Marnie Bear

Thank you all so much. This is the reassurance I needed. I get so caught up in my own head about whether or not it’s the right decision and that it will hurt him- but I never think about me. He really makes it to be all about how he feels & it is very codependent like you guys said. It is very much just a caregiver relationships which is why I am so drained. I am going to write him a letter since I won’t be able to tell him to his face- I do have places to go if I need to leave. I get nervous about change. We do live together and I’m a 20F and he’s a 21M so I am still young which makes me feel like leaving more. It’s just that I’ve outgrown him and his behaviors and it’s only hurting us now. I hope he’s okay without me but he always tells me if something happens to us he’ll never be able to speak or see me again. I’ve gotten to the point with us where I don’t even imagine him in future situations like Christmas coming up or Halloween- i make plans assuming he won’t be there because I’ve already mentally checked out. And I know he can see this, because I do it with very mundane plans too.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We’ve had a rough year, he refuses to go to therapy and will barely ever work on his baggage. He often times will project that onto me- and when I confront him he makes it out to be my fault for not putting enough effort into the relationship. Which is true, I don’t. I don’t have the energy to at all, I’m so burnt out. He asked me today if I loved him, and to be honest I do but not romantically anymore. I see a future with him but I can’t figure out a way to leave him. Anytime I try to he persuades me into staying so I feel even more stuck or guilty leaving like it might be the wrong decision. I need advice- how do I leave? Am I doing something wrong? Should I just put forth more effort? I can’t force myself to love him more. I don’t know what to do.