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psu11

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  1. psu11
    sandy it seems like your handling this situation really well!! keep up the good work!
  2. psu11
    haha i know that feeling... the other day i sent my ex an IM by accident. i think he signed on as i was clicking another name on my buddy list. either way, i just responded with "whoops wrong im" it looks suspecious for sure, but the best advice i can give is continue on deleteing and just brush it off
  3. psu11
    haha i was just pulling 250 calories and 45g of fat out of my you know what.
  4. psu11
    hey everyone, i was wondering if you have two foods, both of which are 250 calories, but one has 45g of fat and the other has 3g of fat, does that affect weight gain even if they have the same amount of calories?
  5. psu11
    i appreciate your insights...and sandyv, getting hurt all over again is exactly what im afraid of. i think im doing pretty well for being apart for 4 months, i started to get used to being single and enjoying it. i've decided to not do NC but to only talk to him if he initaties contact. im making myself available but not too available and im not going to stop casually dating other people yet. trusting my gut feeling is good advice, and i think by the efforts he makes within the next couple weeks will determine that. i dont deserve to have my feelings toyed around with and i refuse to jump back into a relationship with someone who could perhaps still see me as a question mark.
  6. psu11
    shikashika...yesterday i came home from work with a bouquet of flowers from him..would this be an action i should be looking at? and also, i know your recent ex broke up with you for reasons your unclear of now, and my ex did the same.....you really just need to come to terms and find closure based on your own internal strength, you'll be surprised how much stronger you will be coming out of this need2beme, i completely understand what your saying... at this point your right, i need to be selfish and do whats best for me. how do i know hes not going to do this a year or two from now? he never really gave me a distinct reason for our break up, so it could easily come out of the blue again. i pieced together reasons for the break myself and came to my own closure. so my question is...is this the best situation to be NC in? or should i just talk to him when he initaties the conversation?
  7. psu11
    thank you so much for all of your helpful insights... clementyne, we broke up because he was unsure of what he wanted in aspects of his life. he felt as though he wasnt putting his all into our relationship and he didnt think it would be fair for me to put in all the effort while he wasnt. caterina, your right about questioning whether or not he would do this again. these questions i been contemplicating over as well, i think thats part of the reason im having a difficult time reciporicating any sign of romantic emotions. i havent lost that trust in him, but my morale and pride toward us as a couple is basically unexistant.
  8. psu11
    hey everyone, if you been following some of my threads you are aware that i seen my ex this weekend while tailgating with mutual friends. basically, my ex said several times that he thinks he broke up with me for the wrong reasons and that he regrets his decision. by the end of the weekend, he started calling me sweetheart again and tried to become affectionate. and after we both got back to our towns, he initated a conversation with me online telling me how happy he is hanging out with me and how much he was glad to see me. although i do still love him, i found it hard to reciproate and express what he was feeling and acting toward me. i couldnt call him the pet names i did while we were dating and (even though i miss him) i couldnt tell him that. by these actions, is this a first step in him trying to get back with me? i never had this happen to me before, so its hard for me to read the signs and decipher between what is legit and what is just a feeling of being lonely.
  9. psu11
    i understand that feeling your talking about. its nice to think about getting back together with someone who knows everything about you and someone you grown so comfortable with. if my ex ever did come back to me, i'd be cautious and wonder if at any point in my life he'd leave again. my ex broke up with me because of him being unsure about things. i never once questioned my trust in him or his honesty while we were together. but that gut feeling you mention about not going back is prolly due to disenchantment, lack of trust and a little bit of an ego thing hang in there...shes wishy washy.
  10. psu11
    because he was a good guy and i'd still like to maintain a friendship..our break up wasnt a long drawn out one, so the friendship could still be salvaged. but your right, im definatley not over him, but im moving on to the point were i know i dont want him back, so i'd like him to see that
  11. psu11
    in two days i know i will see my ex. a lot of alumni are returning to a football game at my college, and we have the same mutual college friends so i know i will run into him at some point. this will be the first time i seen him since the end of aug, when he kissed me out of nowhere and told me he loved me. since then we talked online maybe twice and he called me once three days after he told me he loved me...just to let me know he wasnt taking advantage of me. about a week ago was the last time i spoke to him, he sent me an email inviting me to his tailgate then i IMed him. tailgating was something we both loved to do together, and this will be the first time we will be at separate tailgates. he broke up with me in june because he was unsure of what he wanted. since then i had limited contact with him. i would love advice as to whether or not i should stop by his tailgate.. also, i want to send a message to my ex this weekend...im not looking to get back with him, but i would like him to get the "how could she be doing fine without me?" message. how could i go about doing this? if you have experience with this please share your story and how ur ex responded...i need all the advice possible. thanks a bunch everyone!
  12. psu11
    about a month ago i had talked to my ex one on one since our break up. he ended up kissing me and initating the "i miss you" and "i love you" card..all of which i took with a grain of salt. 3 days after, he calls and tells me he wasnt trying to take advantage of me. i politely responded by telling him he doesnt owe me anything and that he doesnt need to explain himself. we talked for about 10 minutes about school/work etc... since then, aside from him sending me random texts, we havent spoke online or on the phone. based on what i told him, do you think i ruined any chance of a friendship??? i know im going to see him next weekend because we will be around mutual friends again...the first time ill see him since he told me he loved me. im nervous because i dont know how to approach him, or what to expect. any sort of imput would be greatly appreciated. thanks everyone.
  13. psu11
    But, the things we fight about, the arguments and more importantly, how they get handled, make me realize in my HEAD there is no long term happiness for her and I this line really stuck out to me. and its the realization i came to in one of my past relationships. i stayed in the relationship a good 4 months after coming to this conclusion. now that i look back, i wonder why i ever did such a thing. if you dont think there will be long term happiness for the both of you, your only being selfish holding on the relationship. i think your more fearful of the short term pain the initial break up will cause the both of you. and the pain is just that....short term. its been three years since i ended the relationship with the ex i was referring to above. the longer i stayed in the relationship the unhappier i became..so ending it was one of the best decisions i ever made...of course i didnt think so at the time, but you grow. i realized you cant hold onto something just because your afraid of change. best of luck to you cheers
  14. psu11
    the stages rose2summer mentions are the general stages felt after a break up, you can experience all or some in varying orders. its def a good scale to go by to assess your own feelings my stages after the break up was: 1. acceptance: i accepted his decisions to end our relationship and gave him the space he asked for because i respected him, i didnt beg for him to return or bargin to mend our relationship partly because the last thing i said before he broke up with me was..."is there anything we as a couple could do to fix what your feeling?" and since he said "no" i left it at that after the relationship was over 2. sadness: the first two weeks i was extremely upset. i missed my buddy...the phonecalls, going out to dinner etc, and i missed the availabilty of having him around on all levels. (i would say part of me is still in this stage) 3. indifference: i seen him about two weeks after he broke up with me at a mutual friends place. i felt no desire to talk about our past, i didnt feel upset or happy...i made small talk with him, but my emotions were pretty numb 4. anger: i became angry after my feelings matured. after having time to think about the reasons for the break up, i come to determine how selfish his motives really were. i think the only aspect of this break up that was unselfish was the fact that he didnt string me along, and he talked to me face to face. (this phase started about 2 weeks ago) 5. acceptance: i mention this twice because within this past month, i have a new found acceptance. and this is acceptance for myself. i am coming to terms with my life as a single woman, accepting the fact that i was a great girlfrirend and someone someday will appreciate all the qualities i have to offer. this is also a certain acceptance that me and my ex will never be friends. from the moment we met there was always chemistry, and i know that if he doesnt want to have a romantic relationship, than im better off not having him in my life at all because keeping him around as my friend would be keeping myself in second place. hope this helped!! best of luck to you
  15. psu11
    im curious... in instances where "no spark" was the reason...is this feeling perminant? or do some couples split up for years and when seeing eachother again by chance..the spark is back?
  16. psu11
    hey ekloot, i understand what shes going through, im also in nursing school while holding a job at a hospital as well. shes right, it can get incredibly stressful. it sounds like she has a lot of personal issues she is working through at this time rather then you being the cause of any. at this point in her life, she may not be able to give you all aspects of her, so perhaps she felt as though she was cheating you out of herself. if i were you, i'd give her the space she asked for. at this point, you have to guard your own feelings and give her that space to sort out her life. because if she wants to get back together, she could very well break up with you in a few weeks. and thats exactly what i did before.
  17. psu11
    hey shikashika, my ex broke up with me for the exact same reasons 3 months ago...he told me i was a great gf and that there was nothing wrong with the relationship. so after dating him for a year and a half, this completely came out of the blue..and like you, i was left with a ton of answered questions. i wanted to know where i went wrong...what we've could of done to stop this from happening...i had a million questions. i pretty much did NC accept for the one time we were around mutual friends about 2 weeks after we split. we didnt really get into our relationship, the only question i asked him was how long he'd been contemplating breaking up with me...he told me not very long, AND HE DIDNT REGRET HIS DECISION... that right there, was the closure i needed. he didnt need to give me any answers because i realized if he didnt regret this decision, he didnt deserve my mental energy over comtemplating what went wrong in our relatonship. so my advice to you is...sometimes you have to leave the dumper with their uncertainities...for every unanswered question your ex may answer, there will be a million more unanswered questions that will pop up in your head... i to, thought it would be easier to move on if there where trust issues or something that i could improve on for future relationships, but thats not always the case. use those qualites which make you a great girlfriend and for now, learn to put all that energy into yourself, and eventually..into someone who truly deserves what you have to offer. as for your ex...dont fight for someone who wont fight for you. cheers
  18. psu11
    and sometimes even not talking about gloomy stuff brings back those negitive feelings felt during the break up. even clean break ups..there is still a bit of sad feelings involved. in some cases, the dumper may think talking about random stuff every now and then is a way to start a friendship. but to the dumpee, they dont always see it that way, and shouldnt be expected to.
  19. psu11
    i think that since my ex broke up with me, he is gasping about.. 1. my weight loss 2. a new job were i get to travel to neat cities 3. i started dating a guy in the NFL
  20. psu11
    thanks everyone for your wonderful replys so far...i am taking each of them into consideration. usababe i never knew this was so common either! do you have that feeling that jayar and annie were talking about?..that they are just making sure your not forgetting about them? if this is the case, its a really selfish thing to do. in my situation, i feel like he is not trying to establish a friendship because he makes no effort to call or hang out causally. and yet, why make any sort of contact at all? his reasons for breaking up was because he was confused about what he wants and blah blah....so now that im out of the picture---why make contact and still be confused?! he broke up with me, and im trying to move on, so he shouldnt have anything left to contemplate. right?
  21. psu11
    its been three months today since the break up...we never speak on the phone, we never hang out on a one on one basis, but every now and then he'll send me random texts or "poke" me on facebook. since he broke up with me, im never the one to contact him first...but out of nowhere ill get these subtle messages from him. like yesterday he sent me a text telling me to check our friends away message becasue it involved a joke that i loved. he'll text me with "i just seen your dad on tv" and random things like that. on occasion we'll talk online if he IM's me..then i get these texts after weeks of NC. he'll never ask me how im doing, or talk about the relationship, just these random comments. has anyone experienced this with their ex? or could perhaps explain why a dumper would keep this form of contact??
  22. psu11
    reasons behind the break up make a huge difference... for instance if there was cheating involved or any formsof mistrust, i'd say cut your losses, move on and dont bother contacting them so soon, feelings of betrayal are much deeper scars than breaking up due to distance, not sure was either wants, etc... in your case, if you feel comfortable i'd shoot him an email or friendly IM just to see how hes doing, although u must be prepared for how he will respond to this. when the dumper breaks up with their SO, they should be prepared for the thousands of different ways the dumpee may respond, and that means the dumpee could completely ignore the dumper, the dumpee could also get angry all over again, or they may be friendly toward you and not bring up the relationship at all. either way, of the thousands of feelings and emotions humans feel, the dumpee's reactions after the break up could be quite unpredictable.
  23. psu11
    i think the reasons why you broke up is a big factor in whether or not you have the right to contact him... what where ur reasons for breaking it off??
  24. psu11
    i think exes who get back together after a period of time have a better shot at working out in the long run depending on the reasons for breaking up. relationships that end due to 1. trust issues 2. different personalites and 3. different goals in life, i dont see this couples working out whether you stay apart for 2 months or 2 years. relationships that end because of 1. distance 2. not sure what they want 3. timing 4. personal issues unrelated to the relationship and 5. fear of long term commitment seem to have the best chance at reconciliation. i still believe NC and getting over the relationship should be your #1 priority, especially if your the dumpee...like Crazyaboutdogs said--you dont what the future holds....
  25. psu11
    i was wondering how long after a breakup is dating someone new not considered a "rebound"? is the period of time different for the dumper/dumpee? i was also curious if anyone on here has ever broken up with someone, dated someone else just to realize they miss their ex in the process? i guess im just wondering if dating someone else for a period of time actually helped them get back with their ex?
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