then don't. keep it brief and only admit work. That makes things smoother. Separate yourself from work. Work is work and even if your not producing a you should, it doesn't mean you are a loser. You just need some help. If you have too much on your plate, talk to your manager about it. Get some advice from someone that seems to be doing well. in a new job, floundering, I got this really good advice- do what you can do really well.

People who throw around the love yous need to be vetted carefully. I have experienced and seen others fall for each other fast. That in itself is not so bad... but! the actions MUST MUST MUST match the words. Cut your losses. Insecurities at 3 months becomes controlling behavior at 6 months, becomes abusive behavior at 12 months.

I'm so sorry about the miscarriage.... How are you feeling about that? what a selfish jerk this guy is! Breaking it off is one thing to not let you finish what you wanted to say and only getting his own point out was unfair. Write him a letter and don't send it. This loss is actually a gain. You deserve better. Do you have any access to a therapist or a counselor?

I think a lot of what you wrote sounds like excuses and you really don't have any empathy or understanding of how your wife feels. How would you feel if she was sending & viewing sexual pics and chatting with real live men? Would you believe it meant nothing and was just an interactive firm of porn? Listen to what you're saying and consider if this was done to you... it's quite disturbing and hard to believe it's NOT a form of cheating. And why are you so lonely? You can't handle time alone even though you live with your wife and I assume she came home each night? You really couldn't find a way to entertain yourself that didn't involve your sexuality while your wife was at work? That is pretty sad. considering there are many people that were/are alone 24/7 for months during this pandemic. Don't be surprised if your wife leaves you. Your attitude towards your transgressions is almost worse than the acts themselves and that's saying something.

I think you have to choose to take care of yourself. And by that I mean force her hand. Talk to an attorney figure out the financials, make a plan, execute the plan. What's she's doing is total BS! she can't have her cake and eat it, too. There will be marital assets to split and that will help her get started but she's going to work hard to start over. Just as you are. Save yourself from being used. It stinks... no doubt about it. but your self esteem will benefit from you choosing you.

At some point Kim, you have to decide your life is good enough for you. many people succumb to pressure to do things and then they regret it. I'm older, not married, no kids... I've heard every question there is about this and felt the judgment. But! Any choice you make you have to live with. Not them. Instead of using your energy to worry about what others think, say & do, focus on building a life you're proud of and is what you want. I do wish I was married. That's true. but that's not enough for me. I have to be married to the right person and that's my choice. There is nothing wrong with me. I'm not a loser. I'm actually a winner and I intend to keep that way. I'm just not rude enough to question other people's poor life choices and say to their face that their looks pitiful to me and I'm glad I'm not them. So how about those apples? 🤣

I'm so sorry! I wonder if you could sue him for damages. what a piece of garbage this guy.... what do you want to do?

I'm sorry that happened. He had to be mental, right? I get so disgusted with people in general these days. the road rage and impatience I experience every time I leave the house gets me so down. So I can imagine an in person a-hole experience would freak me out, too. Try your best to shake it off. It's over. Now I need to take my own advice. lol... I bet you won't buy yogurt for a while. 🤣 let's try to laugh it off.

Couldn't you just say hello, how are you to them and then excuse yourself "to give them girl time" or just say, hey I'm so glad you came by. but that you had a long day and if they don't mind you are going to hang out in another room? There is no reason you have to entertain her company just because you live there. And if she thinks you're mad at her, you can kindly let her know that's not it at all. and that you both live here. those were her plans and if she expected you to be involved, maybe she can give you more notice next time. no harm no fowl. it's all in how you say it. You gotta find a way to understand each other and not be forced to do things every single time. especially without notice so you could prepare.

after 10 years, his response to your dream is no compromise? don't let him hold you back. If things were stagnant and he wanted some change, well here's an opportunity to do something total different together! I say go and don't look back!

so true.... one if my guy friends thinks every waitress likes him. lol. its the female version of just the tip! 🤣

This excellent. Lean on your family and friends. I'm proud of you! it's hard to end a LTR but I find it helpful to just take it one day at a time.

Yes. @boltnrun I agree. Very brave. Good for you. You really don't need his crap. Flipping out and turning it on you, is not how healthy happy couples deal with things. Where did you go? Do you have friends or some support until you find a new place? I hope so.

in your shoes I would leave and work on myself... Trust issues need to be addressed not just lived with. Nor used as an excuse to turn a blind eye on bad behavior. The rub there is you can't trust yourself! I don't think there is much you can really say to make a person change. Especially, when the person can only express himself when he is mad. Been there! You can't expect people to handle things differently then they always have. Sounds like the only thing you can really do is change the situation for yourself. it's hard to leave what you know and have accepted for 7 years but sounds like you aren't happy and you haven't been. Maybe getting out on your own, fixing your personal issues is just what you need to do. no one can do it for you. There's a whole world of people places and things. You aren't married to this guy. Leave him. figure out what matters to you and if he's willing to change, great. if not, you have options. They're called YOU.

I think Wiseman2 sums it up. I think you need to work on your insecurities and anger problems. I find your planned speech scary, creepy and not at all loving.

I am so sorry for all your feeling. You have every right to feel how you feel and don't beat yourself up about it. That's not being supportive of yourself. Maybe you can tell us a little bit more about what you want to happen? Is it just regret from doing it? Or are their more feelings? I don't want to guess or make suggestions because that might influence what you say. Sometimes it can be helpful to just talk it out. What do you want to do?

This is exactly it. Enjoy your life. Everyday. Maybe not all day but everyday. I have a firm belief that what you focus on matters... focus on the good, what you do have.... Sounds like you have a lot! family, a good job, a long time friendship, some hobbies.... assuming your health. That's more than most. No one has the perfect life. And the things you take for granted someone else is praying for. Keep it in perspective.

I'm in this camp. I have anyways had a more independent nature. I sometimes question if I will ever want to live with someone? but then I think-- with the right person, I totally will. if you're unhappy and sounds like you are, I'd look into why? of course humans need other humans... we are social by nature. But living alone does not mean you don't or can't have a full life. At any age! But it's important to enjoy your own company, too. Being desperate for warm bodies will force you to make bad choices. being ok with yourself gives you options. What are you doing with your time? Are you enjoying yourself with work, friends, family, your community? Maybe put yourself out there more. Mix it up!! Volunteer or find a group that interests you in your community. maybe through meet ups? Check local postings about events etc. A the same time what can you do on your own that you would enjoy, too? Strike that balance and things will open up to you.

We all age... feeling bad about it, will not change the fact. Not wanting it to happen, will not change the fact. You have to look at your own life, your own desires, your own dreams, work towards them and not compare yourself to others There is always someone better looking, younger, more talented, richer, etc. You might need to talk to someone like a therapist or doctor. - Why are you so superficial about something we all know is fleeting? - Why do you continue to need to be soothed about something every living being faces? - Why do you think these things are harder or mean more to you than anyone else? - What do expect some miracle that will keep you young? A lot of your thoughts are valid .. we all go through these things but you are not coping well... this is the youngest your ever going to be again. So maybe trying looking on the brightside... you're alive. Start focusing on what your doing today and the future.... So in 10, 20 years you don't find yourself posting about how you did nothing with your life and now you're just that much older. TL;DR Get a grip 🤣 you'll give yourself worry lines.

For what it's worth I think you have to make a decision about how you are going to handle this and go with the consequences. I also have a messed up family dynamic... mostly being controlled by guilt, obligation and not wanting to hurt anyones feelings. So I get it. But here are your choices: 1. be miserable leading up to and during this visit to keep them all comfortable or 2. deal with the guilt etc of telling them flat out no. I know for me, I've decided next time I'm in a similar situation I'm doing my own thing and everyone will just have to deal with it. It's going to start with statements like- I will let you know my plans. Then - I'm available at this time and can be at this place. And if anyone calls me on it, I'm going to say sorry youre offended. but this works best for me. I just can't take it anymore and I'm tired of feeling like their little puppet that just goes along because it works for them. I've made a decision and it is what it is. They know why it is. They know what they do. Will feelings be hurt? Yes. But I'm feeling like if I set the precedent, it will make things better in the long run. I'm willing to bear this. And until you are, you will be controlled. That's how they do it. They act as they always do and they count on you to do as you've always done.