SherriLi

Thanks for the kind words, But yeah we are still together, if you didn't read my post right before yours, Everything is going great, we haven't fought since we almost broke up over this whole situation. I know that he loves me, just last weekend, i was in the living room, walking into the pool room and him and my bro were standing there talking real quietly. "I over heard the last bit "Never met anyone like her ever" He saw me coming and said to him even quieter (altough i heard) "Don't tell her though or she'll make me buy her a ring" He started laughing and came and gave me some loving with a huge smile on his face.

Hi everyone! I just thought i'd give you an update on this thread. Well since i have decided to stop worrying so Damn much about being hurt, everything has been going absolutley wonderful! We haven't fought once since then, and ever since i have stopped doubting him he has been so much happier with me. We have been soo happy. He's realized that he was treating me badly. But he was treating me that way because he was unhappy b/c i was doubting him. Faith to him is one of the most important things in life. I wasn't giving him any by thinking that he had a hidden agenda. Once i stopped, he has been treating me with respect and he's been so HAPPY! I thik that i became a little crazily obsessed about it. Worrying that he'd do the same thing. But now i know. He's here.... With me... Not her.. That should have been reasurring enough. But its good we went through what we did because as the days pass by it continues to make us stronger.

I found out what that comment was all about. We had sex two nights ago and yesterday he asked me if i came, i said no and he accused me of faking it. But i didn't! i was moaning because it felt really fricken good. I wasn't trying to fake cumming. Thats horrible to get accused of that! Its a first for me. I guess he must have been talking to his friend about me, maybe thinking that i'm the one faking. LOL i don't need to fake hes good in bed. I don't cum half the time because he kind of intimidates me and i've told him that. But he continues to think that i'm not pleased with our sex. What can ya do? I mean reallly?

I for SURe would never tell a soul. But yeah, If i ever were in the same position, i would go to a councillor to talk about it. I would make you feel a little better.

Well i don't recall. Sometimes when he drinks too much he can't cum. I've never suspected him of doing something like that or even payed much attention for that matter! Was just strange how everything changed after that was said. Maybe my honey thought the joke was directed at me , like i thought it was directed at him!

Oh Sorry! His best friend cracked the joke

What would you do if you heard your bf/gf's best friend crack this joke, while having fun, joking around, having a beer and playing pool: Well crap, i can't remember the exact words cuz i as pretty well on my way. But he cracked a joke in his direction about fakng orgasams. Everything was cool before that, and after he said it, i don't know whether my boyfriend felt like he was busted, sensed that i heard it and was thinking about it or sensed my concern. But after that it was different. We weren't cracking jokes to each other and weren't joined at the hip anymore. But i was pretty drunk and he was even worse off than me so i don't know. What do you think? Should i be concerned about the comment? It's not something friends usually tease others about unless there is truth behind it and his best friend does have a big mouth. So i really can't tell Thanks

And also, about the abortion thing. I left out that i was crushed that he didn't want it. Or it was like rather he didn't want it with me. His words were: "well you could give it up for adoption to me and i could raise it" I could not possibly give up a baby knowing my blood was out there being raised by someone else, it would have been a huge custody mess. (i was completley against abortion and did it away way. I pay for it everyday. So does he) "i fear that if we go throught with this that i will end up resenting you in the future for holding me back" After i heard all that i decided on my own that he didn't want it. So i went out and drown my sorrows in alchohol. I told him and he got angry and said i just made the decision on my own, by drinking. So we had the abortion. It was wrong of me to take that from him. I should have kept my emotions in check and not touched the booze and waitied for him to come around. Everytime it comes up between us we both cry for the baby that could have been ours.

Yes but i have heard their conversations and he's says he's been honest with me since he choose me when we got back together. Ok he wasn't completely honest cuz he admitted to kissing her back in august at the wedding. I had a feeling he wasn't telling me the whole truth about that. He admitted it when i asked him about it. When i accuse him of wanting her back, he tells (yells) that he doesn't. If he did, i think he would tell me. But what if in the future? This is why i don't know what to do cuz if in the future he did after letting my guard down like he wants me to ... it would crush me totally. I asked him to wait when he told me he missed her as a friend and wanted to maintain a friendship with her. I told him i wasn't ready to take that on cuz of the past. He wouldn't Now out of anger i accuse him of not being able to wait cuz he's scared of her finding someone else. At times out of plain conversation he says he wishes she would find someone else so she could be happy like he is. I don't know its al so jumbles and confusing. Everything he says contradicts other things he says.

I failed to mention the good things about him. Not verything is about our relationship is bad. Just the other day he said my personality is unique, as is his, we are very much alike, almost the same person. We get along great, laughter, playfulness, and love, when this isnt interferring and i lose my temper about it. He is the father to my children ( he's not the biological, but his is thier father) He shows them love, teaches them, plays with them and is strict, keeping them in line. He is more of a father to them than their bio father ever could be even if he tried.

Ok my story is super long so i'll give it to you in point form. Here it goes... 1. e get together. He tells me flat out that a huge part of his heart still belongs to his ex of 8 years, they were broken up for about a year. I have knkow this man for 13 years, but he moved for 8 years and only seen him when he came to town for 3 day visits. We were friends at first. and when we first met way back we had a few flings. We admitted we always had feelings for eachother. 2. I got pregnant, i was already in love with im (2 mths into relationship) at first he was happy cuz he's always wanted a child. Then he asked about abortion saying he couldn't have a kid. I was crushed. a few words were said, me being divorced and raising 2 kids with a low paying job and no child support didn't want to have another alone. We had the abortion. (i feel this was because of wanting to get back with his ex that he changed his mind) 3. He breaks up with me to try to get his ex back. But in the mean time, on weekends, we'd get together to party and end up fooling around, it was like we were still together but not officially. I was hoping he's eventually fall in love with me and choose me over her. 4. He phones me and tells me she is coming to visit for a weekend. Tells me gently and asks if i hate him. Then i find out from his friend the night before the ex was coming that he had another girl at his house. I go there, give him what for. and i apologised the next day. We don't talk for a week. 5. He calls me and tells me he wants me to come to my brothers party very badly. We sit laugh and talk as friends all night. He talks about his lady and that he's going to do it right this time. Then at the end of the night i kiss him, he kisses me back and we end up at his place and he tells me he's fallen in love with me. and that he choose me. 6. He says he can't tell her about me because he spent so much time trying to get her back, and when she fianlly weants him back he choose me. 7. He finds out he gets an incurable std for the other woman, (not the ex) and i find out that i have it too. This really confuses me about why he choose me cuz it was soo close to the night that he said it was me he wanted and he never told her in between the two events. 8. He goes to his ex's sisters wedding (he invitied me at first then told me i couldn't come later.) (I find out months later that he lied about where he was staying, here he stayed with her) He promised that he never touched her. He admitted that he danced around the thought of getting back with her but nothing happened. 9. Months pass get get happier and more in love as the winter comes and passes. Talk about marriage and having a child. 10. He tells me that he wants to contact her. To only be friends with her. (When they broke up it was cause she tried to sleep with his best friend) He said that he lost his whole life when it ended, His best friend of 17 years, her, his career. He needed for maintain a friendship with her so he would feel like he lived thos 8 years for absolutley nothing. He never forgave his friend cuz he lied about it, but she didn't) I couldn't handle him talking to her, cause he tried to get back with her earlier in the rel. 11. He calls her and now they speak on a weekly basis. She called me and asked me for my blessing. She said all i had to do was say the word and she would never talk to him again. I said no because it would feel like i was betraying him by doing that behind his back . BUT OHHHH HOW I WANTED TO!! 12. wE have had a super rocky relationship since. We have almost broken up many times, had all kinds of yeling matches and all my anger comes from the fact and fear that he could some day fall back in love with her, (or is he still?) and leave me crushed beyond repair. 13. We got into it lastnight. He started getting all philosphical, He said "You once asked me why i bother, well its becasue of the way you treat me, make me feel, love me, that i'm not laying some where with (ex) ringht now". I lost it, he told me by saying that he was putting me above her. But i see it like he's still in love with her if he can even say that he must still be thinking of laying with her right? Earlier, we broke up for like an hour? He said he was moving, i said yeah have fun with her, etc. He said that i have no bearing on him getting back with Her. Said that he never could after what he done. That he says that i'm the only reason that he's not laying somewhere with her? We argued it came back to the wedding about him lying to me. Then he said as he always does "I never touched her" I asked him this time if he kissed her. He said YES!. He said he got carried away. 14. He asked where this was going to go. If in a few weeks id blow again about it. He asked if i'd be happier if he terminated the friendship. I said "ten times, but i could never ask you to do that." He never said "Well what will happen? I said either we stay together and fight about it somemore, or we breakup and you remain friends with her cuz i know you'd choose that friendship than me the one you want to marry any day) He said fine its over i said ok. He calls me a fool because i don't believe his heart is with me. That he is "still right here" should say enough. There is so much nore. But i am soo mixed up that i don't know up from down anymore. Don't know if he choose me because of this binding disease. Or if he would have slept with he at that wedding if he didn't have it. Or if he truly loves me. any one at all have any advice on what i should do? Or whether or not you think that his heart is true at least now? I don't know. ANything anymore. I'm very sorry its so loong. I just want to give alll the main factors. Sorry

Thanks Hope is Everthing, But he knows the insecuries i have and he gets furious when i doubt or question him. THat is one of the main problems in our relationship because he hurt me pretty ban in the beginning with his ex, and had wanted to contact her again as just friends. I couldn't handle that being dumped again for his ex, i figured that is what would happen so i started to push him away and we fought about it for a long 3 months until he finally beat it into me that he only wants to be friends with her wants nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with me. He does get furious when i doubt him, believe me. But underneath it all, he is a good man. Really. I am just scaared of being hurt again.

Yeah it was pretty foolish of me to put any thought whatsoever onto this talkin in his sleep thing. It just struck a chord because he calls me "Devil B*$ch some times when i'm playing around and he's in one of his cocky (can i say that?) moods. I really don't like that. But he's a good guy non the less (smiles).

I wish that there was something that i could do to stop thinking like this, this is like an every day thing. Even the smallest things, such as this talking in sleep, lead me to believe that people are dishonest and have other reasons or motivations behind thier actions. Like take for instance, my Honey, i always think that he chose me for the wrong reasons and then i get bitter about it, when he has made it clear that he chose me because he wanted me! But my mind go else where and i start dwelling on the thoughts that he settled for me and didn't choose me as the better mate because of circumstances, then i brood on it, give him coldness and it causes problems! them he has to tell me over again that it is me that he wants to be with and not anyone else. My head is so stubborn! My negativity has a mind of it's own. I must be crazy. LOL wow. Sorry i must have needed to get that out!

Yea, maybe he was talking about some one other than me. But damnit thats me, i hate that i always think of the negative right away, never even reason with wells and maybes, just doubts i hate that, some times when i think about it , i think i am seriously falling of the deep end "this time"

Can anyone make anything of this? This morning i woke to hear my boyfriend of 2 years talking in his sleep. He was babbling for some time, then he quieted. The he said my name, which is strange cuz he always calls me either Honey, Baby or my love. In his sleep he said "Sherri", after a brief pause he then said I guess the lady isn't all THAT bad, Fu%#in' B*$ch! I couldn't help but think that he actually called me a you know what in his sleep. Do you think??? It is driving me a can't stop thinking ... what if he really thinks of me that way, i mean he's called me that before.. but playfully, even though i told him to stop, that i don't like it, but every once in a while when i feel like being mischevious and do something like tickle him, or drink the last of his pop, or something like that he looks at me atnd says "Devil B*#ch!" How endearing hay? But if some one says something like that in their sleep, how do you know if they are really saying what they believe is true, or if its just some crazy dream where i did something to really pee him off?? i don't know, anyone have any opinions on this?