Ohso

DiBayley........I couldn't have said it better myself. When my six year relationship with my boyfriend ended I was a wreck, it was made worse by the fact that just two weeks later he'd began a relationship with someone else. It's been over a year now and I've realised that the love I felt for him is just as much a part of me as it ever was. I've just had to learn to live without him loving me back. At the time of course I'd have done almost anything to stop the pain and thought it would never go away. Not one day would go by where I didn't think about him and wish I could go back and do things differently. I'd have done anything to get back what I'd lost, literally anything. Eventually things got better. I can't even remember when exactly things changed, it was so gradual I guess it went un noticed. I just got through it some how and then one day realised I felt ok and "normal" for the first time in months. So here I am just over a year on, I still love my ex but my life has continued without him. There's not much else I can say except take each day as it comes, talk about your feelings and confide in your friends....that's how I got through it.

Just remember to do it for you and not anyone else.

It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking "There's something wrong with me". The gay world can be very vain and there's pressure to conform to the accepted norm of what attractive is. Speeking as a gay man I find a bit of weight quite sexy, I'm not talking about rolls of fat but a bit of bulk. It's all down to how a guy carries himself though. I've got a gay friend who's your height but weighs over 200lb but he carries it well thanks to a bit of excercise to tone up the muscle and pull bits into place.

My ex told me he discovered the grass isn't greener on the other side. I told him the grass is greener on every side, the thing to do is to pick a shade you like and stick with it. He's not asked me to take him back but he has hinted he's interested. I'm not sure what I'd do if he did ask but I value your opinions.

Your partner leaves you for someone else, six months down the line they realise they've made a mistake. You know things can never go back to the way they were but your ex wants to try again. Would you?

It's been about five months since my relationship came to a end. It was a quick end to a long relationship with no explanation or reason given. I won't pretend it was easy, my heart was broken and I went to pieces. Yet it was what he wanted and as people said "would you really want to be with someone who didn't love you?"....obviously no I wouldn't. I'm in the unfortunate position of still living under the same roof as my ex, while this may sound odd to most of you it was a necessary evil. While I wouldn't recommend anyone else do this I wasn't in a position to leave and weird as it may be it worked out quite well. So anyway, here I am five months later, my ex has got himself a new man and I'm enjoying being on the dating scene again. My ex and I are on good terms for the most part, there was some friction when he began bringing his new man back to the house but I worked through it. I've been dating a few men but never got as far as first base (My choice) and although I've made friends none have developed further. Then last week I was invited to spend the week in the country with a gay friend. On Sunday I get a text from my ex saying "I think I need psychiatric help to sort myself out". I was a little shocked and was expecting him to follow it up with another text or something. On my return on the Monday nothing was said so I didn't question him about it further (as harsh as it may seem I didn't see it as my place). Friday comes around and he knocks on my door, he pops his head around and says "I just thought you should know I've split up with my boyfriend". Again I was shocked, I said I was sorry and asked him why, his response was "I need to sort myself out first". At that he puts on his coat and goes out. Saturday comes around and I'm invited to go to the country again, this guy is a bit smitten with me but it's nothing serious. We've shared a cuddle but we really enjoy each others company more than anything else. He drives up to my house, toots his horn and off I go ready for a weekend of Sci Fi and pizza. Five minutes later I receive a text from my ex wanting to know if the guy I just got into the car with was my BF or a **** Buddy!!!!. I'm a bit surprised at this, I've never questioned him about his where abouts or what he gets up to and thought he'd extend me the same courtesy. I decide to answer anyway and tell him he's my friend. He replies with "Friends don't go away for weekends together and come back looking like they've had a good ****". This isn't the first time he's questioned my sex life since we split up, I wasn't sure if I should respond. He sent another text saying "If he's just a friend why didn't you invite him in?, how long have you been seeing him?, is this the guy you've been going to London with?". This is quickly followed by another text saying "On second thoughts I don't want to know". I'm not sure what's going on here, my ex splitting up with his new guy was a big shock, his recent actions/questions have caught me off guard and him saying he thinks he needs psychiatric help has only confused me. I'm not sure what to do, is it that he's realised the grass isn't greener on the other side?, did his new BF dump him and not the other way around?, is he jealous that I'm moving on?. I thought he was happy, he got everything he wanted didn't he? I'm not happy with the situation, up until now I've kept my cool but I'm angry as hell that he feels he can ask me these personal questions. I've been through hell and back because of him and don't need him adding any sort of pressure to my life right now. He has no right.

While I'm always telling people to keep at it and give it one more try, even I get to a point when enough is enough. It sounds to me like you've been patient and you've certainly tried and tried............and tried again to get something going with this guy. Each time he's either turned you down or cancelled at the last minute so he's had plenty of chances. Now unless you're brave enough to walk up to him and say, "you're a great guy and I fancy the pants off you, how about a date?" then I can't think of anything else you can try. It's a shame if he does like you but there's only so much you can do without him giving something back. You've got the same choices you always had, either be patient and keep trying or give up.

I can see why you're so confused, this guy as you said seems to be giving off mixed signals. The question is if you want to keep trying or walk away and forget about it. Walking away would be the easy option but then a missed opportunity is such a waste. If you like this guy then it's probably worth a little more effort just so you can say you yourself that you tried as hard as you could. His behaviour is a little odd but he may just lack confidence, you said he wasn't exactly good looking. If you think that then perhaps he thinks that about himself too and if that's the case then it's all to easy for him to think "I'm kidding myself to think that guy likes me". Quite what you can try next is difficult to answer. You could make up something to do that ties in with yours and his studies (quite what fashion students do I don't know) and spend time together that way. Or instead of a meal ask him back to your place to watch a DVD so it's more private.

I'd say test the waters some more, ask him out again for a drink or something, if he says he has to be some where else suggest another time. If he says no again then either cut your losses and walk away or wait and try again for a third and final time. I myself get totally confused by these so called signals we send out to each other. I honestly don't know if someone is flirting with me or just being friendly, there's just no way I can tell .

It's been a good three months since my relationship ended, although it's been painful there has been a steady improvement over time. I found I was dwelling on him less and less, I could listen to weepy love songs and not fall appart, I even began working out a little and improving my diet to get into better shape. This past week though has seen me go through some sort of relapse. I've been thinking about everything I've lost, not just my ex but his family were my family also. I loved them like they were my own but now they are gone. My friends have been great but there's only so much they can do, I've kept myself busy by making new friends and even going on the occasional date but nothing fills the void. I go to bed alone and wake up alone and that's something I'm finding very hard to cope with. The thought of months and months of three steps forward two steps back is almost enough to break me.

Sadly familiar Songs like that got me through the dark times though, made me feel like someone understood in some way.

My personal belief is to cut contact entirely, for you this would mean choosing to ignore her e-mails and hope she gets the message. You may or may not want to reply one last time explaining how difficult it is to have her in your life still and that you'd prefer it if she didn't contact you anymore.

I really wouldn't worry, everyone no matter their sexuality is able to tell when someone (man or woman) is good looking. Sounds like your BF is one of those people comfortable enough to say it out loud. As a gay guy I can appreciate the beauty of a woman, doesn't mean I like them sexually. At the end of the day, Bi-sexual or straight he's chosen to be with you.

Ok......so...... Not trying to read too much into this but my date cancelled at the last minute. Obviously feeling a little dissappointed, his reason being he didn't get to bed until 5am and so didn't get up again until 1pm. Sounds reasonable but that still left him with almost three hours to get showered, dressed and travel time to get to the meeting place. Is this a case of cold feet?, he's never been exactly enthusiastic but he said he really wanted to meet up so I was happy to go along. He did contact me to apologise but I'm afraid I was quite abrupt with him. My day wasn't a good one and his change of mind put me in a bad mood. Should I cut my losses? A little extra info, for some as yet unknown reason he removed all the little thumbs up, winks and "I like you" icons he pinned to my profile. Can't think what I did to make him do this as we were fine yesterday evening.

Not all office romances end like Bridget Jones and Daniel Clever, but you'd have to accept the risk that it might. If you indeed are willing to accept the risk then a bit of harmless flirting is a good place to start.

Good advice, we spoke again last night and we're going to a popular mall this saturday. There's plenty of coffee shops and restaurants to go to and a few interesting stores to wander around. It's about half way between his and my home so it's neutral ground but it's somewhere we've both been to before. Isn't it strange though, you see two women or two men eating at the same table or sharing a drink and you think nothing of it. Yet I asume that everyone will think that I'm gay.

I have to agree, bisexuality is not an excuse for his actions. Sure he finds men and women atractive, that's fine, but he has no right to advertise himself for encounters with men while in a steady relationship.

You're making the same mistakes I made, I tried to keep the contact going, it was afterall the only thing I had left and I wanted to keep it as long as I could. You're going to have to make the difficult choice and reduce your contact with this girl. Believe me the last thing you should be doing is talking to her about her new boyfriend and their sex life. Nothing good can come of it, it'll just fill your head with images and thoughts that will cause even more pain. I see my ex every day, I have no choice. We keep it civil but no way in hell do I want to know about his new BF and what they get up to together. I'm having a hard enough time putting my life back on track without making it any harder on myself. You've got to do the same. A good place to start would be to stop the texting, if you think about the last text you sent..........what answer could she have given that would make you feel any better, none I bet. Infact anything she said would no doubt have made you feel worse so you have to ask yourself why you bother to do it in the first place. If you find yourself in social situations with her keep it light, don't get into anything too personal. If she asks about your private life just say things are fine and leave it at that. If she tries to talk about her personal life keep your answers short and closed, make your excuses and leave. I swear the less you see her the better you'll eventually feel. I use to obsess about what my ex was doing, now I don't care. He doesn't love me..........fine.........I'll find someone who does. *Great big cyber hug*

I've got my first date with a new guy on Friday........I can't believe it, a date. ME!!!!. The only way I had any measure of success was through the internet, it's a good way of making contact with others as long as you remember to be careful. There's lots or weirdoes and creeps out there plus a tonn of people after a quickie. I found a excelent website that's monitored and administrated to keep it more of a meeting place than a meat market. The people are friendly and it's a nice atmosphere. It's a UK based website I believe but they do sites all over the world.

I've had several dreams where my ex has said he wanted me to take him back or where we've made love. I don't believe there's any deep meaning to my dreams, It's just my subconscious mind at work. My ex is in my thoughts during the day though more so at the back of my mind. I think it's reasonable for those thoughts to surface when I sleep and my subconscious takes over. I'm afraid I can't give you a more spiritual answer, I believe God answers everyone prayers but I don't think he speeks to us through our dreams.

I spoke to him again today and we talked a little more about it. He again said that he likes me, finds me attractive and would like very much to "get dirty" with me. He thought the idea of us having a bite to eat first was a good idea as it would give me the chance to back out. He even said he wouldn't be offended if I did and that it wouldn't affect the friendship we have built up either way. His final word was for me to wait a week and think it over.

There's a saying......the difference between a straight guy and a bi guy is about six cans of beer. It's my belief that no one is totally straight or totally gay, we just have a certain preference that we go along with. Some surveys claim most men have a curiosity about what it would be like to sleep with another man. Assuming that's the case then enough alcohol will lower a person inhibitions and could lead to someone experimenting. As a gay guy I'll admit to wondering what it's like to sleep with a woman, I feel no shame in admitting that. I doubt there's enough beer in the world to make we experiament but then I'm on the 99% side of the being gay scale. If you can forget about it then there's no reason your friendship can't continue. If he tries it again then i'd say maybe there's more than meets the eye to your friend.

I've spoken to him again since last night. We discussed what it was we were thinking of doing, he being older has had more experiance and has more liberal views on sex than I might have. He said he doesn't sleep with just anyone, he has to like them first but that he's not actively looking for a relationship. I have already explained my recent break up to him but reminded him of it anyway. His suggestion was to do what I wanted but to think it over carefully as he doesn't want to hurt me be indirectly or otherwise. I have given it more thought, I understant totally what it is that's on offer and what this guy wants. I know what I want and what I will get out of it, it's just a matter of if I'm ready. My last message to him was a question......could we meet up and have a drink or a bite to eat first. If after meeting him face to face and speeking to him for a hour or so I still wanted to then we could take things further. No reply as yet.

It does I'm undecided as yet, but I know full well that this guy isn't looking for love and commitment and anything that happens will probably be a one off. I do have to tread carefuly though because the last thing I need to do is develop feelings for him.

I need guidance. What do people think about sex outside of a relationship?. If I were to sleep with a man knowing that there's no love between us and that he doesn't want a relationship in any way would that make me a bad person?. I've only ever had sex with one person in my entire life, my first time was with my long term boyfriend and I ended up staying with him for years. Now that's over I've started to get back into the swing of being single and for the first time in years peple are making it obvious they'd like to hook up. I know most people have a number of one off sexual encounters both before and inbetween relationships but that wasn't the case for me. My pure luck the first person I slept with turned out to be Mr right and not Mr right now. Basically does me sleeping with this guy make me a . I do like him as a person, he's very sweet and cute and all that but there's no love there. In the past there's always been love, this time it's just lust.