lostandhurt

It is about time. This guy is a con artist, grifter and gaslighter. I hope you have deleted and blocked him on everything so you won't be tempted to talk to him again. Go back to your other threads in a few days and read what you wrote about this guy, I think you will wonder why you wasted so much time on him. Good on you but please learn from this encounter or it will happen again. There are a lot more liars and cheaters out there looking for an easy mark. Lost

Ignore the checking your profile and get on with dating men that have their stuff together. The last thing you want to be is a rebound right? That is what you were doomed to be with this guy until he takes some time to heal. Actually what he is doing is incredibly selfish and hurtful to others. He is using OLD to make himself feel better. He goes online and gets some attention and even goes on some dates so he can feel wanted but he still hasn't dealt with the breakup. There are a lot of people doing the same thing out there, using others for a salve on their wounds, entertainment, boredom break, free dinner and drinks and on and on. Your best skill to have using OLD is what reinventmyself said. Learn to spot them and weed them out or suss them out as she said. There are plenty of men out there that are ready to really date just keep looking. Lost

Instead of worrying about these thoughts you are having why not enlist her help? She sounds very sociable so why not ask her for help getting out of your routine and facing your fears? She sounds like the perfect person to give you tips and encouragement to take some chances. Do you ever leave the house other than to go to work or run errands? Do you have hobbies? Interests? Meeting people requires you to be around other people other than your aunt. Lost

I agree that this is just the only woman you are exposed to so you subconsciously see things that may be innocent and imagine them as much more. Whether they are her actions and words towards you or your thoughts. When people feel really comfortable around each other they don't fear expressing themselves like she does towards you. Are some things questionable? Yes but if you look at them as a very supportive aunt trying to help her sisters/brothers son gain some self confidence and feel better about himself so he will not be so socially isolated it doesn't seem so bad. Time to get out of the house and get busy living. Be brave and take some chances socially. It may seem scary but it really isn't, our minds just have us imagine it that way for some reason. Lost

A very exciting time to be sure, well done. Please know that all that know you on this forum wish you, your wife and the little bundle in the picture the very best. I guess you will be posting questions in the new baby threads soon enough. When can we expect the newest member of your family to arrive? Lost

It sounds like you are looking for a reason to dump this guy. When I retired recently I had to get my own phone plan since my work provided my cell for as long as I have had one. Well I called my sisters house phone one day and the caller ID was some guys name that wasn't mine. I called the cell company and it took 3 tries to get my name on the caller ID and get the last guys name that owned the number removed. I think you are being silly. Just put his number in your phone, if it doesn't work out it takes seconds to delete his contact. Lost

She has some of your stuff so give it a week and if you haven't heard from her send her a text telling her to box up your stuff so you can come by and pick it up. Nothing more nothing less. The only thing you did wrong was lose sight of the whole package you want. Don't feel bad it happens all the time to men. Pretty face and nice body plus great sex all the time and our brains get mushy. Lesson learned right? Maybe, maybe not... Lost

You are kind of stuck aren't you? I don't think C would find it weird if you asked about his friend. In fact it happens all the time where a friend of a friend helps make an introduction. The next time C comes in with his gf or alone make sure you are his waitress and casually bring it up. "Can I ask you a question?" When you were in with your friends the other day there was this guy (give the description) with you, I was wondering if he is single?" Or find him on social media and send him a message. Keep it simple, if he is interested he will respond. Lost

This is perfectly normal. You could be in a wonderful relationship that is perfect and still run into an ex and have a twinge and then it lingers a little while. It happened to my sister and she called me all upset after seeing her ex at a farmers market with a new woman. This guy had moved in and everything seemed great but then came the gambling problems, loss of his job and motivation. He went from a prince to a frog and she kicked him out. My sister was doing great and felt good like you that it was the right thing to do. Then that day at the farmers market brought back a lot of memories. He looked so happy and together so she questioned everything and was a mess. I reminded her that he looked like that when they met and then after a bit of time turned into a frog. I then asked her how she was feeling just before she saw him and his new gf. She said she felt great and happy so I asked then why can't you feel like that again as soon as you allow this to pass? This is the key. Accept that seeing them caused you to feel like you do but also understand that it is perfectly normal because you are human, not a robot. Let the feeling wash over you, understand and accept it and then get back to what you were doing/feeling just before the sighting. Just actually seeing them together is nothing more than a visual confirmation to what you already knew but our minds and heart often make it more than it really is. Don't make it more than what it was. Lost

I am assuming this is the same girl from your last thread? Why did my new girlfriend say she would understand if I want to see other people? You did everything right and it still wasn't enough for her. That is not good, not good at all. So she had cramps. That is no excuse for treating you like the hired help. You are her bf not her servant but obviously she doesn't see it that way. I am going to guess with pretty certainty that she is smoking hot with a killer body. She is used to guys falling all over themselves for her and putting up with her childish behavior. Then you add in she is a spoiled rich kid and you have a recipe for disaster for you. In my opinion she is doing you a favor by ending this. Leave her alone and don't try and contact her. Once her cramps and hormones level off I wouldn't be surprised if she contacts you, especially if you go silent on her and don't chase and beg like most men have done with her all her life. Time to rethink this whole situation. Step back and look at it as a bystander watching some poor guy try his hardest only to be verbally abused for that effort. Lost

There are thousands of guys in your area that would love to have a FWB thing with you so why hang onto this old bf when he clearly still has feeling for you and is being jealous? Sounds like it is time for you both to finally call this thing quits for good. You are cool with the arrangement, he clearly is not. Lost

The guy is a jerk. Imagine what he is like after a month of dating! This isn't your fault in the least so don't feel guilty for cutting him loose. Be nice but just text him it was nice meeting you but you just don't think we are a good match. Lost

You are trying to mold this situation into what you want it to be when it clearly isn't. You want a monogamous relationship and she likes casual dating and having sex with multiple partners. That is a pretty far divide to overcome. Besides this bf is the one you know about. How many more guys like you are on her phone waiting for their turn in her bed? Take a pass and walk away she isn't for you. Be smart about this Lost

Exactly how long have you been dating? Seems like you are jumping to a lot of conclusions and deciding how he feels for him. I agree you appear to be insecure and needy at least in your thoughts on him being away. Try and quell those thoughts and let things play out in real life once you two see each other. This social media and text crap has ruined more relationships than video games and porn! Relax and go about your business. Stay busy and have fun on your trip and let him do the same and when you guys see each other you can tell each other all about them. Lost

Your marriage is a dumpster fire surrounded by three other dumpster fires all lit by your wife. Yes you need to file for divorce. Go down to the family court at the county courthouse and get started on it. If you have no real estate to sell and can split things easily then a simple mediated divorce will be best. Low cost and fast which is what you need. Is she under a doctors care? Who diagnosed her? You cannot be her doctor or therapist or her savior. She has chosen this life and you are being drug down into it. She is on the same path as her mother. Get started on the divorce and then let her know you filed and she will be served soon. If she threatens to kill herself call 911 and report it. They will probably put her on a hold in a hospital if there is room. I was thinking this couldn't be real reading it all but then I thought who would type all that out if it wasn't real. Loving someone with mental illness is the hardest love of all. You need to save yourself from her... Lost

I would bet good money he has been talking to someone else and has a crush on them so he wants to break up with you to test drive the other girl. "I think we should see other people but in the future we should be together" Translation: I want to hook up with this new girl I have been talking to but just in case it doesn't work out I want to make sure the door is open for me to get back together with you down the road sometime. He is breaking up with you plain and simple and unfortunately it doesn't matter why. He wants out of the relationship and is being pretty cowardly in my opinion blaming your parents or age. Everyone wants answers after a break up but they rarely help. Even with all the questions you could ever want being answered you will still be broken up and still heartbroken. Try and not let hope make this drag out for you. The sooner you accept it is over the sooner you can begin to heal. I am sorry I know this sucks. Lost

The good news is that this guy knows your story and is not some stranger. I would imagine he will be super patient with you and take it at your pace. I wouldn't cut him loose but I would let him know you are struggling a little with your emotions. If you waited 3 years to date again I would bet some emotions would come over you since it wasn't a break up, Frank was just gone with no closure for the relationship or you. It sounds like you enjoy being around him so just let it be that for now. This is new territory for your healing and it will bring up emotions you will have to deal with. No matter what you do talk to this guy so he knows what is what. If I were him I would be nervous being the first guy you dated, I wouldn't want to mess things up or cause you any more pain. Keep posting it helps Lost

Ugh! So many typos in that post ^^^ To late to edit it.... Mods can we extend the editing time a little longer? I am a Grandmaster now so doesn't that come with any perks? You know for knuckleheads like me that don't proof read their posts carefully enough so I can go back and fix them a few hours later. Fat Finger Lost

I caught my wife or 20 yrs cheating and had to endure 3 months of her staying until she finally found a place to live. Turns out she didn't want to move in with her bf. I told her since she was the cheater she is the one to leave. I did have some leverage so I used it. She was so afraid I would tell her mother and everyone she knew she complied. She walked around the house like a ghost to me. Acting like she didn't do anything wrong and I was the bad guy. It wasn't easy but I focused on our son and staying busy separating her from myself financially and emotionally. I also told her since she wanted all this she had to file for divorce and do all the heavy lifting. It took her almost a year but she finally got started on it. During that time I worked on myself and took care of our son. Non of this is easy but it isn't impossible either. Be smart, think twice before you do or say anything and if you aren't sure come here and ask the question. As far as divorce goes it may be filled with emotions it is still a business transaction so remember that. You are making a deal to play the long game. Keep posting Lost

She took you for a test drive while the guy she really wanted was jerking her around. You got what she got from this guy friend. First off you were not in love that soon. I think you were in love with the idea of being with her but it wasn't true love. Slow your roll on the whole love thing in your mind and saying it to someone. You seem to swing from one extreme to the other rather quickly. Is this the way you handle most situations? Take a breath and give yourself time to heal before making these decisions like swearing off dating or what ever. You were being jerked around so yes you did the right thing. Next time you will see it sooner now that you are wiser. Take it slower next time and keep your eyes open. Lost

You are in a boat with him but you are the only one paddling. What happens when only one person paddles on their side? You go in circles right? What happens if you paddle harder? You go in circles faster is all. A relationship is a partnership but your partner isn't and doesn't want to contribute and worst of all dumps all the responsibility for the relationship and his happiness on you. This isn't healthy and frankly it isn't a relationship, it is more like a codependent situation. You cannot be his caretaker or therapist. You need to make a plan to leave and then do it. Make arrangements first. Where you are going to stay, save some money up, have a friend help you move and all that before you sit him down and tell him it is over. Be honest but kind and tell him you are not In Love with him any longer and you both have gotten into a dysfunctional state that is not healthy for either of you so breaking up is what is best. Then put your plan into action and leave that day and don't look back. He will be okay and will probably do much better without you around to blame his own issues on. For your own sake you should go NC as soon as possible so you don't get sucked back in. Do you have a close friend that can help you? Family? Lost

You are staying for all the wrong reasons. I have to say you come off as an extremely selfish person. I didn't see one sentence from you about her happiness, her having a man in her life that truly thinks she is pretty. All you wrote about was you. How about you step back and think of her and her future happiness. Should she be wasting one more minute of her life on a man that isn't In Love with her and finds her unattractive physically? Do the right thing but be as gentle and kind as possible. Do Not under any circumstances tell her she is not pretty enough. Lost

Why focus on the negative? Is he your first and only choice ever? Did you ever crush on someone else? Dated someone else? Had sex with someone else? The path we take often leads us to the right destination even though all the disappointment or hardships along the way suck they often steer us towards the good we have now. He has chosen you and you have chosen him but your self esteem issues have caused you to constantly think you are not good enough for him. Your low self esteem and your ego are running your life. You are offended and hurt all at the same time he didn't ask about you first. Let me ask you this: If your mutual friend hadn't told you this information what would be different? Would he still be with you? Would he still be dating you 9 months? Would he still care about you? You see knowing doesn't change the way he feels about you, it only changes how you feel about yourself. You won, you got the guy. Why isn't that enough for you? From time to time a guy comes on this forum after finding out how many men his gf has slept with. He loves her deeply and they have been together a fair amount of time but he can't get the number out of his head. My question is always the same but it never gets an answer. How many is to many? 5? 10? 20? You see the past only haunts you if you allow it. It matters little the content, it only matters that you keep that memory alive even as it hurts you and your relationship. Why do you want to hurt yourself and the relationship? Your ego likes the drama and your pride helps hold on tight. Learn about the ego and pride and don't discuss this with him, this is your issue not his. Lost

What are you getting out of staying friends with him? Who's idea was it to stay friends? Do you think he hopes if he sticks around you will change your mind and get back with him? Why did you break up? Was it your idea? Lost

What type of guy do you go for? What is your type? How are you meeting men? In real life or online or both? Do you have your stuff together? I can't use the word I wanted to there.... How do you view yourself personality wise and physically? Do you have a lot of friends? Do you have a interests? Do you ever initiate contact? Lost