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psu11

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  1. psu11
    Many couples have broken up and do get back together and get married. I have known plenty of couples who have done that. Sometimes a little time away from each other helps people see just how much they want that person in their life. haha what exactly do you consider "a little time"?
  2. psu11
    whats up elle, im in the same situation as you. after my bf broke up with me we had NC for a month, then seen eachother at a mutual friends party. he ended up initating everything from kissing me to having sex with me to telling me he still loved me. 3 days later he called and said he wasnt trying to take advantage of a situation, etc... in your case, it seems to me he is looking for constant validation from you to make sure your still there for him...as a friend or even more. he seems to be afraid of letting you go completely, and this could be him fearing you will move on first. in turn if he keeps up this behavior, it could end up hurting you even more than the intial break up in the long run. watch out for this guy, he seems to have a lot of guilt about the break up and make sure this reasons for trying to keep you in his life doesnt involve him holding on to you until he finds someone better. the best advice i can give you is make sure your in control at all times, your a person, not his puppet
  3. psu11
    when a person ends a relationship because they love the other but they're NOT SURE if they are "in love"....does the NOT SURE mean: they need time apart to see if they are really in love? confused about their feelings? they already made up their mind and they truly know they are not "in love" with their partner? or is some other reason im not seeing??
  4. psu11
    my life. period.
  5. psu11
    Jennster, i think you should talk to him immediately, whos to say hes not feeling the same way you? maybe he is internally contemplating the same things you are. my ex and i broke up a few months ago because he to was confused and wasnt sure if he was in love with me. although im still in the process of healing, i think him breaking up with me was the best thing he could of done for the both of us. if your "in love" with someone, its not something you contemplate. i have no doubt that i was in love with him, but if he isnt reciporicating the same feelings toward me, than he doesnt deserve my full heart in the first place. last i spoke to him, he was still confused...on various levels of his life, and this is something he needs to figure out on his own time. i believe your best bet is to talk to your bf about how your feeling. and if you really dont think your in love with him, move on. if you still have caring feelings for him, dont waste time in this relationship any longer. for his sake and yours.
  6. psu11
    thanks everyone for your advice, its a lot easier knowing other people were in the same boat as me at one point. Donster i definitely agree with your "insurance policy" theory. in a way its definitely kinda offensive. its like they're saying "oh your great, butttt not great enough to stay fully committed to." through my experience and after listening to my friends in their past relationships, i realized that couples which end based on the dumper "unsure of what they want in life" typically come back if the dumpee moves on with grace. even if the dumper has no intension of getting back together with the dumpee, they pull the "i miss you" card at least once. maybe they really do miss the dumpee, maybe its just for validation on how the dumpee is doing if the dumpee appears to be in a better place than the dumper. this is all generalization, but for the most part, this is the trend im very familiar with.
  7. psu11
    hey everyone, if you read some of my other posts, you are familiar with the fact that i've been moving on pretty well. thus far, i've handled seeing the ex for the first time, got over the urge to call him and i no longer expect him to call me. i've casually dated, stopped crying about a month ago and had light convos with him online. our relationship ended solely because "he wasnt sure what he wanted" and i was fine with that. today, i woke up thinking of him, and thats the first time thats happened in weeks...since then, i havent been able to get him off my mind. usually, when i think of him, its more of a "wow i wonder what hes up to, i hope hes doing well" kinda thoughts. but today, i miss and im aching for him. i dont know why all of sudden after all the progress i made, im feeling down about this now. if anyone has experienced a similar sitiuation i'd love the feedback. its getting to the point where im tempted to call him, but i know that wont do anything but boost his ego. ughhh...
  8. psu11
    thank you so much for your feedback, your advice definitely is helpful and validates what i've been thinking as well.... i think him being the dumper is surprised that i am not constantly giving him reasons to let him know "im here"..considering the breakup came out of nowhere. i've done NC with him for about a month after our breakup, now it feels like its moving into LC. i dont mind going into LC because im in a place where i can emotionally handle it. i did NC for me, and if at any point in time i feel like LC is too much, i will not hesitate to go back to NC. the LC we have now are convos initated by him via instant messanger about once a week. part of me thinks hes trying to be friends, but i still cant shake the fact that he is trying to talk to me just enough so he knows im not forgetting him. either way, i'm moving on, im casually dating several guys...one of which is a pro athelete. when my ex found out, i think it was a shot to his ego, and perhaps thats why hes kept LC. my thoughts are, he made the choice to take himself out of my life, so i have nothing left to offer him. no explainations. no approvals. no validations.
  9. psu11
    hey everyone....heres an update on this situation: so i decided to not contact my ex about everything that happened saturday night, and go back to NC/LC. since then, he IMed me on monday making a general conversation, mentioning nothing about saturday night. then last night, he leaves me a voice mail exclaiming how he didnt want me to think he "used" me saturday night and that if i wanted to talk about it, i could call him back. i called him back because i was interesed in what he had to say about this situation. he said he was thinking about what happened saturday night and wanted to clarify that he wasnt trying to take advantage of the situation of us being in the same place and that going out to breakfast was just a way to hang out longer. i told him he doesnt need to explain because he owes me nothing. he told me again how much he wasnt sure what he wanted in any aspect of his life. i wasnt angry with him, i told him i understand and that he doesnt need to explain himself. with that, i wished him a safe trip back home this weekend cause hes visiting his fam this weekend...then i got off the phone. if anyone has some sort of feedback or advice as to why he felt the need to explain or even give an explaination please let me know, because im moving on, but im still kind of confused as to how he percieves me...
  10. psu11
    i definitely agree with both of you... not only was i hearing things he was saying, but also the things he wasnt...yeah he misses and loves me. great. but he wasnt saying "i want you back"...it was more like "i love you but i still dont know what i want" using me as comfort makes sense...i think im in a more stable place than he is, and im sure he senses that..it seems as though hes both questioning a lot of aspects about his life or is just afraid of being fully committed to me frisco, aside from this party, he IMed me twice and never once discussed us..just random small talk...in fact, since we broke up we never once discussed us nor has he made the effort to. which is why im glad i told him about other guys in my life to, at least he knows im not waiting around for him. my question is....should i go back to NC or should i discuss with him what the hell this weekend was all about?
  11. psu11
    well the night went a little different than originally planned... i was planning on making small talk with him and not paying much attention. which is how half of the night went... at one point, he came up to me and we started talking, next thing i know, he starts kissing me!!! this was something i def was not expecting. so i stopped and gave him this "what the hell do you think ur doing" look. after that, he says he wants to talk to me outside..so we talked for a few hours. the shorthand version of the conversation went as follows... he tells me that he couldnt bear the thought of his kids seeing his family twice a year only at holidays (his hometown is about 6 hours from were he lives now)...he was basically saying how much he didnt want to settle down around where i live. from that, i told him that whoever he marries, they are your new family and its not guaranteed were ur gonna end up in 5, 10 or even 15 years. i also told him it sounds like he broke up with me because of all these "what if's" and also out of fear. he also tells me he still misses me and that he was talking to this girl but stopped because she wasnt me and she didnt have the same "spunk" i did...during this convo at a point he says, i dont care if you say it back, but i want u to know that i love you and he starts holding my hands and tells me how much he missed holding them and blah blah. we both spent the night at our friends place and this morning when we woke up, we went to breakfast and had normal convos about work and such...i gave him a hug goodbye and he kisses me on the cheek, then a few minutes later sends me a text. if someone can help me figure out this situation, it would be so helpful...any feedback what so ever i would truly appreciate!
  12. psu11
    so our mutal friend is having a house warming party and i know my ex will be there!!!! how do i act? do i approach first or wait for him to approach me?! i really was not expecting to see him there, now im alll kinds of flustered!!!!! and also, should i flirt with other guys there or not out of respect for him? keep in mind, he broke up with me.
  13. psu11
    thanks everyone your tips are really helpful. i broke up with her not because our relationship was bad, but because i didnt know what i wanted, and i didnt want to string her along in the process. guys and girls alike...if an ex recently dumped you, my advice is DO NOT CALL HIM or beg! speaking from a dumpers point of view...even though i dumped her, the fact that she is giving me EXACTLY what i asked for (space), its making me wonder more and more what she is up to. even though i think i made the right decision, i can still see myself regreting this break up because when i look back, i think to myself "wow this girl was normal, she wasnt clingy or needy" i think im going to wait til Sunday sometime to see how she is doing.
  14. psu11
    hey kids, i just want to extend a big thank you to all of you who have been helping me get through my break up these past few weeks. this site has done more help than anything else. my story is...i have been broken up with my ex for almost 2 months because i wasnt sure where it was going or what i wanted, and i havent seen or spoken to her for basically the entire time. i heard she was in a car accident last night, she is fine...was able to walk away but her car was totaled, we never established "NC" but we naturally went into that mode...should i call or make some sort of contact??
  15. psu11
    its not even that she hasnt returned my calls....its just that neither of us since the break up called or texted eachother. i saw her once briefly while out with mutual friends and she didnt appear upset at all. since i broke up with her, should i initate contact first, or wait for her to respond??
  16. psu11
    i think that if you want to remain in contact with a previous ex, you need to be up front and honest with her rather than be secretive about it. the more secretive you are, the more insecure and jealous she will get. i was in the same boat with my ex. he never liked the fact that i remained friends with the ex before him, and even though i never kept that from him, he was still jealous and insecure. how long did you break up with your previous ex....the one your current ex has issues with? it seems like you both have communication issues and underlying problems to work out. i believe in compromise to sustain a relationship, as long as you dont compromise your values toward your family or your own personality.
  17. psu11
    me and my ex did LDR for the better part of 9 mts while she was in college her senior year. she moved about 40 minutes from me when she graduated in may...i dont understand why my feelings werent increasing now that we werent a long distance couple anymore. i didnt try to rekindle anything because there wasnt any issues with her or the relationship itself. its me being in this funk and just generally confused about what i want. after telling her im different and in this weird funk she told me not to string her along if i was having doubts, and i could only feel myself pulling further and further away, so i wanted to end it before i hurt her even more. my main fear is that im gonna wake up months from now and realize i made a horrible mistake, although right now i think i made the right choice. im not sure if i should wait for her to make contact if she wants to talk to me again, or should i initiate the first move?
  18. psu11
    lets say you dated this girl for over a year who was absolutely perfect. beautiful, smart, intelligent and funny. and you had the type of relationship were you two always tried new things, had a lot in common and never fought... then within a three week period you start noticing how much more you enjoy your job and your time alone. your less excited to make plans to spend time with her, less excited to talk on the phone and be physical. it feels like that overall "spark" is gone... you realize your not putting your all into this relationship and you dont want to hurt her, make her worry or lead her on. since you dont know what you want or where its going, you break up with her. there was nothing really wrong with the relationship, but you realize you are not the same person she has fallen in love with. this is what is happening to me, i broke up with my girlfriend exactly a month ago who was great to me...does it sound like a case where im falling out of love with her or is other priorities and events in my life clouding my vision on how much i let go of a good thing? i only spoken to her once since we have broken up, she hasnt called, texted, IMed or emailed....she isnt even a nagging ex girlfriend. if she continues the NC, do you think that "spark" for being in a relationship will soon come back? and because of the circumstance, does this sound like a type of break up im going to look back on and regret?
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