Lambert

You can only blame her for so much. At some point, you allow this to happen. You want things to change but you won't hold her accountable. You are acting like the victim but in reality you hold all the cards. She manipulating you with emotions. I would talk to lawyer. Make of a list if the things that you need to change, with actionable items. Talk to her about it. If she can't change, then you change. You leave.

well if you have concerns about the job duties and expectations, you have to open your mouth and get clarification. remember interviews are for both sides to learn about the other and make a decision based on mutually agreeable terms. You're not a beggar. You have to act in your best interests and that means asking well thought out questions.

I think you've answered your own question... So what's gonna happen? You move in and its the first the kids hear of you? Not only does this sound fishy. It's not a healthy thing to do to the kids. I think I'd really reconsider how much of yourself you putting into this. I understand waiting to meet kids until your exclusive and know you intend to build a life together. But this does not sound like that. Do you really trust this guy? Do you respect him? Meaning do you see this guy as someone you can build with? I think your gut knows something you should be listening to.

I agree with the others. This cannot be salvaged. you've recieved a lot of good advice here. And I will add: Do NOT tell her the reason is your attraction level or her looks. This will destroy her self confidence. And frankly, WHO ARE YOU to decide she is attractive or not. I agree physical attraction is important. I also recognize physical looks do fade. But you should not start out a marriage or continue a romantic relationship where you feel repulsed by the person. Do the kind thing. End it because you don't see a future. And if you end up regretting it, then you have to live with that. You probably won't. because this is not the woman for you. You should not feel the pressure of time to settle with anyone. Your age is the wrong reason to settle. You will regret that. you're not a bad person for not being attracted or for wanting to be attracted to your partner. In a lot of ways, attraction is the only difference between friendship and romance. At some point, we all struggle with a seemingly great person on paper but something is missing. It's ok. Just end it. Do it in a way that you set her free with love and compassion. She deserves that. She's done nothing to deserve being put down for something that is just your opinion. Not seeing a future is a reason. You can say you are sorry you can't explain it but you respect her too much to waste her time. You've enjoyed your time and will always want good things for her. And in time she will see this is for the best.

It is hard to walk away from someone you have had 4 years with. But in your case, these were your teenage years. It's very rare for these relationships to last. Unless both people are growing together. Obviously you are not growing together. It's completely right and normal for you to grow into the person you are meant to be and that means letting go of people you have outgrown. It is not his place to "allow" or "agree" with you to break up. It takes two to make a relationship, that's true. But it only takes one to break it. It does hurt to end a relationship. But that's can't be the reason you stay together. Life goes fast. Stop wasting your time. Rip the band aid off. You owe no one. Go back to your family or your girlfriends. Heal yourself. Figure out what you want out of life. Be on your own. You're 20 years old. This time is about you and who you want to be. Relationships will come and go. You're responsibility is to yourself. To learn. To grow. To have fun. To explore life. Being in a broken relationship is wasting your time. (and btw, his) You want to look back on your life in 70 years and say, I did it my way because my life, my rules... It's all on you girlfriend... what you do not change, you accept. Hope you find the strength...

OP, I'm sorry but you are NEVER going to resolve your own issues while with this person. Did you ever see that meme that basically says, before you decide you are depressed, first make sure you are not surrounded by a holes. This guy is in fact an a hole. I would not tolerate his first statement about being attracted to others. That is not respect in a romantic relationship at all. it would be hurtful to anyone. To then further add insult to injury. He simply won't allow you to feel the way you feel. Accept his part in harming you AND blames you. If you stay with this man, you have to know this is what you are going to continue to get.

Please don't worry about how disappointed other people are or will be or anything about how other people feel. Your loved ones love you. Just as you are. Nothing more. They don't want you to do things for them. They will be happy for you, as long as you are happy. It makes no difference if, when, who you date.... as long as it is your choice and it makes you happy. Of course this is a big deal and you will have a lot of emotions and some of them are not so great. This I know. Be good to yourself. That's all you have to do. Be there for you. It's gonna be ok. It's one date. Not a life long sentence 🙂

ok let's get one thing straight... texting is a horrible communication tool for anything but yes and no questions. Try to keep yourself in check and just wait and see until he gets back. If you send some Dear John text, it will just create more problems. Give him the benefit of the doubt and your trust issues. If you're not exclusive it's ok. Do not date anyone else for a couple of weeks or whatever until you talk. It won't kill you and it won't solve anything either. If you're going to work on your trust issues, this is how you do it. You put yourself out there. Outside your comfort zone.... if it blows up in your face, it's ok. Sometimes people will let you down... but you have to give them a chance. It doesn't mean you shouldn't trust. And if they do let you down, trust yourself to know that you will be there for you. and don't forget to breath! ❤

What? Lately you've been ok? he stormed off, slept in another room and hasn't talked to you since. While talking about marriage.... how romantic. From what you write, this sounds like a very immature relationship. And I would not marry him until you both learn how to communicate. Anger gets either person no where.

It is hard to break off a LTR. Once you know the relationship isn't for you anymore, you just have to do it. Regardless of your reasons. You don't have to stay with someone just because you tolerated them in the past. I would do it soon. It takes time to really end a LTR in your mind and to move on. The sooner you start the better. You do no one any favors prolonging the inevitable and from what you said, this is over. Keep posting and Journaling. be strong. You will be happy again and much sooner than you think.

This might not be the problem but it's just a thought.... Do you know what you're looking for? Or Are you going out with any guy just because you never know? That can be a reasonable strategy because, well. we don't ever know. But I think you have to be more specific in the screening process. What is one reason you decided to go on a date with a guy? Focus on the reason you went on the date.... You can't focus on he's cute or he asked you out for 2 hours. But you could focus on a commonality... like you both like to ride bikes. Or you both like scary movies. On these first dates, are you being confident and decisive? Or are you being polite and acting like you don't know what you like or it doesn't matter? (too nice) Some guys need directions. So when your being all indecisive, they are confused or bored. But when you're all... I love strawberry ice cream and riding my bike on the local trails. They know what to do with that info. It could also be, you haven't met the right guy yet. It has nothing to do with you. Do not discount that. There's nothing wrong with being single. Don't panic. Enjoy your life. Whatever is happening... Be good enough for you.

I think you need to consider "the source" from what you wrote, this woman has her own self esteem problems. Why else would she need to put her own boyfriend down? To build herself up. That’s why. Your partner should be building you up.

The irony of it all.

I really have to agree with this and everyone else saying, get rid of this girl. Size actually doesn't matter to me. As Honeycomb8 said, I was with a guy that was super small in that dept and I would have NEVER put him down like that. She is doing this to mess with your self esteem. Maybe so you won't dump her loser butt. I'm sure your penis is more than satisfactory. Maybe she just has a giant vagina. lol.. ok that's not really a thing but I bet she wouldn't like you saying it! Say it! And dump her.

I can see how this makes you miss your child. But these are separate things. You're not choosing... When you have more time with your child, don't you think this will fade? It seems counter intuitive to me that you say the above then turn around and say the below. If you share virtually the same views on life and she is the love of your life, how is she capable of doing the same to her children's father? If you share the same views wouldn't you understand the motives behind what she is doing? It's like your essentially saying her exes are butt holes and they didn't want relationships with the children. Right? Isn't that different than your situation? In a way, I see you punishing this family, that openly wants you in their lives and accepts you, because of what your ex is doing and for your longing for your own child. Neither of which is in their control. Love is love and love the one your with are not just statements for romantic love. It is so simple isn't it? Here they are ready to give and receive love. Don't be an idiot. Grab hold of it. life is short. It doesn't distract from your love of your own child. The courts will work this out... when you get access to your son, think of the loving family you will have to share with him. You are hurting and I get it. But I think you're letting it skew your judgment here. or... You're not being honest about your current relationship and you know this instant family isn't for you. But only you know that

oh my OP... This is not dating or love. You've been "dating" for 8 months. You haven't seen him in over 2 months. You've completely changed your life for this guy. He controls when you can poop. What are you doing? Talk to your landlord about breaking the lease because of abuse and GET OUT OF THERE! QUIETLY though. Do not give this guy the opportunity to abuse you more, trap you or any other horrible thing you can think of. Quietly pack up your stuff. get a new phone and number. Have a mechanic check your car for a tracking device. Then leave! This guy is psycho for real.

Not a bad plan.. I have found doing nothing is doing something. Give it a little time. you might of gotten a little too in your own head over this. Second guessing and all. Your first reaction is usually the right one.

oh Pa-leez! This is ancient thinking and you obviously have not taken a look around... Even Brad Pitt is no Brad Pitt. 🤣 Men are aging just as much a women and those old cliches may still happen but gosh. I hope your self esteem recognizes you are more than an object for a man to look at and adore. I also don't think it's correct to say this guy used you or to say you were a victim. Firstly, it's unhealthy to tell yourself this narrative because it denotes a lack of responsibility on your part. You were not used. You allowed yourself to be... Even that isn't quite right or healthy. You said, he called and mentioned having sex. You hadn't had sex in a while and were very interested in doing it. It was a transaction that you agreed to be a part of. Did he make other promises that sex was contigent on? For what it's worth... this was a beneficial experience. You learned to be more careful when meeting strangers. That's always a risk. Someone remains a stranger until you spend time in real life and can verify they are what they say they are. The old "trust but verify" philosophy applies here. You also learned more about yourself and what works for you. All valuable stuff as you start dating again.

Idk... if he's in your thoughts, what do you have to lose? and plus he dm'd you first. obviously he isn't beating the women off with a stick. But maybe your not as ready to date as you thought. if youre feeling insecure and scared of rejection, focus on yourself for a little longer. Someone better will come along. The world is your oyster. This is just one guy.

Well... you know the saying when you assume... Could you unblock him and see how he's doing? All might not be lost. Healthy relationships do take time and work. Both people have to contribute to getting it going. Maybe when you were last single you didn't chase... but that was a different stage of your life. I think both men and women are looking for their needs to be met in a more realistic way. Adults know the fairy tale was a scam! lol Of course you don't have to be desperate or put all your cards on the table up front... but if your feeling the other person enough to sleep with them then I'd be more upfront. it is between the two people to make it work aka partnership- communication, understanding, capability... For next time, if you feel like maybe the person is losing interest or going to diss you, do nothing. See what happens... deep breaths. No shame in casual sex between consenting adults but remember how moving too quickly made you feel.

I'm sorry. This does suck. in a general sense, these types of problems in relationships come down to one thing: One person knows they don't want to be with the other, but they're scared to cut the cord completely. So there's all this drama. They can't handle their life. They're so stressed. So confused. Then one day, they're not. They don't have any empathy or regret and they move on. And the other I person is left broken hearted, confused,& disappointed for all the effort they put in "to be there" for them. The very best thing you do is take any indecision as a no. I would ignore him for awhile. If he asks what's up or whatever, you say you are focusing on you. You accept he is confused but you can't continue to just be blindly supportive while he figures things out. Now you feel the need to figure things out for yourself. Take the time and space to be with your friends, family, yourself.... distance will give you perspective, strength and clarification. The clarification is: this is bull crap and you can do better than his weak but. When you start feeling this, you know you're on the right track. Don't let him use you to get over you

You ask for any advice... After 12 years of secrets what's the point of staying? Is everything just convenient? Does hubs know or suspect? Is he having an affair, too?

I think we all go through these kinds of things. learning as we go to make better choices. But some people never learn.. They never rise above the fray so to speak and their life reflects that. Some people will use your words against you. So always remember that. Try to only say what you really mean and would defend if it was printed on a bill board for all to see. And don't put things in writing (text or in other types messages) that you wouldn't want anyone else to see. Keeping to those rules alone will save you a lot of anxiety in the future.

If no one has said anything or made any threats to tell anything, are you creating this in your mind? Work on being your own person. And accepting yourself unconditionally. It is a life long practice but you have to start somewhere. When you are accepting of yourself a lot of this petty bs goes away. Because it affords you the ability to be more authentic. A more authentic person is willing to accept that maybe they are gay or bi-sexual. Because that in itself is not a big deal. but why do you have to tell people you have a crush on someone, regardless of sex? You're in a relationship. Did you want attention? Look at your motivations and the things you did in this situation. Determine what is best- come clean to your boyfriend or is this just stupid and you're looking to create drama? If it were to ever come out, you could always buck up the courage to laugh it off as silly talk and then spill the beans back on her. At that point any loyalty to her secrets would be gone. Or it should be. You said all this stuff. which was disrespectful to your relationship. You trusted someone maybe you shouldn't have. What else can you do but learn the lesson and don't share your business like this again. Focus on yourself and what you can control. Stop creating problems and drama. I know this sounds a little rough but I think you need to grow up a little bit. Maybe hearing it flat out will help in the long run.

I was thinking could this is be a major red flag? because you don't even know this guy, but it's already 'so special'. Keep your head on straight. Dont read so much into his shaking.... you can only know for sure your own experience. He might just be like that. He's much younger than, maybe a little immature or inexperienced? Long distance is hard no matter what, even more so when starting out that way. it's so easy to fall for the situation in your head, not what's in reality. Big age differences are also a challenge. Be cautious as you would with any new guy and recognize the obvious challenges that might make this more of a fling. Things that are "meant to be" show that through the test of time. Why do you take tranquilizers? Do you have a medical condition that maybe these feelings could be a warning of something else? Do you often mix tranquilizers with alcohol?