Yeah, I agree with you completely. That was one mistake before we got married was talking about sex... but on the same hand we were both virgins and I'm not sure I would have know what my values were at the time.
You are right, in my church there is nothing written about what is ok after marraige, just lots of stuff for the before marraige stuff. I guess what it comes down to, is that some things I think are ok to do, she thinks is a sin and just refuses to do it, won't even try it and see if she likes it. I think it is more of how you feel and are comfortable with, because we both prayed about it (seems weird to pray about sex stuff), and we both felt that what we separately believe is right.
So, that's my frustration. We both have different views on what is ok and what is a sin in sex. And of coarse I'm not going to force my wife to do anything. It just seems like there's no solution, except for my church to go out and say what is ok and what is sin. True, even then she still might not want to try anything, but that is the reason why she refuses to try things.
Spygirl, you too also prove my point that there are too many I don't knows!