Hopper

Hi all, I'm a 26 year old male that has been in a relationship with my gf for 7 years and have noticed that our sex life is not so hot anymore. I love her so much and all i really want to do is to spend time with her and she was the one who pointed out that we don't have sex as often as we used to. I don't masturbate often, once a week, i'd say. But one thing i do want to point out is that early in our relationship she was very shy when it came to her being naked in front of me and giving oral. eventually she became more confident, but i personally think that it had a long term effect on me because i didn't want to offend her. She never liked to do any work... actually, she still doesn't. Sex ends up being me doing all the work while she enjoys herself and lies down. It was like that for about 4 years. Now, she tries to motivate me by saying that she wants to be on top and do some work, but when she does it now, it doesn't feel good. I'm so used to being on top and doing all the work that nothing else is comfortable. I know i have it in me, but i think that the past has discouraged me so much that i don't care to do it anymore. What do you guys think i can do to raise my drive again? I really wish that i had that drive again. =(

hi, i had the same prob. i just recently told my best friend that i liked her and i wanted more... but the results were a negative. we were both mature enough to be able to talk about it and said that things were going to be fine between us. I think its a risk that i'm glad you took. cause if you didn't, you'd be thinking... "what if?" well, back to my story... things weren't the same for a little while. we kinda stopped talking for a few days and eventually saw each outher at a group event and things seemed good. then i asked her to talk about things so i get everything outta my system, and she was cool with it. since then, we are back to the way things were, and i think its just awesome that we are able to maintain the friendship. thats something you need to do too, just approach her and tell her you'd like to talk about things one last time and say stuff like... i became your friend before i started to like you, if it was the other way around, then i'd understand that you didn't want to talk to me..." something along those lines. explain to her that your friendship is important, and if she feels the same about you, then you are good. if not, then you know she really wasn'nt your friend and you can move on from that. hope it helps. if you want to chat about it, just msg me.

i told my best friend i liked her... she said she didn't want to ruin the friendship... but guess what it did... it made things a little awkward. i understand how she feels, it just sux that things had to turn out this way. i really do enjoy her company, but now i have no idea what will happen. my guess is, maybe after shes had some time, she'll call me up to hang again, but we'll see. =(

i have just recently told my best friend how i feel about her(my previous post). the thing is, it seems like she is interested in me cause we chat all the time and go out about 3-4 times a week, but the results from our conversation were things like, its too complicated, too quick(for me because i just got out of a relationship a few months ago), and that she's confused herself right now. i can honestly say, we already do all teh things a couple would do, just not anything physical... lunch, dinner, movies, dancing... but doesn't go beyond that. well, as i talking to her about how i felt, not everything i wanted to say came out the way i wanted it to, or i just didn't say what i wanted to say to her. the next day, i was able to get myself in the mood to write a little journal about what i wanted to tell her and i was content with what i wrote. i'm normally a pretty shy guy and i know i dont express things how i want to all the time... during our conversation, i know my timing was off when i approached her with it, but i know if i will keep telling myself the same thing, "now isn't a good time..." she even mentioned it herself that the timing was off. =( i was wondering if i think writing to her or giving her a letter in person would be as meaningful as telling her in person. i really want to talk to her about this again, but this time, i want to catch her at the right time... any suggestions? i was really afraid that our friendship would be lost, but we hung out with a fwe friends today and thigns seems normal between us. i was so happy about that and i am just afraid of how to approach her with this topic once again.... (i would appreciate any experiences that anyone can share). and if any one is shy like me, i like personal mesages too and communication through that as well.

i was in a 7yr long distance relationship that i thought was gonna last... it was only a few months ago i ended thing because the problems the distance was causing... i think it could've worked if she was a stronger individual than she was, but she wasn't. she was always sad that she lived so far from me and that she constantly needed someone there to take care of her. she was like that for quite some time... she said she would move back after teh 5th year, but she didn't and teh problems still stayed the same...(if you really want to hear the whole story, just msg me and i'll get in touch somehow). but in all honesty, i think that long distant relationship are very difficult, but definitely can work if both are ready to work together on it. you both need to be pretty strong individuals for it to last.

i have this best friend who i feel that i have fallen in love with. when we go out, we get along real well, talk a lot and even flirt. i thought things between us have been awesome and that things could work out between us... even at the risk of our friendship. another problem is that she is in my cirlcle of friends and it made it real difficult to even bring up the issue to her. that's the quick version of our friendship(if you want to know more, just send me an email or msg). here's how my night went... tonight was actually planned to be a group event where all of us can go drinking and dancing and i had planned it to be the night where i told her how i felt. the night didn't go as well as i planned. our waiter was a complete moron and took forever to get our food so we didn't even get time to dance. and by that time, we all got a little tired and just wanted to leave. then when i got to her house, i felt like, its not the right time(but i've been saying that to myself for months), and decided just to let her know how i felt about her. she responded with the answer that i thought she'd say... "i respect our friendship too much to risk it" it was a sad moment for me, but it is something that i respected because i wanted us to retain the friendship we have and to try to push it up a level. i really wanted to wait another month or so to tell her, but the prob is that there is this other guy that is trying to make his way into her life and i felt if i never told her, i would've missed my chance. i admit the timing of me telling her was way off, but i couldn't just sit there and let her go without saying something. (and there is also the fact that i had just broke up with my previous gf 2 months ago and really didn't want to hurry this at all, i just couldn't put myself in a "what if" situation. i know it comes off as a rebound thing, but i've felt i loved her a lot longer for it just to be a rebound...) she says that we'll still be the same friend we have always been, but it'll just make me sadder that i can't be that person in her life. life goes on, and if im lucky, maybe things will go the other way. i just have to try to move on and just live life the way it leads me. i'm glad i took the risk even though the results weren't what i wanted. it allows me to move on with life a a bit quicker now(and sad at the same time). i know this sounds lame, but do you guys think that if i still feel this way(say 5 months from now), i should try again? or just leave it and if she wants to talk about it, then she will???

i understand that you are young, but you have to take the resonisbilities of this. you should pick up a pregnancy test just for the sake of knowing. if you are embarrassed to get one, you shouldn't be, gotta be responsible for your actions. dont decide your gf's fate, let her have a decision in this. the sooner she knows if shes pregnant or not, the sooner a solution can be reached... hope this helps some.

i totally think calling is ok. there is this girl that i've been getting to know for a while now and we actually met just by hanging out with a group of friends. got her screen name and number and just started chatting with her here and there, and eventually felt confident enough that she would be comfortable with me so i called and asked her out. but i dont think you should just call without getting to know her some. getting to know her over the phone or over IM, let her feel comfortable around you first, then go for the date. i think this advice only works if you want to work on a relationship.

yea, you really do should not be with the nice guy, he doesn't deserve to be treadated like this(if he was so good to you). do him the favor and either be honest with him(so he can make the decision), or take some time off to figure out what you want in life first. Either way, i think its up to the nice guy to decide whether he wants you for what you have done. by not telling him, he is going going to be living a lie with you because he believes that he is with the one he truly loves. The decision should be his, not yours.

Just want to let you know that i have just ended my relationship with my 6 yr girlfriend as well. My reasons weren't the same as yours though. Mine was because was that she wasn't happy with herself anymore, her personal life(outside of me) kept on bringing her down, and the fact it was a long distance relationship. I tried to turn thing around for her, but she just never could and brought be down in the process. i was only able to try for so long until it started wearing my life away too. it is extremely difficult to deal with, but i am still trying to help her through this as a friend. So far, it seems to be helping her more... My advice is just to try to work with her until she realizes that your love isn't there, she'll eventually figure it out and move on, just dont drop her like a bad habit...

hi brittany, thanks for the info. i'll prob ask her out sometime this week to talk with ehr about it. i'll let you guys know. thanks!

hello all; here's my issue. i have been hanging out with this girl i met(chris) for about a year now and i have gotten real close with her in the last 6 months. she recently broke up with her bf about 5 months ago, and i broke up with mine 2 months ago. i know the reason why i broke up with my ex-girlfriend was because i found someone that treats me with more respect, but i do respect my ex by not jumping into another relationship so soon. how long do i wait to make a move? i also am getting the feeling that if i wait too long, another boy might pop into the picture... there is this one guy that is trying to get to know her right now and she used to say he wasn't his type and such, and now she's saying that she might give it a shot cause he's being aggressive. i can't tell if that's her hinting for me to make a move, or she is just saying what friends say to one another... (our current situation is that we do hang out by going to a movie, watching tv, or going out to eat dinner or coffee, but we have never expressed how we felt for each other. there is still a part of me that feels that she wants to be just friends, but we do flirt a lot too. so many mixed vibes. i can't tell what she's thinking. any advice would be greatly appreciated(or if any females can shed the light on how females act in my situation )

Thanks for the reply, but i do know that i have to end what i was in first. and thats what i did. i posted my previous post when i was single. =) i'd be an ass if i didn't.

i have been hanging out with this girl for a little over a year now, our friendship started plutonic(both of us having gf/bf's), and not we are both single and i think feelings are starting to spark(on my end anyways). i'm unsure if its lust of love, but i do know that if given the right opportunity, i'd definitely want to kiss her. only thing i'm afraid of is that it'll push her away. what do you guys think an ideal time/position would let me approach her? i've never kissed a friend before, only my last gf, so i'm not too sure how to go about it. any suggestions would be great.

hi, just want to say, great site, has a lot of helpful advice here.... here's my dilemma... i have been hanging out with one of my girl friends that is in my circle of friends that i hang out with. i used to think it was lust and that i'd get over her, but it hasn't yet. we hang out a lot(by ourselves) and when we are out with friends. but she's one of those types of gals taht has a lot of guy friends and seems to get a good amount of guys attracted to her. we flirt a lot and i think she likes me, but i think confessing how i feel will of course make things way better or way worse. i keep telling myself that you only live once, just go out and do it without regrets... but i think i just worry about our other friends, might not hang out with them as much, and i just wonder if this void i want to fill with worth possibly one of us losing friends on account of the other. i have no problem approaching her about us, but if she does reject me, i dont want our friends to only hang out with either one of us at different times.... that's a risk i dont know if it is worth taking. Seems very selfish on my end... My heart says one, and brain says the other... What to do?