Confusion1974

Just a quick update! Have been strong and haven't contacted him..neither had the urge to do so..Am still taking baby steps and do think of him..but not with the intention of getting him back anymore.. I need a person who really shares my dreams and my future and not a person who sticks around only for 'the honeymoon fase' and runs away as soon as it get too 'serious'...Someone who can actually SEE who I am and not the IMAGE he has got of me..Whats is in his mind, that's his problem, not mine anymore...and there is nothing I can do to change that.. In a way I look forward to go to work tomorrow as I feel I am getting stronger and I have a different attitude towards him..Doesn't mean that I will not get a fall back or that it still hurts, but I am stronger now.. My new motto from now on: Why would I settle for anything less then I deserve!! I'll keep you all posted!

Hello Majord, Tropigal and rest...! Thank you all so much for your advice and input..I know I should move on actually I am slowely but surely making progress...but I still have to go a loooong way..LOL The hardest thing in this situation is that we share an office and I just found out that we have to work on some project together, so I have to find a way to deal with all this somehow.. But I have another question for you...I just found out that in one of the pockets of my coat, which I was wearing to work 3 weeks ago, someone put a heartshaped light..one of those reflectorthings for bikes..and a lighter which said ' Too nice to let go' which is also a slogan of a magazine...so what that all about? My coat hasnt left my office, and I have no clue who put those items there..I think its very strange.. Anyway, I have decided that I will not email, text or whatever..My life has been great before him, was great with him and will be even better without him...So guys, thanks for all your advice.. I'll keep you posted!

Hello Tropigal! Thanks for you post! You are SO right! It was just what I needed as I had my finger on the 'Sent message button' to ask if I needed to get him some food..RIGHT! I WILL NOT NOW..I WILL NOT CONTACT HIM..PERIOD Have done a lot of soul searching over the last few days, trying to understand why this is so hard to let go..When I look back at the relationship, I have always been the stronger one, the one who had ideas, took initiative, was the ' happy go lucky' one. Had an extended social life…he was not in a good place when we met, didn't go out, didn't laugh, he kind of isolated himself…had some serious issues that he tried to deal with by counselling When he was with me, he enjoyed every sec of it..he started laughing again, felt alive, was happy and became more open..Before he met me, he planned that he wanted to stay single for a year..But as always happens when you least expected, we met! 2 weeks ago we had dinner together, and yes too many drinks too..he was hurt because I didn't tell him the things I used to tell, I didn't ask him anything any more about his life…I pointed out that he was ' just' a colleague and that thereforeeee he had no right to a special treatment, and that I was treating him equally as the rest of the co-workers…That night really messed my head up as I couldn't think about anything else than what has been said for 4 days..… In a way he has tried to make contact ever since we broke up…asking what I have been up to, telling me what he has been up to…and I have stayed strong..didnt ask him for details at all..never asked him a question…Sending him a text or email, might give him the idea that I am available..but most of all, I think it will confuse him only more..as my actions do contradict..one moment I am cold and closed off, and then suddenly I show interest in his well being even when it's as distance as possible.. I really think he has no clue where he's standing when it comes down to it..as for my social life, I am an very outgoing person and I have been socialising a lot over the last 2 months..I am generally a very upbeat person, and one of my ex comments was that I suddenly start singing while at work..so I don't think that I will give him the impression that I am heartbroken or miserable.. If he is interested in some one else, I don't know..but I find it highly unlikely…as I know his mental state isn't very good at the moment..he told me that he just want to be alone..that it wasnt personal…he applies this rule also towards his friends..he just want to be [ left] alone… Somehow I think he is afraid for any emotional tieds..or commitment and he doenst know how to deal with expectations..even when those expectations only exist in his mind, nothing I can say or do can change that..he feels the pressure… He might be completely overwhelmed by the way I am living my life and that I was living too fast for him to keep up….he stated several times that he couldn't believe that I was interested in him…that girl like me don't fall for guys like him.. Knowing this, any other opinions how to deal with this situation?

Hi all… Well, I made it thru this week without major breakdowns.. Arrived on Tuesday morning at work, 30 minutes later he showed up..did the usual 'hi goodmornings'..during my coffee break he sat down next to me while I was going thru my mail when he asked 'so how was your weekend' and I replied, 'fine'. He asked me what I have been up to and I mumbled something like 'family' and that it was good to see them..Then i continued reading..I didnt ask him about his weekend....have to admit that I really had to bite my tongue off as that's sooo not me.. Later that day when I came out of a meeting I found out that he went home as he was sick..and I haven't seen him since..On Wednesday I sent him a very short email telling that I ate his apples which were lying around..And to get well. NO REPLY..On Thursday eve we had a work drink, I was getting worried as none of us heart anything form him..and after a few drinks it seemed like a GREAT idea to text him..it was short and sweet..saying something like ' Hope you are ok. Get well' ..NO REPLY…Until this morning when I received and email in which he said he stayed in bed all the time, didn't feel too good..and that he just saw my email and text…I did reply to his email [ couple of hrs later] asking what was wrong with him..NO REPLY… Home now, thank god its weekend..Really don't now what to make of this..One part in me wants to say, 'Hey, do you need anything' but the other part thinks ' No way I am gonna go out of my way for you' Any ideas why my ex is doing NC to me now???

Hello all!! Back to work in a couple of hours...Wonder what this day will bring..long 9 hours that I will have literlay have to face him again..Really hope that he will not bring up the fact that I texted him on Friday..AGHHH What was I thinking! I know for a fact that I will not..Wish me luck!! I'll keep you all posted!

I will..gonna go shopping for some sport outfit tomorrow..retail therapie always works for a broken heart

I hear what you are saying..Made a grand exit twice last week...Unfortuanally some of the work drinks are part of a team building-let get to know each other-work drink...For the workout schedule..They wont believe me if I would say that as I have never ever set foot in a gym..

I know..I know..but sometimes I have too..as we both work in the same team I cant bail out every time when the team is having drinks..tomorrow back to work after I really made a big mistake by texting him Friday curious and scared what tomorrow will bring..perhaps I should read your post on a daily basis, perhaps it will inspire me to maintain cool and in control How about this for a signature in our case… If work was that important, the saying should be ‘you only work once’ instead of ‘you only live once’ LOL

Whauw Keefy! Well done!! And thanks again for your support! Hope one day I will be able to let go as well

No not the blow up variety he did say it when he had a few drinks tho...

And another questions for the guy...what does it mean if the ex tells you that the teddybear you gave him a while ago is still in his bed..? Does it mean anything at all? Is it wishfull thinking, am I desperate to read ANYTHING in ANYTHING

Thanks for your insight Tropigal! I think you do have a valid point..I keep trying to tell myself that also..I shouldnt ' wait and sit around' because I might close my eyes for someone wonderfull.. I have been out all day,and I just realised something... I WANT HIM BACK..I wanna share time, dreams, great things with him..but he DOESNT feel the same way..as actions speak louder then words... but why do I want him? Is it because he doesnt want me anymore, is it all about ego? Or is it really because of him? Also he keeps confusing me with questions which I think he wouldnt ask if he didnt care... But is he caring for me in the way I like him to care..So my head is going over details, fragments of conversations..and I try to figure out what his intentions are, were...Somehow I feel he's afraid of all the emotions he felt when we were together..he couldnt handle that..It was too much, too strong and perhaps too soon.. Should I be patient, just show him how great I am or just dropp him like a hot potato?? Again more questions and more confusion.. Any male opinions or insight in this continuing story?

hello! Yesterday I practised the 'oh gotta go' thing on company drink...normally I would stay till the end but I left before he did..2 days ago, I did the same thing..I just disappeared..the next morning he said 'I was looking for you but couldnt see you, did you leave early?' I just mumbled something like had to be somewhere else..So I have been doing fine...but last night after my grand exit, something happened..I texted him...AHHH..!! Somehow I find it extremely difficult to follow up the NC/LC the whole time..the text wasnt too bad..just said that I just realised that I owned him still dinner...was that very stupid?? He did reply almost straight away..saying that he just bought food and we should have dinner next time...I think he doesnt know what to make of all this..one moment I am aloof and the other I kind of reach out..but then again not really...Was it really a bad thing to text? Any opinions?

hey Keefy, You are absolutely right! This week I have been socializing a lot, but not with him…! One day I didn't show up at work and the next day he wanted to know what I have been doing…I was vague at the beginning and he said ' you are avoiding the question' ….Then I told him that I went to a bar, came home late, overslept and decided that I took the day off to relax…Perhaps I did tell him too much, but then again what I told him is just the polite answer and not necessarily the truth …or the full story..Let him sit on it, think about it or whatever…With this new attitude, it seems suddenly that I am attracting a lot of attention from other men..this week has been a ego booster and I have to say that I love every moment of it..He's bragging that he had met a beautiful girl when he went to the gym and the 'guys' at work ask him every day if he has seen her again..Last week those conversations would hurt me, but now I think ' if only you knew how great my life is'…don't get me wrong, I still want to be with him…but I also decided that I wont stop living and enjoying my life because of him…

Hello! Am going to work in a short while..Am nervious how today will go..still trying to figure out what attitude I should have..pretend nothing happened I gues..Just have a question for Keefy..In your post you mentioned that its ok for him to do the coffee bean 'game' because he's used to that..but doesnt that remind him of our 'relationship' and thereforeeee should make him uncomfortable instead of comfortable? As he seems to be allergic to the word relationship? And how about the fact that he cancelled his best friend that night to have dinner and drinks with me?