shadow34

Hey flower, I hope it goes well. I am also believe in god but we are not here to judge. I also completely understand why people do commit suicide and I have been there many years ago myself. Here is a link link removed This may help you, if anything to understand what she might be going through, maybe even print this out and give it to her. She needs you to be there for her, so your boyfriend will hopefully understand and take a back seat for now. Just go over there hun and be there. She will say she doesnt need company, she will say shes not ok or not to come, people do this because they feel so worthless and they feel they would burden you. Thanks so much for taking the time to come here and ask about your friend, you certainly know the meaning of friendship hugs

I have a rule to add of mine: If you are unhappy with your spouse COMMUNICATE, go to COUNSELLING, turn over every single stone until you have exhausted every possibility to save the marriage.

I have to disagree... Dont conform to society at all........ You are a unique individual, we all are. You need to find that happiness within. I totally uphold GQStatus post, well said Looks are important in society to a lot of people yes and a lot of people they arent. Believe in yourself, and the rest my friend will follow

Lost love, I am here for you my friend, even in your darkest, most weakest moment. I know the urge is so so strong. And this is not your fault, I know that you cant help what your doing and Im not here to judge you in anyway. what pain are you feeling inside that makes you feel like you want to cut yourself???...I am more than happy to listen and I can be a soft place to fall when you feel you need too. Dont give up. Your not worthless. It feels that way now and trust me Ive been down that road. But my friend your are a wonderful, beautiful person who is just suffering so much at the moment that you feel so overwhelmed. Let us here, you enotolone family be your light at the end of the tunnel. Hugs

Id like to actually say I commend your boyfriend for being so supportive. Your a very lucky person and you obviously deserve only the good things in life.. Are you on meds, if so what ones???

Have u used them excessively, I used to play guitar and got whats called calluses on the tips of my fingers, also get them with gardening... its just like round hard bits of skin...is that similar???

Hi there Im not doing too bad at all.... But to those that arent doing too great, I want to extend my thoughts to you and a humungous group hug.... Humungous*group*Hug

First of all, Im going to take those "what If's" and poke them up a hedge hogs backside...there you go they are gone... Ahhh that feels better now, my head isnt exploding, but I bet YOURS WAS!!!! Hunny bunny you cant think of the what ifs, I know it is so so so so hard but seriously it doesnt matter. What if I get hit by a bus and never answer you again...( of course you'd be devastated...right hehehe )..what if the sky really was falling on henny penny, then we wouldnt be laughing then... Do you understand the gist hun, I swear you couldnt begin to count the what ifs you can come up with. Ive been through them all and now I can laugh at some of them, some of the what if's I thought of geesh hehe. On a serious note, I certainly am in no way am intending to down play your pain. I know this is torture, but sometimes smiling can help ease it a little. Id say screw the money deal and let her find her own way. You dont need to get caught in the middle, THAT my friend is not fair. How she handles it is not your problem. If she isnt mature enough to send him the money or give it to him regardless of the circumstances then it does NOT fall on your shoulders. Your not her saviour hun and you certainly arent her puppet. All you have to do is send a polite, Im sorry but I dont wish to get involved, good luck. Short sharp and shiny... I know your sitting there and *BONK* before you say what if and I can see it working its way out of that gob of yours, dont sit there thinking but what if it ruins things, what if she hates me for it. You know what I say to that?? Tuff Titties, too bad so sad, if she is going to turn it onto you and use it to manipulate you then my friend she has a lot to learn before you would even want her back. Simple dont think about anything she is doing, the cold hard fact is its not your business anymore and I say that as kindly as possible. As for the hatred, its all part of the grieving process my friend and its perfectly healthy to go through that faze, just keep going and keep venting to us I write in a journal every day about how I felt that day about everything that happens in my life. My ex my feelings my children whatever else happens, Oh and yummy cadbury easter egg chocolate thats already out over here It really helps to release that on pen and paper, not just on here and its also very private, you dont have to share it with anyone. I also have an I hate you journal I call it. Thats where I write in about all the people Im angry and upset with. Boy oh boy if I died tomorrow EEEKKKK my mother would get a shock with the language in that thing *grin* Something else would be to write her a letter, pour your heart out and do not hold back but most importantly NEVER EVER SEND IT. When ur finished you will feel better, put it away for a few weeks then pull it out and youll be like OMG what was i thinking thank god I didnt send this. Your doing fantastic hun, just keep being strong. Dont worry about the hatred it will pass with time. You have to focus on you now as much as you dont want too. You have to try and put her out of your mind. If I am around and u have msn or anything Im happy to chat to you to keep you from thinking the what ifs. I have plenty of corny aussie jokes I can tell ya We are all one big family here and we are all helping each other in this together, United we stand and United we will catch you if you fall... Keep it up, so so proud, its fantastic ...hugs Georgi

Hey Hun Im so proud of you, those first couple of days can be the hardest. Try not to question her feelings or motives. You will only ending up driving yourself crazy with all the why's, what if's etc... You will heal hun, time is the healer and you have plenty of that as we all do. This is one journey we are all taking with you, so head up high, be strong and remember what a fantastic, wonderful person you really are. You dont " need " anyone...you "choose" to have them in your life because you want them Hugs

Hey Kev Goodness hun you dont have to apologise to me, no way. Im proud of what you have already accomplished. You did what you felt was right. For some its important to get out that stuff on paper, I hope you feel a little better now knowing you did that. Im just giving you advice hun based on my knowledge and experience because I know how heartwrenching all of this can be, trust me I do. You are not obliged to take it at all, but just know that my only intentions are to help you my friend get to a more peaceful place in your heart. Ok now to answer your questions: 1.Id like to say answer and be quick and nice and have to go. But I dont think thats going to help in your case. Just dont answer, if it goes to voicemail so be it. If it is that important, trust me she would show up now wouldnt she. So NC for this one 2.They all try that one been guilty myself LOL so NC dont answer 3. NC 4.Can you avoid walking the same path, can you walk a different way, as much as you dont want too. If you walk past her just a polite hi and if she wants to chat, your very busy youll have to catch up some other time. If she says I left you voice messages, say you havent listened as you have been too busy...and you dont have to lie, just delete them and dont listen to them. If its an emergency, or a life death situation then I dont think she is going to be leaving voicemails do you???? 5.Now if she shows up its obviously stressing her she hasnt talked to you. Thats a good thing, maybe. If she shows up say you have to go out and ask politely if there is anything in particular she wanted as your running late. If she backs you into a corner, which in reality sometimes happens, and asks why this or what that blah blah then just be strong inside and say " look I have told you I would like to be in a relationship with you and if you dont want the same then I am moving on with my life", simple and lets her know where you stand. Is this hard hearted...yes hun it is, but she is never going to appreciate you or the relationship if things continue down the same way. Email me anytime, or message me or I can give you msn or skype addi anything I can do to ease those urges just come and vent LOL....it helps after Like I have said, be strong and try to put the what ifs out of your head, they will also send you to the funny farm. Its really hard I know, but here you have a soft place to fall, so go your hardest hun *hugs* and Im so proud of how your handling this, YOU ROCK !!!

Hypnosis is more about putting the brain into a receptive state so that it can over come anxieties, depression etc. For some it works for some it doesnt. Im not big on going to a hypnotist, but I do benefit from self hynosis. However I have to say the most benefit Ive ever had is using subliminal learning. Ive been using it for 12 years with my children and my son is in primary school doing year 10 ( australian hehe ) maths so its worked wonders in our lives. During these sessions, it doesnt ask you to ignore your feelings or to try and forget your pain. It firstly asks that you feel the pain, every single bit of it and kind of walks you through it, so it can be very healing. Because if we didnt experience the pain we wouldnt really learn anything. Im a psychologist and I studied hypnosis, but Im certainly not a huge advocate of it with a professional hypnotist. Self hypnosis your in control, which I like. Its very interesting and does help ease the anxiety and neediness, but thats because it trains your brain to be receptive and is about feeling those painful feelings and then learning to let go, so its just a process. Why I think it is successful is because the person using it feels like they have a mentor to help them along the way, and we all know how much we appreciate someone being there for us, so alas this helps not to feel such isolation. Just my two cents worth.

Hi there Im a firm believer and user of self hynosis and subliminal learning cds that have helped me enormously. I have a learning to love yourself subliminal cd which has really helped me to love myself. So I am right up there with it all

Hey Kev *BONK* *BONK* *BONK* Ok now that I have bonked you ( no not in a sexual way, on the head ), listen hehe .... If i have said it before I will say it again, you have GOT to do no contact if you want any chance of getting this girl back.....trust me on this......Ive been down that road before and Im telling you as gently as possible, you really need to step back. If she is saying all of these things to you, asking you where you been etc, my goodness you are broken up its none of her business. Sweetie, I know its really hard but if you believe she will be back, make her work for it. Or do you want this to happen again????? You have to make her want it and want to work on it and make it better, not be writing here in a few months. I only want the best for you my friend, really I do, but I really feel contact is only fuelling her. I think she needs a good dose of reality to show her your not her at her beck and call or willing to take whatever she throws your way. Stand up, be the man !!!!!!!!!! hugs

Well I did take my ex husband back...we broke up for about 6 months mutually and in that time had counselling and dont get me wrong, I loved him to death, but we exhausted every avenue, it wouldnt work, he had other issuesto deal with... but that aside My current ex who called me is very different and I still love him dont get me wrong their either. But good god you have no idea obviously cause your not me, what I went through. And you see if he got counselling etc of course I might give him a chance ( trust me the man needs more than that )... But even though he called and said he missed me and wants to see me, he still hasnt learnt a damn thing. He still take no responsibility at all....so why would I go back to someone who doesnt want me, who puts me down, who tells me to f** off when they get stressed, who cheated on me and then went and told everyone Im the psycho...the list is endless PLUS he punched his daughter in the face OMG I havce two children, I cant let my emotions rule me in this, I have to think logically and most importantly my children come first and this is NO man to be around when you have children... As for how long you wait....my friend yes it is a very very painful process and I have my days thats for sure.....but you see you dont sit around and wait, you cant do that. You have to try and let it go, to move on and to try and not let them consume your every thought and action. And its hard, its bloody hard but its the only way you can survive without going insane. hey, Im not that strong hun and its been a long road, its only been 5 weeks for me. But I make myself feel a certain way, when I feel low I talk myself out of it...you can choose your feelings even if you think you cant. I cant really say anything about your partner taking you back, as hun I dont know how she feels. But I can tell you, so what if she hears about you, good on her, woo hooo, make it worthwhile. Hold that head high and strut your stuff, let her know that your not going to put up with being messed around and that you dont deserve it. You dont have to wait for her, you can let go now...and if 1 month or 1 year she comes back asking for another chance, you will know what to do and who knows, you might find that your with some smart, sassy, fabulous chick who worships the ground you walk on...now isnt that something to think about and look forward too... Be strong, no contact, hold your head high, refuse to feel this way, grieve, let go and them move past it. You will have your down days, but dont let how she treated you affect your life, she doesnt deserve to take that away from you. For me, I would love to be snuggling with my ex, but you see I DONT have the choice. I Love him, heck Id love to give him another chance because I think people can change for the better ( not always ) but the option isnt there for me. I have two other lives I have to put first, so my dear friend, dont think isnt hard on me, with that choice taken away from me it is damn damn hard. Big hugs, strut your stuff and show us that super duper smile XOXOXo

Hey Blue I asked my ex if he ever cheated on his wife and he actually told me YES and told me everything....what a * * * *!!!! needless to say I stayed with him....and guess what , he cheated on me LOL....derrr i could of guessed ... The past does predict the future...UNLESS something major has happened to change that... I do always believe people make mistakes and can change, and I also know that while its not excuse, there is always an underlying reason.... Pfft not that we should put up with it, just my two cents worth

Hey Sword He-Man, Thats right and totally in control is where Im staying...... Wooo hooooooooooo.... Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My ex husband, whom I am friends with and we have two children was almost an exact clone of you. It drove me absolutely nuts. I loved him dont get me wrong, but he was just happy to please me in everything and would never ever and I mean NEVER disagree and it used to annoy the crap out of me. If we went out, hed be like wherever you want to go, if I had a problem I was always right in his eyes and Id do it deliberately to get him to grow some balls.... Im sure your a wonderful sweet caring guy, but you cant change what you dont acknowledge, this has nothing to do with your upbrining hun. If you feel you need confidence, why not do a self esteem course or a learn to lead conversations course...Ive had friends do these and they are fantastic. Please note, In no way am I dogging on you at all just answering your question that the "overly Nice" guy does get on our nerves... Woman, never happy are we !!!!!!!!! hehehehehehe

Hey wandering Your so right, we do all understand about love...or should we say we dont understand...not sure which one fits me LOL.... I think after time has passed, we sit back and look at the situation and realise that there were signs there, we just choose to ignore them.Not because we didnt care for the others feelings, but because we are so blindsighted by love, that we cling on to that wonderful thing called " Hope "... Love is so tragic isnt it .....

Hey Devast Big hugs to you hun... I dont think you should quit from work, or do anything at all for that matter with the thought that if you do that it will impress her or make her come back to you. My friend, IF you make ANY changes in your life, make sure that you make them for you and to benefit you..If this woman you love so much wants to be with a man purely for the "Status" then my dear Im afraid to say it, she would be doing you a huge favour by never come back...thats just self centred!!! As for what she is thinking I cant honeslty answer that one, who knows what on earth any one is thinking, sometimes I think about stupid things but no one would guess. Saying that you didnt call her in the first week and she thought you would just shows you that she takes you for granted...so what!! she should be thankful you talked to her when you did, if ever after she broke your heart. She wouldnt have just forgotten about you and stopped loving you after two years hun. And this could very well indeed be very difficult for her and she may be having doubts and want you back. But I cant lie and say thats whats happening because I honestly dont know. But if she does, then you need to do NC and let her come to you, let her feel it and know that your not just going to come running back when she says and stick to it!!! As for promising not to do anything to upset her or giving her everything or whatever...I really have a problem with this. You shouldnt have to comform to someone elses expectations and especially someone your in love with and whomloves you. Just be yourself and be proud of who you are and as much as it hurts hun, if she doesnt come back, you will heal with time, this I CAN promise you. So in a nut shell my advice is to apply NC. Dont be friends with her, why should you be tortured and wait around for her to say Oh yes I want you now or No I need more space and heck it could go on for years and years and then if she says NO omg you will be an awful emotional mess then. We are here to help you and to support you to no end. Dont contact her, dont answer her calls, show her how much you love her by giving her the space she needs and my friend if she truly loves you , she will contact you. ***hugs***

*BONK* *BONK* *BONK* Poor Jupiter, its a real head F*** isnt it!!! I got this from my ex all the time, the yoyo, they want the goods but dont want to commit....15 months later we broke up, i did semi NC for 5 weeks, last night he calls me at 2 am and says he misses me etc...... Nothing will change, he will still be the same so I aint going back down that road. You can start healing hun by trying to think positive, get out do some exercise, even if you dont need it. Keep that mind busy. I found it really helpful when I was feeling anxious to say out loud to myself " I love chocolate" funny I know but hey after saying it for a long * * * time u forget whatever else you are thinking about LOL You havent really done full NC, so I think if you tried that, one you will find you will heal in time and if she is going to come back, then TRUE NC not calling every few weeks or letter or anything will do the trick if she is wanting you back... Hugs

Hey Kate Fantastic point and your right !!! When my ex called me at 2 this morning, he was like "You have been waiting for this call for 5 weeks" and although I sounded really happy on the phone hehehe, he comes out with your upset arent you... then he is like, " i know how you work, you want us to get back together" Oh well let them live in their little world of their own...... cause he AINT LIVING IN MY WORLD BABY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Dev, no probs Ill check that out afters, its 350 am here and I promised Kevid write Hey Kev WOW well if thats doesnt mess with your head then what does??? Dont keep apologising to the woman or saying negative stuff or letting her have the ball in her court.You have to stop that now hun, your feeding her and she is lapping it up like a dog on heat.. Ive been there my friend. Everytime you see her and you feel like your together, when you walk away, you walk away feeling like *shi*..dont you..Aha...So she is basically got her cake and is eating it, like I have said before. If you really want to have a last conversation with her, because I dont believe in playing games, you need to be straight up and KEEP to what you say. You need to ask her if she wants a relationship or not, if she is like wahhhhhhhh I dont know blah blah, then say fine if thats the case, this is it, Im moving on, please dont contact me again and go NC..... This is the ONLY way things will change or you will always be second best to her hun and you deserve to be NUMBER 1. Why because your fabulous and fantastic arent you??? YES you are , start believing it Hugs to you, now stand up and dont be treated like crap, as it stands, make her WORK for it!!!!!!!!!

My ex called me and was like he misses me and this comes from the most proud stubborn man in the world.......unbelievable....... hes like during the conversation....I dont think we can get back together I told too many people too many things..... Yeah whatever.......... BUT guess what, I made it through the convo and I was FABULOUS AND FANTASTIC............ 5 WEEKS LATER IVE REALISED, IVE MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im all that I need................YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Omg... well I am totally in shock...so I posted earlier somewhere that I rung my ex today and it went ok it was about his daughter and stuff.....WELL Im sitting in the lounge watching a movie cause I just couldnt sleep when my EX CALLS me at 2 am...he is like I really miss you etc do you want to come over, Im like no.... But you know what really craps me off, Hes like you know I wish we could get back together but Ive told people too much.. LOL and then he is like you shouldnt of done what you did etc and blamed me for the most part, I was like whatever, and I played that Im all happy etc and hes like I dont believe that. So the ex DID contact me and asked me to see him tomorrow night, I told him Id see how I felt............... well he can DREAM ON BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAUSE THIS IS THE NEW ME

It's been said that the line between childhood and adulthood is crossed when we move from saying "It got lost" to "I lost it." Indeed, being accountable - and understanding and accepting the role our choices play in the things that happen - are crucial signs of emotional and moral maturity. That's why responsibility is one of the main pillars of good character.