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Roadtoheal

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  1. No that’s not what I’m going to say at all. I am going to say that between the time I first told her I was hanging out with him over 5 months ago, she never mentioned anything then. Until she brought up recently how much it upset her that I was spending time with him, in between those months I have developed a friendship with him and we get along really well. So why am I now expected to suddenly cut off my friendship with him because she had a negative encounter with him (which I still question the events that happen in my mind). Perhaps I should ask HIM what happened and tell him the position I am in, and what she told me.. before I bring this up with her again.
  2. Why is everyone so ageist? What does his age got to do with it?! That is a negative stigma. This man is also not a creep, only from her encounter and judgement about him. I have made my own judgements about him after developing a friendship, and he isn’t a creep at all and is respectful to me and a decent guy.
  3. My friend in the past has been known to over dramatise situations especially when drunk, hence why I downplayed in my mind what she told me. This man who I know on a deeper friendship level, that she only knows on a surface level is not a predator from what I know and I have met some creeps in my time. He’s respectful to me and I’ve never felt uncomfortable in his company. In my mind he probably thought it was a free for all considering they were at a swingers party, and everyone was about to do it so he thought he would join in. Maybe he got the wrong idea about her and read the cues wrong. I wouldn’t call it assault. She then continues to say hi to him every time she sees him out, and remains friends with other girls who are friends with him too (from the same friend circle). Contradicting.
  4. Yes I acknowledge that I lied to her but in the moment she was very drunk. It’s not the time to have a proper conversation about sensitive topics such as this one with her. I was thinking of mentioning something to her and giving her my side of things. The fact that I had made friends with him months ago, told her about it and she said nothing about it then and I continued seeing him. Only now 5 months later she brings it up, and acts like if I continue to see him that she will stop being my friend. That combined with our other mutual friends and her friends are still mates with him, and she didn’t cut them off. I don’t get why people are bringing his age into factor. Just because someone is 50 and there’s an age gap doesn’t make them creepy, that is a stereotype and negative stigma. He has never been creepy around me or his other friends in the group..
  5. The more I think about it the more angrier I get. She only mentioned this to me months after we started hanging out. Then brings it up and has a go to me about it. When at the time she never said anything when I told her I was hanging out with him. So she’s made me feel like I have to stop being friends with him now or she will end our friendship? It’s ridiculous. That’s the position SHE has put me in, not me. I lied at the time because she was drunk when confronting me about this and let’s face it, this topic is not something to discuss whilst intoxicated. I think I will mention all that to her, and say that I had developed a friendship with him during those months and she’s still friends with other people who are friends with him.
  6. I'm in a tricky situation with a friend who I met initially through mutual friends, a lot of people I know within my circle also know him.We started off as friends, then eventually started meeting up for drinks and casual dinners. In recent times we have been over to each others places to watch movies, which lead to the bedroom.. We chat as friends during the week over messages, since we were already friends for months prior to getting intimate (not super close friends, but we still occasionally chat) and we both enjoy each others company. We have gone on day time walks together too. One of my very close friends told me ages ago about when she was at a party and he was there and apparently kept making moves on her inappropriately even after she had told him to stop (he was in the room at a swingers party but he was invited and he came up to her and tried to undress her). yet when she would see him out whilst in a group setting, she would still say hi to him. In this setting though perhaps he misunderstood the situation, they were both drunk and considering the type of party they were at.. easily could of happened. They met each other before I even knew him, but they were never friends. I told her a few months ago that I was meeting him for a drink, she didn't say much and her response was blunt. I thought it may have been to do with one of her close friends who had a fling with him, and he lead her on and her friends was left upset. I didn't even think about what she had told me earlier about him. Later on he came up in conversation, and she said to me while we were having a few drinks together that she felt hurt that I went to hang out with him despite what she told me had happened at the party between him and her. I wasn't there though, and I know they were all very drunk at this party so I don't know the true recounts of what happened (only by what she told me). I said to her that I haven't met up with him since, but I lied about that. I told her I was lying about that third meet up months ago and she was very angry and upset but forgave me. The thing is I have seen him many more times, and she doesn't know we have been initiate together. I fear if she knew that she would end the friendship, but I enjoy his company. Am I wrong in the first place to start hanging out with this man after what she told me? Do I tell her I lied and come clean, or stop seeing him? Maybe I talk to him and let him know
  7. Thanks for the advice, that’s a really good point. Also great suggestion re clubs and groups, I’m going to work on finding things to keep me busy.
  8. Thanks for this advice, this was inspiring to read and gives me the motivation to remain positive about my single status. Along with remembering how crappy I felt with the aftertaste of being discarded once a casual date got what they wanted, sex.. in return it was just that, empty sex, that I realise going without is far more beneficial on me emotionally than being tied up in all these casual relationships and rebound hook ups, just to end up feeling crappy afterwards.
  9. Thanks for the advice, I agree re FWB relationship. This is a good reminder for me, for all past FWB relationships that never ended well.
  10. Thanks for this insight, that’s a really good point and a different perspective I can look at things from too.
  11. You’re right, and that makes sense. Admittedly I have been on a couple of dates for casual sex... and had two one night stands. Never saw or spoke to the guys again, they ghosted me actually (after they realised what I drunk mess I was and that I slept with them on the first date) but that is all it was.. like I said, I’m glad I got that out of my system. Now to be on this long path / journey of self healing... but it’s so damn lonely. I’m done with one night stands and hookups.
  12. I guess I miss the company, but most importantly miss being with someone who loves me and I love them. Too bad my last relationship was riddled with toxicity, even though there was so much love there.. but I question if it was ever love, perhaps addiction because I was trauma bonded to a narcissists (I had no doubt that he loved me). Miss having someone there for me... it’s lonely being single sometimes and I don’t want just a hook up. A friends with benefits situation would be ideal, because I won’t be breaking my plan of remaining single... But let’s face it, those never end well. Someone always ends up catching feelings, and I’ll end up feeling worse. I know healing and dedicating a year to be single is the right thing to do.
  13. Recently ended a toxic relationship. I have made a personal goal not to date anyone or be in a relationship for at least 6 months, at the very very least! Ideally I would like to remain single for a year. It was a serious 3 year relationship that just ended a couple of months ago. I’ve had a couple of rebound one night stands since, it was good getting that out of my system, but definitely put me off dating because I forgot how cruel the dating world can be now days. I’m ok in my own company and spend most nights alone. Then I have moments of weakness where I yearn to be with someone, and feel sad when I see people around me in loving relationships and wish so much that I could have that. Before I get the cliche “love yourself” spiel, yes I do love myself. Ending a toxic relationship was the most self loving thing I’ve done for me in a long while. How do I curb these pangs of hating being single? If matters, I’m 27 and a few months shy of turning 28!
  14. It’s been over a month since I ended things with the suspected narcissistic ex. The relationship became toxic, communicating with him was near impossible at times. Although I know the valid reasons why I left, and some traits even being deemed emotionally abusive, my mind plays tricks on me sometimes, forgetting the bad things instead replacing this with memories of all the good times. I still feel heartbroken, especially since the last message he sent me was declaring how sorry he is and how much he loves me and I was his true love etc. I read the message but didn’t reply, he saw I read it too. He had been saying all those things from the moment I told him I was ending things, but I never gave in to the sorrys and pleas. I’ve deleted him off social media already a few weeks ago now. His message still came through a couple of weeks ago, as we had an active chat in messenger. Even not FB friends I still received his message. I just wish these thoughts of doubt would subside, I know I made the right decision. There are times when I wonder if I overdramatised the whole situation in my head, and reacted out of anger by ending the relationship completely, I had my reasons for leaving and told them all to him, and I had reached my limit, after multiple arguments over petty things, and dealing with his disproportionate anger tantrums. Why do I still feel sad for putting him through this pain, and sad for ending the relationship and the one who closed the chapter on us. I’m sure that’s normal. It made it harder because I still loved him so much, but still walked away. I have no desire to talk to him again, that door is closed. Any one experienced similar things after being the one to end a relationship? I was reading about trauma bonds, and this could be what I’m experiencing.. possibly. Any advice would be much appreciated, to help bring me back into reality and ground these thoughts. Thanks in advance!
  15. Just because I read it though it doesn’t mean that I have left the door open. He will see that I’ve read his message and haven’t replied, and will not reply.. therefore he will get the point that I am not giving him another chance hence my silence.
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