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shadow34

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  1. shadow34
    Hi Mr Echo I am sure on this occasion you can break no contact to get your suitcase back and hopefully if she is any decent person she would talk to you about this. Perhaps it was an error in judgement, give her the benefit of the doubt. Can a mutual friend or someone else collect it for you?? It sounds to me like my ex, blames everyone else for everything and never themselves. Unflortunately some people never learn. I am sorry you are hurting, but if its possible a short call or perhaps a letter not stating anything about your relationship, but that you hold the suitcase dearly because of the death of your mother and you would really like her to return it. Maybe even offer a suitcase in its place. But borrowing money like that and dumping you Im sorry is just disgusting. I hope you can get the item
  2. shadow34
    Hi Kev Not sure with the time difference as Im in Australia...is it your birthday today??? If it is WOO HOOOO As for your post, I wouldnt go too much on the ebooks as your way of wanting to get back your ex. I really believe that no contact is probably the best way to go for now. I think that you need to find the strength within you and realise that you are a wonderful, human being and also it gives her a chance to really think about things and how life will be without you for a while. You see, she is definitely controlling the situation. Calling and leaving a sad voicemail to me is a bit manipulative. She wants you to be there for her, but she doesnt want the relationship so instead she makes you feel bad for not talking to her. She knows how you feel and she will continue to play on that if you allow her too. That my friend must tear you into pieces. Hearing the person you care about all sad and wanting to talk and at the same time knowing they dont want to be with you "right now". I really believe the best thing for you to do is use NC as a way to build up the strength inside of you but also to allow you to heal from all of this emotional turmoil you are going through. It also will give her the opportunity to miss you, to know what its like to be without you and also it will allow her to grow as a person and become not so dependant on someone else for her happiness, should that be case and I assume so with all of the messages and comments. Stay strong my friend, you will see that having no contact for a while will help, keep coming here, keep posting and know that in your dark times we will all be here for you to help you along.
  3. shadow34
    woo hoo my friend, so happy to hear some fabulous positive news, Keep up the positive thinking, it could be the start of anew beginning... YAY!!! Go on mums
  4. shadow34
    Lots and lots and lots of luck going to you Mr echo....... But you wont need much luck just believe in yourself that your a super , fantastic Person Smiles
  5. shadow34
    HUGS FOR EVERYONE ....
  6. shadow34
    Hey Kev Just saw your response and I am going to reply, just have to look after my son for a bit so I just wanted to let you know Ive read and will respond soon... I would suggest not taking in the ebook too much, its more of a build me up book not really a bible for getting relationships back together.... But Ill elaborate asap
  7. shadow34
    Hello Little my friend , I am also one for keeping everything... But all I was going to really add was as much as we know they need help because they keep repeating the same patterns, deep down we know they arent going to even believe that and want to change. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink... or I say You can lead a horse to water and if they dont drink drown them... Muahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
  8. shadow34
    Im right into this, I won lotto sat night from thinking this way, heyit wasnt much but the point is the universe delivered. everything that we experience in life we have attraced to ourselves, good bad, it doesnt matter thats how it is whether we believe it or not. Also a positive thought is 1000 times more powerful than a negative one, and this is a scientific fact.. The LOA applies to your feelings, your thoughts and what you put out into the universe. So if your thinking "i dont want a man who is going to cheat on me" your focusing on the things you dont want and thats what your gonna get. you need to change the way you think to say " In 3 months Im going to be with a wonderful caring man" and you have to truly believe that... The core being is " ask and you will receive" and thats it not but, if or whats. I use subliminal cd's and self hynosis to apply these positive thoughts to my sub conscious..and hey its working, I told my parents and a few friends I was going to win lotto and I did, and IM so grateful.... If you want to know more...http://www.thesecret.tv It will change your life, I guarantee you that
  9. shadow34
    Hey there Eb What you describe about positive thinking is really a lot derived from LOA, the law of attraction...ever seen the movie the secret or read the book. I find this absolutely fascinating stuff, good for you be careful but Im sure you know what ur doing Good luck
  10. shadow34
    Hi there Kev well I always work on the philosophy that its not what they say, its what they do and she isnt doing a lot to make you feel very special right now is she.... Give it some time, take a break from her and get your head around it all and then re evaluate when you feel a bit stronger. Write down what you need and want out of a relationship and see if she gives you these things or is capable of it. May I ask how old you both are???? Did you know, a positive thought is a 1000 more times beneficial to out sub conscious than a negative one and thats a proven scientific fact Hang in there, not long and OMG its your BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY
  11. shadow34
    Hey kev The first thing is not to do nc as a way to get your ex back, its not a strategy you should really use. It basically give you time and space to re think your feelings and emotions and try and move past them into a healing state. You are still focusing on her needs and wants, when my friend she has clearly told you she has no feelings for you and feels guilty. That must make you feel like crap inside, heck thats an awful way to put it and yet she still wants to see you on her terms, give me a break!!!! Who does she think she is... Seriously, dont feel bad for not telling her and dont worry about what she thinks. It might be a good wake up call for her to see what she has in front of her and what she is giving up. As for your birthday thats a tough one. One of the millionth times I broke up with my ex ( it was on and off for 15 months ) it was around my birthday and I wasnt going to see him but he wanted too....and I should of NOT seen him, it was an awful birthday cause all I wanted was him to love me etc and hearing I dont know what I want and all the crap that went with it was terrible on my birthday.So I would spend it with friends or family who genuinely care about you. As for Nc being a bad thing , I dont really think its good or bad. Dont get my wrong, I know how hard it is, I broke up with my bf only a month ago and everytime Ive broken nc to talk to him I come away feeling like crap all over again. So for me I think its the only way to go.If they really do care about how we feel, they will decide of their own free will if they want to be in a relationship or not and then we have the choice of whether to reconsile or not. Either way I think she is really trying to control the situation so she gets what she wants out of it regardless of your feelings. Dont answer her if she calls or texts let her feel what it is going to be like if she chooses to not want a relationship with you. If she does want one, trust me shell go nuts and want to be back with you asap and will let you know this without all the mixed messages. I re iterate that we are here for you, I know this is a really hard concept and plan to put into practise, but for your own sanity I highly advice you start thinking of what you want, what you deserve... no one else has the right to make you feel like your happiness depends on them, our happiness must come from within Keep smiling
  12. shadow34
    I say go for it Echo Ive done this with guys and they love it, and only you know the guy so no one else can say anything about how he would react. It is obvious everyone is missing the point. Echo is not asking if its moral or not, shes not asking for a lecture in whether she should develop a emotional relationship of any sort. The point is her question was very specific and heck shes getting things flung at her from all angles. Lets evaluate the question, who cares what the motives are, she just asked for advice. Echo my advice would be heck yeah, if he has the goods he couldnt help getting aroused and thinking about you. Sounds fun, light hearted and exciting and what a perfect way to do it, you clever thing. You know lots of relationships lack the spontanuety and fun that you have just described. As for just thinking sexually, heck theres nothing wrong with that either if it is what BOTH parties wants!!! So in answer to your question without all the mumbo jumbo is YES HE WILL THINK OF YOU, YES HE WILL LUST YOU... But be prepared to carry it through hehehehehe
  13. shadow34
    I know what you mean by always loving someone. But I think it is really different than being in love and I think there is nothing wrong with still allowing a piece of your heart to hold them dearly. I still and will always love my ex husband ( not my ex Ive posted on here about ). We have a great friendship still & not just because of the children we have and I still will always say he is my soul mate. Sometimes people come along in your life for different reasons, those we dont always know. A soul mate to me doesnt mean my partner, but they way it panned out my ex husband is really my soul mate.We will never be together, we are divorced and have both moved on, but we will always share a connection together, and I would never want that out of my heart. I feel its perfectly healthy to have those feelings, but of course you dont normally have that when your fresh out of a break up or you are trying to reconciliate with your ex. To all you sweet loving people, dont look for someone who made you feel the way an ex did or for them to be equal. Everyone is special in their own unique way and I know I wouldnt like to be compared and judged against an ex. You will all find the happiness you all rightfully deserve, its out there, its just a few stepping stones away and a few paddocks to cross instead of staying on the path, but its out there. Blessings
  14. shadow34
    MY friend if she has been clear that she has no feelings for you at all, and it sounds like she has been, then the best advice I can offer would be to close this chapter in your life. It hurts when we loose someone we love, but over time we realise that we would never of really been happy anyway, its this line of thinking that keeps us strong. I think this is the point now where you have to let go and begin to heal.Ignore her messages, ignore her phone calls, as hard as it is she has told you there is nothing there. I know we sometimes feel they are not being honest, we believe that they really do care or love us but we have to go on what they are saying and what she is saying is that she doesnt want to be with you. You cannot control how she feels but you can control how you feel my friend. Start to let go and grow as a person beyond the pain. It is going to be hard, but know that we are all here to give you the support you need and when you feel like calling or texting, jump on here and have a rant to us, thats what we are here for Blessings
  15. shadow34
    Hi Kev I dont think you have screwed up your chances as such. But it would concern me how her attitude is towards your relationship as such. It sounds like she basically wants her cake and eat it. She wants you to be there for her without commiting to the relationship. And you my friend are giving her everything she wants on her terms, so she is not going to miss you the way you want her too as she isnt really without you. I would go full no contact, unless she wants a commited relationship with you.This will only continually mess with your head and consume your every thoughts.Trust me, for 15 months I lived like this with my ex and I should of put my foot down straight away and not let him treat me like I was second best. If they dont want to be with you anymore, If they dont want to be with you "right now" then they dont deserve to have all of those benefits that come along with the relationship. Its really difficult doing NC, everyone would agree, you want to pick up that phone or message them soooooo bad.... So dont let this consume you my friend, this is exactly what she wants and your giving it to her....take a step back, dont tell her your doing NC, she broke up with you, you dont owe her any explanation of the descisions you make in your life... This will hurt, but it will allow you time to heal and if you two are meant to be she will realise what she had and ask for another chance. If she does not pursue you, then as hard as it is to accept, but will all need to is that they are just not worthy to be with people like us, who give and sacrifice so much for them. Chin up my friend, time heals it really does and if it didnt hurt, well I dont think we would grow as people along the way
  16. shadow34
    Ok these are the things that mess with our heads, over -analysing things they say.. But anyway with that said, It is a strange thing to say, but I still feel it really is not a separate comment, its all tied in as one... Can you tell me a joke, and can u makeme laugh even for a sec after it to me implies that you obviously used to make her laugh and feel happy so she was wanting to feel that again at that moment BUT it also implied she needed you to do that to stop her actions, this is clear when she wrote ", can u stop me before i do anything stupid"... I still think you should discuss that text face to face, because you cant depend on someone else for your happiness, you must first be happy in yourself ( hence the reason some of us are messed up hehe )..and i also feel that if it is not serious, then it has been used as a manipulation tactic..even if her intentions were not malicious, its not the point...and the fact she left the " i will learn to love myself...." on her msn is also another indicator.. I know your head must be spinning my friend, but can you see wha I mean by it all being tied in together and not really a separate statement... Trying to figure out what a person is thinking or feeling will drive you insane..trust me, Ive knocked at the door of insanity many times... I really feel you should talk to her about the text message, explain that you were worried and that you want to know her state of mind at the time... hugs my friend
  17. shadow34
    Well Its been almost a month since I saw my ex, but only 12 days since NC which was on the phone... Im feeling pretty good, valentines day really doesnt mean much to me, but my two gorgeous boys are going to cook me dinner...they are only 12 and 7 1/2 so it could be very interesting... I could'nt think of any other male Id want to spend the day with Hugs to everyone xoxox
  18. shadow34
    So what is it you are wanting to actually know? I dont think telling her you want to get back together is the answer you want??? Did you mean the fact she told you she cut herself and was implying she was trying to self harm herself / possibly even suggesting with " not doing anything stupid" that she wants to hurt herself... I believe you should tred carefully here, and I would be questioning her saying these things... Was she serious? was she trying to make you feel sorry for her? was it emotional blackmail? I dont think you are overreacting at all, but you are under reacting to the real part that needs addressing. I would talk to her, face to face, explain how you feel and tell her that your concerned with the message she left. Ask to see her cut in a gentle way and ask her why she felt she needed to leave you this message??? Sure NC is the way to go to heal your heart etc etc, but I dont think you can afford to take the risk with this one..I think you need to find out if she was serious in that message/ a cry for help or if it was emotional blackmail...but to let it go and have it be a legitimate issue then you would never forgive yourself, I know Ive been in that situation before. You sound very caring my friend she is lucky to have you to message or talk with... Its not until you find out the motive/ circumstances and intentions of her that you can re access the situation
  19. shadow34
    Hi there Rosie, So sorry to hear of your story but you have come to the right place.. Im 34 and my guy was 46 and had come out of a marriage about 6 or 8 months before I met him and we were together 15 months, but yes same story not a committed relationship... If you need to talk my email is email removed.. No contact is the only way to go....they always have a way of sucking us back in so its really important we stick to it...good on you
  20. shadow34
    The reason the books promote so much exercise, is because it releases seratonin into the brain, which is the all important chemical needed to combat depression...a lack of seratonin is the chemical behind the reason for depression whether it be either chemical or circumstantial/ reactive or behavioural depression... So the more exercise you do the more it is released and if your going through a break up this certainly does more than help as it keeps the mind healthy.. Nothing psychotic to it at all !
  21. shadow34
    Well I am guilty of buying the ebooks, the latest one being, ******* which really just combines them all ...... If anything they are great for a confidence boost and yeah they all advocate No contact... If anyone wants a look send me an email: email removed georgi
  22. shadow34
    Ok wow my head is really spinning here, does any one else feel that? My friend slow down and take a deep breathe.. This just doesnt sound right to me: 1 the questions thing, she shouldnt be threatening you that if you dont change its over. Love isnt like that. 2 You seem overly desperate to have this girl back, yet at the same time ur asking for advice if you should move on and find another girl... I can understand the pain your in, believe me I do and so does everyone else here Im sure of it. I can tell from reading your posts, I can almost hear you saying them, as if your panicked, lost your breathe, total and utter desperation and I can tell you my friend that is no way to live. Sure you are both young, that doesnt mean it cant work by all means, but telling you she wants to wait till wednesday, thats seems to me like shes playing with your emotions, almost like a control situation from my perspective. Perhaps you should seek counselling yourself for issues you may feel you have If you think it might help "you". I strongly believe that we should take each other for ourselves and if someone requests that we change in order to make the relationship work, If they are laying the blame on you, then I think there is something seriously wrong with the relationship. You know in your heart what you want my friend, but ask yourself the hard hard questions...I can tell you, I just broke up with my b/f of 15 months only 3 weeks ago and part of me would die for him back, but the truth is when I sit down and ask all the hard and important questions I realise that as much as I love him, it just wasnt a good relationship to be in and I was "settling" and you should never do that. I hope you find the answers deep within you, until then relax and take some deep deep breathes, they really help calm those anxiety blues that comes along with break ups.. ( cant help but edit if i see a spelling error hehe )
  23. shadow34
    Well if I wanted to get technical I couldnt even count the number of times mine came back... Over 15 months it had to be in excess of 100 times...LOL What was I thinking * bonk*
  24. shadow34
    In response to your post about beating them unmercifully when they give the " im not in love with you, but I love you" crap Bring it on... Beat them first then feed them to the lions... lol ( No not sadistic, but its nice to entertain the thought for a moment ) hehehe
  25. shadow34
    Hey everyone Well I thought I was doing so good, but I think the shock has just hit me. I dont feel like contacting him at all.... But Im sitting here crying my eyes out just thinking about the whole relationship.I gave so much of myself, so completely and I just dont understand how anyone can be so cruel and hurtful. I just keep thinking what is so wrong with me that he couldnt love me back, the old why why why why me deal.... I know that I deserve better and all of that stuff, but right now Im just struggling with it all, its like wham today was the first day I actually broke down properly, I think I must of been trying to hard to stay positive and think happy thoughts that in reality you just have to allow yourself to grieve. So Im going to go and have a really big cry, not that I have stopped, and snuggle up to my puppy dog, pets, always seem to make you feel better and they never get tired of listening. So thats where I am at in my nc challenge, I actually dont want the guy back now...because its just not right the way he treated me, but it doesnt stop the hurt you feel and it doesnt stop your mind questioning how you can love them so so much and give so much and they just seem to be able to get on with their lives. I think to myself, I bet he doesnt even think of me or miss me but who knows what he thinks, I just know that the man doesnt think hes ever been in the wrong with anyone... So yeah at the moment Im doing crappy and just want to go and have some time to feel sad, to feel sorry for myself and to grieve and then hopefully tomorrow is a new day, Ill pick myself up and carry on. Thanks for listening everyone xox Georgi
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