quark

In the words of RuPaul.. If you can't love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? I only skimmed the thread, so apologies if I missed something. I feel like you need to really connect deeper with who you are as a person. What your interests are, what you like, your spirituality, etc. Lean into a hobby if you have one. Having a husband, having kids, having an expensive car, whatever it is that you desire shouldn't define you. It's normal to want companionship, but I feel like the way you're going about it is sort of like looking for a missing item in your home. Searching and obsessing and it's nowhere to be found. Then, the second you're not really thinking about it - bam, there it is. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy. And it won't stop.. even if you do get married and have a child, there will always be something your friends have that you don't when you carry on with this mind set. Easier said than done, I know. I am 39 years old. I have grown out of the small amount of friendships that I once had. I actually can't pinpoint one true friend that I have right now, and I realize that sounds a little depressing but I would rather have valuable relationships than hang on to ones that don't serve me. I find myself getting jealous over boyfriend's family/friends who are buying new houses and seemingly have money. Let go of your resentment which I feel is stemming from jealousy. Work toward being happy with yourself and what you currently have.

1) Absolutely you should look out for your partner in regards to things like oversleeping, it would be completely ignorant to just let them stay in bed. 2) Not sure what this question is asking specifically, but I'm getting the impression yours does not want to be disturbed while at work. If it's a case where cell phones are not permitted to be used, or the boss is particularly watchful then I would be respectful of that and not reach out during working hours. Even if it's permitted, but they would prefer to concentrate fully, I would respect that also. I text my boyfriend while he is at work, but that's because I know he has access to his phone and there are no rules about him checking it.

So I asked him this morning about it in the most nonchalant way possible. He immediately got a little defensive and let me know that she's married and she was asking more about me than anything anyway. I said being married is of no consequence to a lot of people. He describes her as the kind of person that feels the need to keep in contact/friends with everybody. I get that and I definitely get that impression from her. Then he brought up the time I got upset when his ex girlfriend's text message came through on the nav screen that one time (to wish him happy birthday). I said that's different - I think it's weird behavior to wish an ex happy birthday years after you broke up when you have no type of friendship. Not to mention, this particular ex came with a slew of mental baggage for me. I feel like he was little deceitful about her. He never really mentioned their relationship except in the context of "it was nothing, she's crazy". I had to find out through facebook that it was actually a long and quite serious relationship. They way he talked about her you'd have thought it was only a few months or something. I also told him I was in a different place then, and that I hope he would know that I am way more confident and comfortable in our relationship. He doesn't have to feel that I will spin out in a jealous rage. He made a face when I described me caring more about someone he's actually dated and asked how do you define "dating". Well, a romantic relationship - I said. He says she probably sees it as they dated. So obviously there was more that happened between them? I don't care - it's in the past, but why purposefully keep information from me and/or lie about the type of relationship you had with someone? It's annoying. But anyhow - confirmed what I saw in the text. Still feeling a little miffed over the whole thing but I am over it.

That's rich, coming from someone whose username is "divorced". Clearly none of us are perfect. Just because you're mad at Wiseman2 doesn't mean you have to sling hurtful words my way 🙄

You know what, you're right. I guess it just feels awkward now, well after the fact. I did not want to come off as jealous or "crazy", but I really feel like I have a right to know given the context. I know myself, and if I don't nip this in the bud, I will go down a spiral of constantly checking her socials and his phone until I either feel satisfied or discover something hurtful. Edit - similarly -- part of why this is bothering me so much is that maybe he didn't bring it up for fear that I would get upset. I would hope that we are at a place in our relationship where he knows that I am comfortable and confident in our relationship. (and therefore wont fly off the handle about Tricia)

We have made amends. Me, him and the heater all live in harmony now. I'm hoping he is just being "nice". They do not work together, I believe she recently relocated to the area where he works.

That's the problem, what is their current relationship? Back then, she expressed interest in him, they might have gone on one date. Not sure if there was even a kiss or anything. But he said after he told her he didn't want a relationship, she would continue to show up at the restaurant to see him. Hence "stalker". I didn't think they had any kind of current relationship at all, which is why the text was surprising for me. She will wish him happy birthday on facebook, and I thought that was the extent of their communication. That's why this is bothersome. Why is he entertaining someone he describes as his "stalker"? Edit: If it's worth mentioning - she just got married this past July.

Hey! Long time no talk in the relationship department! Some of you may remember my username.. I've posted quite a lot over the years. I am still with the same boyfriend but I have to say things have really changed for the better. We used to be very catty with each other at times, hissing and striking like a snake. Our communication and understanding was so poor. Happy to say we have both grown and matured a lot with each other in this relationship, and things have been really good. That being said, I am at a loss at how to respond to a certain situation that arose yesterday. I'm looking for some opinions. We were in the car driving to the grocery store and he gets a text message that pops up on his nav screen. It's from Tricia. I know who this is, because he explained her as being "his stalker" before we started dating. Said that she wanted to be with him, but he didn't feel for her like that. They have hung out in the past; concerts, quick drinks, stuff like that. He just cancelled the alert and didn't say anything at all. I thought it was really odd that he was acting like nothing happened. And listen, nothing did happen. I'm not jealous of this girl, I trust him to be faithful. Maybe they do text back and forth and I just was never aware? He's allowed to have friends, that's fine. It's just -- the lack of acknowledgement that has me itching. So, I peeked at his phone while he used the restroom (I know-tsk tsk..) and it was just her asking about his work schedule because I assume she wants to drop in and pay him a visit. She did also ask if he "popped the question yet". And I guess this can be seen as a peace offering that she is not trying to pursue him, but it could also be a gauge of how committed he is so she can decide to pursue. I hate that I'm like this - but if he would have just said "Oh, Ugh, that's Tricia again. etcetc". Sure, I might have been miffed, but I feel like I would have been comforted by his acknowledgement and transparency about it. Tell me if I'm being crazy? Should I bring it up to him that I saw her name in the car and ask what she wanted (pretending I haven't read the message later) or should I let it go? I don't want to start *** where there isn't. Is it right that I am bothered by his perceived secrecy over this text?

I will try to be so succinct 🙂 Takes courage. I still feel guilty not 'helping' a friend hence the need for a valid excuse.

Thanks all. I've had a lot of time to think about all the times I have come to her rescue in one way or another and it's a lot. While not daily or even weekly, it seems to be the only capacity in which we've seen each other the past 2 years (or more). I'm done watching her kid for the time being. It won't be easy coming up with specific excuses as to why I cannot, but I'll manage. I do think it's time for her to figure things out herself if she is ever going to grow and succeed.

I don't like the way this guy speaks as though he is your keeper. Like you need permission from him to get into a relationship? I also think the moment you have feelings for someone else, you should not only stop the FWB nonsense, but also end the friendship. Otherwise, you're not emotionally prepared to be in a romantic relationship because you are still dragging this guy around with you in your thoughts.

Just to be clear all - I was sitting about a year ago for the gym, but I slowed/stopped once I found out her gym had child care. Currently, she is only asking for help babysitting while she goes to constructive and positive places: meetings or otherwise. From my knowledge, she has been sober for at least 2-3 weeks. She just reached out again because she wants to go to some outpatient program and wants help babysitting. I told her that she should look into getting an actual babysitter to ensure she has someone to watch her kid while she does these things. She said she doesn't know where to find one. I'm just speechless. Who am I not to help a friend in need? But at the same time it's so infuriating that she refuses to help herself even a little bit. When she asked for my help today I know she 100% just assumed I would, and couldn't seem to wrap her head around my not wanting to do it just because I don't want to and no other reason or prior commitment.

I feel like a jerk though distancing myself from/cutting someone off who needs help and is finally doing the right thing to get help. Her relationship is not the entire issue, but her boyfriend's actions are a direct catalyst to her drinking binges.

I will try to keep this as short as possible, but I do tend to ramble... I have a friend, Melody. We met in school and have been friends for many years. Mostly it was just out drinking (when we were younger), but we also talk to each other about life's problems. Melody was with this terrible guy who had serious problems. She broke it off, but she got pregnant right as the relationship ended. To my disbelief and mixed feelings, she decided to keep the baby and be a single mom. She entered a new relationship with a guy who was much more "normal", but not without problems. He meets her minimum requirements of having a job and car, not being an addict, not in need of institutional mental help. He's extremely immature (emotionally and otherwise), distant and confusing in his actions. She struggles with being a single mom. He does not involve himself much in her child's life, he never stays over and she always has to do the mental work of planning any dates. They have been together about 4 years or so, and nothing has changed. She constantly upsets herself over whether or not he loves her, whether or not he thinks she is pretty (he never says it), and what the future holds for them. She started turning to liquor as a means of coping. Knowing she needed to get herself some alone time for her sanity, I started watching her kid while she went to a yoga studio. I wanted to help her, but I also felt like it got one-sided. Instead of a friendship that was mutually beneficial, it turned into me just babysitting all the time. It came out in conversation that her gym offered childcare. I wondered why she couldn't just utilize the gym? Why does it have to be this one specific place? I felt angry and kind of taken advantage of. I hated that her stupid boyfriend couldn't chip in with helping watch her kid. The drinking got worse when she lost a parent. Instead of her boyfriend joining her broken family for Christmas dessert, he chose to use that time to check out car dealerships for a new car he has been wanting. That's when I lost it and told her she needs to get rid of him. Time passed, she continued to get upset by his actions. The drinking got worse, she had an incident or two where her mom had to intervene because she couldn't even stand up or function properly. Things were getting worse behind closed doors. We still talked on the phone regularly, mainly about how her relationship was upsetting her. I stopped talking to her after one particular tear-filled conversation where she was THIS close to ending it. I wanted our next conversation to be her telling me that she broke it off. That call never came. Months and months went by until just recently she reached out again. She had another drinking incident where she landed herself in the hospital this time. She put herself, her child and others in danger by driving drunk. She is now going to AA meetings. Shortly after the phone call, she asked me to watch her kid so she could go to a meeting. I am her friend, I care about her, and I want to help her but it's not going unnoticed that she only reaches out to me when she needs something. I have a serious chip on my shoulder about her continuing this relationship with her boyfriend who does nothing to help her. She can bring her child to the meetings, but of course does not them to have memories of that. Seems too little too late since this kid has already seen her blackout drunk on several occasions, and already knows about alcohol, liquor and drinking. What should I do? TLDR: Long time friend who makes questionable decisions is holding onto a boyfriend I absolutely hate. Our friendship has changed and I don't want to be her babysitter even if it is for a good cause.

It's obviously a mistake, but I seem to have a fully unlocked quickbooks on my computer. I can see exactly what everyone gets paid, including the major differences in our monthly "commission" paychecks. Some people make more than others who have been there longer. It's a lot to carry, haha! The boss recently made some changes that take money back from some senior people except one (a family member). Not necessarily looking for advice.. I know I should not divulge this information to the team. Or should I?? Honestly just wanted to tell SOMEBODY, anybody about this.

If after 4 years, you are still unsure if you love him, I think it's safe to say it's not gonna happen. Feelings of insecurity and jealousy are a natural reaction to being hurt and not an indication of love. Sorry, girl. Find someone who makes your heart flutter.

Let's just start this out with the fact that I have this dysfunction where I have to know -everything- Even as a kid, I wasn't necessarily so mad about my mom saying "no", I just wanted to know WHY. What are the reasons for her saying no, lol. My relationship has been riddled with curiosity (on my part) for as long as I can remember. When we first met, I was in a relationship where I was engaged. That ended, and we started courting each other a little bit. We worked together, and there were these 2 other girls that were obviously interested in him too. One was my age, but the other was much younger. The one he actually went on a date with, and kissed her. He told me this. I didn't know the details at the time, but I do remember him telling me that he had a dream about her (this killed me inside since I was SO into him), and that she texted him to come over with her address. The other girl was spending a lot of time in his office, and I saw them being flirtatious often. Rumors swirled about them fooling around. I never found out for sure about that one, we never really talked about it except for him acting like it was a ridiculous notion and nothing happened. Still, it burns inside me because I feel like I don't actually know. His history is that he was married and divorced. That's the ex I mostly heard about when we had conversations. But, when I poured over his facebook wanting to know everything about him, I see old posts and pictures with this other girlfriend. He never mentioned her. They were together for years, it seemed pretty serious.. She went on vacation with him and his family. Went to family functions. This is where immediate mistrust/paranoia/curiosity kicks in. I asked him about it, and he kind of brushed it off like she didn't matter. Again, him not really wanting to talk about it and brushing it aside really poured gas on my crazy. A year ago, we were in the car and the text messaged picked up and it was her wishing him a happy birthday. IDK.. maybe I really am crazy, but I don't go around wishing my exes happy birthday. MORE recently, we were talking about travel and vacations. And I knew he went to Aruba, but I just always assumed it was with his ex wife. Come to find out that it was with the girlfriend. I don't know why, but this carries weight with me. Whenever we talk about possible vacations he always wants to stay in the USA, and is scared of going to different countries. So I'm feeling like "Oh, you can go to another country with HER, but it's like pulling teeth when I want you to go somewhere?". I feel like we need a knock-down, drag out, nothing held back conversation where we can ask each other anything. Because I feel like he's got burning questions about me, too. So the point of this post is.. is it needed to know everything about your partner? Are some secrets good? Should I just let these silly questions die like they should?

First of all, I don't really appreciate him saying that I always "hate him" when I come back from hanging out with my friend. It's said in a joking way, and sure it might have some validity (in that I am usually in a different headspace after we get together). But I can't help it.. we talk about heavy stuff when we are together, her relationship, my relationship, the state of the world, depression, the meaning of life, etc... So Thursday, when he came home from work, I was in a mood. Just hating on myself for not being able to stick to a way of eating that I am trying to do to lose weight. Feeling hopeless about it. Feeling exhausted by life in general. Questioning some things in our relationship. Critical of myself in other areas. A myriad of things. Instead of being supportive, it was like his whole demeanor changed, and he was angry with me for feeling depressed. So not what I want at a moment like this. He did attempt to have a conversation, but I bitterly reminded him a few times that football is on and said I was exhausted. (Football is life, the one day we get to spend together it is spent watching football). I spent a little while playing a stupid game on my phone just to disconnect. I went up to bed once the awkwardness reached a fever pitch and did not kiss him goodnight. I was not in the mood to swoop in once again to "fix things" and find out whats wrong. Since then we have spent days in a weird silent treatment type thing. He is not really talking to me and I just don't care enough right now to be the bigger person I guess. I'm exhausted. We finally talked a little bit today and he feels like I am not taking responsibility for what happened on Thursday. But, I just feel like the whole thing could have gone differently if his reaction was different. I am allowed to feel depressed. I am allowed to not want to talk about it in the moment. I feel like I don't have much of anything to be sorry for (I could have communicated my feelings better) and he has made it clear he has nothing to be sorry for.

I cackled, thank you

Basically unloaded on him last night about how not okay I am. How with every stupid fight, it chips away at me a little more. I'm tired, exhausted. I feel like I have gone through so much in this relationship and almost feel like I have nothing left to give. Not surprisingly, he had seemingly no idea it was so 'bad', although I straight up told him "I am not happy" a couple months ago. That sentiment has not changed. Not sure if/why he thought it did? I agreed that I hold onto things for too long and get lost in the past. I explained it like every time he says something hurtful or I have a particularly depressing/painful feeling about us that I put it into this little box in my mind. Anytime he makes a facial expression or scoffs just a little, it's like that box gets tipped over and I relive each one of those feelings/words all over again. I don't know why I'm like this. I also threw in some woes about life regrets, sadness over never getting married, having no one in my life and feeling like I have no purpose for good measure. He said to me that he would rather fight with me everyday than be without me. I thought about that one a lot, and said to him the next day how different the dynamic of our "fights" are. How when we get into it, he comes from a place of judgment and control. It's no skin off his teeth to fight like this because he isn't the one being attacked. I should add that when I express my feelings he will almost always say that he disagrees with whatever point I am trying to make. I feel like he will never admit wrongdoing, except for much later in a self loathing type way ("I'm such a bad boyfriend") In response to me basically admitting to being horribly depressed, he gave me a holier than thou speech about how he handles things in life instead of hearing me/supporting me.

He loves you. He wouldn't take the time to message you almost every day if he didn't (even if it is just small talk). Your feelings of jealousy are valid. Here is someone who was supposed to be a father to you, chumming it up and doing daddy/daughter things with someone else. Take a moment and breathe though. Realize this is not about who he loves more or less, but just circumstances. He has a closer relationship with her because she has been in his life. It is never too late to forge relationships. Plan something together with your dad. Try not to look at her as your enemy and get to know your half sister. Who knows, you might be able to have a great friendship/relationship. There are people in your life who care about you, and who you touch without even realizing it. You matter more than you know. Good luck!

I'm back for more abuse from this forum. Lay it on me. I'm so numb right now I don't even care. You may remember this topic a while back: https://www.enotalone.com/topic/450462-i-am-still-in-itjust-ventingtime-is-ticking/ Which, spoiler alert. It is now the end of September and I highly doubt I will have the balls anytime soon to end this relationship. Anyway, back on Aug 7 I made a nasty remark about our outside heater and how little we use it. A few days ago, the boyfriend and I were talking about what to do his birthday weekend, when he suggested that he wanted to invite his friend over for football. I said cool, maybe if it's nice out we can sit outside on the deck and set the TV up like we do sometimes. Yes, he said. And even if it's colder we can put out the heater. Oh wait, nevermind .. you hate the heater. What I should have done is asked him why he would bring it up like that with such a sarcastic tone. But instead I played dumb like I would have no idea why he thinks I hate the heater. Yesterday, Friday, I went shopping after work. It took a little more time than I thought, so I arrived home pretty late. Say around 8:15/8:30. I had already made plans to cook dinner and starting it late wasn't going to stop me. Dinner took a lot longer to put together than I thought also, so when he arrived home from work at about 9:40, he gave me a completely disgusted facial reaction when he saw that I was cooking. Why am I cooking dinner so late he says. Why wouldn't I have just stopped on the way home from shopping and gotten something? I don't understand why he was so upset that I was cooking dinner late? Firstly, I don't want to stop and get fast food, it makes me feel bloated and crappy. Secondly, I care about him too and what if he was hungry when he got in from work? He got upset with me for taking him into consideration. Do what I want, he says. But ... coming home and cooking dinner is what I wanted though. Again, I don't understand the reason to be upset over this.

Yep, got it, thanks. Thanks for kicking me when i'm down. 👍 I must be a masochist cause I just keep coming back to enotalone, lol...

I literally don't know where else to put this! It has been so long since I've been catcalled or otherwise been on the receiving end of creepy men behavior, but.. Today at the grocery store, a man with a very obvious growing boner told me I was attractive and his **** was getting big 😳 It started out as an innocent enough conversation when he approached me JUST as I was walking into the store and he was on his cell phone. He wanted to ask me about yogurt because he said his girlfriend was trying to lose weight and he was trying to buy some for her. I waited really patiently while he was half on the phone with her I assume and half letting me give what small advice I could. Like what the hell?? I just rolled my cart away, averted my eyes and laughed really awkwardly... I couldn't even concentrate and left shortly thereafter. And now that some time has passed I just feel so angry that some men think they can just say whatever they want and allowing this to get in my head/bother me. Ugh.