Tropigal30

Hey there You sound like you've got it bad. I'm going to be very realistic for you (as it's always hard to be realistic when you're in the situation yourself) and it might not all be accurate as I don't have all the information, and as to whether you take it on board or not is up to you, but it might help you get a little perspective. Let me refresh your memory ... last weekend you sent one brief text to him, which he replied to, and you agonised about it for FOUR days ! And now you've emailed, texted and emailed over the last few days and got one email in return ! And you're considering offering to care for a guy who obviously isn't really that interested in communicating with you for whatever reason ... If he was into you it wouldn't matter what you did. You're contacting him in the hope that you'll make him aware you're "still available" if he should change his mind about being with you. But guess what ? You're making it painfully obvious to him you're available. You've been the one to initiate contact on every occasion, and it is always open ended to a possible "further involvement". Distancing yourself is not going to prevent him from asking yourself out, it is only going to make yourself more attractive by being independent, confident and together. But you negate this every time you send a "hopeful" text. Somewhere along the way you've lost your self respect. I understand how that feels. And once you send one text, you go "oh well I've already * * * *ed it up so another text isn't going to change that". WRONG ! Every "hopeful" text makes you less of a challenge and less intriguing to him. Sounds like you are in sales ? from the "pub networking" expectations the company has (I've also been there) so he is obviously driven by challenge ... and you're not providing it. The harder something is to attain, the more you appreciate it. As to why he isn't contacting you, it is either because he feels to ill, AND/OR he is involved with someone else and you aren't on his mind enough to want to contact you. But if he was into you it wouldn't matter if he was sick, he would want to chat to you. So the cold hard truth is HE'S NOT INTO YOU as I said earlier ... nothing you do will change that but everything you do can make him want you less. So take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and as "is this guy really worth losing my self-respect over" and "what do I realistically expect when I send these texts" and realise that you're not going to get the response you want which is "I want you back". "Why am I still interested in him when I could be interested in a fabulous, successful, attractive guy who thinks the same about me ?" And instead of mumbling replys to this guy, be cheerful, happy, busy, "I have a life and I am worth knowing" which will make you feel better about yourself and also if you tell yourself that enough you will start to realise it is TRUE ! and you will get on with your life and forget about this guy ! So suck in a deep breath, play some happy tunes, join a new class (bellydancing is a great one for intrigue for guys very social and will teach you some new dance moves as well as toning up the belly - and FUN !! and you might meet some new friends to enjoy sharing your new life with). Good luck and smile ! again !

If you can reschedule the tickets I would email or text her to ask if she would like to the reschedule the trip as it's this weekend. If they're not rescheduleable then I would email or text her (so that you're still giving her space and she doesn't have to reply) that you're not sure if she realised the trip was this weekend, and if she is keen you would love to go with her for a FUN weekend. You'll never know if you don't ask.

Don't think in terms of "good" or "bad" or "right" or "wrong" ... or beat yourself up over how you'll "look" to him. It's not about him, it's about you. But I don't think texting him was a good move for you emotionally, as you were expecting a certain kind of response, and when you got a "later" response it made you feel rejected and/or confused. I think the only time you should make contact is when you don't care what the response will be. Positive, negative, whatever. A tool I use to talk myself out of contacting guys "inappropriately" is to imagine the worst possible response I could get to that text, such as "sorry I'm busy now with my new girlfriend" and realise if I can't cope with that response that I'm not in a good place to send the text. It sounds like this guy is just "not that into you". Doesn't mean to you're not gorgeous, fun to be around, and all of that, but that he didn't feel enough spark. Chemistry is not personal and can't be chosen unfortunately. It's actually a very rare random thing. In my experience though women are much more likely to get emotionally attached despite that lack of "spark" where as men won't commit emotionally until the "earth moves". I blame it all on society's programming of women vs men during our childhoods, eg boys shouldn't cry, play with dolls, or wear pink. Girls are allowed to play with trucks or dolls, cry if they want to, and wear any colour they damn well like. So a lifetime of supressing emotion for men makes it a lot harder for them to "find a connection" with a woman. So as a result, a casual relationships only work where both parties are in the same place emotionally, just looking for some fun and aren't emotionally too attached. And by nature most women find it hard to continue with that for any length of time without getting emotionally attached. So don't feel guilty or stupid or anything negative, it was a normal response to a sexual relationship, and the fact that he's in your face every day will make it much harder to "move on". But realise that while you're hanging on to him you won't be open to meeting the next guy who IS going to be totally "into you" and make you forget this other guy ever existed. Well, almost.

Has he said anything to indicate he wants you back ? And are you interested in being "just friends" if that's all he is after ? Commonly everyone goes through a period of regression at some stage whether they were the dumper or the dumpee, and usually reach out for comfort from someone they think will give them an ego boost and make them feel loved. If you're not strong enough to cope with any of the above scenarios, and are hoping for a reconcilliation, cut to the point with him and ask him direct why he's contacting you again. Then you know where you stand and can decide if it's a relationship that fits in with your current life. And keep focused on that great new life ! and make him fight to fit in it

I was so busy on tour and wanted to make the most of the experience that I didn't want to miss out on anything by being in an internet cafe. I was really into the guy tho and thought about him all the time, talked about him to the people I was travelling with and rang him whenever the times were right, racked up a huge roaming phone bill. But the guy thought I must be having too much fun to still be interested in, so by the time I got back he had a new girlfriend. The point I was making there is don't make any assumptions about what she's feeling or what she's doing just because she hasn't contacted you. Travelling is a huge all absorbing thing and takes you away from the "real world" to one that feels more important than what is going on at home. But it doesn't mean you don't care about it. Good luck, stay positive and get on with your life at home so that you have something interesting to tell her when she does contact you.

Hey onayrb The thing that worries me about your posts is that is sounds like you have totally lost yourself in this girl and obsessing over her absense. The comment that you're pretending to have a life while she is away is also a bit of a concern ... Noone is attractive if they give themselves completely to you, the zest is lost and the person that you met disappears. I understand all of your feelings, except the bit where you sound like you don't enjoy anything in life now that she's not around. Apologies if this comes off as a bit abrupt, I'm a bit of a realist (obviously except when it comes to my own issues ) and I'm not very talented at giving sugar coated advice. The more you've got going on in your life the less you will take personally all these "spaces" in your communication ... I know when I was travelling I completely stuffed up with a guy I was really into because I couldn't find the time away from my travels (and organised tours are a bastard for that) to email him. The pushing will push her away. Go out and do something so that you have just as much to tell her as she does you, and you'll quickly find that your life isn't so empty without her after all. Good luck !

Maybe the photos weren't being shown for you, I'm often in chat with more than one person and will change my pic to show them things, maybe she was on with the guy that the photos were with, and they were reminiscing. Messenger chat is so ambiguous and you can read a billion things into anything someone says because you don't have the benefit of tone of voice, facial expressions and body language to go with it. She is right you are overanalysing things, she may be using the dating service simply to get to know more people, she obviously enjoyed your company but there may not be anything more to it than that. Take everything at face value and chat to lots of people, keep yourself circulating and you won't take everything so personally =)

I think it's more the tune of this one that cheers me up - crank it real loud on your stereo and dance around naked - so liberating !! The lyrics tho are probably more suited to the "Getting Back Together" forum ;-) ----------------------------------------------------------- THE TEMPTATIONS lyrics - "Build Me Up Buttercup" Why do you build me up (Build me up) buttercup, baby Just to let me down (Let me down)and mess me around And then worst of all (Worst of all) you never call, baby When you say you will (Say you will) but I love you still I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin' You know that I have from the start So build me up (Build me up) buttercup, don't break my heart "I'll be over at ten", you told me time and again But you're late, I wait around and then (Bah-dah-dah) I run to the door, I can't take any more It's not you, you let me down again (Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find (Hey, hey, hey!) A little time, and I'll make you happy (Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home I'll be beside the phone waiting for you Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo Why do you build me up (Build me up) buttercup, baby Just to let me down (Let me down) and mess me around And then worst of all (Worst of all) you never call, baby When you say you will (Say you will) but I love you still I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darling You know that I have from the start So build me up (Build me up) buttercup, don't break my heart To you I'm a toy but I could be the boy you adore If you'd just let me know (Bah-dah-dah) Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more Why do I need you so (Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find (Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you happy (Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home I'll be beside the phone waiting for you Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo Why do you build me up (Build me up) buttercup, baby Just to let me down (Let me down) and mess me around And then worst of all (Worst of all) you never call, baby When you say you will (Say you will) but I love you still I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darling You know that I have from the start So build me up (Build me up) buttercup, don't break my heart I need you (I need you) more than anyone, baby You know that I have from the start So build me up (Build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart {fade}

Wow ! Huge invasion of privacy and breach of trust ! You are establishing a very bad pattern if you start a relationship this way. Maybe he picked up on a doubting vibe from you ... Men do actually sometimes use intuition ! and your "doubting silence" prompted the explanation. Why would he tell you he'd used 300 minutes in 4 days if he was cheating on you ????

Telling her will do nothing, she needs to do what she needs to do to feel good about herself, as do you. If you are prepared for her to choose the other guy after you put your heart on your sleeve and let her keep both of you on the go, then go for it. If you will be devastated (as most people would be) then you need to make the choice for her, and take yourself out of the picture. If it is you she really wants she will find her way back to you, you don't need to be around through this "finding herself" time if you two were in love. So get on with your life, find your own interests and fill up that "hole" that she has left, as it sounds like you two were very involved in each other rather than maintaining separate lives, which isn't healthy for yourselves or for the relationship. People are attracted to independence and someone with a full life to bring to the relationship. You may also realise you don't need her ! which will be a great thing. Good luck !

I understand what Midgi is saying, I was just about to post a similar thing. Any real friendship generally develops when there is an attraction of the minds and personalities. Same sex or opposite sex. thereforeeee it is only natural to feel attracted to male friends. It depends how objective you are about this attraction as to whether one day you may develop this attraction to a sexual level and get intimate with that person.

You need to see a GP and get a referral to a gastro intestinal specialist. They will be able to work with you to help you with your problem.

I think maybe if it's out of care for that person and not any attempt to rekindle anything, and you will be okay if she doesn't respond, that wishing someone a happy birthday is a very rational non-selfish thing to do.

In my experience women are more in touch with their emotions and are quicker to identify when a relationship isn't giving them what they need ... but then they are also the worst for sticking in it for "comfort" as the typical "male protective role" lets some women not challenge themselves. Sometimes meeting someone new makes people realise what may be lacking in the relationship, and also if they were already considering breaking up, gives them motivation that "there are other options", and "life will go on" to get on and make the scary decision of ending a relationship. I don't think it's ever so calculated, and I have known more men to cheat on women than women on men.

Haha ... I've been on this diet a few times lately .... ahh the sweet distraction ... but oh how low the coming down is ...