spygirl1992

No, No, No. I wouldn't do it. I know you want to be a mother, but at 19 you have plenty of time left. Trust me. Lots of time. Enjoy your youth while you still have it. There's no getting that back after a child. What if Mr. right is just around the corner? You can have a baby then. There's so much time!! People told me the same thing when at 19, I said I wanted to get married. That's what I wanted. I didn't want to hear all the 'enjoy your youth crap'. So I married at 20. I can't say I regret it terribly, but I missed my youth. Missed the whole darn thing. I'm 29 and feel 19. I could have easily gotton married at 29. There was no rush. But hindsight is always best. I have two kids, ages 2 and 3 and they are the best. If anyone asks me for advice, I always say "WAIT". You can always have children. You are only 19!!! You don't have to find 'some guy' to have a child. In the next 5 years I can almost guarantee you that you will meet at least 10 men you like better than your ex right now. It's hard to see, but trust me. I would wait. Motherhood is hard. It's tiring and you must drop everything and be completely selfless. It's very rewarding, but HARD. Please, enjoy your youth, be single, date, discover yourself, change jobs, travel to Europe on the youth hostle program, live alone, live with a new man...enjoy your life without children while you still can. There's sooooooo much time ahead of you for that. Get a puppy or kitten to take that urge away and if you know any mothers with young babies/toddlers, offer to babysit and give them a break. They will be forever grateful and love you to death!! Offer to sit so a mom can shop alone, get her nails done or just get some free time to herself. She will benefit and so will you. Good Luck!!

Say "I know I promised I would never dump you again, but it's not fair for you to be with someone who doesn't feel as passionate as you do in the relationship. I think you deserve to find a guy that is crazy about you and you won't find that if you're stuck with me. I'm really sorry, but I want out...I don't want to hurt you, but it would hurt you more if I stayed under false circumstances."

This is the worst kind of liar and I don't understand why he won't confess?! My boyfriend created a fake email and wrote to me pretending he was some guy that liked my website and wanted a platonic relationship. He was trying to bait me to see if I'd cheat on him. Anyhow, the reason I know this, is because I put a spy program on his PC and can see everything he types. Hence the name 'spygirl'. LOL. I can't tell him HOW I know he wrote it , but I said "I know this was you, it can't be anyone else." He was so angry and denied it about 50x. He was literally screaming into the phone and calling me f-ing crazy, etc. This is my boyfriend!!! Now you know why I put the trojan on his PC! I didn't feel I could trust him. So what does this make him besides a liar? I mean, is this the worst kind of liar or what? I gave him such an easy out and said "I know this was just a joke, so admit it, its no big deal." He won't. He insists it wasn't him and we will most likely break up over this. I know,I know....for the best, blah, blah, blah...but it bothers me how someone could be so adamant and not confess when they are caught in a lie. What are your thoughts? This ever happen to you? BTW - If you want to know about the program I use, it's eblaster 3.0. best $99 you will EVER spend!! LOL

Thanks for the replies. Especially to 2Binluv. I will try to tackle these problems one step at a time. Thank you so much for listening and responding! My kids and I are going to the zoo today, having a picnic, I am excited and it's a great start. Thank you again

Girls LOVE a confident man! Confidence is always the key. Not arrogant or a jerk, but confident. Be a gentlemen too. Open doors for all girls, pretty or not. Think of a man you admire. I am guessing P. Diddy by the way you talk. LOL. I am 29, so sorry If I sound like an old fart to you. LOL. But lets say you like P. Diddy. Take a look at how he would act in highschool. I'm sure he'd open doors, I'm sure he was confident and I'm sure he was nice. So think of how your idol would act in the same situation and there ya go! But in a nutshell, a confident gentlemen gets ALL the girls!!!

You may remember me, or not, but I'm back after taking the advice of several well-meaning posters and my life is still a mess. I'll try to make this short, but it will be hard. I got married at 19, been married for almost 10 years now. I have a 2 and 3 year old and am a stay at home mom. my husband is a great man. He's always played computer games and isn't very social. Still, he's not an alcoholic, smoker, drinker, unemployed, abuser. LOL. He's decent and he's also cute! Well, a couple years ago, I lost all my baby weight and then some. Am now a size 4. The attention I received from men shocked me and I found it really flattering. I always wondered what it would have been like to date men at a size 4 instead of a 10-12 and not settle with the first man I slept with. I never did anything about it, just enjoyed the attention. Well, I discovered my dh was chatting with women online. He had never met anyone, but chatted A LOT and had a secret email girls would write him at. This happened on and off throughout our marriage. I went from anger to just accepting it as something harmless. Well, on our 8th anniversary, we talked about maybe having an open marriage. Dating others because we missed out on it and seeing how that worked. We dont want a messy divorce with the kids. I mean, we dont hate each other. So we talked about it, never agreed. Then I met a man online an ended up meeting him in a mall. A very goodlooking one that I never got to date because I felt I was too fat for the cute men. A few months later, I slept with him. The guilt got to me but I could never tell dh..so after 4 weeks of having my affair, I told hubby to go ahead with the open relationship...that we should do it. That was a year ago. He still doesnt know I started 4 weeks before him. He dated a few girls and is now seeing one in particular. I am still seeing the same guy and have an emotional on and off rollercoaster relationship with him. He's such a loser but I can't seem to break free from him. I guess we are both very needy and need each other. In the meantime, I've been a terrible stay at home mom to my children. I sleep in, give them a box of teddy grahams and chocolate milk and head back to bed. I see my boyfriend from 7pm to 1am and am too tired to get up with my kids. My dh and I alternate days to go out. I let the kids destroy the house during the day while I sit on the computer in my pajammas. I get it all cleaned up and i get dressed before hubby comes home. He has no clue. I LOVE my children so much. However, I just find myself running from them all the time. I just cant seem to deal with them. Its too much. I just wish they would watch tv all day and play with each other and leave me alone. I know that sounds HORRIBLE but it's how I feel. I have been on Zoloft for 2 months now and it hasn't helped at all. I've been seeing a therapist for 8 months and feel it helps but not enough. I have tried to make the changes. Broken up with boyfriend (very toxic relationship) about 20x! I just keep going back. I feel so alone when he's not in my life. I think a daycare would be better off than me to care for my kids, but I feel scared to put them in one and head back to work. I am so lazy and unmotivated. I'm scared to return to the workforce. So scared I wont catch on, wont do good, get fired..etc. I like the luxury of staying home but my life is just a mess and I'm not a good mom to my kids. I used to be such a good wife, such a good mom when I just had a 1 year old and no other issues. Then my life slowly crumbled. I dont even want marriage counselling because theres NO passion with hubby. He's just a good friend and more like a brother that I still live with because he pays the bills, lets me stay home and also because I dont want to break up the home and uproot everyone. If you're still listening to my pathetic post...could you please help me?????? I have no one to go to and don't know how I became this horrible, selfish mom...

I started to fill out the survey but stopped due to too many 'i dont knows'. I mean, the subject of sex and what is okay never comes up at all in church. LOL. Just that it's not okay before marriage and that anything goes after marriage as long as its between husband and wife. Hope that helps...

Have you told her what you told us? Before I go on, I want to know if she has seen anything close to what you just wrote.

Tough situation that I've never been in...however, I am 29 too and so I feel for you on the 'highschool drama'. I wouldn't move either. All I can say, is not to worry about something that hasn't happened yet. Just stand up for yourself and put your foot down when it DOES happen. If she is psycho, she's gonna do what shes gonna do anyways. No way to prevent it. However, if you don't want to be the bad guy, just tell your new boyfriend to handle it when problems arise. If she comes to your door in tears at 2am, say "Hold on, this is something John (whatever his name) needs to deal with". Dead cat on your door step? LOL. Again, something boyfriend can take care of. Don't take all the pressure. Just explain to bf, as I'm sure you have, and let him deal with her. Another thing, guys can have big mouths too. If he tells his friends you are afraid of what she'll do, it could get back to her. You dont want that, because that gives her the bully complex knowing you are afraid and thats when the games begin. So just make it known you are not afraid and handle things as they arise. She gets violent, tell her you will have her thrown in jail. Never hesitate to call the police. They are there for more than just drugs and murder. All she has to do, is one psycho thing, you call the cops and she most likely will never bother you again. So try not to worry. I know its hard, but try. Just be alert and try to put as much of this on boyfriend as possible. It's HIS baggage and he needs to be the one to tell her to stay away. Good Luck

You dont know how common this is!!!! You're not alone. I would continue seeing this girl and learning more about her. It's the best thing you could do. The date brought back feelings for your ex because dates are always a tad awkward no matter what and its never awkward with a gf or bf. Same thing happened to me a few months ago. I left this jerk guy and went on a date with a new guy a few weeks later. He was awesome. Nothing bad about him. However, all I could think about was my ex and how I wanted to run back to him!!! So date this girl and give her a chance. Maybe she can help you sort out some feelings with your ex (but dont talk about it with her. Just do this on your own.) After awhile, you will start being comfortable with someone else, the awkward part goes away when she's not a stranger anymore and deeper feelings can develop. Then if you should ever part, months from now, SHE will be the one you think about on future dates and your ex will be a thing of the past. Trust me on this!! Good Luck.

A lot of our feelings and dilemmas have to do with our parents believe it or not. Thats why therapists have a reputation of blaming mom and dad. LOL. First of all, I want to say I'm sorry for the loss of your father. That happened when you were 12 or 13 which is a very critical time in your life. Not a kid, not an adult and one of the hardest ages in general. I want you to see that this situation has a lot to do with losing your father, even though it doesnt seem like it. You are terribly afraid of loss and with good reason. You couldn't control your fathers death and were completely helpless. Now you love this girl so much that the thought of losing her brings you back the pain of loss and you want to stay in control so bad its breaking you. This is so normal. Its a situation you have control over and so you are afraid of making the wrong decision and being without her in a week where you will have zero control. Thats the scariest part. I am afraid if you two should ever break up, you may go into a deep depression or worse... To prevent this and help you, I suggest you take the previous posters advice and find out if she feels the same. If you want to go to school near her, that is a possibility without losing yourself into her life, which you never want to do at such a young age. And Im not bashing young love. It does exist. I got married at 20 and am 29 now....but...I want a divorce because we aren't in love and dating other people. Strange, I know, but it happens. I never thought it would, but it did. 8 years ago we had some time adjusting and it was hard. Hubby mentioned he wanted a divorce and I thought I was going to die, I didn't want to live. We worked things out within a month and are still good friends to this day with 2 little kids. Now, I could care less if we divorced. LOL. Funny how things change, but they do. Please trust me on this. If you get anything from this, please know that it happens and to start building your life around YOU and not this girl. I know shes wonderful and you love her more than anything...but...if you are TRULY meant for each other, dont worry about a week away or a month away or even breaking up. You have the rest of your lives to be together. I would go to college for 4 years. If it's near her, great. Have a relationship, be in love..but get that education and focus on YOU. A woman is supposed to compliment you in life, not be your life. I am 29 and just figured this out!! I have been where you are...know what you are feeling...when my boyfriend dumped me freshmen year of college I was devastated. Thank God I didn't move accross country to go to school there. I later met my husband and so glad that happened. Now, I am at a new stage where old boyfriend and hubby dont even matter. Before, they were the air I breathed!! So just know, things change. Build a life around YOU, focused on YOU and the woman of your dreams will flow into it and mke you a very happy man. It happens everyday!! Good Luck

Please don't leave your kids for this woman. NOT WORTH it! She should move here if anything. You have roots here and if she loved you, she wouldn NEVER ask you to leave your kids. I know I am an outsider looking in and Im sure she's a great person...but trust me...absense makes the heart grow fonder. Ever live in the same house for a month with this woman? A lot for you to think about. She seems like shes worth it, but you will never know for sure and could end up making a HUGE mistake. Just worried about you and the kids is all...

Ya know, it sounds like you're a teenager and still in highschool I am guessing? Well, I'm 29 and been out of HS for what? 11 years!! I can safely say, that 11 years from now, this will not matter one bit! Haha! Those girls are jealous honey! Have you seen the movie "Erin Brockovich"? If you haven't, go see it now!! This confident woman wore whatever she wanted and didn't give a damn what other people thought!! I really admire her for that. No one will remember you as a slut. Trust me. If anything, they will remember you as the girl who wore what she wanted, had her own style and didn't care what they thought. I know it's hard to not care, especially in the teen years, but if I could go back in today's world, I would dress like Britney or J Lo and ignore everyone else around me. This is your time to do all that! Wear a shorter skirt if you want, you are expected to!! LOL!! At 29, I still shop the junior dept. and only wish these styles were in 10 years ago. I mean, you can wear tight shirts and mini-skirts and no one looks twice because you are a teen! I wear that in the grocery store with 2 babies in my cart and people would gasp! Haha! So wear whatever you want!!! Enjoy todays styles and when girls say "Why do you dress like a slut?" smile and say "Because I enjoy making you jealous!" Okay, okay...that wouldn't go over well. But look at Actress, Lara Flynn Boyle. Shes super skinny. I mean, she seriously looks anorexic. Well when people give her a hard time and ask why shes so thin, she replies "Im just going to stay hungry and keep making people mad." I laughed so hard!! Some other things you could say to people... "Why are you so concerned with what I'm wearing?" "I think I look nice and could really care less what you think." "You should concern yourself with what you're wearing and not me" Good Luck

Ash - I can't believe I stumbled upon this site. You and I are in the SAME situation!! Well, very similiar I should say. A year ago, my husband and I decided to have an open relationship and date others. We never got to do that because we married so young. Anyways, I fell in love with the first guy I dated. Meanwhile, hubby has found a friend he loves to have sex with more than me. I've stopped having sex with hubby because new boyfriend (of 9 months) thinks it would be cheating. I am in a HUGE mess!! Just like you. We have two toddlers and are basically staying together for them. Plus, I am a stay at home mom and would have to put my kids in daycare if I want a divorce. To be a working single mother of 2 young kids scares me. Too much to leave. I'm seeing a therapist and I'll try to give you the advice he's given me. Your girlfriend overseas...she brings out a part of you that you tucked away for years. She woke up the person you always wanted to be and you love yourself more when you are around/talking/emailing her. The other part of you, likes the security of a family, wife, kids, job...no change or disruption in life. The key, is to bring these 2 parts of you together somehow. Thats the hardest part. The other thing, when you have to decide between the wife and gf, the best choice is usually neither. It's a 3rd person. Your gf said she found another but he rejected her. What if he didn't? Or the next guy doesn't? You could leave it all only to end up heartbroken. I say, take the broken heart now, in your comfort zone. Then, start making a plan with your wife on divorce. Tell her you want to make a 1 year plan and in 1 year, file for divorce. Tell her it's inevitable and it would work best for the kids if she just complied and helped with the plan. You could say "I dont want to hurt you, but we must divorce. I want to be nice and make a plan, sort things out, remain friends for the kids sake....I am afraid if we don't go this route, It could end up much worse and suddenly. I am on the edge and my mental health cannot take this marriage dragging out. Please help me come up with a good plan...for you, for me, for the kids?" I know how you feel about the gf overseas. Trust me. Your heart wants no one else and no one can compare. I am in the same boat. Just afraid to leave and dragging out the marriage for fear of hurting hubby, ending up poor and breaking the stable home for the kids. It tears me apart. I'm on Zoloft for depression (started a month ago) and it doesnt seem to help. It's my life I need to fix and I'm about to start that 'one year plan'. One thing to consider...you may not want to jump into the gf so fast. You haven't had the opportunity to date and see whats out there. Dont say you have...you haven't. People tell me the same thing and they are right. Not a lot of people will date us married folks. Its only when we are single and have our lives together that we will see whats out there and have more people to choose from. You have looked from afar and all the women you see don't compare to gf. But you haven't REALLY LOOKED. People tell me the same. I want to go to my bf and be with him forever. I have tried to date a couple other guys but it was so awful I just ran back to bf. I cant possibly go from one hubby to another without looking first and neither should you. I am still trying to take my own advice, but alas, I am a stupid girl in love and not thinking. Just like you. So here's what we do. Give it time!!! Don't jump to anything, go to dating sites and see some other people we'd be interested in if we were single. Then start on that plan. Even if you cant share it with wife now...start a plan for YOU! Good Luck!!