itsallgrand

Others may disagree, I don't know, but my thought is you don't say that. You are saying you know this is not him needing to change, it's deeper, you don't know if you can commit to this marriage. You need to figure that out one way or another. If you are in, be in. If you are out, be out. I can imagine anyone being ok hearing their new wife or hubby saying " yeah I'm not sure if this is what I want". He can't fix that so you'd be torturing him for nothing.

I used to work a really physically demanding job. The reality is when I lived alone I ate a lot of super simple grab food, like buying a roast chicken and turning that into sandwiches etc. Laundry didn't get done every second day like it does now, and chores waited until I had the energy. It's fine when you are alone but doesn't really work when you live with a partner. He may need some time adjusting. But be careful not to rush to thinking it's hopeless or he has bad intent every time something isn't working. Give him a chance to work it out with you. When you are calm (not right after seeing a pile of laundry annoys you, been there where I didn't pick the right time!) ...then you talk to him about this. And it's not a problem to fix for you, it's you as a couple needing to work out some expectations and work divide. No, I don't think all should fall on you. One thing that really helped us was figuring out what chores each of us don't mind and which we hate. I can't stand mopping, I don't know why. He doesn't mind it, so he does that one. As an example.

See Batyas post. You will be freaking miserable in a long term committed relationship if you can't stop yourself from acting out every tiny disappointment/irritation onto your husband. My SO doesn't drink coffee. Good coffee can make my day, Has he ever made me coffee? No, never, though I'd love that! And I won't hold my breath on that ever happening. But he's brought me to go coffee when I'm tired, he will stop a million times on a road trip if I want to try coffee at every new place, etc. Just examples. You need to appreciate this guy for the big picture of how well he treats you and check the times you feel like saying something bc it's not exactly what you want every time. Otherwise, it goes from being treated as a queen to being a spoiled princess routine;)

I think you are overthinking it! She won't judge you for taking her on nice dates, I promise.

Active dates are a favorite of mine. They can be so wholesome but you also get to use up that energy and flirt in a natural way. Golf, a walk somewhere pretty where you can stop in for a meal, go to a river/beach, go dancing, go to a cultural event, go to the park and have a picnic, etc. I'm excited for you that you are so excited meeting someone. I agree with keeping it to lots of nice dates out of the home and let it happen by her lead.

Maybe it's time to deal with it. Don't even wait a moment longer or any more damage to your relationship. Be proactive and book an appointment to talk to someone. Would be a nice surprise for your wife when she gets back.

Why are you so insecure with a woman you've shared such a long relationship with? Did she ever cheat? Or have you been like this forever just because your own issues? Poor woman hasn't gone abroad in forever and you are giving her a hard time! What?! Let her enjoy herself. This could have been a chance for her to miss you and come back excited to see you. But you are ruining a good thing.

Thanks! I'll give this a try. Appreciate it.

Yeah I agree. And it may have zero to do with you personally. It's odd to me he chose a birthday dinner to tell them. Kinda shows he's not great at approaching these things with his kids. Even though they are grown, there might be stuff regarding communication with their dad they aren't thrilled about. Delivery can mean a whole lot. I have to know....what is in a pineapple casserole? I've loved many a casserole but never heard of or tried a pineapple one! I'm intrigued.

How do you know her? Will she be in a position where she has to interact with you again ? I mean, yes, you do run the risk of coming off inappropriate. You have to weigh potential consequences and decide if it is worth it. Some things to think about you may not have considered are how it may come back around later. You'd be amazed what women are observing and how word travels. To give an example, many years ago at a workplace when I was starting the coworkers there alerted me immediately to which customers had asked people there out. They had all this information on them you wouldn't think. Another example, there are men I've never even actually met in my life who family members and others I know have dished about, red flagging them if I ever come across them! Point is, it's not just her watching. You risk alienating/making a poor impression on others who you may wish to date or have to interact with later too.

He took his car to avoid the airports...kinda almost feel more stressed him driving cross country than flying. But he has to enjoy his life too.

I'm mostly worried for my FIL who is in his 70s and traveling!

Yes. My idea is just giving her some options without stepping on toes...what she does with it is up to her.

Maybe you could suggest pre marital councilling? You can even specify you'd suggest this to anyone getting married, not just her.

I'm so sorry. I agree with everyone else. You've come a long way in taking care of your self and you have a lot to be proud of there. Keep doing that!

Every little girl dreams of a man who tells her to shut her fat ugly face. Yeah, right! Has she been abusive relationships before?

Yeah... this person is mooching off her 60 year old mother and you yet even that doesn't spur her to get off her ass. There are plenty of hot women who aren't useless turds. I know that sounds harsh. But it's not nearly as harsh as mooching off a 60 year old woman when she is more than physically capable of being a big girl. Imagine if you got her pregnant...stuff of life ruining right there.

She's never worked at 31 yet she's talking marriage and moving in together.. what kind of joke is that?! You are telling me she couldn't Scrub a toilet, walk a dog, do ANYTHING? Sorry to me that would be a massive deal-breaker. I didn't even get past that.

I'm sorry. That really sucks! It would feel terrible being excluded and feeling taken advantage of by the person who is supposed to be your team, your soft pillow when things are hard, your person. Unfortunately there are some people who are just materialistic and greedy who would step over their own to get something they want. Her mask slipped fast and she's not even able to hide it already. I'm really sorry you are hurting. I hope in the future you can meet that person who values you for the man you are.

Ok then I'm not sure where your worries are coming from then? This all sounds like her being her normal self which you are good with. No surprises. I think part of this is you have love goggles on. I'm sure she's beautiful, but there are beautiful women dressed up everywhere in Vegas. She will be one in a sea of many. Guys aren't going to lose their brains any more than what you have to worry about at home. Her getting ripped off of money is honestly more likely than someone swooping in and her not being able to handle turning them down.

Great! Next question, does she dress up like that ever when you two go out?

Do you trust her judgement?

This is a totally different thought....are you in love? I ask because there are times that sometimes people get wrapped up in the cozy wonderful feeling of being in love and some complacency sets in for a bit. People can gain weight, neglect their work a bit, fall into a bit of slumps simply because they are enjoying being in love and possibilities there. My step dad used to always say life is a big chunk maintenence and a small percent of new exciting things. The maintenence is what gets most people! It can be boring, repetitive, but it prevents so much extra work down the line. You know how to struggle and progress, but maintaining momentum to maintain could be a new challenge. There's lots to be gained in that. Things like patience, enjoying something for its own sake, slowing down to enjoy what you have. Congrats by the way on your mom being happy having met your spouse. I'm happy for you!

I had gone grocery shopping further from where I usually do. There were some big slabs of meat and cheese on the belt that wasn't mine. A thief got caught trying to steal and ran away when security confronted them. They are getting more and more brazen, sometimes running out with entire carts full. Resellers mostly, and I have zero sympathy for them. But I do have sympathy for people counting what's left in their wallet and whether they can afford proper meals. Inflation is so bad here lots of people have to choose rent/mortgage/bills/food and what gets cut this time?! Having grown up not even close to wealthy but always food and a house and what I needed, but with many much poorer friends, it never leaves me mind how fortunate it is to have the basics plus some little luxuries. I'll probably never be rich! That's OK. Security counts for a whole lot to me. And I'll never take it for granted, nor never not be stashing away for hard times.

Feeling very grateful. Freezer full of food, big old house with peace and without someone breathing down my neck, cute lil family, no medications at my age yet, good coffee in my cup. Gotta appreciate it when you can.