Lambert

Run away from a guy 4 months out of a 20 year relationship. That's the first thing. There are so many differences between a person like him and a person that has been single for a long time. You want a love story. He's ending one. he can't meet your needs for that live story. Also it's been 60 days with him and you're already in trouble. Another reason to run away from this guy. He maybe a cheater and not a good match for you buy he us right about one thing... You sound like you're desperate for a relationship, a mate, any mate. That shows that you do need in fact to work on yourself. A person ready for a relationship is also a person that will go it alone until she finds a person that: 1. wants her back 2. she can trust You have neither of these with this guy. Move on. Care more about yourself and who you give your time, attention and effort to.

Definitely talk to the manager. you do not have to tolerate this BS. Maybe talk to the other employees and see if anyone wants to go with you. No one is allowed to touch you or say those sexist things. Nor is he allowed to be a racist. Everyone has to stand up to these people in order for them to learn their behavior is unacceptable. It would be illegal in the USA (not sure where you are located) for you to be reprimanded for complaining. So if he or anyone threatens your job, they are not allowed to do that.

You're asking for lots of advice? For what to fix him? his daughter? the mundane life? It's really hard to understand what you find to be the problem here. when it all sounds horrible. Do you want to marry this guy? why?

Maybe because even though you broke up, you've still been together. Broke up but still close & having sex, is confusing. After a break up the best thing for both people is to stop talking, stop seeing each other, stop following each other on social media. Full on no contact. It feels like crap at first but it gets easier. Your mind starts to clear and you start to see how you really feel. Staying together but broke up is letting fear control you. A happy healthy relationship is not cloudy. That much is a fact. The best thing you can do is go no contact. Make no promises of an answer in the future. The answer is you're broke up. Give it time and space. You'll move on or you'll float back but until you're really apart you'll never know. Does it suck? yep. it does.

I think you just don't want to be alone. And all this make up to break up stuff is really damaging to her. Dangling a carrot when you know something is missing for you. if you really care for a person you don't jerk them around. You know she wants a proper boyfriend and deserves to be treated with respect. Right now. she is blinded by her love for you. So don't take advantage of that. Be mature and let her go.

In reading @poorlittlefish I, too, had a similar experience. It took.a few years but I started to realize I dont want to live like this. He claimed depression and this or that but it all cane down to- he won't change. So stop complaining about it. I know for myself, I always thought I had to love people for who they are. but the part I didn't grasp for a long time is, people have to step up for me, too. It's not good enough to claim some reason why I have to bear the brunt of their bad behavior. Whether it's medical, emotional, and or mental health or their zodiac sign... People who say things like 'that's who I am' etc, well ok cool for them. they can be who they are away from me. and find other people to abuse. Save yourself OP. You are being damaged by this in ways you don't realize. And breaking up won't instantly fix it. You're going to need to heal yourself when this is over. So consider that. When you consider how much time you're giving this...

I think there are a few truths you have to accept and that this relationship wasn't meant to be, might be one of them. I know that really stinks, hurts and is a terrible thing for me to say. But hear me out. If, over the course of 6 years, things did not work out, then they probably werent supposed to. You chose your family over the relationship, your own career and happiness. Right or wrong that is what happened. You rarely saw this woman. So it's very easy to get sucked into a fantasy. Now here you are.... this relationship has ended and you're already on a new adventure. Go with it. You've put your life on hold long enough. Time to do some things for yourself. Get a full time job, your own place and eventually a local woman. it'll take time, but it is honestly your only choice. You can do it! Be brave. Keep going!

Are you sure she is not blaming anxiety for being a jerk? People may have conditions and it's on them to work on improving them, not expecting others to adapt to them. Do you agree with the above statement? Can you see your relationship in this? Or do you think she is OK to do the things she does? You're seeing how she is. You can't change her and the more you change yourself to accommodate her, the more you lose of yourself. So it's really your choice... continue knowing this will never improve or find a more mature partner.

Maybe recognize that the woman you are crushing on is not the woman in your office. Your crush is on someone you created. You just used her appearance as the visual. You don't know her. It's like having a celebrity crush. Maybe keep trying to date someone and have a real crush with someone that can reciprocate the experience. It's not easy, per say, but giving up isn't a solution either. So I think some self love, understanding and patience would be helpful. When you think of her, push the thoughts away... it is harder at first but when you say to yourself, "ok that situation has not changed, I don't need to think about that" and then redirect your thoughts else where, it gets easier with time.

Are you the ass? Short answer: Yes. This guy doesn't want a kid

How are you going to live a happy life with this guy? He is not going to change. Obviously he could not handle you being with another man because he has a huge ego. So he said whatever to get you to end it. it is not you. it's him. Divorce this guy. Limit his role in your life to co-parent only. These are the words to live by with this guy: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me" You know who and what he is. Why are you doing this to yourself?

I totally get what you're saying. you deserved better. In the past, I had a similar experience... the guy kept saying that everything was OK etc. Only to have it blow up. I was also very hurt by that. In time, I stopped questioning it. I came to the conclusion that in relationships both people are responsible for telling each other their needs, their problems, how they are feeling. So something was definitely off with this guy. As someone else said, maybe something happened at the bachelor party. in my case I think my ex slept with his ex. So it's like there's definitely something you don't know that made him turn heartless. And it's more than likely shame within him for something he did. like get a std from a stripper at bachelor party or being a total mess and having sex with your ex wife because she cheated on you. You get what I'm saying? you're better off. hang in there

oh geez... I am sorry. But here's the thing ... this guy is not a good partner. And for that reason not the ED. I think you should walk away. If he contacts you in the future you can deal with how you feel about it at that time. As an outsider here are some serious red flags, you mentioned - alcohol abuse, poor nutrition, Marijuana abuse to the point it could be causing ed. is a big deal - saying you spoke this into his life and essentially blaming you for his poor life choices. This is total bs! And very telling of the type of person you are dealing with. Run! - that heartless text. that basically says, he's out and dont you expect anything from him and if YOU can't handle it, then he doesn't know what. Then goes silent?? again, very telling of what you're dealing with this guy.... RUN! All of his misfortunes, the death, the hospital the ED.... Aren't deal breakers. You were probably right to not be so harsh on him. But now? Yeah this guy kind of sucks. not kind of. He does suck. Consider this a blessing. Move on. He's not a catch. You deserve better than a selfish drunk, drug addict that not only can't get it up but can't communicate either.

I think you're right to listen to yourself and set boundaries. This is a very hurtful situation that will effect your life... as you see. And unfortunately, your dad is not helpful... as you also see. As for your brother I would try to talk to him & ask him to respect your choices It is true your dad won't live forever... but none of us will. That can't be the reason for a free pass to act like a dead beat over and over. Try to take things one day at a time. His behavior is causing this. not you. none of this is your fault. It's his but, unfortunately, you have to cope with the situation. Do you have access to a therapist or someone you can talk to? Do you know how to seek out resources that might be free in your area?Maybe through school? (sorry. I missed your age)

I'm telling you... this is something everyone feels awkward about. maybe ask her if she'd like a kiss. I know that sounds weird but it does prepare her so you don't bang heads or some other awkward thing. Also go easy... the last first kiss I had was awful. the guy was like super aggressive. my poor face. 😆 🤣 😂

I think a lot of people with good intentions feel this way. Not knowing exactly what you're experiencing. It's hard to say... but as @Seraphim asked, do you have a history of over investing in others? I think i used to do that. I now take a more balanced approach. I call those that call me. I come thru for those that come thru for me. If I feel like a person can take or leave me, then I pull way back. people are not always going to be the same as you are. work on detaching yourself from the responsibilities of others. Get comfortable taking care of yourself. Focusing on yourself and a spending time on your own. You have to be willing to distance yourself because you can't change anyone but yourself.

I find it interesting that she is asking why is everything her fault? When she started this. again! It's not like you're telling her something is her fault. But here's the thing you're jumping through hoops to make this woman feel better for crap she's doing to herself. People do have insecurities and it is soooo much easier to blame the people around them for not doing more to save their feelings. but what are THEY DOING for themselves? you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. The fact that you both have exes and you both have to live with it or choose to ignore (these things that don't matter) she's making herself responsible (not at fault) for not working on herself. It rather denotes a level of immaturity on her part. And I further think, as I said earlier, she is manipulative. Instead if saying, yes dear. I'm sorry I've done this again. I need to work on this. She is choosing to get defensive and continue to blame others -- why is everything always her fault?? Because she is creating problems that are not yours. Your not throwing things in her face.. she's snooping and then playing the victim. This is exhausting.

Honestly, what she did was potentially very nice... cleaning for you. But now she's using that against you, which is not very nice. Other people's insecurities are just that. Their's. You did nothing wrong. It was wrong of her to press you and read all the descriptions in the album. EVERYONE has a past and you don't have to explain yours. But because you love her, you did. That should be enough. You can't fix her own insecurities. She needs to work on those. I would have a serious conversation with her. Is she mature enough to handle that? If not maybe she is not the one for you. Sorry. But I wouldn't play into this bs and manipulative behavior.

I totally understand. There are times when I would have agreed to continuing with some of these guys. But they weren't feeling it. And that's ok. I don't think I was feeling it either. The difference is some people want the love at first sight feeling. And sure. that's awesome but in the past, it has taken time for me realize that I do have feelings. But that's my journey. Each person is entitled to their own choices. Because truth be told, some of time, we agreed to keep dating and the feels don't come. My point is, take things as they come. one day at a time.... its kinda hard to forget the anniversary of the ending of your last relationship when you focus on it. it's like me telling you, don't think of monkey. of course you'll think of a monkey. Going forward stop assigning significance (like marking the date) of a bad experience. Remember the good times! Maybe make this day mean something else... like getting a pet or the anniversary of when you decided you are going to accept and love your life anyway! because it's a gift and I guarantee you, someone would gladly trade. You are free to live as you choose. And that IS something!

As others are stating, long distance relationships are really hard and rarely last. But some people get in them because they want that. They want the comfort of someone caring about them and no effort on their part. So long distance or not, you always have to look at what is happening NOW and base your decisions on that. Not the past, not what you want to change... now. Words are cheap. he didn't want to lose a girlfriend for when he wants a girlfriend. But he's not willing to do any more than what works for him. Where does that leave you? in your shoes, I'd blow this guy off. Find someone local.

I think as long as you focus on it not happening, the same things will continue. Regardless of the past, commonalities to the current time, this is your life. You have to deal with it, cope with it, try to change it. Of course it's not as simple as just try to change... you have to dig in deep and keep trying every time. I'll say it again, every time. I have been on a ton of one and done dates... some short term dating relationship (couple weeks to couple months) lately. It's hard every time... but long term relationships that are healthy in all areas for both people are rare. They're special. So stop acting like it should be easy.... of course when it is right, it kinda is... but life is a series of challenges and achievements. Keep posting and venting but do something else, too. Don't let this be the end of the story. Keep working on yourself... enjoy the time you have with the good things. let the things you don't have stew on the back burner.... no partner? no problem. fill your time with good times spent doing things you like with people you like or on your own. It's not a crime to be single. Stop mourning!

You should be upset because you feel upset. But you can't change him. You have to see him for what he is, not what he was. He might not have been a big partier but he's enjoying that life now. If he's not going to make you a priority, don't make him one. It sucks but sometimes you have to give back what people give to you.

I think in some ways you were unable to be vulnerable to her with your feelings. Were you guarded and not really saying what you meant and making excuses that you weren't all that interested in a relationship? You said something about her saying she didn't want a relationship either, but her actions not matching. Were your words and actions matched? You can definitely talk to your date or partner or whatever you call her about your feelings, about other men, about how she is acting, how you feel about anything. The fact that you couldn't is a problem. It's not a mistake on your part to talk about how you feel. That's a relationship. But as you say, you weren't in a relationship. This is were it gets off the rails is -- when the relationship's words don't match the relationship's actions. IMO, if you are causually dating you don't go on trips together, you don't meet the children, you don't question about other parmours. You generally enjoy the moment and what is happening in it. Nothing more. Nothing less. I think at this point, she has decided she doesn't want to continue seeing you. I'm sorry.... but I think good general rules to dating are-- 1. take any mixed signals as a no. 2. don't make anyone have to reject you twice. The first indication that they are losing interest or not putting the same effort as you, pull back and let them come to you. You obviously are more invested in her than you want to lead on. But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it's time to focus on finding a woman that wants a relationship. Maybe this ended because it should. Learning to dettach, let go but appreciate it for the good times they were is a life skill. Things are off with her. But they could be full on with someone else 🙂

OP, What are you doing? Serious question. This guy is a JERK.

Does he think $340 covers living expenses for the month? Of course not. He knows that. It might not be as malicious as he is intentionally taking advantage of you... but he is. you have to talk to him and agree to a plan together. if he's just going to refuse to help, because you own the house, then you have to think about what is actually going on with this relationship. And if you should separate as anything but co-parents