Lambert

I don't disagree with the people commenting about finding less drama with the guys. I also have all male cousins, many male friends, & work in a male dominated field. So I am comfy being with the guys and I enjoy their company in general. However, I just wanted to add... not all women are drama queens and I've definitely encountered some drama fueled guys. If you are a watcher of human nature, as I am, you will get what I'm saying. In the ways people learn coping mechanisms. Don't get enough attention? Create drama and you will. Bored? Stir the pot with some drama Jealous of others? Make it all about you Some people act like they are cool cucumbers, but they're feeding off drama that they use to judge others. So what I'm saying is drama, for the sake of drama is more of a trait or rather character flaw than a gender specific quality. Furthermore, if you have to state you don't deal with drama, you might be being dramatic. lol

Get yourself out of this situation today. Sorry. It stinks but this is BS and neither of these people are on your side.

I don't think poor guy. It should not be a stretch to accept a child from another relationship. If you can't, then you should not have gotten into the relationship. So no. You don't owe him anything. I think the concerns you have are valid and cannot be fixed by therapy. You can't change a non-thinker into a deep thinker. Also if he's annoyed by your perspectives, that only gets worse. I remember feelings of being on egg shells because I was being criticized for who I was. It was exhausting. The sex thing is a big deal, if sex matters to you. You've been together a year. It takes time to see if you want to continue moving forward. And a year is a good amount of time to see him in many situations and how the relationship feels. So it seems to me, as an outsider, you gave this a shot. It doesn't work long term. Just end it. It will suck, but all break ups do.

Sounds like he doesn't have a lot of social skills. When talking to people like this. I sometimes think about what it would feel like, if he were with me and my friends. Like holy embarrassment. It is one thing to have a friend come up or even an ex in conversation but, you've just met. You should have a lot to say about yourselves. So you have to wonder how genuine a person he is and how comfortable he is with himself. Those are really important things in order to build a healthy relationship. You don't want to be with someone you don't ultimately respect on his own and that you aren't proud of to say that's my partner. Chemistry can fade, you need more to bloom as a couple.

I agree. it's a weird move. I also think it shows a lot of insecurity. Also - what the heck is up with looking at the same pics on his phone over and over. I would not be into this guy at all.

Great question CF.... Because aside from the picture of a plate of meat the rest is all subjective. What is great sex? no drama? great company?

So basically, serve the man and its real simple. lol

That's ok. you are allowed to change your thinking. And be mad! you don't have to wait for him to do something else. If he were to say something like "that's over. you said so." or something that would make you feel like you are in the wrong. You know what you say? You say, "guess what. I changed my mind. my life. my rules. what you did is cheating! and I'm offended that you tried to manipulate me into thinking I was losing my mind." Listen, he's not playing by the rules. This is not love. That's how people manipulate others. They use your good morales and forgiving nature against you. You owe him nothing. his actions caused this. NOT YOUR REACTION.

He was upset? HE was upset? Don't you see the ridiculousness and manipulate nature of this? Total bs... your husband is not dumb but he must think you might be. Who practices sex acts without it actual sex? Liars that's who. And how is he close enough to another woman to ask her to do this? She declined? There must be more between them. Think about that. Is it normal to ask a random person to practice tying me up? NO! ITS NOT. Unless you guys are swingers or have some other arrangement in your marriage. You are being duped, girl.

How you could you expect any response but dump him? What does he have to be anxious about? He has no responsibilities. And you are in denial about what a great relationship and partner are. You don't have a boyfriend. You have a child. A big one.

If you still care for each other, get along fine, are still having sex and share all the other aspects of life. I wonder if you would miss her and how it would feel if she was with another man? (assuming you divorce. not a cheating situation)

I think you've gotten some good advice. Mainly, never date a married guy. they are full of crap. oh they might mean it, as they say it, but that doesn’t make it true. I will just add... this is what breaking up is. You don't reach out here and there. The casual hi how you doing. You go your way. They go their's. healthy happy relationships are simple. They flow. No complicated background stories. You're together and everybody knows it.

Tiny, Bolt is right. You did the right thing. He is hurting but doesn't excuse the super mean things said to just hurt you back. He needs to grow up. Sorry he's never been broken up with before. let's face it... He was due! Don't let him rattle you. You've been considering this for a while and you KNOW it was the right thing. You gave many chance, compromised and sacrificed your own needs. He was not giving anything back. You are 100% right... being a nice guy is not the only requirement for a happy healthy relationship... Its compatibility and wanting the same things and working together to get them. You are not too old. You can and will find a better match. Don't feed into negativity that serves no purpose but to cause fear and panic. Everything will be OK. You did the right thing. ❤

Hi Tiny My approach to your post might be a little different than others... While I think working with a therapist is best. I have a perspective to share separate from that. Maybe you're not dysfunctional in romantic relationships. Maybe you have picked some not so great matches, but to say one reason explains all of it is a little unrealistic. I tend to think all relationships are great until they're not. Maybe something changed, maybe the other person was at fault, maybe you were, maybe no one was. It's just how it went down. I think the biggest thing you have going for you, is you want to examine yourself and do better. So with that in mind, maybe you need to spend more time thinking about and deciding what you're really looking for in a partner. Furthermore, what are the actions that they will take to build the life and relationship you want. You've posted the pressure associated with the desire for a husband and family. So your racking your brain with each relationship to make that happen. Like a problem to be solved. "Each guy, how can it work out" mentality. Maybe you need to get to know yourself better so you can see more clearly deal breakers and stop trying to fix things. See crap as broken and move on. I have had some relationships fail and sure from the outside is like what wrong with me? but no! it's what's wrong with the situation and is it better to let it go? Stop seeing everyone as potential Stop trying so hard to be with someone Start trying to be with yourself. You'll gain strength, clarity and peace. Hope this helps! ❤

Hugs Seraphim! ❤❤❤🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛

I'm so sorry he is doing this And with a new baby to boot. I know you don't want to hear this but I would not tolerate this at all. He's lied to you, deceived you and if you call him on it or give him an ultimatum. He will just hide it better. Totally sucks. He's a jerk.

I would just dump him. he is NOT everything you are looking for. You THOUGHT he seemed to be, but now, you have new info. He's creepy, dming strangers on line. The women in the family commiserate in the kitchen at family functions. Ugh... not a dream guy. Be glad it's only been 7 months. Tell him you know he's been pursuing others and that's a deal breaker. bye good luck. At least acknowledging he is a creep, will help you close that door. There is nothing he can say and you don't have to come clean or anything.. he is lying to you. you owe him nothing! Get STD testing done and don't look back.

I would ask him what he meant by that. It's very passive aggressive. If you did something, how you would know from that? And it's rather a snarky, mean comment said unprovoked. So I'd see this as a red flag and observe how he's talking to you. If it continues, dump him. You want someone that not only treats you with kindness but also can clearly communicate a problem. He did neither in this situation.

Sorry OP. These were my exact thoughts as well. Another perspective: He avoided you because he didn't want to talk to you. He may have been shocked to see you and guzzled his wine because he was preparing for you to make a scene or mess things up with his girl. Why would not hugging his girlfriend mean anything? You don't know what is happening with them. She may not like that kind of PDA or who knows! 17 is very young in romantic relationship terms. As is 22, 5 years later. You said your peace. Delete his number and never bother him again. Something for you to consider going forward with men: In general, they are pretty easy to read. If they are interested, they act. It's when they're not interested, we make excuses and narratives about how they are incapable of acting because of their feelings. (Actually men and woman are this way) Always interpret mixed signals, avoidance, etc as a not interested. You will save yourself a lot of time and heartache

how would you interpret Sam’s response? I think Sam was following a form of "bro code" with you. He didn't want to do you wrong but it came at a cost. He resented you. He couldnt deal with the drama. Blocked you and Angie for his own sanity. I don’t know, how am I suppose to believe there wasn’t some feelings there? So it's not enough for you that he or she didn't act. Their own feelings have to be what's best for you, too? Come on.... Not everything is about you. Yes. You are the star of your own book but you're just one book in the whole library. Not everyone is going to read your book. And honestly, two years later, what are you doing to work on your own life and happiness? You're not with Angie, you've lost some friends... maybe it's all for the better. Move on. Fall for someone else. Sam and Angie Who?

I'm sorry. it hurts no matter what when you find out they moved on. Try to remember this a lot of your ego, telling you, to fear. That's what the ego does. it makes narratives out of situations. It's actually a survival mechanism but we get in our own way at times. Look at it as an observer... you guys had a great run, 14 years! But ending was for the best. The ex is on their journey and you're on yours. Of course you want them to be happy... but it's actually none of your business, not a reflection of you or indicative what great things are to come for you!

I don't understand why she is mad at you for seeing him? Because he hit on her and she turned him down? That's not fair. she doesn't want him, but you can't have him? Or is it more she thinks he is a predator and you should listen to her experience with him over your own? That's kind of off, too. You're free to do what you want with your life. I had a guy friend that creeped out one of my girlfriends. She didn't like him and that's fine. he's my friend. What he did was, one time he looked at her funny. One time! she thought it was creepy. which I kinda felt like ok... don't you hang around him. But I still did. And if he comes up, i say, I know you don't like him, but I do. Be your own person.

I'm sorry you are feeling blah over this. but life is about experiences and lessons. Like ordering at a restaurant. You thought you wanted that and then after the meal, you're still hungry but for something else. Since it wasn't an emotional connection and was just a physical itch that got scratched, go forward doing what's best for you-- seeing your doc & getting tested. If you don't want to see the guy, don't. Maybe it was just as unemotional for him and neither of you want to see each other again. It takes time to build a connection. This doesn't mean you can't built one, if you both want that. But it could also be, you guys went too far, too soon for your own comfort. Which from how you're feeling, sounds like more the case. It's ok. ❤

good for you! onward and upward

Wow. As heartless as his actions must feel, letting you go is the best he can do. I am sorry. I know you expected better of him. I felt that way of my ex, too. He can't admit to himself he's a user and won't change. So he'll never admit it to you. Pride... it is all his pride, 'you should leave.' Like it's his great idea. it's like no you dumb donkey, I'm telling you, I'm out the door. Good ridden! I hope every person considering moving in with someone reads this. makes sure you're moving in for the same reason they think you're moving in. More and more. It seems one person thinks it's a step in their relationship's progression with deep meaning. Meanwhile, the other person is just looking for a roommate. Hang in there girlfriend... no matter what, you did the right thing. Where you living now? you ok? ❤