SherriLi

Awww Thanks Kim! I really feel honored. Today is pretty hard. But a good friend told me to look at all my old posts. I have done this, and i don't feel as bad anymore. Well i feel bad, but i'm not missing him as much. I can't believe i took sooooooo much crap all those years, let him manipulate and lie to me..... Its like i blocked out all the little details. Reading those posts put me back in the state of mind i was in when i started this thread.

No thats where you are wrong, (lol well maybe your not "wrong" about that) but it's all you people that are amazing. If it weren't for all of you i'd still be stuck in the same pothole i fell in. I received alot of support here, and my eyes were opened by other peoples experiences and advice. Especially one special gal that i've been PMing on a different board. Any time i feel that need to call him, or bow down, give in to what he wants (which is what destroyed the rel. in the first place) i just PM her. Or post on here. It helps a great deal! I love it Thanks.....

Hi Sparkle. I truly sorry that you had to put us with this BS. If i were you i wouldn't call, text, email. Just leave him be. You don't need someone like that in your life. I know it sounds harsh but he sounds like he was just out for alittle action. You can find someone better, someone honest and good. Someone who won't play with your heart and mind. Grrr. i hate those men who like to mess with minds....... Take care and hang in there sweetie.

Hee hee thanks guys! I'm gonna try my {mod edit} off!

I WILL BE STRONG. No longer will i weaken and give in to his demands. I will stand strong, none does it matter how badly i want. I need to be strong for my self esteem, pride. If he goes.. I will hurt, my heart will twist with pain... I will lose the one true love i've ever had.... It will be lonely and hard... BUT! At least i'll smile and know that i didn't stand down like i always did and bow my head..... WATCH myself be manipulated, walked all over once AGAIN, because they THINK they can! ahhh that felt great....

Yur probably right about it being WHAT it is Flower... He came to see me last night.. Got down on his knees told me loved me and he couldn't be away from me. Had a wonderful night. Came over today for lunch. I asked him if he was still moving the rest of his stuff out on Sat. He said yes... ???? If we are working on things why would he need all of the stuff that he never even touched since he moved in a year ago? IF he was so sure it wasn't going to work??? He said he didn't want me to take it for granted. He also told me that i really got to work on my reactions when im disappointed. I didn't do anything, just put my lunch to the side. When someone gets disappointed, they tend to lose their appitite right? He also told me i really need to work on my anger problem, he knows what it's like because his were alot worse than mine. He was pulling people out thier cars at intersections from road rage because of his anger problems. I have an anger problem because he continues to choose his ex's frienship over my feelings, and now from the lookds of it, our relationship also. Then he said he didn't like the fact that i was "forcing" hiim to end thier friendship. I asked him and he said he would. Now that he sees i really want him back he's trying to go back on that.... He said i shouldn't have asked him to end the frienship, that i should believei n him. *sigh* i just don't get it. I know i said that i wasn't going to call him or see him. I haven't called him once, he's initiated every single encounter. When he invited himself over yesterday, i did't even think.... Yes popped out of my mouth even before i had a chance to blink.... Now this. You are probably right ](*,)

Hey there Anna, I sent you a PM

Hi Flower99, Thanks for the encouraging words Well yesterday at lunch he came back and got his glasses. He made me feel so completely low.. Asked me who else i slept with even before we started dating, and the few monthes that we broke up in the beginning of the rel. so he could pursue HER. He made me feel like such a sl*t. Then he said he was through with my sh*t and said he'd be by on Sat. to pick up the rest of his stuff. I just agreed with him and told him he was right, that i shouldn't have lied. but pointed out that he lied too. Anyway, after work he phoned. I was feeling pretty low and having a crying session. He apologised fir naking me feel like crap. He said that he needed time and that he'd see me saturday... What does that mean? That he is still moving out completley, but we aren't over yet?? That i didn't get. I just told him to take all the time he needs. I'm not going to call..... i won't beg for im to come home... Im gonna give him all the time that he needs to get over everything that has happened. Then i'll decide what path i'll take when it comes down to that. Flower99.. Don't you see... If it was alllllll bad i wouldn't have considered going back in the first place. All of our fights and anger have been about this friendship between them. I know NOW.. that if i would ahve handled it different, then everything would have been alright. We never talked when it came to this. We fought and i'd yell "at least put some distance between calls" Until the other night.. i said "honey, all i ask is that you put some disstance in between phone calls" He said "youve never put it like that before. Of course i will baby. If you would have asked me like that in the beginning i would have said yes without question" And the night we broke up. I TOLD him to end the friendship, he said over and over and over again "NOBODY tells me what to do" like he was hinting to me. So i tried it, and what happened? "i'll call her once more and tell her and end it, but on my own terms." Like magic. I handled alot in the wrong way. I was soooo angry that he was calling her against my wishes that i never stopped to think that maybe if i was nice about it.. I was too hurt and angry to place my self out of the situation. Before all that crap started, and in between after he quit contacting her, everything is absolutley wonderful! How can i give that up when i see now what the problems were and now that he is going to correct his part, and i know how to correct mine?

Thanks for your kind words Flower99. I just can't help but feel like he's turned the tables on me so he is in more control over the break up. I can't help but see my self falling for it. I am putty in his hands and he knows it. This sucks. He came over at lunch today to grab his glasses, he said hed pick more of his stuff on Saturday. Said he was done with all of this * * * *. He brang up a bunch of old sh*t and now i feel like dirt. He should be in my position right now. He's the one who: Left me in the beginning of our rel. to pursue her. Cheated and gave me an std. Went to a wedding after he chose me and then kissed her, swore all year long that he didn't touch her. He didn't confess until about a month ago. He doesn't even call that cheating. He's the one who beat me. He's the one wanted to have an abortion, because he wasn't sure f*ckin finished with his ex yet. He's the one who brought forth all this pain. Yes, i lashed out. I yelled, said hateful things, i was hurt. He's tellin me that he is finished with my sh*t. God he made me feel low today. Ohh man i don't know if i can take this pain, ITS ONLY DAY 3! What can i do to stop it? He said he's finished. He's soooo mad because of that lie.

Hello ppl. Its pretty much over now. Ever since he told me he threw out the pics, and we thought we moved past that sh*t, he was happy and being very nice. Friday, he said he had to work all weekend, he offered to watch the kids while i went out, he even said "You can even go to the bar honey, i trust you". So i stayed at my moms and played some crib and dice with my brothers and sister until just after eight, , (he gets off at eight) when i got home he was pretty mad because i wasn't there when he got home. He was like "well, i didn't know where you were! What you were doing!" He didn't know about me finding and trashing the pics yet. So i was pretty mad, that he was giving me sh*t about staying at my mom's until eight. He was probably right though. I said i had to the kids hair, but i decided to do it Saturday instead. The whole family was at my mom's, i was having a good time. I didn't think it would hurt anything. After he gave me sh*t about something so trivial as that i lost my temper. Started screaming at him about the pics. He said that he meant to throw them away, but he wanted to burn the face out of them first. He could have done that earlier right? It's not rocket science. We fought and fought, finally he came to my rooom and said, "ok, i'll end the friendship, just let me do it on my own terms." He moved out anyway. He said that only time can heal what has happened between us, all the pain we've caused eachother. He's absolutley right. Says he needs to be away from me for a while. It was soo terrible, we both shed so many tears. He came Saturday saying all he wants is me, he doesn't want to be anywhere else. We were both crying so bad. I lied to him too, about a past ex-boyfriend he was friends with. One day long ago this ex and my b/f's best friend came over for drinks, i was trying to keep to my self. I didn't want to interfere too much, they were in the kitchen playing dice, so i sat in the living room and was playing ps2, This old ex of mine sat down on the floor and started watching me. I asked him if he wanted to play cuz he looked interested. My b/f got super jealous, and after they left, he asked me if i ever slept with him. I lied and said no.(we were together 2 years and he only slept w/me once in the beginning. Then he cheatede on me through out the rest of the rel.) I had my reasons for lieing, cuz he was soo furious with me, cuz he really liked this guy, and i knew it would ruin any friendship they had, and also cuz im ashamed of my past, and also it didn't mean anything to me. I was a promiscuous teen. I have changed and am not like that anymore, so it shames me. I know i shouldn't have lied. Cuz it made things 10x worse in the end. Well after he left home, he went to this ex's house with his bestfriend (they are both *ssholes) They were laughing, apparently i was the butt of thier jokes, the old ex said hey, we have both slept with her now! My man stood up, and told him to shut up, ans said that i didn't. When he came back that night, he asked me and i told him the truth. He feels foolish for standing up for me, when i was the one who lied, and he called him a liar. He said that both of those frienships are over now and he's really hurt by that. And it's my fault. He came back that night to stay. But after i came clean about lying, he left, and he was soo mad at me. Now im the one in the wrong. He says he needs time away from me, that he doesn't want to see me. I asked him if it was over yesterday when he came over, he didn't say no. Just that he needed time away from me. I just feel so lost without him. He's the center of my world. The house is soo empty without him there. I can't leave him... Do you think he'll be back??

But seriously, its a question that i'd REALLY like opinions on, after reading my last long post, Do any of you really think that he's in love with her? and why on earth would he stay with me? Why would he want to marry me and for me to be friends with her too? I know it sounds bad, our relationship. I can't really defend it now can i? BUT... It wasn't bad, there wasn't anything bad inbetween him choosing me in may and April of the next year, when he wanted to, and did contact her for her friendship. I have been very jealous about that. It caused all arguments. I thought when he agreed the other night to put distance between calls that it was all finally over. (They were calling eachother once a week and would talk for like 20 minutes, for me that was way too much) That we had moved past all that. WELL! LOL That really isn't the case now is it??

I know what you mean. Geeeez, i really thought he was honest up until now, b/c, he was so honest about her, and this friendship he wants. He was brutally honest. Thats why i don't get it. Do you really think that he's still in love with her? If he was, why is he staying with me?

Hello, We have been together for two and a half years, He stopped talking to her for the pst 6 weeks, b/c he could see the damage it was doing to us. She called 2x but i never answered once, she left a message, i erased it. The next she phoned from a weird #, thought it might be one of his other friends, i answered it and was cold to her. She asked me to tell him she called, but of course i didn't. I just don't know. Anything anymore. I know im hurt, but i know im not going to cry until its all over. I am to angry to cry. I just wanna get good and drunk.

LOL i wish i could think like you. A haircut, thats so cute. But to tell you the truth, this has hardened my heart, I have lost alot of respect for him. but i know when my heart cracks, a huge damn will break and i won't leave my room for weeks, i feel doomed, because i love him soo much. I can't even function at work after a fight with him my heart gets so heavy. All of my family doesn't like him, because he is possessive, i have to be home on time, when im not i get in sh*t, even when im just visiting my mom's. I'm not aloud to go out to the bars. I did last weekend after we "broke up" and boy did i hear about it.

Yeah i know believe me when i say i know. The worst thing about it is.. We, or i thought we have moved forward a step the night before. We have been fighting alot. B/C of this friendship he wants with her, i have always felt that he wanted something more. But he threatened to leave, yelled and yelled at me tried to get it through my thick skull that all he wants is a friendship, (we even got into a fist fight and he ended up giving me 2 black eyes and bruises from top to bottom, i gave him a black eye too, im not trying to make him look bad, it takes two to tango right?), so everythign from the past 8 years wouldn't be lost. He was with her for 8 years, after they broke up, she screwed around with his b/f of 18 years and ruined that. They only reason why he forgave her and not his is cuz he lied about it and she told the truth. He chose me, instead of her. He lost his career, everything. He says he feels sorry for her cuz she can't find a man (i think it's because she is 6 feet tall and hideous). He says that he wants nothing more for us to be friends and she really wants my frienship too. Sorry, i got carried away there I was telling you about our fighting, andour break through. Well the week before we got into a huge fight, we were drinking with some friends, playing pool and dice, i got too drunk and blacked out apparently we were arguing at the table, i went to bed. But all i remember is him crawling into bed and curling up to him then he said, "it's over, maybe you should go find someone as psycho as you" I had no idea what was going on. Why he broke up with me, we got to arguing and i accused him of wanting her. He's had a picture taken of them at her sisters wedding last year in the cupboard of our dresser ever since, i got up and took the picture and ripped it to shreds and threw it at him. THen i kicked him out of our bedroom and he slept in the basement. We never spoke again until Saturday. He made up with me, telling me that he loves me and he would never speak to her again etc. We had a wonderful night, and next day. Then monday hits and he gets mad at me all over again. I finally found out what we fought about on that first night. He said i was treating him like . i guess he asked me where something was and i replied "i don't know, go find it our self" THAT is what started everything. Then on Wednesday he wrote me a letter andsaid that he needed to talk and work everything out or go our separate ways. Well on tuesday, i was doing my babys hair, (we still weren't on talking terms) and my other daughter lost him, apparently he was in the basement. later i went down there to do laundry and found a folder, a poem and a page of doodles with my name all over it. In the folder where these nude pics of the and the poem was written by him long ago when he was hurting for her. Well thurs. night, we talked and made up. He brang up a time when i accused him of calling her, He said i never did, but i wanted too. Then i asked him if he was still going to talk to her. Well he had finally given up on the friendship about six weeks ago, he hasn't called her cuz he could see the damage it was doing to our rel. We got into this huge fight, cuz he said he was going to talk to her again. After us saying it was over, i came back and asked him nicely, i said " honey all i ask is that you please put some distance inbetween the calls, let me prove it to you that i can handle this friendship" He said "of course baby, now that you ask like that, of course," "on one condition of mine also, is that you talk to her" He wants me to be friends with her. That says something doesn't it? THen when we were going to bed. I asked him why he loved me, his reply was (half asleep) i just do. Then he muttered "i'd build you a green house so you could grow things" I lost it, b/c that is her hobby and job..... Confronted him about the pics. He just blabbed yeah yeah whatever in his sedated state. Then in the morning he said he didn't even know he still had those, that he was going to weed through his boxes and throw away what he doesn't want. I believe him, and he seemed sooo sincere, and scared that i was going to leave him... The next time we spoke at lunch he was super happy, told me that the pics were in the garbage and off to the dump(just happened to be garbage day) then he screwed my brians out on the couch. I don't get it..............................

I KNOW I KNOW!!!! But my two girls call him Daddy... we have a dog and a house!!!!!!!!! I am sooo frustrated, i am having a hard time acting as though nothing is wrong. He sure isnt!!!!

Well you know what i did? ](*,) I took them out of his back pack and threw them in the garbage..... He hasn't found out yet, at least i don't think..... It was yesterday and he's been the same ever since. Hapy, loving. I've have a hard time being myself. I knkow what i did was wrong. I had no right to go through his baag, but for some reason i knew they were in there. I don't know what he'll do when he discovers them missing. b/c if he asks me if i took them, he'll blow his cover about his lie.

For the ladies: What would you do if you "stumbled" accross naked pics of your boyfiends ex girlfriend, whom he wants very much to be friends with, but you have a prob with it b/c he left you to pursue her in the beginning of the relationship? And If you and your boyfriend were serious and talk alot about getting married and spending the rest of your lives together. Then you confront him about them and he says that he threw them away, you, for some reason, not believing him, go through his packsack that he takes everywhere and find them nuzzled nicely in a special little pocket? WHAT WOULD YOU DO, to find out that your b/f is capable of lieing to you so boldly in the face about something so important, especially when he is sooo GD righteous about everything he does and claims that honesty is one of his most important morals? Ohh, i'm sick to my stomach thinking about it. But it's done, there is no undoing it now.

WOW, You could be my boyfriend! Everything is exactly the same except for why he hit me and where i was hit. He was very guilty about the whole thing wanted to press charges against himself. i wouldn't let him and we worked things out. i forgave him and now basically everything is better. It sounds like you hit her by accident, like you were bagged and as a reflex of that, you accidentall hit her arm?

Hello there He is with you because he sees something in you that he likes. If he loves you he loves everything about you, so just be yourself! That is the person that he fell in love with right? I was the same way in a lesser degree at times with my current boyfriend in the past, but i managed to work through it myself. I realized what i just told you, that it was my personality that i was hiding was what he fell in love with. When i would get all self conscious he'd wonder why i was being that way. But at times i still do get that way, when he gets into deep thought on major issues and uses these huge words that are burned into his vocabulary that i don't know the meaning of, i sit there and am like "yeah i agree" lol. Then go for the dictionary when he's not looking! But all i can say, is jusst be yourself. He is with you, and he thinks that YOU are beautiful, inside and out. He didn't fall in love with the mask that you have on when you aren't being your self did he? And out of curiosity, how long have to two been together? Take care girl.

Hi everyone, Thanks for replying. I just wanted to clarify that yes, I have been selfish, knowing that he's unhappy about his job. I just dont understand why he has to take it out on me. Please don't get me wrong, i have supported him the best ways that i know how. I have been there when he's wanted to vent. I try to make things easier for him, like i make him lunch and supper every day when he comes home, if he stays i bring lunch and supper to him at work. Do his laundry, and all the house work. all this after i get off work. I rub his back and feet, heck i even bring a cold beer to him after he gets off work and plops on the couch. I just don't know what more to do. THats why i have been grouchy with him. It's like i don't do enough, or like he takes his frustration out on me , i ask him a question and he give me his answer in a bitter tone, like he doesn't want to be bothered with me. After waiiting on him hand and foot, i just expected better treatment, i didn't get it so i got a little resentful and grouchy. God why can't i explain that to him? I apologised last night and he gave me more sh*t and slept on the couch. I just don't know what else to do.

Thanks for your replies. The thing is, he just started this job about a month ago. He was on unemployment for 6 monthes before he started, it's just a temporary job, i know he's unhappy because he doesn't like it. Well he was telling about the fun him and my brother were having, then my bro got switched to nights and now he doesn't like the guys he's working with. He also doesn't like the town we live in. The only reason that is keeping him here is me. He can't find a decent paying job here unless he goes to the miines, but you need a short course for that, at first he was all gung ho about taking this course now he's saying he doesn't want to work in the mines, its like one month he does, then the next he doesn't. He wants us to move to a huge city 10 hours away. This is my home town, ive never lived anywhere else. I promised him that when the time came, i would go with him, but i just don't feel ready. I can feel it coming soon. All of my family, and my girls' family is here. I don't know i think that that is also weighing on his mind also. But he never asked for time alone when he wasn't working. I guess that was because i was working all the time. The last time he wanted to be alone, was around february, he eended up going to the city alone and spending the night there. Well i went home today at lunch. (he called me this morning and told me he was going to the city alone at this time, i also told him that he never spent a lick of time with me lately) I brang him home lunch and went to my room. When i came out he turned it on me. Saying that I was the one who went to the room on Friday, and lastnight. Thats true but i did it because he wasn't conversing with me, just banging his head to loud tunes, while i sat there! So now it's my fault that he never spent any time with me. It hurts so badly to fight with him, it's like physical pain in my heart, and he laughs and jokes like its nothing to him when we fight, all i wanna do is crwl underneath the blankets and stay there. What would happen if we broke up? I would break, and there would be no fixing me. Maybe i'm just to needy? I spoil him too much that he's taking me for granted?

Hi everyone, I hope this doesn't get too long. I just feel so worthless. I love him soo much. I know he loves me too, i just think that it isn't as much as i love him. He doesn't seem to want to spend much time with me. We live together, but lately hasn't seemed happy. He is working at a job he doesn't like. I have been grouchy because when ever he answers one of my question he sounds so ornery, or impatient with me. He has been working 12 hour days for the past 9 days, on saturday he took off at noon and didn't go back. Friday after work he asked me to get a babysitter so we could have a few and listen to some tunes. I thought yay! time alone with my honey. so i get a babtsitter and on my way out he said (with almost a look of hope) are you going to stay over there for a while? Like he wanted to be rid of me. Then he spent the whole night with the tunes cranked and never said a word to me. So i went into the room to play video games, i felt unwanted. Then Saturday he spent the whole day and night in our room playing video games and didn't even ask me to join him. We were supposed to go to the city this coming saturrday to get the car serviced and spend a day alone without the kids, my brother and dad ended up inviting themselves, he got mad said he didn't want to come, then said he was going alone on friday. I found out that the work i meeded done on my car couldn't be done on saturday and was told to make an appointment for a weekday, so i told my hon about this and he said i had tp take my bro and dad. I said that i wanted to go with him instead. He was silent. I asked him if he neede to be away from me. He said he didn't "need" to. I said "but you WaNT to? He said he needed to be alone! He hasn't had any alone time in a while. What was the whole weekend about then? This makes me feel so unwanted i just want to cry. Why doesn't he want to be with me as much as i want him? We haven't had any good loud sex in a while because the kids are always home, we haven't had much of a break from them, and only quickies on the couch at lunch. We talked about going to the city together so we could have alone time and some good loud sex wothout worrying about the children. Now he wants to go alone. Why? We never get to see eachother much cuz he works 12 hour shifts and on his days off he wants to go to the city alone one day, while i go the next day and he stays home?

Hey rose2summer, thanks for the reply, I know that i should be drowning my sorrows. I shouldn't have drank too much. My and my honey like to relax together after work with a few beers. When we do get carried away it is in a good way, lots of fun and laughter, but lastnight was bad. I feel terrible for taking out on him, especially since we've been doing so well lately.

Hi everyone, This might be pretty long so i'll understand if you don't want to read and post back. I guess this is just a vent session anyway. Pretty depressed today actually. I have been divorced for over two years now. The break up was super ugly. My ex and his mom went so far as to call social services and cry child abuse (on my friend at the time and also my nehew) to make my life a living hell. They did this twice and the second time they threatened to take my kids away and then called them again. So my girls would have to go through the motions of doc. examination, Police interview etc. The Pol. and doc. and social workers all knew that nothing happened cuz i explained what they were up to, the threats etc. They said they had to follow protocol anyway. Ex and mom knew the system, and thats why they kept doing this to me. Any way that was years ago. Yesterday i got served with legal aid papers stating that they were going for custody. I haven't let "gradma" see the girls in over a month b/c she let my ex see them. I know that sounds pretty weird. But my ex was diagnosed with paranoid dementia disorder and is an alcoholic. He would come around my girls when his mother had them in the past and would upset them badly. So his mother and i agreed that he shouldn't see them. THen last month she took them to a camp site while she was on vacation, and when my girls came home after a few days, they told me that they seen thier "other" dad. So me and my honey were naturally very upset. I called her, and asked her why she let "Ex" see them. She said he was all better! I lost my temper and we got into a yelling match. Her last words were "I know you are going through problems of your own" I hung up on her and she called back twice, My honey answered and he told me that she said "You tell her that i'm going to tell social services that the girls are living with domestic abuse and a pitbull"!! (a couple weeks earlier i tripped over our "pit bull" and gave myself a black eye, and this "pitbull" was only two monthes old and loveable". Natually she was trying to twist the truth and use it against me. He never abused me and the pitbull boxer cross is a puppy, isn't she pathetic? My ex mother in law made me soo mad when she said "ex" was ok. He is so unstable. In December, when my honey and i decided to move intogether, i moved out of the home that is under mortgage with my ex (ex refused to take his name off the mortgage) b/c we didn't want to live there, too many ghosts and bad memories. since his name was still on it i couldn't rent it out (he would evict them as soon as he found out and move in) So i said he could have it as long as he signed the papers to get my name of it. Well he wouldn't sign the papers and he never paid the mortgage and it is now in foreclosure. Uggh he couldn't even pay the power bill and he had room mates! He's he is soo far from being Fine! Anyway that was why i stopped letting her see the girls. Now she is pushing him to get custody so SHE can see them. It sure isn't him wanting this, he doesn't even call them on thier b.days, or buy them presents. He hasn't paid child support in two years. I was very upset about this lastnight and let my anger go. I was playing Burn out revenge on PS2 and having a beer lastnight. My honey was watching UFC on the dish and then he challenged me to a game of Pool for 5 bucks. I lost and said double or Nothing, Then i won and got nothing. So i said (i thought??) I challenge you to another game for 5 bucks. He agreed, i won and he said that i bet him "something" not 5 bucks, by this time i was pretty buzzed and got irritated and said "Yeah you are trying to get out of paying me. If i was anyone else then you'd pay me or if there was one other person here you would'nt try to lie about what we bet on" and i went back in the bedroom & continued to play Burnout and drown my sorrows in alcohol. I know i was a B*tch for saying that, it was harsh. I feel so bad because i took my anger out on him when the whole night he was trying to cheer me up. He slept on the couch and this morning all i could say, "it was a stupid thing to get mad about" and hugged him, i was still half asleep, i know i could have made a better apology if i was fully conscious. He walked to work so i know that he is still mad at me. It was all my fault. Our relationship has been doing soo good lately and i screwed it up b/c i was mad at someone else! I hate my temper, especially once mixed with alcohol. Damn! Anyway if you managed to make it through this long and mangled post, thanks for taking the time to read.