Ohso

DiBayley........I couldn't have said it better myself. When my six year relationship with my boyfriend ended I was a wreck, it was made worse by the fact that just two weeks later he'd began a relationship with someone else. It's been over a year now and I've realised that the love I felt for him is just as much a part of me as it ever was. I've just had to learn to live without him loving me back. At the time of course I'd have done almost anything to stop the pain and thought it would never go away. Not one day would go by where I didn't think about him and wish I could go back and do things differently. I'd have done anything to get back what I'd lost, literally anything. Eventually things got better. I can't even remember when exactly things changed, it was so gradual I guess it went un noticed. I just got through it some how and then one day realised I felt ok and "normal" for the first time in months. So here I am just over a year on, I still love my ex but my life has continued without him. There's not much else I can say except take each day as it comes, talk about your feelings and confide in your friends....that's how I got through it.

Just remember to do it for you and not anyone else.

It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking "There's something wrong with me". The gay world can be very vain and there's pressure to conform to the accepted norm of what attractive is. Speeking as a gay man I find a bit of weight quite sexy, I'm not talking about rolls of fat but a bit of bulk. It's all down to how a guy carries himself though. I've got a gay friend who's your height but weighs over 200lb but he carries it well thanks to a bit of excercise to tone up the muscle and pull bits into place.

My ex told me he discovered the grass isn't greener on the other side. I told him the grass is greener on every side, the thing to do is to pick a shade you like and stick with it. He's not asked me to take him back but he has hinted he's interested. I'm not sure what I'd do if he did ask but I value your opinions.

Your partner leaves you for someone else, six months down the line they realise they've made a mistake. You know things can never go back to the way they were but your ex wants to try again. Would you?

It's been about five months since my relationship came to a end. It was a quick end to a long relationship with no explanation or reason given. I won't pretend it was easy, my heart was broken and I went to pieces. Yet it was what he wanted and as people said "would you really want to be with someone who didn't love you?"....obviously no I wouldn't. I'm in the unfortunate position of still living under the same roof as my ex, while this may sound odd to most of you it was a necessary evil. While I wouldn't recommend anyone else do this I wasn't in a position to leave and weird as it may be it worked out quite well. So anyway, here I am five months later, my ex has got himself a new man and I'm enjoying being on the dating scene again. My ex and I are on good terms for the most part, there was some friction when he began bringing his new man back to the house but I worked through it. I've been dating a few men but never got as far as first base (My choice) and although I've made friends none have developed further. Then last week I was invited to spend the week in the country with a gay friend. On Sunday I get a text from my ex saying "I think I need psychiatric help to sort myself out". I was a little shocked and was expecting him to follow it up with another text or something. On my return on the Monday nothing was said so I didn't question him about it further (as harsh as it may seem I didn't see it as my place). Friday comes around and he knocks on my door, he pops his head around and says "I just thought you should know I've split up with my boyfriend". Again I was shocked, I said I was sorry and asked him why, his response was "I need to sort myself out first". At that he puts on his coat and goes out. Saturday comes around and I'm invited to go to the country again, this guy is a bit smitten with me but it's nothing serious. We've shared a cuddle but we really enjoy each others company more than anything else. He drives up to my house, toots his horn and off I go ready for a weekend of Sci Fi and pizza. Five minutes later I receive a text from my ex wanting to know if the guy I just got into the car with was my BF or a **** Buddy!!!!. I'm a bit surprised at this, I've never questioned him about his where abouts or what he gets up to and thought he'd extend me the same courtesy. I decide to answer anyway and tell him he's my friend. He replies with "Friends don't go away for weekends together and come back looking like they've had a good ****". This isn't the first time he's questioned my sex life since we split up, I wasn't sure if I should respond. He sent another text saying "If he's just a friend why didn't you invite him in?, how long have you been seeing him?, is this the guy you've been going to London with?". This is quickly followed by another text saying "On second thoughts I don't want to know". I'm not sure what's going on here, my ex splitting up with his new guy was a big shock, his recent actions/questions have caught me off guard and him saying he thinks he needs psychiatric help has only confused me. I'm not sure what to do, is it that he's realised the grass isn't greener on the other side?, did his new BF dump him and not the other way around?, is he jealous that I'm moving on?. I thought he was happy, he got everything he wanted didn't he? I'm not happy with the situation, up until now I've kept my cool but I'm angry as hell that he feels he can ask me these personal questions. I've been through hell and back because of him and don't need him adding any sort of pressure to my life right now. He has no right.

While I'm always telling people to keep at it and give it one more try, even I get to a point when enough is enough. It sounds to me like you've been patient and you've certainly tried and tried............and tried again to get something going with this guy. Each time he's either turned you down or cancelled at the last minute so he's had plenty of chances. Now unless you're brave enough to walk up to him and say, "you're a great guy and I fancy the pants off you, how about a date?" then I can't think of anything else you can try. It's a shame if he does like you but there's only so much you can do without him giving something back. You've got the same choices you always had, either be patient and keep trying or give up.

I can see why you're so confused, this guy as you said seems to be giving off mixed signals. The question is if you want to keep trying or walk away and forget about it. Walking away would be the easy option but then a missed opportunity is such a waste. If you like this guy then it's probably worth a little more effort just so you can say you yourself that you tried as hard as you could. His behaviour is a little odd but he may just lack confidence, you said he wasn't exactly good looking. If you think that then perhaps he thinks that about himself too and if that's the case then it's all to easy for him to think "I'm kidding myself to think that guy likes me". Quite what you can try next is difficult to answer. You could make up something to do that ties in with yours and his studies (quite what fashion students do I don't know) and spend time together that way. Or instead of a meal ask him back to your place to watch a DVD so it's more private.

I'd say test the waters some more, ask him out again for a drink or something, if he says he has to be some where else suggest another time. If he says no again then either cut your losses and walk away or wait and try again for a third and final time. I myself get totally confused by these so called signals we send out to each other. I honestly don't know if someone is flirting with me or just being friendly, there's just no way I can tell .

It's been a good three months since my relationship ended, although it's been painful there has been a steady improvement over time. I found I was dwelling on him less and less, I could listen to weepy love songs and not fall appart, I even began working out a little and improving my diet to get into better shape. This past week though has seen me go through some sort of relapse. I've been thinking about everything I've lost, not just my ex but his family were my family also. I loved them like they were my own but now they are gone. My friends have been great but there's only so much they can do, I've kept myself busy by making new friends and even going on the occasional date but nothing fills the void. I go to bed alone and wake up alone and that's something I'm finding very hard to cope with. The thought of months and months of three steps forward two steps back is almost enough to break me.

Sadly familiar Songs like that got me through the dark times though, made me feel like someone understood in some way.

My personal belief is to cut contact entirely, for you this would mean choosing to ignore her e-mails and hope she gets the message. You may or may not want to reply one last time explaining how difficult it is to have her in your life still and that you'd prefer it if she didn't contact you anymore.

I really wouldn't worry, everyone no matter their sexuality is able to tell when someone (man or woman) is good looking. Sounds like your BF is one of those people comfortable enough to say it out loud. As a gay guy I can appreciate the beauty of a woman, doesn't mean I like them sexually. At the end of the day, Bi-sexual or straight he's chosen to be with you.

Ok......so...... Not trying to read too much into this but my date cancelled at the last minute. Obviously feeling a little dissappointed, his reason being he didn't get to bed until 5am and so didn't get up again until 1pm. Sounds reasonable but that still left him with almost three hours to get showered, dressed and travel time to get to the meeting place. Is this a case of cold feet?, he's never been exactly enthusiastic but he said he really wanted to meet up so I was happy to go along. He did contact me to apologise but I'm afraid I was quite abrupt with him. My day wasn't a good one and his change of mind put me in a bad mood. Should I cut my losses? A little extra info, for some as yet unknown reason he removed all the little thumbs up, winks and "I like you" icons he pinned to my profile. Can't think what I did to make him do this as we were fine yesterday evening.

Not all office romances end like Bridget Jones and Daniel Clever, but you'd have to accept the risk that it might. If you indeed are willing to accept the risk then a bit of harmless flirting is a good place to start.