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About quark

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  • Birthday 10/03/1984

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  1. Thanks everyone. I think I'm just gonna call him today actually, since I'm lazing around with nothing to do (boyfriend is working). Kwothe & Seraphim are right .. even if he doesn't "deserve" it, I know it would hang over my head if he passed away without hearing from me again. I feel like my situation is different from boltnrun because the lines of communication have been reopened somewhat recently. If I hadn't heard from my father since the day he left, I wouldn't give a second thought to it.
  2. Long story short, my parents split up when I was about 10 years old and after a while whatever relationship we had fizzled to the point of no contact until recently. The split didn't affect me much because I feel like I didn't see my Dad much anyway. He was a long haul truck driver then and gone for days at a time. When he was home, he was either teasing me or drunk with his buddies in the basement. We kept touch a lot immediately after they broke up where he showered me with gifts, like taking me to the mall to get a new expensive swimsuit and stuff like that. That slowly dissipa
  3. Just wanted to follow up that we made the decision yesterday to let him go. Obviously, I'm heartbroken.. but I feel ompletely confident that it was time. I was finally ready to put him to rest, and I do believe he was ready to rest. I ended up having an in-home service come. (Every time I called me vet I got an office closed message..not sure if it's covid or what?)
  4. The conditions for which you moved in and became closer are a little concerning, like Wiseman mentioned. I notice you keep putting the blame all on yourself for having these feelings. In my opinion, it's not something you need to control or meditate away. He did something that hurt you, and I don't think you are being crazy by mentioning it. If I saw my boyfriend comment "my dream, my desire" on some chick's photo I'd lose it. It's about respect for the one you love. Don't get me started on the "it's a joke" line. I would be curious to know exactly what he meant by that, and what
  5. You can take what I have to say with a grain of salt, since I certainly have my own issues. Just wanted to say that I can relate to the snooping and subsequent crappy feelings over it. Something in me just needs to know. That being said, I think it's okay to feel hurt by whatever comment it was that you saw. And then of course, feeling that may have brought up your past hurt & paranoia from being cheated on. And then before you know it you are sinking into this quicksand of not only having these feelings, cursing yourself for having them and feeling even worse. Does him follo
  6. I've signed up for therapy on talkspace today. It is not only for our relationship, as I think I could benefit from it in an individual way regardless. I am feeling really down today, because I spent some time looking back in my diary and seeing all these times where he has dismissed me or been rude to me, and it's sort of a shock. I chickened out on talking to him yesterday. It was a hectic night and I had gotten home later than expected. I just didn't feel like I had the energy to have that convo. So things have been weird because I cannot relax or feel at ease. And frustratingly
  7. Okay, so I realize to some that it looks like I am trying to save a sinking boat by taking water out with a solo cup. BUT - am I crazy to think that even with a year dotted with conflicts, it's not a lost hope? Of course it's been that long because we have not done anything to fix any problems, and it's now festered which has caused new, snowballing problems. I am just curious how many of you here have ever sought couples therapy or self help and how it worked out? Surely there are couples with much worse who have saved their relationship. It's not impossible (but, you do have to be r
  8. What's keeping me with him is probably several things. A) I still love him very much. B) I have a tendency to be stubborn/unwilling to give up on things C) It's hard to pick him apart as having negative personality traits when I know damn well I have my own as well D) TO be honest.. yes, I am a little scared and unwilling to call things off. I love his family very much and the thought of losing them kills me. The thought of entering the shark tank known as the dating world is also unpleasant. I realize that last statement is no reason to stay in a bad relationship, but it's just how I f
  9. You need to talk to him about it. Ignoring this issue won't make it go away. Confront him in the way you just described to us. "Hey, I heard you say ______ when you were talking about us" I would be beyond hurt if I heard my partner talk about me like that. A heart to heart talk is much needed. Counseling or therapy will most likely be needed also. But, only if he is willing to do the work to save the marriage. It definitely sounds like he is already one foot out the door. I'm sorry you're going through this 😔.
  10. So just to give background for those asking, we have been together 3 years now (almost to the day actually), but just started having problems this past year, give or take. I mean it when I say this is the best relationship I've been in so far. I've grown as a person and learned a lot about myself. That being said, I am increasingly believing that I'm being gaslighted. He can be so rude and sarcastic but he refuses to see it and will often deny doing it. Just today when we had a talk, he hit me with a barrage of "you" statements. You are this, you never do this, you need to do this
  11. To be honest, I don't even know what the heck is going on right now. Yesterday, we had a great day and night. Well, this morning, it kinda started off weird from the get-go. We talked last night about maybe having sex in the morning, and I was actually really game, but instead he got up early and went downstairs. So, okay. Then I started to clean up the kitchen from last night, as I usually do.. and, I grabbed the air fryer to return it to the basement and he kinda stuttered.. and then I realized we needed it for lunch today. It's a thing for him to get frustrated with me wh
  12. Any loss will hurt, even if you know it's the right thing to do. Indulge in yourself and get caught up in your own hobbies, interests, likes and family.
  13. This whole thing is really weird, and I'm feeling like there is way more to the story. You keep saying he is not mentally strong enough to confront them and fight them off. What does that mean exactly? If the love is really true, I feel like atleast one of you would be proactive to try and preserve it. Whether it's you personally meeting with the family to fight for your relationship, or him being able to tell them that he loves you and wants to be with you no matter what. I wonder how much both of you even want this relationship? Try to get your relationship back, or walk away. Do NOT
  14. Yes, I've seen the harnesses.. but I think it would inhibit him from drinking water which he drinks a lot of. I of course get him on medication at the first sign of any infection, be it urinary or ear infection. These past 3 months have really just been cycle after cycle of meds. I think he is spending more days taking anti-biotics than not lately. I am luckily able to afford it, it's just eating away at my savings and becoming a huge expense each month. I spent a lot of time crying yesterday just thinking about letting him go. I am rationalizing it more, coming to better terms with
  15. Just want to thank everyone for their kind words and replies. I've spoken to my vet, and mentioned atleast twice that it may be time soon, so they are undoubtedly expecting me to call in the near future to come in. My vet has really great people working there who are honest and caring.
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